âIsnât it great??â Exuberance ever so palpable as she grins at him, hands on hips & looking a little too proud of herself, preening at the sheer beauty of the gift sheâd had crafted just for this occasion & this occasion only. Intricate marble statue lay along his lap, a detailed recreation inspired by the birth of Venus - only inside the clam shell stood one Jackie & one Touya, both figures tall & decked out in outfits reminiscent of what theyâd sported after theyâd lost half their clothes that
fateful day in the cave, with the added detailing of more than a grand handful of jewelry hanging along their frames. A duo of two Pharaohs, as it were. If itâd been anyone else, Jackie would have smacked the thing into a raging bonfire & screamed bloody murder before sheâd ever even think of doing something so bold. But this was Touya, & sheâd had bigger plans when it came to him. âItâs a berry holder too! Functional & fashionable,â And gaudy. âDo you like it??â Happy fucking birthday, Touya!
What the fâŚ
What the fuâŚ.
What the FUCK?!
Touya stared at the catastrophe in his lap, the weight of it dragging his heart down just as much as it was pressing down on his legs. He didnât know what to say. He didnât know what to think. When she first told him she had a present for him, he felt so excited.
Well - he wasnât excited anymore.
His eyes jumped between different parts of the statue, agog at each individual detail he found himself processing, while simultaneously feeling his brain resisting the overall vision. It refused to accept what it was seeing. What was Jackie thinking? This was, quite possibly, the worst birthday gift he had ever received. Ugly, impractical, and whose fucking bodies were used as the reference?!âŚ
For a moment Touya was crestfallen.
She tried to celebrate his birthday, and she missed the mark so fucking hard.
He didnât know whether he should feel more sorry for himself, or for her.
Until a single word left Jackieâs lips:Â âFashionableâ.
That was when Touya realized.
He realized that he had been a fool to engage with this gift in good faith. There was no way she genuinely thought the disaster in his lap was fashionable, not least of all because Jackie herself was one of the most fashion-literate people Touya knew.
Which meant Jackie wasnât trying to celebrate with him. Oh no, she was trying to destroy him.
Slowly, stiffly, Touyaâs neck creaked and he lifted his head up to stare at the young woman.
She sat, glorious and chic, surrounded by the tasteful furniture and decorations of her living room⌠complete with the large, outrageous painting he got her for her birthday nine months prior hanging on the wall directly behind her.
She planned this.
She looked so smug.
She knew exactly what she was doing.
And she dared beam as if today was HER special day to celebrate instead of his.
The rictus grin that had parked itself on Touyaâs lips finally parted.
âWow,â he said. âThis isâŚâ
He paused. There were a number of words that sprung to mind, most of them only legal in Sinnoh. But the word he ultimately settled on was:Â âUnbelievable.â
And he truly was not lying.
âEvery day that I carry this with me, in my bag, wherever I go, I will think of you.â And my hands around your neck, throttling you. âAnd to everyone who asks, I will say that you, my dear, wonderful friend, wanted to give me something so fashionable, so you DID.â Thus ruin your reputation wherever I went.
âAnd when I eat berries off your smooth, chiseled, marble bosom, it will be as if you were there with me in spirit, letting me do it to you for real, because youâre so selfless and generous and selfless. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is the best birthday ever. Your gift is my new⌠favorite.â â FUCKING! â âTHING!!â
He did (not) like it.
