#chansterlyfe

was listening to my k-music daily mix on spotify

and one of the main songs from descendants of the sun starts playing

.......................

**immediately falls to pieces**

I was rewatching part of strong woman do bong soo yesterday and I was really digging the multiple instances park hyung sik was wearing a dark mockneck under a loose popover (see this bc there is no gratuitous standalone shot I can reblog/find on google).

I went to check out a church near my place this Sunday. It was probably one of the more uncomfortable experiences I’ve had recently. Not uncomfortable because the situation was dangerous, but rather unease because I hadn’t felt so alone in awhile. The irony though, that we congregate as a church on Sundays, and yet I managed to find myself feeling so isolated and awkward among all these people who had too, come together before the Lord.

I take for granted of these guided opportunities He has placed before me in terms of my journey in faith—my journey thus far has been comfortable to say the least, with me falling in step with the people who’s faith and judgement I trusted. If anything, there wasn’t much I had to do alone, whether it was go to North Way or find a small group. I want to feel welcomed, to feel familiar, but I suppose that is my selfish instincts imposing over the experiences that I must work for again here.

Part of me feels like a coward if I don’t go back this week and try again, but yet I do feel a sense of urging to make right what I wasn’t able to do, to fellowship and to find people who will walk with me this summer. 

the other day, I went to hmart with mother to buy groceries and I poked around in the chilled beverages section to find the sparkling rice wine drink Heidi had brought over one night. I sent her a snap of the fridge to lament how I couldn’t find it. 

turns out it was in my snap and in front of me the whole time...

my (unconscious, this is debatable) motivations for seeking what is not mainstream affects and contributes to the **exclusivity** and not welcoming image i generally loathe.

my sister has grown in age and not maturity, and I am finally able to firsthand witness some of the many pains I put my parents through high school. or maybe life in general. I excuse myself from my inability to empathize with her, believing that our maturity gap is still too evident. but in reality, maybe it’s actually on me and my lack of maturity to summon the patience and love and deep breaths.

visiting some parts of my past are welcome reminders—I have made progress in life!! even if my gpa doesn’t necessarily say so..

(back!—in an effort to practice being short, coherent, and to the point.)

reading:

finish David and Goliath, Malcolm Gladwell

Crazy Rich Asians, Kevin Kwan

Design of Everyday Things, Don Norman

After Dark, Haruki Murakami

faith

go through Romans

find a church for the summer

start doing morning devos

drawing

have more confident line quality

stronger perspective skills

improve rendering/become more comfortable with tonal marker drawings

tech

build up solid font library

find more go-to font combos (other than Gill Sans and Garamond and Futura)

go through HTML/CSS course on Codecademy

personal

document consistently (journal, video, photos)

keep in touch with meaningful friendships

don’t cut people off

spend more time with family

live more in the now/be proactive instead of basking in past mistakes or longing for ideal future

spend less do more

It’s hard to see people like Soonho who I admire struggle with the notion of accepting themselves completely for who they are.

I’m so thankful for Grace and Soonho and their presence in studio. It’ll be interesting and rewarding to see how our roles in studio as those more grounded in their values and faith.