#charleston.task001

Dear mom and momma,  I know you guys are pissed at me right now. I also know that you have every right to be. There’s been no end to the stupid mistakes i’ve made over the last three years. Nothing in this world will ever make me stronger, however, than the knowledge that no matter how much i fuck up, i will always have a hand to hold and a place to call home with the two of you.  Something i’ve always held the two of you in the highest regard of is your ability to make the best of a bad situation. Guess i want to say thank you for that. Thank you for every  mac and cheese dinner, only because we didn’t really have the money for anything else. Thank you for every candle you lit when the power was cut off. All the buckets of water you boiled when the water bill didn’t get paid on time, and every time you helped me with homework so i didn’t have to make the best of a bad situation when i grew up. Thank you more than anything for teaching me resilience.  When i came back from thailand with a small suitcase of what little i owned and a broken heart, you guys promised me i would find myself in college. You were right, as usual, but i also found a whole lot more than that. I found a family, a home away from home, if you will. Jake is here, and i remember how much you guys always liked him, even when he used to piss me off as a kid. Thank you for teaching me the value of forgiveness, because even from all those little fights, if you hadn’t taught me that, i wouldn’t have gained someone in my life who is as much a brother to me as tate, griffin and jeremy are.  You also taught me the value of accountability, for knowing when you’ve fucked up and making it right. I’ve fucked up a lot recently, and hurt so many people. I hope you guys remember maggie, you facetimed with her once, right? Anyway, the situation with tucker has really hurt her and i’m doing everything i can to fix that. I just wanted to thank you for teaching me that.  Being brought up by two moms really taught me a lot about being a woman, and independence and strength. They became traits that i really value. I’ve met some of the most incredible women in charleston, some that i’ve come to think you’d be really proud to know. Caroline, my best friend, is probably the most amazing woman i’ve ever met. She’s funny, and open minded, and the most loyal person i’ve ever come across. She’s a woman of humility, and kindness, who views the world in her own way, not just the ways she’s been taught. On the flip side of that, she’s brave, and not afraid to stand up for herself, and honestly? She’s one of the most beautiful souls i’ve ever met. Thank you for teaching me the value of these traits. I suppose there are a million other things i could thank you for, and so many other people that i could tell you about, but this letter would be ten pages long. Tucker, the father of my baby, said something to me the other day, that made me think about you a lot. He said that two kids who never really had it love a whole lot. If you ever tell him i said this when you meet him, i’ll disown you guys, but he’s actually one of the smartest people i’ve ever met. He’s handled all of this so well, and i’m super proud both of him as a person, and that i know him. I think he’ll be an excellent father.  I suppose the bottom line of this, is that without you two, i don’t know how my life would have ended up or where i would be. But i’m proud of where i am, and the resilience you taught me to make the best of a shitty situation. I hope you know, no matter how little you’ve done, that your presence in my life has made more impact than i could ever write in a letter. I will carry every lesson i have ever learned from you, and i’ll teach them all to my child. Tucker thinks they’re a boy, but whoever they’ll be, i know that with the lessons you guys taught me, they’ll be the bravest, kindest, most intelligent soul ever. I’m really proud of them already, and i know you guys will be too.  From me and the little one, thank you. I love you guys, baby blue bird x