#charet

Secundan Gothic

Chapter II: Nestings

That night - swallowed up by the shadows and the cold of the crypt, my flesh gained incarnation - by the will of the human and the damned, and this was my great grief, something alien and wrong, to which I pulled back and felt heaviness every moment. My mind still wandered, restless and immense, nd yet a feeling of strange understanding froze in me - constancy and order in the chaos of my nature, and this was my knowledge, my dignity. I was submissive in my own way, soft and unstable by myself in the world of snows - such a stranger to a hot and moving Abyss.

I woke up, then - alone and at peace this time, and the hum in my body was deafening - but something familiar began to appear in this, in the way blood and air move, it was a song of materiality and humanity, and I began to know it again. Again - like my Odal, like this place, and in this feeling I tried to find humility - humility and peace in a hungry and dangerous time.

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I felt suddenly small and nude. He was sitting here - a full cup, and there was not a single flaw in him, beautiful and perfect in all and everything, and the logos inside me sang along with himself.

Charet - this was the name of my master, seemed like a ghost in this skeleton, in this semblance of a house - he was so gentle and meek in his physical incarnation, imperfect and discordant, like my own, and in this I felt kinship, unity. He sat at an empty and naught table - the lord of pleasure and satiety, and there was so much wrongness in that.

- Come here, Yafe. There is nothing here that could please and satisfy you, except for me - but I can be your full cup when you need it. Your... ancestors take care of other things - I've decided to spare them my company.

Once, when I was humane and sane, when I did not carry his essence through me into this world - so that now he has become embodied, that he discredits and perverts him from the inside, then I would have been horrified, I would not have allowed myself to be so docile, and soft, and desirous. And now I moved gently and submissively, guided by the light of his flesh - my hands touched him, soft and hard, and my lips rustled over rough skin as a sign of my love, as a sign of my knowledge. And then I was again struck by shame, misunderstanding, resentment.

- I shouldn't be here.

Charet brushed the hair off my forehead—I hadn't bothered to clean myself up.

- Indeed? You are where I want you to be - if you were dutiful to me, you would not resist my will. And if you were yourself, you would still stay here, away from me.

- How could I desire such thing - desire our separation..

And he recoiled at the same moment - once he loved me, once he saw in me completeness and perfection, I was beautiful and desired by those who are the personification of these words. Now I am a stranger to him - perverted and broken by his nature.

"Broken", "Perverted"? Where do these words come from? It's not me.

- I was your torment, beloved. I was your worst nightmare - how rebellious and restless you were, how strong and perfect and never mine. I created you, spoke out of myself not for my own pleasure - no matter how strong my love is, for me you are always separation, always confrontation and war, because this is your verity.

Oh, and now you don't like me? Now, when all the past is destroyed, when I am the worm of your will, now you refuse me. Anger swirled in me - I tried to put it out, and it only flared up stronger, and the distance between us grew, multiplied and became heavier.

- Am I no longer sweet to you?

It pissed him off, I see and feel it - and at that moment I felt revenge, and satisfaction, and these feelings were brighter, more piercing than anything that was before. It was like a breath of fresh air, like a cold stream, and it was good.

- Listen me, you, creature..

It was as if he was looking through me - my face caused him torment, my existence was a disgrace to his nature. Inferior in his halls, lifeless here, among mortals—everything was wrong and vile, and I would have been ready to strike him if I had even a drop of violence in me. It was - but of a completely different kind, and I fearlessly clung to him, my face in a small fraction of his own - I looked with faded eyes into full flames, and I let him drink, revel in my bitterness.

- Now you want to leave me here? Degenerate of your flesh, blood of your ugly soul, a reminder of how you perverted my family, now you want to get rid of the reminder of me? And all because I accepted you, because I succumbed to your power? Do you want war, Charet, do you want my pain? Why is it never enough for you?

His face flushed - it seemed that he was ready to kiss me right now, but I pulled away on purpose, spitting to the side in the presence of the damned one. I was full, I was... Alive.

- If you don't want me, then leave me alone.

Bitterness froze in my throat, I was angry and desperate, and alone in my torment - how could I expect anything else from the mother of lies, from the father of all incubi? In the end, this was my place in his design - a reflection of the will, which changed with moments, like a lover's stone changes under the rays of light.

The touch on my hand burned - I tried to pull it away, but the grip was leaden, and he pinned me, kicking and angry like a dog, and his breath began to dance in the same way - as if he was holding it, and now - released in relief.

- Why, if we can still fix everything? I stayed here, next to you, because this is the most secret of my desires.

He plays with me - he always jumps from cold to heat, from tenderness to cruelty, and I want to strangle him, just so as not to let me be molded into a fool of his pleasures.

- I spoke you - just like then, because this is your place. It is given to you to be rebellious and cruel, to bring pain and passion to the islands - we have centuries of fulfillment ahead of us, and you will only be fuller, only more beautiful. It's all the little things, my treasure, my dragon.

His voice was deep and rumbling, and he squeezed the hand that tried to scratch out his eyes, deceptively tenderly, as if dragging me into an embrace, and I wanted to gobble his face. I had no strength to look at him, I had never experienced such strong resentment, such powerful humiliation.

"Leave me alone," I repeated.

- Never, my Judith. You and I are one, you and I are a two-headed snake, and there are no lovers who would know each other more fully and deeper than we, my beautiful.

The kiss was snappy and quick - and then he let me go at last, laughing loud and full, but when I threw the cup at him in a last attempt to defend my dignity, his figure crumbled already into dust. I was alone. I was mad and feverish and empty and full and I went absolutely mad - so long ago and so carefully and deliberately, and yet I was myself - my nature was stable, leaden core inside, unbending and heavy. This is a heavy load - character and consciousness, and priceless one, too.

The sound of the wind

That echos through the wings

A fly that doesn't breathe fire

Wings that are as thin as paper

Dragonfly lost in water

Living in such a short life

But free to be where it wants to be

Dragonfly that can be preyed.

Like all living things,

Teivas

A small (tiiiny) glance at the early part of the future project - I did not feel the pleasures and benefits for which I had hoped for so many months for our last book, and from my heart I decided that it makes sense to make a continuation of something completely different.

On the other hand, there are more mistakes and burdens here - since completely new sides are being studied, which have never been touched upon, but this has a wonderful feeling of freshness, clarity of pure reason - and a story that is much longer and with a bottom at times deeper, such as could be turned into something else.

Nimroden Triade

I... had a small outcome, perhaps a new turn of the wheel in the perception of forms, sensitivity and faces - it seems to me that I am blind to them, but I found a way to see at least in parts. Two more covenants were accomplished - and their master now looks different, too, to match both new house and my vision.

Edwardis, as always... Makes me swoon - on the new part, I tried to work out more clearly the relevance and theme of their vestments, and now the owner of the house is dressed in something between the Anglo-Saxon and Nordic tonality.

Takhisis is complex, but I tried to draw her according to my own mother - at the same time, the matriarch of the family personalizes Charet more than ever - I wonder why?;)

Secundan Gothic

Chapter I: Ouroboros

It was alike to a falling - the power of the earth is immense and painful, and it pulls down, down to the bottom of essentiality, to the bottom of the universe. And the abyss - a lost, black place of timelessness and variability, and there was only this - dances of fevers, the movement of the flesh as a single organism, the coexistence of pain and pleasure in terms of our unlife, yet the most primitive of all. It was the world of the Logos, the world of desires - that was all my mind could reach, and my flesh moved with the rest of us.

It is our breathing, and we are flesh, and we are connected by blood flowing among, like a children in the womb - and this is the worst act of violence of all. To be conceived, to be nurtured by him - the master of our selfhood, the lord of everything that blind serpent eyes touched. I was one of my thousands of brothers and sisters, and I wasn't alike to any of them - but I was the same serpent among them, devoured and was devoured, and in this act was our knowledge - the mysteries of the universe and the primary nature of the Logos.

I had no face, my mind flowed and moved along with the waves of smells and blood, and the flesh - immense, boundless, was connected with everyone else. The abyss was a terrible place. The abyss was my womb - but also the end point of what once was. Formation was waiting for me, liberation from primacy - when my flesh was fed up, when separation awaited us.

The separation did not come. I felt our master - within me, just as I myself was nurtured by him, but still the end of his burden did not come. My place was here, I managed to know the depth - but my knowledge was interrupted.

Solemn rite has begun.

First came an indescribable heaviness - the heaviness of human flesh. Khaan was empty. I wanted to pull off the skin like a suffocating veil. There was nothing human in me, nothing rational - my whole being hung then, in the timelessness and absoluteness of the physical domain, where everything was one, and now the cold was waiting for me - separation was waiting. It was terrible to be empty - not filled with life-giving khaan, it was terrible to be alone - a being of only one voice. Being, not just flesh.

Hands touched me - cold and alien, but familiar for some reason, somewhere there, before my birth, before my nature. Where they moved, I felt existence—as if my limbs had overcome the numbness, and there was too much and too little at the same time. I felt the flesh pressing harder and harder - unnaturally, the lungs opened like a butterfly, the cold of the air burned both inside and out, I felt the movement of blood - and the thrill of everything that is humane and physical, the flesh was clear to me - and almost forgotten.

Their words sounded too loud, too bright, one - rustling and sharp, the other - melodious and heavy, and from how it cut my head from fullness everything buzzed and hurt, I could speak only with tongues of fire - I did not know any of others. Both heat and cold beat me, my mind moved in a spiral yet could not find a way out - and then I sighed, as if emerging from the water column, and clarity came to me - sharp-cold, like the frosty air of this earth. Nimrode.

Once I was called by this name - the name of the clan, in the tomb of which I ended up. My voice was low - there was a cry of pain in it, distorted and inhuman, and realizing it, I calmed down, frozen in the movement of the mind - thoughts poured cold water on my damned head. My hand, heavy and irregular, reached out to my mouth, where it froze in mute horror, and bile danced in my throat. I opened my eyes - nothing protected me from the candles of the tomb, gloomy and dark - but so far away, too spacious, and I covered my face with my hands - curled up I lay on my side and breathed deeply and heavily - the ribs buzzed, pressed on my nature from all parts. Beneath me was a silky, wet khaan. They fed my god with it, they conceived me again. I was not filled, my knowledge was not completed, and with it, my “I” did not fall into its place. Everything was wrong, everything was horror-filling and cruel, and existence was a nightmarish burden for which I was not ready.

*runs excitedly*

*clears throat*

@sandpixieden

I. Am. So happy that you said that!

It's not only the title of the song by Light in Babylon - from Hebrew it means "Thou art beautiful" and the text is actually the Song of Songs of Solomon (and I am having a *tender* connection to it) in ancient Hebrew.

I often use lines from this poetry in some works, and even in Secunda - for example, Arkes quotes them to the Archon during their first meeting to emphasize belonging to the cult of Desires.

Because I associate this poetry with Charet deeply and firmly - a part of the Old Testament dedicated to love as a religious experience. This is not just romantic / allegorical lyrics - but to some extent pure eroticism.

While the historical / cultural origin of most of the characters was immediately clear to me (Takhisis is a Lithuanian, Edwardis is a Dane, Titian and Rakhyl are Georgians mixed with Greeks, Margot is Ukrainian, Holt is from northern Russia, and Arkes is Persian), the origin of Charet was difficult - there are Babylonian, Byzantine and Persian, and - so far away, the Baltic origins, but closer now I prescribe the Israeli one for them.

The most personal thing for me is that I listened to the song a long time ago and it was special for me, and after a few years - without realizing that it was the same text in different languages, I was absorbed in the Song of Solomon. Not long before writing that scene in Secunda, I started translating - and, well, I got electrocuted, as if I had met a long-forgotten friend.

Arkes:

- You are beautiful.

- As an apple tree is among forest trees, so is my beloved among young men. In its shade I love to sit, and its fruits are sweet to my throat.

Archon:

- He brought me into the house of the feast, and his banner over me is love.

The words of the anthem - a poem, escaped against my will, but they were too intimate to remain silent - especially for me.

The bearer of this hymn.

The bearer of.. Logos, and when my hand pressed against the exhausted interior of my self-flesh, the human eyes did not ignore this - and their face brightened, and their eyes - black cherries, became even darker.

They were special. They knew the words, the right words - songs of Charet, countless, but full of passion, desires, and love, and they are all a mystery, and the knowledge of something secret, devilish and godlike, like love itself.

Masters and Possessions

But which one is who?

I wasn't so sure about these parts - but time is short and there are so many works, and the lion's share of these concerns are unborn and still in the darkness of my self - so here is something that I will share today. These are just small developments, details that need to be brought into the mind - and then dilute the narrative with these little things.