#chapter spork

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Apparently you can put a block on a phone to stop hackers, because that’s what Daya did. Addie admits she keeps thinking about the nudes but her friend’s concern is her stalker having complete access to Addie's phone.

We get a gross joke about Addie proposing to Daya in appreciation. It’s 2026; are we still making queer relationships the butt of the joke? I’m not shocked, especially from this book.

There’s some meaningless narration about taking down the camera in her room and how she can’t walk naked anymore and how it’d be nice of Arch’s best friends were asking too many questions. It gets five A Whole Lot of Nothing points.

A Whole Lot of Nothing: 44

Addie searches for clues in the pictures around the house but finds nothing.

As Daya’s leaving for the night, Daya wants to know if they’re “going to haunted houses this year” but if it’s Addie’s “entire life” like she claims, wouldn’t Daya already know?

Bad Writing: 97

Addie just loves Halloween and mentions how her mom “sent [her] to therapy specifically for [her] fascination with gory horror movies” and how she’d thought Addie was a “psychopath” when in reality, she just “[gets] off on being scared.” She thinks it hadn’t been as bad as being a psycho and her therapist didn’t agree. Her mom gets even worse, because apparently she used to “[tell] [Addie’s] father that [she] was a freak” and how no one enjoys being frightened. There’s no mention of her father defending her or setting a boundary. Just hate for Sarina, again. Damn, half of this book is just Addie whining about her mother.

Mommy Issues: the Snyder Cut: 74

And she says it’s that fear kink that makes her “susceptible” to enjoy being stalked too much, and she talks about how her “love of horror is going to get [her] killed one day,” getting annoyed when she thinks about her stalker’s nickname.

We get more exposition dumps. We’re told all about Satan’s Affair, a traveling fair that shows up each year that Addie loves, and she says that Daya “already [knows] [she’ll] be the first one in line.” Daya teasingly refers to her as a freak which Addie says that, despite her mother using it towards her, she doesn’t let “slur” bother her anymore.

Freak is a fucking insult, not a slur. A slur is usually a specific derogatory term, usually directed at people of color (especially Black people) or the queer community. Anyone who was different than white supremacy. This pissed me off as much as it did when I actually read the book on my kindle. The fact Carlton decided this word was the one she’d use for her white protagonist being insulted by her mother…? It’s fucking insulting. It’s mind-boggling. It’s blood boiling to me. It’s a fucking insult and verbal abuse, but it’s not a goddamn SLUR.

Anyway.

Mommy Issues: the Snyder Cut: 75

She says the reason she doesn’t mind is because men love calling her it during sex and then asking for more, so it “took on a whole new meaning a long time ago” and she “[tends] to enjoy [it] now.”

I mean, if it’s consensual, I guess…but it reads more like she’s trying to convince us of how cool and totally strong she is, look at the kinky sex she gives these men who wanna fuck her so bad. We don’t see any of the sort outside the two only consensual sex scenes in the book, so I disagree.

Daya leaves with the promise of fair tickets using her hacking gifts to bypass the limited number they pass out (I like characters using their skills for things outside the plot) and the minute the door shuts, Addie gets a text that she opens, mistaking it for her friend.

It’s not.

Because this is literally the electronic-version of “hey, character who just left, what’re you doing back again so soon?”

Zade asks if she’s “ready for her punishment” and she looks out the window to see Daya leaving, taillights disappearing. She demands to know why and realizes she’s “glaring at [her] phone,” almost throwing it. Her phone buzzes again and she has her answer: “You haunt me. It’s only fair I return the sentiment.” Before she can respond, he adds that she’s “so beautiful when [she’s] scared” and she drops the phone in embarrassment. She hopes he didn’t see that and looks out the window, wondering where he is. Another text. “I’m so close, I can smell you.” Oh, that’s such a weird threat and all I can assume is her deodorant didn’t hold up or she’s rather smelly. Like Bella. It gets a Twilite point just because.

Twilite: 35

She’s panics and grabs a knife and settled into the rocking chair, taunting him through her phone, telling him to “quite being a pussy and come out then.” The she regrets it almost immediately and she hears him walk above her, towards her bedroom. He tells her to “come find [him]” and, for horror movie logic reasons, she does.

She stops at the realization she’s a moron, earning a You’re A Moron point, and rationalizes that there’s no way he can leave unseen, since there’s only one entry—down the steps. She reasons if at least another person saw him the cops would have to take her seriously.

You’re A Moron: 114

He slams a door to mess with her and startles her, and she goes silent with fear. She stupidly tells him she’s “calling the police” and calls herself a hypocrite, the manor judging her for such a threat the minute the tables turn; she wonders why she feels so silly for it, then.

Another text comes through, asking if she “[remembers] what [he] said last time” and she’s incredulous, biting her lip and thinks about going to find him. She claims to “already know [she’s] going to make the wrong [choice]” and types back “Here I come, asshole.” Keeping her phone and weapon close, she says she won’t “be an idiot again and drop the knife”; she’s got it “firmly planted in [her] grip.” She’s pretty confident in her ability to “firmly plant” into his face, too and makes her way upstairs.

She gets a “familiar heady feeling [in her gut]” that “churns like alcohol on an empty stomach,” which doesn’t bring arousal to mine but rather about to be sick. Which gets a Bad Writing count. It’d be fitting considering she says that she’s “fucking terrified” as she begins to check the rooms. In particular, she hates the closet because she knows the possibility of him hiding there is higher.

Bad Writing: 98

Devil’s Tango: 36

There’s tears of relief when she finds it empty of the “man that wants to punish [her]” and keeps going, finding the next two empty; all that’s left is “two more rooms” and “a bathroom.” And at the end of the hall is the attic door, which she says she’ll call it quits if he’s up there.

At her bedroom door, she wonders what “[he’s] feeling right now” and muses their roles are “reversed” only she’s outside the door this time. Despite this she’s the frightened one and it’s his casual threats of violence, the way he wants to “hurt [her], punish [her]”, that make her brave enough to open the door.

He’s just stand there on her balcony with the door open, I imagine with a very wide stance, and he’s got a “wicked smile” and a knife.

Gigi’s Letter #11 — March 13th, 1945

We open on a very blatant flaunting of an affair when Ronald takes Gigi on a vacation for the weekend and she lies to John, taking advantage of his trust. She claims to feel “so guilty [but] not enough to [go] home” and how she’s happier than ever with her stalker, “enthralled,” and describing the weekend away as “absolutely magical.”

That’s Still Cheating: 37

She’s a bit sad that she couldn’t have Sera with her and is at least self-aware enough to do that to her daughter would be horrible. I’ll say. It’s one thing to have an affair (which I staunchly don’t support) but it’s another entirely to introduce him to Sera. Regardless, Gigi wishes “Sera had Ronaldo too” and considering you just said John’s “wonderful to [Sera]” this wish makes no sense.

Anyway that’s this chapter. Despite the fact she’s face-to-face with Zade, it still feels like nothing’s happened. Onto the counts.

COUNTS FOR THE CHAPTER

A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING: 44

BAD WRITING: 98

DEVIL’S TANGO: 36

MOMMY ISSUES: THE SNYDER CUT: 75

THAT’S STILL CHEATING: 37

TWILITE: 35

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Despite the threat of violence, Addie takes Arch back to hers, citing her reason as “[feeling] much safer” than if they’d gone to his. She says it probably wasn’t a good idea because her house is isolated and there’s the cliff to worry about but, most of all, she has a “stalker that lingers around and likes to break in.”

Then she says it’s stupid.

Sin Thy Ass Off: 41

Saying something’s stupid or a bad idea and then continuing to do the aforementioned thing doesn’t absolve you of being a complete moron. The self-awareness doesn’t lend you any points.

Arch compliments her house, taking in the updates she’s done but his eyes keep going to the staircase, which she says if as if he knows her room’s up there. No shit, Addie—bedrooms for houses more than one story tend to have the bedrooms on a different floor.

You’re A Moron: 62

Addie leads him into the sunroom, which she claims is her favorite in the entire manor, and tells us how she’s been hesitant to go into it, considering it “hurts” after she lost Nana. She decides to take this man, who she plans to have satisfying sex with, to a room where she spent a good chunk of time with her Nana in…why, exactly? She even describes the room as “still thick with [Nana’s] presence.” So forgive me if I find it kind of disturbing that she’d have sex somewhere heavy with memories of her beloved dead grandmother. That’s freaky as hell and really weird.

Mommy Issues: the Snyder Cut: 66

Devil’s Tango: 12

Through double doors, the room is essentially “a glass box” and “overlooks the cliff edge,” with the “[moonlit] water glittering.” But that’s not all, folks! Addie says the “most notable part” is above them—a nighttime sky “lit up with orbs of diamonds” that “[glitter and shine] against the black backdrop.” Personally, I’d love to have sex under the stars but not in a room I spent a lot of time with my dead grandmother in, but hey, maybe that’s just me.

Arch gawks at the sight with “his mouth hanging open,” and Addie imagines it’s one of the few times he’s “looked unattractive,” but then contradicts herself by saying he’s never been more attractive than right now. Right now, he’s “not concerned with controlling his face and movements” and how he’s “just a man in awe of the beauty.” When he looks to her, she says the “edges of his eyes [are] [rounded] with delight” and in the next breath describes his eyes as “blue moons.” I don’t think the edges of your eyes can round nor do I think likening blue moons to eyes is a good simile, either.

Bad Writing: 78

Do I Dazzle You: 14

Regardless, his blue moon eyes rounded with delight are apparently full of “an emotion [she] can’t put her finger on” and, for someone who nicknamed herself the Manipulator, she’s not very good at realizing he looked fucking sad. And she halfheartedly wants to know why, but says that by “his eyes [heating] like a burner on the stove,” she knows the opportunity’s passed.

Ah, yes, the epitome of sexy—a hot eye on a stove.

Bad Writing: 79

Unintentionally Hilarious: 12

Arch goes sexy mode, “prowling” forward, and she watches him “with bated breath,” but she can’t forget where they are…or the idea that her “shadow [might be] lurking outside” with a “full view” due to the glass walls. Part of her doesn’t care because she just has to stick it to The Man, who, mind you, threatened to cut off Arch’s hands for touching her (regardless if it was consensual) and has been breaking into her house regularly without a trace.

She goes on a very White Feminist diatribe about how the “only person who will lay claim to [her] body is who [she] [allows]” and how how she’ll let Arch’s “hands to touch [her.]” Hands, that she says, “will trace every inch of [her] skin, followed by his mouth” and how she’ll let “his tongue lick [her] pussy until [she’s] sated, right before he fucks [her] until [she] no longer know[s] [her] name.” And how she’ll let him because she said he could.

This is obviously supposed to be her being Empowered and Badass, just like shoving the rose in the whiskey glass and calling it a masterpiece, but it just makes her sound ridiculous to the nth degree. It also reads akin to the monologue previously, from the first chapter, about how she totally doesn’t care what her mother thinks, blah, blah, blah.

Smells Like Misogyny: 80 (One point for each line about how Feminist and Badass she is to choose sex.)

Devil’s Tango: 21

Unintentionally Hilarious: 21

You’re A Moron: 71

But Arch pulls her in close, and Addie gushes about the way “the hard ridges” of his body feels nice, apparently. Good. Then they kiss, and she describes how kissing him feels like “water at the bottom of the cliff, swaying against the rocks.” Water doesn’t sway and especially not against rocks. Also that imagery doesn’t bring to mind a man who “gently captures” a woman’s lips in a kiss.

Bad Writing: 80

She “[moans] into his mouth” and “[pries] his lips apart,” which makes him growl and his “restraint [slip].” He holds her tighter, fisting her hair and angling her head so he can “plunge [and explore] [her] mouth.” She pushes up against him because she’s loving it and “[shudders] at the feel of his hard cock” because he’s “not small,” which she’s salivating over. She’s excited at the idea of “something that will blind [her] with pleasure and leave [her] breathless and satisfied.”

Which we all know Zade will, even as she denies it. He’ll just be so “passionate” and so “big” that she’ll have ten million orgasms that melt her brain. Despite the fact it’s just straight up rape and assault.

There’s some more back and forth where she describes her moan as “bouncing in his mouth” and how his hand “[jerks] her mouth away.” When he bites her neck, “sharp pleasure sends [her] eyes to the back of [her] head,” and he curses, muttering something about her voice, of all things. Not that he likes how vocal she is or how she’s loud or anything—her, uh, sexy voice, apparently.

He opens her jeans and asks if “[her] pussy [is] wet” while he delivers a “smarting” nip that he soothes immediately. She says that his hand “slithers” into her underwear and doesn’t stop until the “tip of his middle finger dips inside.” Then he says that he wants to “hear [her] sing,” and I’ve never heard anyone refer to making their partner moan as singing. It also makes me of a bird. Music to their ears, yes but singing?

Bad Writing: 81

Unintentionally Hilarious: 22

Then his fingers “plunge” into her without any preamble and she says her “vision blackens” as she lets out a “yelp of pleasure” and how it’s the “only thing [she’s] capable of.” He proceeds to start “driving” his fingers in and out of her and she tells us “all [she] can do is hold on” while she “[sings] for him just the way he asked.” He says she sings so pretty and uses the “heel of his palm” on her clit, which doesn’t sound all that enticing to me, but hey, each to their own. She says his “skilled fingers” make her knees quake and he ask, “in a dark whisper,” if she’ll, uh, ‘sing pretty’ when she comes. She “[thinks] she [nods]” but the tension’s too fierce for her to be sure.

He adds a finger and she “[plummets] over the edge.” He calls her a pretty bird and she kisses him and he breaks it by smearing her arousal on her mouth, purring that she’s “left a mess” and how it’d “be rude not to clean it up.” Honestly? I have no issue—outside the pretty bird and singing nonsense I’m supposed to find sexy—with this scene. They’re both working well off one another, and most importantly? It’s consensual. How the fuck is the stalker who rapes and assaults Addie on a regular basis supposed to be less of a monster than the man she’s having a consensual encounter with? I think this might be the only one in the book.

Just as she sucks his finger in, she gets an “icy feeling” and describes how the waves of pleasure have “turned angry” and are “ramming [her] body into the unforgiving rock.” Despite it being dark, she “[feels] like [she’s] in a room filled with stadium lights.” Movement outside the window, which apparently sends “[her] heart upside down and sends it crashing to the pit of [her] stomach.”

Bad Writing: 82

Unintentionally Hilarious: 23

Even though she can’t see him, she knows Zade’s out there, saying she “can feel him.” Arch pulls away, and she says that his expression is conflicted between asking if she’s okay or keep going, and asks what’s wrong. She lies and says it’s nothing because she’s the dumb horror movie protagonist you’re screaming at.

You’re A Moron: 72

Now that she’s not high on orgasm fumes, she doesn’t think egging on the unhinged individual stalking her is a good idea but adds she’s “too stubborn” to put an end to this night and she “[wants] Arch” but not with any voyeurs while, in her own words, she “[takes] him.”

Hand Holding: 30

You’re A Moron: 72

Sin Thy Ass Off: 42

Yeah, no shit, girl. But considering the stalker’s angry knocking the last time you almost got with a man, I’d be more concerned what the stalker might do if you actually have sex. But I guess that’s not Addie. Also take him? We didn’t need that. Blergh.

He’s incredulous because every person’s dream is oral beneath the stars—which arguably is infinitely more sexy and romantic than a single thing Zade does—and when her attention’s drawn away due to more movement in the window, he “[presses] against [her]” and she says that she has to “crane [her] neck” to look up at him and it’s apparently a “sight [she’ll] never forget.”

But we’re not given any description to further this sight she’ll never forget. At least Meyer had the right idea to wax poetry about Edward’s beauty with a line like that.

Bad Writing: 83

Arch immediately starts dirty-talking to her, which is one thousand times more sexy than anything we see Zade do, whispering about how she “should strip off [her] clothes and show [him] that sexy little body” and when she does, he wants her to “lie down, spread [her] legs, and let him clean up the mess [she] made.”

Addie squeaks and blushes, sniping at herself internally for it. Just as she starts to whip her jeans off, “a loud bang disturbs the charged silence” and breaks the moment. They’re both unsettled, Addie by “fucking de ja vu” and him by the unexpected company, and she’s apparently “incredibly close to stomping like a child” because she “was actually enjoying [herself]” unlike with Greyson.

Act Your Age: 25

Bad Writing: 85 (One point for déjà vu being broken up like that and one for the missing accents in it.)

If you knew you weren’t going to like sex with Greyson, why even agree? For some disgusting comparison to show much a sex god Zade is??

Regardless of my opinions on Addie’s sex life as it stands, Arch charges towards possible danger with Addie on his heels, “buttoning and zipping [her] pants as [she] goes” because her two brain cells are rubbing together and she can “[sense] the night is over.”

You’re A Moron: 73

When he gets to the front door, he tells her to stay in the hallway and hesitates with a “weird look” on his face that she can’t figure out. He says to call the police if things get worse and she’s silent with fear. But she has the where-with-all to lament about how she “should’ve told him [she] [has] a stalker” and how she “thought [she] saw something in the sunroom” but everything happened so fast and now he’s “actively putting himself in danger.”

Sin Thy Ass Off: 43

It seems to me it didn’t happen too fast at all because if it had, you wouldn’t have had an orgasm. Had plenty of time to squeeze that in before Arch exits stage right with the narrative acting like Zade’s any different.

The situation, of course, turns her on as much as it frightens her and she claims she needs to “check herself into a mental hospital” but only if she survives tonight. She says her shadow’s pissed, just like with Greyson, and goes on about how he could “kill [them] both.” Especially, she adds as if we don’t remember the threat, now that he got a front row seat to Arch finger banging her in the sunroom.

Addie spends all of a moment regretting this but only because Arch might get murdered because she wanted to stick it to The Man because she’s just so feisty and rebellious! Then adds if not murdered than, at most, brutally mutilated.

Arch steps onto the porch, acting big and bad, and Addie’s “eyes[bulge]” when he pulls out a gun as she wonders “who the hell [she] let in [her] house.” As if people don’t conceal carry or have weapons at home for this very scenario? You know next to nothing about Arch yet you’re freaking the fuck out when—in a possibly volatile, dangerous situation—he steps onto your porch with a weapon to fend off your stalker. Why do you seem more unsettled by him being armed than the stalker that’s broken into your house several times?

You’re A Moron: 74

Addie flashbacks to her conversation with Daya, saying that it “looks like [she] did find someone willing to kill for [her]” and says if the foreplay’s any indication, he “would’ve done well in that department, too.” She’s pissed because her stalker is ruining tonight, so she starts praying to God, promising to stop drinking and meaning it this time because she doesn’t want Arch to die. She also hopes that Arch’s aim is good and I, for one, hope it is too because I’m going to ask him for a bullet between the eyes.

When she finally goes outside, she doesn’t see anyone or anything aside from his car. As she steps out onto the porch, she says that the “crunch of something” underfoot “cements [her] body into stone.” It’s a rose, because of fucking course it is, and it’s covered in “fresh blood.”

She activates her singular brain cell and dials the police, spotting both the text she saw in the club and the other one she’d ignored, from Zade. It says “don’t feel guilty, baby. I don’t make idle threats, so consider this a lesson learned.”

The cops show up but only after a thorn-free rose image transition and she says the “flashing red and blue lights” make her sick and how she’s full of dread while officers and dogs search her property. They took the rose but “the blood has stained [her] hands—physically and metaphorically,” she tells us.

Hand Holding: 31

She cries a single tear and declares she “killed a man.” She knew there was possible danger but didn’t care. We know, Addie. You even went on a whole monologue to stick it to The Man in the Window about how Arch was going to have filthy, raunchy, intense sex with you because you said so.

The sheriff approaches and she turns to the audience to, yet again, monologue about how she’s “known him since [she] was a child” and all about how he’d gone to school with Sarina and how sometimes he’s invited for dinner. Then she tells us about his looks—how he’s a “tall, built man” at “six-seven” and how his family is just at tall. And how his father was a sheriff, too and his grandfather and how it’s a family affair because the current sheriff—who I’ll dub Sheriff Sexy just because—has a couple of brother who’re cops, too.

A Whole Lot of Nothing: 35 (Yes, ten whole points. One for each line of necessary backstory we didn’t need.)

He asks some standard questions and she answers truthfully, thinking fondly about Arch giving his full name. After she tells him, he’s quiet and then admits that her stalker “might’ve done [her] a favor.” While she waits for elaboration, she notes his “thick, dark hair” and how he must’ve been “attractive” younger and how his looks are basically ruined due to the “silver invading his hair” and the “wrinkle lines” at his eyes and mouth.

Do I Dazzle You: 18

Turns out Arch’s family are “known criminals” and Addie takes a moment to shit on her mother, saying she did awful raising Addie because her “life choices are questionable at best lately.” Then she talks about she needs to talk with, uh, the “She-Devil from above” because, obviously, “she’s been trying to kill [Addie] off.” And she wonders if she should let Her.

Mommy Issues: the Snyder Cut: 67

You’re A Moron: 77

Allegedly, Arch’s family dabbles in cocaine and Arch in particular’s been accused of domestic violence by his ex-wife, which he got out of. When Addie covers her face, she says Sheriff Sexy is “assuming [she’s] crying” but she tells us she’s “too angry.” She’s pissed at herself for taking him home and she’s especially pissed because of his dangerous family.

She’s rightfully anxious they might come after her and Sheriff Sexy says it’s unlikely, considering she’s a “random girl” and how they have a “list of enemies a mile long.” Even if they do look into her, they’ll probably lose interest and turn their focus to actual threats. So long as they don’t find out about her stalker, or, more accurately, according to Sheriff Sexy, the rose. She admits to having a stalker and he’s confused because he hasn’t seen any reports. She starts yelling, and I feel kind of bad for the guy because it’s giving the same vibe as a customer yelling at someone who has to fix a mistake they didn’t cause.

After he gets her to chill out, she does and relays everything to him and Sheriff Sexy admits that Arch’s family might blame her. I, for one, agree because she knew she had a stalker, knew he’d threatened “any man that touched her,” and still went through with everything. I’m not saying Zade’s right—he’s very much not—but Addie completely disregarded his threat and doesn’t even have the common sense not to get fingered in clear view of said psycho.

We’re treated to the first mention of Addie’s father, who’s ask Sheriff Sexy for details “about certain things” which would piss Sarina off because they discussed grisly things in front of child-Addie. I can’t argue with Sarina there because there are some topics not suitable in certain setting and I consider in front of a child one of those. Of course, we're meant to dislike Sarina for this because Addie-girl, remember, loves scary things from birth. And it's yet another dig at Sarina, who Addie can't go a chapter without shitting all over, even in situations where there's no real connection. Hello, Feyellanessa. (Feyre from ACOTAR, Bella (the progenitor of these, arguably) from Twilight, Ana from Fifty Shades of Grey, and Tessa from After.)

Sheriff Sexy promises he’ll “do everything in [his] power” to keep her safe and she just flat out says it “doesn’t make [her] feel any better.”

The chapter ends with her telling us that he isn’t going to be able to help her, be it a “crime family or a fucking stalker.”

Onto the goddamn letter, I suppose.

Gigi’s Letter #7 — September 10th, 1944

Gigi begins this one by wailing about how she “[hasn’t] seen Ronaldo in three days.” How very fucking dramatic. It’s three days, lady. And he isn’t even your man!

That’s Still Cheating: 5

Apparently, she and John had a fight, where he said “[she’s] changed” and that she’s “no longer the woman he fell in love with” and that she’s “distant now.” He also complains that when he wants her, she’s not interested.

She describes her marriage as feeling “wrong and dirty” but she doesn’t feel as if she’s cheating on John, her literal husband, but Ronaldo. She doesn’t bother to give John a response and how saying I love you feels “empty” when it isn’t directed at Ronaldo. And she can tell it’s eating John alive because she can see the “hollowness” in his eyes. Then, the letter ends with her straight up telling us that she “[doesn’t] care” that she’s losing her husband.

Yet again this book’s trying to make me sympathize with a cheater, and I can’t do that. Even from the beginning, when Ronaldo is simply a stranger watching her from outside her window, she doesn’t want John to hurt him. And it makes no fucking sense unless you count is as some ham-fisted attempt to excuse the affair she engages in.

That’s Still Cheating: 14 (One for each line.)

COUNTS FOR THE CHAPTER

ACT YOUR AGE: 25

A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING: 35

BAD WRITING: 85

DEVIL’S TANGO: 21

DO I DAZZLE YOU: 18

HAND HOLDING: 31

MOMMY ISSUES: THE SNYDER CUT: 67

SIN THY ASS OFF: 43

SMELLS LIKE MISOGYNY: 80

THAT’S STILL CHEATING: 14

UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS: 23

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In the middle of his brooding on the couch, since we’re given no other information on what Zade’s doing on the couch and I’m not feeling particularly kind, he receives information from Jay about a new video. He moves to his office, which is crammed full of computers with a “ten-foot-long desk,” which sounds incredibly impractical to me but hey what do I know, and multitudes of things like “jammers, trackers, and [detonator] buttons.” With all his gadgets, he says everything—the room itself—is “worth millions.”

It Twilite gets a point for excessive money. Also another Sues Run the World point because of course he’s filthy rich and has all the time in the world to be a vigilante.

Twilite: 34

Sues Run the World: 53

Then he proceeds to jerk himself off essentially, claiming it’s “both [his] happy place and [his] living nightmare.” He acts rather high and mighty, espousing about how he “[makes] a difference” and the way he plans to basically singlehandedly take down sex trafficking. He gets paid “an ungodly amount” to hack into whatever company asks, which allows him to focus on the real monster: human trafficking.

Sues Run the World: 54

Edge Lord of Darkness: 43

Jay sends the video in an email and Zade says that he’s “gearing up for something that’s going to make the steak [he] just ate settle in [his] stomach like a wrecked ship in the ocean.” Ships usually wreck in the ocean so the specification feels repetitive. That gets a Bad Writing point.

Bad Writing: 95

The video plays, revealing a grainy “fucked up satanic ritual” that’s secretly being recorded, where a child has been tied to a stone slab. Of course, he’s “screaming to him go,” and his “little voice [breaks]” with every cry. They kill him and drink his blood, and Zade “[forces] [himself] to watch and endure the pain alongside [the] boy.”

Edge Lord of Darkness: 44

How does that help the boy, who’s already gone? It feels like fodder for Zade’s whole dark night of the soul nonsense. I know the point is to show how much Zade supposedly empathizes with the victims but it just gets tiring and exhausting to hear about. Chapter after chapter after chapter of violence and depravity for the sake of it. This book is full of disturbing, upsetting scenes like this, written in graphic, grotesque detail, and it infuriates me. I’m a big proponent of “less is more.” The Black Phone, in my opinion, was perfect with how they portrayed the Grabber (I think that’s what they called him) as a sexual predator with a single scene: he’s seated in a kitchen chair that he’s dragged in front of the basement door. His shirt is unbuttoned and a belt lies in his fist while he waits patiently. We aren’t forced to sit through the fifteen-minute assault or rape scene of a young boy, unlike this amalgamation of words on a page masquerading as a book.

Also satanists don’t do this—like, at all—so this feels like Satanic Panic all over again.

But even though the video’s over, Zade still has to breathe through his queasiness. Jay says he couldn’t watch it and that launches Zade into another spiel about how he “[refuses] to turn away from them.” He goes to claim it’s what “most people do when it comes to human trafficking” and how everyone knows it exists, might even educate themselves, but they can’t take the visceral reality of it. Not like him!

Edge Lord of Darkness: 50

The video reminds him of one he’d seen before, only with a girl, and the killers didn’t have hoods up, revealing four senators. And we’re treated to two whole pages of him talking about how dark and depressing and evil the world is. He “locked [himself] in a room and didn’t come out for twenty-six hours after [the first video.]” He couldn’t live his life knowing harm was being done to children. As if children weren’t being abused and mistreated before the dark web? Also not him talking about all this harm coming to children and making it about him and his anger and pain about it. Sounds about right.

Regardless, he fell into a rabbit hole on the dark web and found countless videos—“parents raping their own children, [torture, cannibalism, and even necrophilia]”—with a red room. He explains it’s where buyers can choose the manner of harm and he adds, “those are just the ones involving children.” It was specifically the ones with vids that made him create Z and his skills for computer science only grew in leaps and bounds, bypassing government hackers, even.

He claims that “stumbling on those videos” was an accident but you can’t access the dark web via like, google or anything. It takes a very specific set of steps—and a specific web browser, if I’m correct—to get on the side of the internet. You have to actively look for these links, and that’s what I can only assume Zade was doing. For what purpose? Not sure. I think it would’ve made more sense for him to maybe tail some traffickers and find out about the videos and stuff that way. Because the side of the internet he’s talking about isn’t something you happen to stumble across.

Which begs the question—was Zade sent the video or did he seek it out?

Edge Lord of Darkness: 68 (One for each line.)

Anyway, our sleepless hero decided to take down all sex trafficking. Him, a single man. He boasts that he’s “killed hundreds of people” and how he’s zeroing in on the politicians, noting their schedules. But the one thing he can’t seem to figure out? The locations of these horrific rituals.

While he’s asking Jay if they got any traces, he “[rolls] his neck again” and daydreams about his “little mouse’s hands working out the near permanent knots in [his] neck and shoulders.” In the midst of trying to track down violent cannibal pedophiles, he takes the time to fantasize about Addie, the woman he stalks and rapes.

When Jay’s like “yeah, no, didn’t get anything,” Zade ends the call and complains how he needs a drink. And wouldn’t you know who has his favorite whiskey? Addie, of course!

Time skip and he’s sitting in her house, whining about the cold that he’s feeling. He describes it as a “dense fog” that permeates around him and tells us he’s had a few inexplicable things occur but we aren’t treated to anyof it, of course, because Carlton can’t wait to get back to her favorite action figures and making them kiss. But because he’s such a Bad Ass Masculine Alpha Man, he growls at the fog to back off and it obeys, leaving him alone to brood over alcohol.

He describes how it’d been his people that installed her pesky security system and how he’s “more than capable of disarming them with a click of [his] phone.” Because of course he is.

Insufferable Bastards: 21

Sues Run the World: 55

He boasts about picking her locks and how he’d “never leave her vulnerable.” He lies straight to our face about how he “tried so hard to forget her” and how he “tried to run” but the Sue was too strong, so of course his “obsession only grew.”

From my viewpoint, he did literally nothing to curb himself. Or, as he puts it, “the more [he] struggled…the more [the beast inside of him] raged.” He delved into her life and describes her, lovingly, as an “inoperable brain tumor.” How romantic! Be still my beating heart!

Edge Lord of Darkness: 69

He continues to drink whiskey and brood, thinking about children being abused and murdered. This makes sense considering he’s been watching the video Jay sent on loop, “torturing [himself]” with it, describing it as a small price to pay. He’s tried to track down the source to no avail.

Zade keeps rolling a rose between his fingers, letting himself be sliced. Is this—would this be considered self-harm? I feel like this counts. More dramatic monologuing, where the pain of witnessing the torture apparently makes him “want to slice open [his] own skin.”

Edge Lord of Darkness: 74

But he’s so badass because he’s self-aware that it wouldn’t do anything. The video starts playing again and he goes on ad nauseam about the lack of clues. Except the cave in Seattle—which is where the first video pinged. That single mistake sent him to Washington to investigate.

A “black cloud” surrounds him, or that’s how he describes it, as he crushes the rose, noticing how his hand “trembles from the pain and the force.” I’m going to assume the cloud is his bad mood/hopelessness. How badass of him! And it’s only by the skin of his teeth that he doesn’t let the “sorrowful wail” out.

But he doesn’t let the darkness consume him because who would save the children otherwise?

Mercifully, the chapter closes.

COUNTS FOR THE CHAPTER

BAD WRITING: 95

EDGE LORD OF DARKNESS: 74

INSUFFERABLE BASTARDS: 21

SUES RUN THE WORLD: 55

Last Chapter

Contents

Next Chapter

The first thing we see is a playlist which tells me this book already is gonna be horrendous. I hate how so many books have a playlist in the beginning; I find that's the first red flag that the book I'm about to read isn't that great. Half of these singers I've never heard, save The Weeknd and maybe Sam Tinnesz. At least she didn't put, I don't know, Taylor Swift.

And our warning is brief and doesn’t encompass the absolutely monstrosity that is the handling of this book’s subject matter (at least in my copy of the e-book.)

I guess the book ending on a cliffhanger is far more pressing than contents Carlton claims are “very dark with triggering situations” and considering how she butchers them? Sounds about right.

We get a little quote of Zade asking if the “cat got your tongue” and calls the reader “little mouse” and it makes me want to die a little bit inside.

That’s all we get.

Last Chapter

Contents

Next Chapter

We start with a line that I keep thinking when I read this book: “This isn’t how I imagined I’d spend my Friday night.” She’s digging around in the hole Greyson left and dramatically narrates the fear of dying via man-eating squirrel, claiming how “this is stupid” and how she’s “stupid” for it—AKA inspecting the gap between the walls. She just can’t resist, describing it as a “deep vibration” in her bones and how her “fingers buzz,” just calling to her like a siren song.

Sin Thy Ass Off: 11

You’re A Moron: 22

She recycles Greyson’s insult, remarking how if she “couldn’t get [her hole] stuffed tonight, [she] might as well get [her] action this way” as she searches the gap until she discovers a “glint, just the barest hint” and finds it behind a framed black-and-white photo of her great-grandmother, Gigi, who has her own book that tells us all about her Grand Love Story with her stalker, Ronaldo, but it’s okay because her husband, John, became a drunk rapist to justify her cheating.

Act Your Age: 24

Bad Writing: 46

Addie discovers a safe, “army green, old, with a mere dial for the lock” and describes the excitement that “burns” in her lungs. That…sounds like a medical problem, girl. Excitement shouldn’t burn; it should tingle, making you shiver. It gets an extra point for a missing hyphen.

Bad Writing: 48

You’re A Moron: 23

Addie’s internal dialogue consists of her feeling judged by the pictures of her ancestors, remarking about how they “look down on [her] extremely questionable decisions” and then we get whiplash with a stupid nothing burger of a scene where she describes how her “blood [turns] to ice” because there’s an abrupt “cold breeze.” She briefly Googles how to break open a safe and, after finding a few convenient forums, is able to get in, but not before we’re told all about how the garage was used for “generations of junk.”

This leads us into our a whole lot of nothing count, where the narration breaks to give us background information that isn’t necessary right now.

A Whole Lot of Nothing: 2

Bad Writing: 56

Addie discovers three leather-bound journals that has been her great-grandmother’s and proceeds to read them, remarking how she’d been right and it “[was] a diary” and how each entry has “feminine script.” She then yammers about how Gigi passed before her birth and how Nana relayed often regaled her with tales of her mother, and proceeds to spend all night poring over the pages, describing each entry as “more [disturbing]” than the last. I think Carlton forgot the disturbing parts though.

Bad Writing: 59

You’re A Moron: 24

A Whole Lot of Nothing: 4

After a generous rose transition of a scene break, she wakes up to a thump and describes being startled away as “being ripped from a deep, persistent fog that lingers” and I’d argue it’s like a shock to the heart, a jolt of panic and fear so intense you’re on high alert in an instant of ice-cold. But I digress.

Bad Writing: 60

She waits while her “brain catches up with what [she] heard” and she’s petrified until she eventually creeps out of bed. She’s “wide awake” because she’s knows “someone was just inside” and wonders if it’s coincidental as she ventures out her room. Any tension Carlton might’ve mounted is immediately unraveled because Addie says that she needs “the Tin Man to oil the hinges on [her] door just as much as [she needs] the Lion’s bravery” and I have no fucking clue what she means by this.

Bad Writing: 60

You’re A Moron: 25

The lights “flicker” and she complains the creepy eyes of the framed pictures, yammering about them “watching [her] make yet another stupid mistake” and how her own thoughts—the last ones—has her literally “gasping and turning around” even though she knows there’s nothing. She undercuts any tension by saying that “one second no one is there, and the next second hello, there’s [her] murderer. No fucking thank you.”

She’s Just Like Me: 6

Bad Writing: 61

You’re A Moron: 26

She does a sweep through the house and enters the kitchen and she’s stopped dead in her tracks. Because on the counter top is a “single red rose” and she tells us all about how she stares at it lie it’s a “live tarantula” and she drones on about how the damn thing will “surely eat [her] alive.”

You’re A Moron: 27

Bad Writing: 62

And instead of allowing us any kind of space to deduce anything for ourselves, she holds our hands and says, upon noticing the rose’s thorns have been clipped, how she has the “strangest inclination it was done purposely to save [her] fingers from being pricked” and decides that’s just crazy. Despite the fact someone interrupted her and Greyson the other night, and she lives in the middle of the nowhere. In the woods, to boot.

Hand Holding: 15

After she arms herself with a knife, she stomps around the house in the rage that was missing from Bella when Edward admitted to stalking her and she says that she’s “seething” at someone’s breaking and entering, claiming she especially hates “someone making [her] feel vulnerable.” I’d be a little worried if you weren’t angry, though your internal monologue feels a less adult woman feeling terror and rage and more…tantrum-y. She says some try hard edgy shit, claiming that while the rose is “powerless” because it’s thorn-less, she’ll be happy to show them a “rose is still deadly” crammed down a throat.

Edge Lord of Darkness: 15

You’re A Moron: 28

She storms through the house and stops at the “door that leads to the attic,” describing how she’s “frozen to the spot” and how her “instincts [are] screaming.” It all leads to nothing because she just goes back into the kitchen and spends the night there. What was the point of this scene? It adds nothing and if you cut it, nothing about the section changes. Nothing.

A Whole Lot of Nothing: 8

Bad Writing: 63

You’re A Moron: 29

We get another rose transition and we open up the next morning with Addie talking to Daya, describing her eyes as “dumbbells…having a losing weightlifting battle” and I think she meant her eyelids are heavy…at least, I think that’s what she meant. Considering the line about the Tin Man, I have my doubts.

Bad Writing: 64

She casually mentions someone broke into her house and Daya, of course, freaks the fuck out. We also discover Daya’s last name is Pierson, though it doesn’t add much to the story. Addie relays the events of last night in detail, though she rants particularly about “Greyson douchery” and keeps the diaries—and their supposedly oh-so-disturbing content—to herself.

When Daya declares she’s coming over, Addie proceeds to treat us to a four whole paragraphs about her “best friend since middle school” and how, even though the years have passed, they’ve kept in contact. She also mentions Daya’s job and you’ll never guess what it is…a “hacker group.” The hacker group is so fucking blinding, it might as well be neon signs pointing to Zade’s organization, aptly named Z.

Bad Writing: 66

A Whole Lot of Nothing: 13

The chapter ends with Addie saying she hates Gigi…and is envious of her in equal measure, but what's there to be envious I don't know, considering she was stalked and murdered in the house.

Gigi’s Letter #3 — April 12th, 1944

“He came back.”

That’s our opener. Gigi says she’d be “disappointed” if he hadn’t, and how she’d waited on tenterhooks the minute John and Serafina—AKA Nana—left her alone. She at least admits it isn’t her “proudest moment.”

You’re A Moron: 30

And apparently locking your doors isn’t a thing in the forties because she says he just walks in and how she “froze” at the sight of him, equal parts terrified and anticipatory. He shows his face and she says that her “breath caught” at the sight of him, “beautiful” with piercing blue eyes and a strong jaw.

And thus begins our Twilight-themed count, though I won’t take credit for originality. That goes to the wonder Mervin from Das Sporking, one of my influences to create this blog.

Do I Dazzle You: 4

She describes how he approached her and touched all over face and how she damn near orgasmed at it, “his smile [stopping] her heart.” You know, like how Bella would get dizzy just from huffing Edward fumes.

Do I Dazzle You: 5

Twilite: 12

The letter ends with Gigi says that she “almost pleaded” for him to return but, by some miracle of sheer willpower, she stopped with the consolation that “[he’d] be back.”

COUNTS FOR THE CHAPTER

ACT YOUR AGE: 11

A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING: 13

BAD WRITING: 66

DO I DAZZLE YOU: 5

EDGE LORD OF DARKNESS: 15

HAND HOLDING: 15

SHE’S JUST LIKE ME: 6

SIN THY ASS OFF: 24

TWILITE: 12