#chapter 22 bonus

He’s not sure how it happened, but this whole morning has definitely gone horribly wrong.

Phil sighs, shaking his head as he makes his way downstairs to where the Uber is waiting. He’s trying not to think about the way Dan had turned away from his touch just a moment ago, his stomach churning with the thought that he might’ve made Dan uncomfortable somehow. Despite Phil’s best efforts to push it away, his head is spinning, trying to come up with some explanation for Dan’s behavior, some mistake he’d unknowingly made that set him off. But it doesn’t do more than give him a low-grade migraine and he eventually decides that it’s not worth making himself sick over. He can still fix this.

The look on Dan’s face when Phil had tried to kiss him earlier floats back into his mind, and he swallows hard, his stomach sinking.

He can still fix it. Right?

~~~

“Took you long enough,” is the first thing out of his brother’s mouth when he meets him at the shops.

“Yeah, well,” Phil says, shrugging. He doesn’t meet Martyn’s eyes, instead just scuffs his shoe against the uneven bricks beneath their feet.

Martyn seems to hesitate, like he’s reassessing the situation, and Phil briefly hates him and how perceptive he is. “Are you alright, buddy?” he asks gently.

Phil nods, then shrugs. He finally forces himself to make eye contact, giving Martyn what is likely an unconvincing smile. “I’m fine. Are we gonna go eat? Shop? What are we doing?”

“I’m… I’m not sure. Are you sure you’re okay?” Martyn asks.

“Yep. Just tired,” Phil lies through his teeth.

There’s a beat of silence in which Martyn seems to be studying him closely, narrowed eyes and all. He must be disappointed at what he finds, because his shoulders drop and he sighs. “Alright,” he says, sounding resigned. “You don’t have to tell me, but… I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”

Damn him for being such a good brother.

Phil rolls his eyes despite himself. “I know that. C’mon. Let’s get inside somewhere, it’s bloody freezing.”

Martyn’s spirits seem lifted enough now that Phil’s speaking in full sentences, so he turns to lead them off down the street. “Do you have anyplace specific you’re wanting to go?” Martyn asks. “Because I’ll be honest, mate, I haven’t a fuckin’ clue where I’m headed.”

Phil almost chastises him for the swear, just like he’d do to Dan at home, but with a start he realizes his kids aren’t with him. That’s so unusual these days, unless he’s at work, that it takes him a second to process it. “Er…” he stalls, trying to come up with a response to whatever the hell his brother just said, even though he wasn’t really listening.

Just then, they pass by a familiar sign posted above a shop. Something nudges Phil’s memory and he absently reaches to check that his wallet is in his pocket. It is, of course, and his feet slow in front of the shop.

“Actually…” he says slowly.

Martyn stops, a little belatedly, and he has to backtrack a few steps to remain in front of Phil. “What?” Martyn says, looking around. He spots the sign of the shop they’ve stopped in front of and his eyes go comically wide. “Uh… didn’t you two already get the prop rings, or whatever?” He asks, glaring at the jeweler sign like it’s personally offended him.

Phil twists the silver band on his ring finger of his left hand. “Yes,” he replies simply, eyeing the ring display at the front window.

“Then…” Martyn says slowly.

And honestly, Phil knows he’s already connected the dots, he truly isn’t that daft. But he sees no reason to deprive him of the answer he’s fishing for.

“This isn’t going to be a prop ring.”

There’s a beat of silence, and before Martyn can protest or anything, Phil marches towards the store, a decisive pep in his step.

“Welcome to Goldsmith’s, how may I assist you?” the cheerful sales associate asks as soon as Phil steps inside.

“Phil,” Martyn hisses from behind him.

Phil ignores him. “Hello,” he greets the associate. “I’m looking for an engagement ring.”

The girl smiles brightly. “Well, congratulations, sir! This is a very exciting chapter of your life, so I’d be happy to help you find what you’re looking for.”

“Great,” Phil says with a smile. He ignores the pointed stare Martyn is sending his way.

“We have a wide selection of engagement rings and bands to choose from, but let me show you to some of our more popular sellers,” the sales associate is saying as she leads them to a case towards the front.

Phil stops her with a short laugh. “Actually, I was hoping I could see your more unique styles. My fian- partner-“ he clears his throat. “My partner is very particular, and I know he’ll want something different, something unique.”

The attendant smiles. “It’s great that you know that! Makes my job a lot easier,” she laughs.

Phil smiles, shaking off his brother’s hand when he tries to grab Phil’s arm. The sales associate is showing them to another case when Martyn starts to whisper.

“Are you sure about this? Like, absolutely positive?” He sounds paranoid, and Phil can’t believe someone else is more nervous about this than he is. “This is a huge decision, Phil, and the two of you aren’t even really-“

“Don’t,” Phil says, sharper than intended.

Martyn snaps his mouth shut, but looks at Phil with a guilty frown.

“These are some styles that either aren’t “in-style” right now, or just aren’t very popular,” the sales associate explains, pulling out a jewelry tray for Phil to examine.

“This one is nice,” Phil says absently, tapping on a rather simple one that has three stones embedded in the simple white gold band. He glances at Martyn, who’s studying the rings with something like confused curiosity. Phil nudges him. “What do you think?”

Martyn glances between him and the ring a couple times, then shrugs. “I don’t know… I reckon Dan would like something a bit flashier, actually.”

Phil smiles, relieved that Martyn’s actually helping now and not questioning his decisions. “Yeah, true.” He looks at the others, letting his gaze linger on the more ornate ones a little longer, waiting for some sort of sign to hit him, but it doesn’t happen.

A moment or two passes where none of them speak, giving Phil the quiet time to study the rings carefully. And study is all he can really do, since none of them really stand out to him. “Is there…”

The sales associate must be all too familiar with this, because she’s quick to pick up on his train of thought. “You know, I think I have another drawer in the back, give me just a moment.”

Phil nods, smiling in relief now that he doesn’t have to actually voice his opinion on the rings he’d been shown so far.

She’s barely been gone a minute when Phil feels Martyn’s hand on his arm. He sighs. “Martyn,” he starts, turning to tell him, kindly, to bugger off.

“Hey,” Martyn interrupts him. He’s smiling a little, which wasn’t the expression Phil was expecting to see. “You really love him, huh?”

Phil drops his gaze to the ring he’s already wearing, the one he’s so emotionally attached to now that he can’t bear to imagine ever taking it off. “I… yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

Martyn is quiet for a moment. “Have you always? Or is this like… a new thing?”

Phil levels him with a look, one brow quirked in disbelief. “You’re really going to ask me that?”

“Well…” Martyn shrugs, then laughs when he sees the dumbfounded look Phil is giving him. “Okay, yeah, yeah. I mean… you have been rather obvious from the start.”

Phil has to laugh at that. “God, I know. No idea how Dan didn’t realize it sooner. I guess we were both just so deep in denial that we didn’t know how to deal with ourselves.”

“Does he? Realize it now, I mean?” Martyn asks softly.

Just then, before Phil gets the chance to reply, the sales lady returns with another drawer of rings.

“These are some of our more unique choices, mixed in with some newer pieces that haven’t done as well as we thought they would,” she says, setting the tray down and stepping back to give him the space to survey them.

“Dan would love that,” Phil remarks, mostly to himself.

“Which one?” Martyn asks.

Phil shakes his head, still studying them closely. “No, I just meant like, getting a ring that no one else wants. Adopting it, saving it from the depths of jewelry hell and all that.”

Martyn laughs, and Phil smiles. “Fair enough.”

The sales associate begins explaining some other options she can present if he doesn’t like these, but it’s while she’s talking that he sees it. It’s flashier than he’d prefer for himself, with a somewhat feminine style. It’s white gold, Dan’s favorite, with simple diamonds twisted on the band leading up to the center, where the main diamond sits.

It’s perfect.

“Can I see that one?” Phil asks, pointing to the ring that is absolutely, perfectly Dan.

The sales associate smiles and nods. “This one has been here for a month or so. It’s the only one we’ve got, but we can get it resized if you decide you like it.” She hands the ring to him carefully, then steps back to give him a chance to look it over and consider it.

Phil clutches the ring gently, holding it up close to his face to inspect it. It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. He can already imagine slipping it on Dan’s lovely digit, the face he’d make when Phil really, properly proposes.

He’s so deep in the fantasy that he doesn’t even realize the sales associate is speaking to him until his brother pinches his arm.

“Ow!” Phil yelps, turning to glare at Martyn with little thought to the other person standing there.

“I’m sorry, but she’s trying to ask you a question, mate. At least pretend to pay attention,” Martyn says with a roll of his eyes, smiling apologetically at the sales lady when he’s done being dramatic.

“I’m so sorry,” Phil says to her immediately. “I was… sorry, what were you saying?”

The girl smiles kindly at him. “I take it this is the one?“ she says, nodding to the ring.

Phil takes one last look at it, then nods. “Yeah, this is definitely the one. He’ll love it.”

She smiles. “Lovely. I was just asking, do you happen to know what his ring size is?”

“Well, actually- oh, here, I guess I shouldn’t be the one holding onto this,” he says, handing the ring back as he starts digging in his pocket. He pulls out his wallet and takes a second to rummage around, finding what he’s looking for in record time. “Oh, here it is. We actually bought some jewelry here not too long ago and we both got a copy of the receipt,” Phil explains, sliding it over to her.

The sales associate picks it up, scanning the information quickly. “Oh, this is perfect. Since you’re already in our system I can look up the purchase and we can figure out his size. I’m assuming we’ll definitely need to resize this, correct?”

Phil glances at the ring again, and nods with a laugh. “Oh, definitely. That wouldn’t even fit on his pinky.”

She laughs along with him, then closes the case, the ring still clutched safely in her hand. “Alright. If you’ll just follow me, I’ll pull your account up on the computer and we’ll get the rest squared away!”

~~~

Less than half an hour later, Phil and Martyn step back out on the streets, a new receipt in Phil’s pocket, the estimated pick-up date circled on it in red ink.

“Is this what you had planned for today?” Martyn asks as they begin strolling off towards some other shops.

Phil laughs at that. “No. What I had planned for today was snuggling my boyfriend and my kids.”

Martyn gives him a look. “Boyfriend, eh? So it’s official, then?” he asks, a mischievous smirk on his face.

Phil can feel his face flush when he realizes what he’s just said. “Well… I call him that sometimes. In my head.”

Martyn isn’t polite enough not to laugh at him. “Oh, so Dan isn’t aware of this new development?”

There’s an awkward pause as Phil tries to think of a realistic lie, but it’s filled with Martyn cackling, then pretending to cover it up with a cough. “He knows that there are… feelings happening. I think.”

“You think?” Martyn basically squawks. “Jesus, man. Why don’t you just tell him you fancy him? You know he feels the same.”

He gestures them towards a candy shop then, and Phil is helpless to refuse. He follows behind Martyn slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Well… I mean, I guess I think I know how he feels, but I… I’m not sure.”

Martyn had stopped to hold the door open for him, but at that he pauses, turning to give Phil a blank stare. “Mate,” he deadpans.

“What?” Phil says defensively. “Open the door, it’s freezing out here.”

Martyn rolls his eyes, but waves Phil through, following behind him closely to continue the conversation. “Don’t be daft. Or, at least be less daft, if you can manage that.”

“Thanks, Mar, you’re such a beaming ray of kindness today. I’ve missed our bonding times,” Phil says, and he hopes his voice is dripping with sarcasm.

“You know you did,” Martyn teases. Phil can’t even deny that. He did.

“Whatever,” he says, mindlessly strolling the store, his hands tucked firmly in his pockets to keep him from buying anything.

“I’m serious, though,” Martyn says after a minute, tucking a box of licorice under his arm, likely for their father. “I think you both would feel better if you just had a conversation about it, yeah?”

Phil’s quiet, thinking about it. Of course, Martyn is right. “I know,” he says, rather than admitting it in so many words. “And, God, I’ve already bought a real ring, haven’t I? I’ve got to say something. Surely he’ll say no if I just propose out of nowhere. And-”

“I doubt it,” Martyn interrupts his rambling, examining some chocolate oranges.

Phil blinks. “Doubt what?” He says, suspicious.

Martyn shrugs. “I doubt he’d say no. Knowing the two of you, he might actually prefer it if you just propose, so neither of you have to actually talk like functioning human beings.”

And this, Phil thinks, is where Martyn clearly doesn’t know Dan very well. “Oh, no. Dan loves to talk. He loves a good serious chat. We have them with the kids all the time.”

Martyn glances at him then, smiling a little. “He’s a good dad?” he asks.

Phil sighs wistfully, wishing again that he’d said no to his brother and just stayed home to snuggle with his grumpy-Dan and their kids. “The best,” he says truthfully. He hesitates then, debating on whether or not he should share this next part with his brother.

“What is it?” Martyn asks, Phil’s anxiety and hesitation far too easy to read for someone who has known him his whole life.

Phil chews his lip in contemplation, but sighs. It would be good to get a second opinion on this, he figures.

“Dan asked me to adopt the kids with him.”

Martyn drops the box of licorice.

Phil winces at the noise, and they both glance at the shopkeep, who gives them a tired once-over before going back to his coffee and tablet.

“He what?” Martyn whisper-shouts, leaning back down to retrieve the box.

“He asked me to adopt-”

Martyn flaps his hand. “Shut up, I heard you. I just…” He stares at Phil, his eyes wide. “That’s a lot, man. That’s a big responsibility.”

Phil knows he doesn’t really mean it like that, but he bristles anyway at the insinuation that he maybe can’t handle that responsibility. He feels like he’s been doing just fine so far, though.

“I know that,” he says, a little defensive. “We know that. I just…” he trails off then. This may not even be something Martyn understands. He and Cornelia have Evan, but… still. This is a little different.

“Just what?” Martyn says, his voice soft.

Phil sighs. “They’re my kids, Martyn. And as odd as it sounds, Dan is my family. With or without them, he’s… He’s my person. And he’s the only person I’d want to have a family with.”

Martyn is silent, glancing at Phil for only a minute before going over to the counter to pay for the candy. Phil trails after him, feeling a little like he’s in trouble, even though he hasn’t even done anything. Martyn can’t crucify him for a crime he didn’t even commit, he thinks bitterly.

They head out of the shop, and Martyn pulls out his phone and glances at the time. “You feel like doing a little bit of Christmas shopping?”

~~~

Later that evening, when Phil is eating dinner at the table by himself, a message pops up from his brother. They’d abandoned the conversation about Dan and the kids at the candy shop, and Phil had honestly thought Martyn was angry with him. The message clears his conscience of that, at least.

Martyn: Talk to Dan. If you guys can ever get your shit sorted out, I think those kids would be thrilled to have you guys as forever parents.

Martyn: Also, you owe me for lunch