#chanki

He's doing it again; looking over paperwork. Somehow, Kihyun hasn’t noticed- or at the very least hasn’t mentioned- Changkyun staring at him, but the latter has been for the better part of ten minutes. The end of summer is approaching startlingly quickly, reminding them both that they’ll be back in college, again, but the paperwork in front of Kihyun has more of his focus. Has for weeks now. The plans for when he “dies,” and what will happen to his assets.

“What are you actually afraid of?” The question rings around in Changkyun’s head. He’d answered, when Minhyuk had asked. Admitted he was scared of more changing, so soon after he was finding an amount of normalcy in his life. So soon after he’d lost it in the first place. That Kihyun would leave, faking his death, and would suddenly disappear entirely from Changkyun’s life. Despite knowing this, despite knowing his worries aren’t warranted, he hasn’t brought it up.

“Is something wrong?” The question startles him out of his thoughts. Changkyun shakes his head, turning away from Kihyun, now that the other is looking at him.

“No, nothing. Thinking about school.” The lie comes easier than it should, probably. Kihyun nods, though he seems unconvinced when Changkyun finally turns back to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m okay.” Changkyun shakes his head, again. Realizes he’s doing it, and frowns, standing. “I’m going to be with my human friends, okay?”

“Sure?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow at that. Presumably confused that Changkyun feels the need to say it like that. As if he needs permission. “Be safe.”

“When am I not?”

“Two separate stabbings, Changkyun.”

“Alright, I see your point.”

“You realize during that entire time, I’ve managed to maintain my friendships with the others?”

In a hundred years, Minhyuk and Kihyun had maintained a friendship. In nearly that same amount of time, Hyunwoo and Hoseok had also maintained relationships with Kihyun, too. The latter wasn’t so likely to just disappear entirely from someone’s life. Changkyun shouldn’t be worried about it. Or, at least, should talk to the other if he is.

But he doesn’t. And he wouldn’t be able to explain why he doesn’t, if pressed.

It’s late, dark out, as Changkyun makes his way home. He didn’t actually spend any time with his human friends, despite what he said, but was on his own, contemplating. Contemplation that didn’t help him any. Should he talk to someone else about it? Surely that would help, at least, to mentally prepare him to talk to Kihyun himself about it, right?

“Hey, look at that, you made it back without any problems,” Kihyun says, when Changkyun returns. He nods, closing the door.

“Maybe I’ve beaten whatever night-time curse I’d had.”

“Let’s hope so. It was sort of getting out of hand.”

Everyone had said not to worry about it. That it wasn’t a big deal. That, logically, everything would be fine. And they were right, probably. Most definitely. But it didn’t help. It didn’t make him feel better or ease his worries, because he already knew.

“I’m scared of what’s going to happen, when Kihyun inevitably fakes his death,” Changkyun says. Admits it to Hoseok, as they walk back towards Changkyun and Kihyun’s apartment. Hoseok pauses, stops walking, startled by the words. “Not- like- the fact it’ll happen. But that things will change, and I’ll be there alone, when I had finally accepted what happened before.”

Before meaning when he was killed.

“Okay.” The word is simple, accepting. Hoseok begins walking again, and Changkyun falls into step beside him.

“Okay? That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok nods. Grabs one of Changkyun’s hands, and swings it between them as way of focusing on something else. “You know that’s okay, right?”

“What?”

“That you’re worried?”

“But I shouldn’t be.”

“You shouldn’t, but you also shouldn’t have had to worry about walking home at night, and yet.” Hoseok pauses, but Changkyun can tell he has more to say. “It might not help, but you should tell him that you’re worried about it.”

“I know.” It’s Changkyun’s turn to pause, before speaking again. “Does it bother you?”

“Which part?”

“That I’m worried about that, when you’ll still be here.”

“No.” Hoseok shakes his head, tightens his hold on Changkyun’s hand. “He was the first person you saw, after you died, right? And he saved your life. It makes sense that you’d be worried about him disappearing. The fact you still are, despite being given plenty of reason not to be, means that this goes far beyond you just wanting him around.”

“Oh.” A nod. “That makes sense, I think. Surprisingly insightful.”

“Okay- well- now I’m offended. What do you mean surprisingly?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Yes!”

The conversation Changkyun finally has with Kihyun is muted. Feels uneventful. Changkyun tells the other his worries, that he knows they’re irrational, and Kihyun responds as simply as Hoseok had.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Really, you too? That’s all?”

“What do you want me to say?” Kihyun’s words make Changkyun freeze, because he doesn’t know. Isn’t sure what Kihyun could possibly say that would help any. What kind of response would feel like a satisfying conclusion to Changkyun’s concerns. “You’re allowed to be worried, but that isn’t going to stop things from happening.”

“I guess not.”

“But- how about this?”

“What?”

“I promise I’ll be here until at least next summer. I’m sure our neighbors wont get too suspicious that quickly, all of the sudden.”

It doesn’t change anything, really. There’s still a guarantee there, in the words, that the conclusion is inevitable. That Kihyun will fake his death, and leave, like he must have done dozens of times since becoming a vampire. Still, knowing it wont be soon- knowing he isn’t going to suddenly leave the next day, or the next week- eases Changkyun’s worries immediately.

“Okay.”

“I just want to say I am not, in fact, suffering today,” Changkyun says.

“What a twist,” Hyunwon responds, paying little attention to Changkyun. “Then why I am I even here?”

“To steal food like you always do?”

“You’re absolutely correct.” A nod. “You know that offer to make them suffer with embarrassing stories still stands.”

“Ah, so we’re still awful people. Got it.” Changkyun pauses. “But what kind of stories?”

“Admittedly I haven’t known them as long as they’ve known each other.” Wasn’t possible, considering how long each of them had been alive. “But they’re embarrassing at all times, so they gave me plenty to work with.”

“I assume living with one of them helped.”

“I’ve lived with both of them,” Hyungwon reminds him. Changkyun had entirely forgotten about that, until now.

“Oh yeah. What happened with that?”

“What kind of monster gets up so early in the morning?” Hyungwon mutters, presumably to himself rather than Changkyun.

“What? Aside from for classes he doesn’t get up that early?”

“Oh, I see, when you live here he acts like a normal human being.”

“He’s not human.”

“My point still stands.”

So their neighbor is outside, again. Is standing there, when Kihyun kicks Hyunwon out, upon returning, and looks even more suspicious upon seeing they had a guest. Which Changkyun doesn’t think makes any sense, since that was normal. He’s already forgotten the kid’s name, admittedly.

“What are you doing out here, again?” Changkyun asks, while Hyungwon leaves and Kihyun seems to have taken to ignoring the other.

“I know something’s going on!”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”

Without response, the other leaves, seeming to have taken offense to the question. Changkyun heads back into his apartment, feeling more annoyed than worried, now.

“Are we sure you didn’t just offend him, somehow?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Think so,” Changkyun repeats, disbelieving.

“Well if I did, I don’t know how.”

It happens, again. Another nightmare about that night. Changkyun doesn’t understand why they’re happening, or why they weren’t before. If he was going to be reliving that moment, so traumatically, he would have expected it to happen closer to the event. Yet, the further from it he gets, the more often it shows up. It makes blood unappealing, entirely, which is a problem all things considered.

Changkyun breathes a heavy sigh. One problem- temporarily- solved, another to deal with, he guesses.

Summer's end approaches startlingly quickly. While Changkyun still has another two weeks before classes begin for him, that wasn’t the case for a lot of people who had previously attended the same college as him. Or, rather, it wasn’t the case for his human friends. They begin classes within a few days, and thus had already moved into their dorms. Away from where Changkyun remains. Another piece of normalcy being chipped away at, in his life.

Yet, for some reason, it doesn’t bother him as much as he thinks it should. Despite losing the barely-reformed stable parts of his life being one of his major concerns, when it came to multiple things already, it doesn’t register. Doesn’t bother him. Which, in and of itself, bothers him.

Did his human friend's place in his life mean so little? Was it because he could still contact them, or had their space in his life- since becoming a vampire- shrunk so much it didn’t register as a change?

“You’re keeping your human friends?” Jooheon had given Changkyun a look that made him think he shouldn’t.

At the time he had been determined to keep them. To retain a place in his life, for them. Even more so recently, as one of them became aware of what actually happened to him. The thought, somewhere in the back of his mind, had been that this meant he succeeded. That he’d managed to keep them an important part of his life.

Was that wrong?

When he takes the time to think about it, Changkyun knows that he spends less time with them. Besides the majority of his time being spent with Hoseok and Kihyun, the rest of his time, too, was in majority spent with vampires.

Realizing this, Changkyun finds himself immediately calling the only one of them not gone to another college- Taehyuk- to spend time together. With no actual idea what to do, specifically. Still, the other agrees, maybe realizing something is up with Changkyun.

“So, what’s wrong with you?”

“What a way to ask if I’m okay.”

“Well?”

“I’m just trying to keep… something normal.”

“Is that so?” A pause. “You really think things were normal, before, just because you were human, and spending time with humans?”

Changkyun is caught off guard by the question. It was, probably, the last response he expected. “Yes?”

“Okay, well, as your wise friend-”

“Wise.”

“Let me tell you a secret.” Taehyuk glares and Changkyun remains silent. “There’s no such thing. Normal is nonsense. You’re just worried you’re extra weird now, but you’re really not. Different, sure, but if you were that weird I wouldn’t have been the only one to realize what happened to you.”

The conversation, like a lot recently, sticks in Changkyun’s mind long after it’s over. There’s no such thing. Was that the problem, then? Clinging to the idea of normal, when it wasn’t real. When, even if it was, he’d lost the ability to be normal a long time ago? It didn’t feel like that long ago, really, but it had been almost a year, he realizes. Almost a year since that night.

Was that why? Was that why it didn’t bother him that his human friend were out of reach? Was that why that night kept coming back to him, all of the sudden?

In a way it was sort of difficult not to feel bad for their suspicious neighbor. After all, he wasn’t actually wrong that something suspicious was going on with them, but it was unlikely anyone else believed him. Sometimes, people just continue to look young no matter their age, so it wasn’t so difficult to believe that the past ten years hadn’t had much of an affect.

Still, despite this, feeling bad for him only went so far. When he began not minding his own business, to the extent of having been found multiple times hanging out outside of their apartment, trying to find some evidence something weird was going on, that feeling was stamped out and replaced with annoyance. Annoyance that easily spread to both occupants of the apartment. So when both of them- Kihyun and Changkyun- return to find him yet again outside their apartment- this time with his faced pressed against the door, apparently trying to listen into it- they aren’t exactly happy about it.

“Jinhee,” Kihyun begins, annoyance already clear in his tone. Changkyun suddenly realizes he wasn’t actually aware of their neighbors name until now. “What are you doing?”

“I-” He- Jinhee- straightens up, startled- “nothing?”

“Right…” With a sigh, Kihyun pushes past the other, unlocks the door, and without waiting for Changkyun, slams it in Jinhee’s face.

“Um,” Jinhee stammers out what can barely be considered words, for a moment, before turning to Changkyun.

“What did you expect?”

The question goes unanswered, and Jinhee leaves without sparing him another glance.

“You think it’s getting worse?”

“What is?”

“Our suspicious neighbor?” The question comes out quieter than Changkyun means for it to. But he can’t help but be worried about the situation. If it keeps up, eventually someone else might catch on that something is up. And then what? Sure, there’s a plan in place, but…

“I’m not too worried.” Kihyun shrugs.

“If you say so.” That was all he’d said on the situation so far, so Changkyun isn’t really sure why he expected anything else. If you act like you have something to hide, they’re going to think you do. That had been what Kihyun said before, but they do have something to hide. Even if what it is might be hard to believe, it can easily end up convincing someone that something else strange is going on.

“Even if it was something to be worried about, I’ve already prepared for that. Remember?”

Of course he does, but that doesn’t help any. He doesn’t want to be left behind while the other fakes his death, just because they have a neighbor who’s too observant.

“I know that.” It just doesn’t help any.

Usually, when Changkyun talks to Minhyuk, it isn’t about anything particularly serious. Or it somehow becomes a less serious conversation. He doesn’t doubt the other is capable of serious conversation, of course; just that it hadn’t been something Changkyun had experienced when it came to Minhyuk before. Which is why he’s caught off guard by the tone with which Minhyuk asks the question.

“What are you actually scared of?” The tone of Minhyuk’s voice is strange. It's not really a question he wants answered, and the way he doesn’t actually look at Changkyun when he asks, makes that much clear.

Still, Changkyun responds with a startled, “what?”

“If things to reach that point, what are you actually scared is going to happen?”

It should be an easy question to answer. Something simple. He’s scared their neighbors will realize they are- or at the very least that Kihyun is- vampires. But, what would really happen if they did? Kihyun would have to leave, certainly. Changkyun might have to move, if he’s discovered too, but that’s less likely due to how little time he’s been there for. Then, what is he actually worried about?

Probably the same thing he was worried about when he first woke up, after that night, and realized how it might affect his relationship with his human friends.

“I-” He pauses, stares at his hands for a moment- “enough has changed too quickly, and I don’t want to… risk losing people.” Again, he thinks, despite the fact he had managed to keep his original friendships. Because something had changed, and what if more changed. What if the result was worse this time.

“Do you realize that I’ve been alive more than a hundred years, as a vampire?”

“Huh?” Surprised by what seems like a change in topic, all Changkyun can do is nod.

“And you realize during that entire time, I’ve managed to maintain my friendships with the others?”

“Oh.” What Minhyuk is trying to say hits him, finally. If, within a hundred years, Minhyuk had managed to stay in contact with the exact person Changkyun is worried is going to have to leave, then it’s perfectly plausible the same would be true for him.

“See, you get it now?” Any seriousness in Minhyuk’s tone disappears in a instant. He smiles and Changkyun can only nod.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You think?”

“No, no I get it.”

“So you don’t think.”