#chalroe

       The second time Jon told Martin ‘I love you’ was when they were stood at the edge of a pasture, looking at some particularly fluffy cows.   Martin was giving each of them a name, but Jon could barely look away from Martin and the light in his eyes.

“What do you think?  I think that one is definitely a Bert.”

Jon laughed.  “I agree, but I wonder what Bert thinks about his new name.”

Martin looked back at the pasture, cupped his hands around his mouth, and called, “Hey, Bert!”

The cow immediately turned to look at them and gave an affirmative moo in response.

“I knew it!”  Martin raised his hands above his head in celebration.

Jon saw the look of exuberance on Martin’s face, and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

“I love you so much.”

Martin still had a foot perched on the fence and, at Jon’s words, he slipped and practically smashed completely into the rail.

“Are you alright?  I’m sorry…”

“I’m fine,” Martin said quietly even as Jon helped him right himself, hands still gently holding onto him.  Both of their faces were bright red, though whether that was from the wind or the situation, neither would admit.  And Bert, ever the good cow, let out a series of loud moos that caused both Jon and Martin to laugh again, arms wrapped around each other as they made their way home. 

     The third time Jon said I love you was when he had sat down for a statement and Martin was off to the shops.

“Got everything you need?”  Martin asked while standing in the open doorway, having turned back one last time to check on Jon.

“I think so.  Thank you.”

“I’ll be back in a little bit.  Enjoy.”

“Have a good time.  I love you.”

Martin buried his face in both his hands while giggling to himself.   When he emerged from his impromptu cocoon, his face was again completely flushed.

“Stop it,” he groaned jokingly while still laughing and smiling.   “Now I’m not going to be able to stop grinning the whole time I’m down there, and everybody is going to ask me what’s going on.”

“I don’t think that’s the most horrible thing,” Jon said.  Martin’s glee was contagious, and Jon couldn’t help but smile too, even though he’d barely even registered that those words had crossed his lips.

“Maybe not.  Anyway, I’m going now.  For real.”  Martin inched out the door, turned back to give Jon one last look and smile, then left for the shops.

If the smile on his face when he got back was any indication, he really hadn’t stopped grinning the entire trip.

     The fourth time, Jon had his head rested on Martin’s shoulder, a book in each of their laps, as a small fire crackled before them.  There was nothing to distract them or torment them, just the peace of being together.

“I love you, Martin,” Jon said quietly.

Martin immediately smiled, but the blush in his cheeks was less than before and he didn’t drop anything or break out into an embarrassed laughing fit.  Instead, he pressed a slow kiss to the top of Jon’s head and said nothing.

It was Jon’s turn to blush uncontrollably, and he snuggled a little closer to Martin’s side.  Then, he chuckled, “What, no reaction this time?  I guess the honeymoon phase is over.”

Martin laughed and set his book to the side.  “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to hearing that,” he admitted, shifting so that he could face Jon, even if he still rarely looked him in the eye.  “I just… every time you say it… Listen, I spent a long time pining after you, thinking that my feelings would never be reciprocated.  The first times you… said it, it felt like it was still a wish, something I’d cooked up in a daydream.  But the more you tell me, the more it feels real.  That this-” he reached out and gently took one of Jon’s hands in his own “-is all real.  And I think that realization is hitting me now.  Every time you say it, it makes me think I actually deserve this.”

“Of course you deserve it,” Jon insisted, squeezing Martin’s hand tightly.

Martin looked to the side and let out a small sigh, then turned back to Jon and leaned forward to kiss him.  “I love you too, you know.”

At those words, it was Jon’s turn to drop the book still sat on his leg in shock as he stuttered.  The blush in his cheeks deepened and his mouth opened several times as he searched for words.

“What?”  Martin gasped, laughing, “That’s a surprise?  As if you didn’t already know.  I said as much in the Lonely, plus so many tapes…”

“You’ve never said it directly, though,” Jon replied, still spluttering.  “And in the Lonely, it was past tense, you loved me, not current!”  He paused and chuckled to himself, replaying the feeling of Martin’s lips on his.  “And here I was afraid I was coming on too strong.”

“Jon, we’ve been cuddled up together for the past two hours.  We share a bed.  If you were worried about coming on too strong, you might’ve wanted to think about that sooner.”

As they both thought it all over, they couldn’t keep from laughing again and leaning in toward each other until it was natural as anything for their lips to meet and bridge the distance between them.  No matter the words they spoke aloud, the way they kissed said it all.

“Maybe I never told you before, not really,” Martin breathed, “but I love you.  I love you, Jon.”

Jon bit his lip and grinned.  “I love you, too.  Now it’s my turn to be shocked and baffled at hearing that.”

“Means I’m going to have to say it a lot more,” Martin teased.  “You’re adorable when you’re confused.”

“Oh, come now…”

“It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

Jon blushed and looked away again, then decided the easiest way to handle it all was to pull Martin in for another kiss, leaning into him and wrapping his arms around him.