#checkmcte

⭒ ° . ♡ ―  sam had never been considered a man of many words – perhaps because the reality was that his mind often buzzed with far too much to say at once. the silence not a product of distance from the world around him, but instead an overwhelming wash of understanding in any given situation that made his cheeks burn and his head hurt. an anxious sort of overthinking that was unbecoming on any adult, let alone one so constantly and intentionally caught in the public eye. his mother had liked to call him SHY when he was young, urging him to make friends around the neighborhood even though he’d know said kids for a handful of months before his father’s work uprooted his life once again. he preferred to call his all-encompassing cautious approach to live ‘perceptive ’ instead. usually, he’d consider that a good thing. but usually, he wasn’t as wrapped up in KANE as he had been lately.   sure, most things had a boiling point. a freezing point too. maybe their gut-wrenchingly stilted conversation a few nights had managed to find both – the eruption of long repressed emotion one roiling, burning thing and the aftermath of long, awkward silences another. the air between them now sure FELT icy as he inhaled it slow, deep, calm beneath the weight of Kane’s palm. that didn’t mean he wanted the cold.  sam turned a gentle, sideways glance over his shoulder at his definitely-no-longer-sleeping friend ( nothing more, nothing less, except maybe his everything as well ). “ oh, i was just missing you. ” his voice was warm, but he knew better than to let the warmth mean much. he shouldn’t be flirting with the line they’d drawn. “ smoke breaks are much more boring alone, you know ?  at least you were warm in here. it’s freezing out. ”

‧˚₊∗ IT'S A COLD WINTER THIS YEAR, and he's not just talking about the weather. kane can't help but seek out the warmth sam provides, and despite the offer having been revoked without saying it out loud just a couple nights prior he still finds himself acting like it never happened, as if that way he can undo it and they'll have their happily ever after.

alas, that's not how life works. otherwise, millions of kids worldwide wouldn't be getting their hearts broken upon realizing santa and the tooth fairy aren't real.

the thing is, what he's trying to say somewhere inbetween of the mind-numbing monologue is this — wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere. and yeah, that kind of means he has to get over it and move on because there's no turning back now. but... if he takes his time for that he's not hurting anyone other than himself, either, so might as well avoid ripping the bandaid off ( and maybe if he puts it off long enough, it'll buy time for them to figure it out! ah... this isn't helping ).

it's then that sam's gaze meets his own, and he can't help feeling somewhat self conscious about what, exactly, the other might find within his eyes. 'cause, like, eyes are the windows to the soul and all that... and kane's soul is currently so wrapped up in it all that he doesn't even know what it'll choose to display. then again, he's not making anything better by getting in over his head about it... and so he chooses to talk, because if he empties his brain enough there won't be anything left upstairs to worry about.

‧˚₊∗ PERHAPS THE RIGHT THING TO DO IN THIS SITUATION WOULD BE TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT ALL, but unfortunately kane isn't exactly gifted when it comes to lyricism and there isn't exactly much appeal to lazily slurred together sentences that might just be all about " you felt like a cool night on july " or perhaps the more eloquently put " just like moths drawn to a flame, we got as close as we could until our wings caught fire "... erm.

...let's just say it's better if he sticks to composing melodies.

so. with that option ruled out he opts for the next best thing: PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL. makes enough sense in theory, right? it's not like any of the others even knew it happened to begin with — so maybe, just maybe, if he deludes himself into thinking his fond memories are now mere daydreams it'll be easier for everyone ( or perhaps just easier for him, but sometimes you have to put yourself first ).

that's the , perhaps illogical , thought process that brings us to the current scenario. picture this: a familiar silhouette stands with his back facing a previously-pretending-to-sleep kane, who after getting up off the couch in one swift movement ( including a grumble of complaint at the muscle he just pulls somewhere in his mid-thigh ) is now approaching . kane places his hands on the other's shoulders , a tinge overfamiliar , as he greets with a , " 'sup ? "

               charlie didn’t like parties, she never had. she could’ve said she had other plans for the night and stay in home reading, but she was going and an OPPORTUNITY to see her face was more than enough to make her pick her CUTEST SWEATER and a skirt that made her legs look not so terrible. 

me, God and the Pope: 

               on the BRIGHT SIDE, she was earning much more money than she ever did on the shitty pub she used to bartender in. on THE DOWSIDE, she was pretty sure she was DYING. 

               she was not sleeping properly. she was not eating. barely even able to talk to any of her friends ( and those were only a few ). quizzle was ALWAYS ON HER BACK, calling her at 3 am to tell her work needed to BE DONE, and there she was. running to the theater and doing all the paperwork to keep the company going. with SHAKY HANDS, and purple bags under her eyes she makes her way to one of the seats in front of the BIG STAGE, her boss is right next to her, eyes fixed on the actors with an UNAMUSED EXPRESSION. she didn’t dare to breathe. 

SEND ME A MISCONCEPTION YOU THINK PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT MY CHARACTER AND I’LL EXPLAIN IF IT’S TRUE OR NOT

on a very deep level, yes, it is true that monty doesn’t actually feel with many emotions, love being one of them. that being said, that is not something monty himself recognizes. he has a personality disorder that impairs empathy and emotion, but this is unknown to him. as far as he’s concerned, he can be a little indifference, but otherwise he feels things just the same as anyone else. monty has been taught by his experiences how he’s supposed to feel in certain situations, and he can let those feelings grow in a way that is real, as far as he’s concerned.