#cheerpreacher

and they just. aren't true or good to themselves. i feel

they both so Desperately need to stop living only for other people and i feel like they could really really figure that out together? indulge, care for themselves, be honest with themselves...

in my opinion they also just feel so guilty. like.

becky feels an insane amount of guilt about stanley, karen is dealing with internalized homophobia & the guilt of "leaving" her family & religious guilt.......

and then ofc all the insecurities. karen has never been with a woman before plus she's older than becky and she has a kid, how could someone like becky (who could have anyone) ever be interested in her.........meanwhile becky is like

i feel like. after getting to know each other maybe through the hospital? becky works there & karen reads to sick kids, or something. they're totally taking care of each other, confiding in one another, telling each other things they haven't told anyone else. and then.

they realize they're gay. and of course they don't tell each other it because karen has a fucking family and is a good christian woman who's married to an amazing guy and she Can't be gay. at the same time becky feels so fucking bad, almost predatory, for having thoughts like these about a woman who's like the first real friend she's had in literal years. angst potential !

when karen slowly starts accepting. it. the fear of being predatory also reaches her bc she is about. 7 years older than becky. & she takes care of her (reminds her to drink lots of water, be nice to herself, they have conversations abt her trauma, etc) & she's actually terrified becky sees her as more of a mother figure. which becky doesn't. but karen thinks she might so it's a whole new layer of "i'm disgusting i'm dangerous. she trusts me & here i am having these thoughts about her"

but even if. even fucking if! you know what let's go there. maybe becky likes the feeling of an older woman being nice to her & loving her. she never got it as a child (headcanon) so why should she deny herself now. even if she wants to call karen mommy sometimes when she's going down on her & making her feel safe and warm and good. as if a mommy kink is so scandalous we've all read fics with it. why am i being so defensive. it's because i'm projecting BUT STILL!!!!!!!!!!

this is so. omg. i'm so sorry everyone schere 🖖

all in all their sex life is calm and good and. really slow and warm. and it's exactly what they both need. they need attention and care and love and that's what they get from each other....