#chad lucas

I have so many feelings about TAL,U and I'm so sad theres no fanart of the characters. Ive been thinking abt them nonstop since I finished the book and I want to CRY after reading my local libraries eBook sample because now I need to find a real copy to read. I'm waiting to get it as paperback because amulet-abrams has really nice paperbacks and I NEED to own the copy...

At first after finishing the first book I definitely got aro spec vibes from Brian and after reading the sample I'm almost sure he is and will be finding out in the rest of that book or at least getting some closure about his own identity. But I'm also terrified about what's going to happen, they seem to have such a good close relationship and I want to protect them at all costs, but with what's SUPPOSED to happen according to the book preview I'm so worried theyre gonna have irrevocable communication mistakes that destroy their relationship...

I hope everything works out for them. With my aromantic Brian predictions I was (extremely optimistically) hoping they could get into some kind of comfortable QPR for both of them but seeing how Ezra is (not clarified but pretty clearly) alloromantic, I dont know if it'll work. If anything I assume they stay 'best friends' and just do what feels right for them because Brian is so caught up with his own stuff, too. But with the sequel's book description saying Ezra will have feelings for Victor, I'm conflicted. Obviously I shouldn't push Brian and Ezra together, theyre still good friends. I just hope they stay that way if any messy communication happens and feelings get hurt.

Likes:

- If I was an English teacher in middle school, I would make all of my students read this book. It is such an important story to tell and the moral of it being about kids being true, brave, and weird is incredible. Brian suffers from mental illness, as far as I can tell: severe anxiety and PTSD. He learns that he’s so much more than his mental illness and that he is capable of normalcy. Ezra seems to have it all but he’s racked with fear of being treated differently because he’s gay but he just needs to find his people and Ty and Kevan are definitely his people. The way they found each other and became the support that the other boy had been missing is so important to me. I think Brian and Ezra both helped the other be brave and that is just so wholesome.

- Ezra’s crush on Brian is just so pure. His visions of a future together with Brian were so cute. When he imagined playing his guitar for him and brushing his hair out of his face, my heart skipped. I love the way he apologized for not doing enough for Brian when he was being bullied, I love how he cared so much he needed to find Brian when he ran away, I love that he bought them a pizza, I love that he just loves making Brian laugh. It’s just… so good.

- Also Brian didn’t freak out at all when Ezra confessed that he liked him? I mean, he did freeze up initially, but out of shock and confusion. He was not disgusted and he didn’t act any differently than he had. He even held hands with Ezra and let him hug him. He wants to keep Ezra as a friend and he doesn’t know his sexuality yet but that’s okay as long as they can be friends. And then Brian told his dad and his dad didn’t react, he just asked if Brian felt the same and told him that he would love his son no matter what he ended up as and that is just so sweet. My heart is squeezing just remembering this.

- Gabe and Brittany are the ultimate power couple. And the sweetest people in the world. I can’t. Gabe really searched all over town for a runaway kid and didn’t hesitate to bring the two of them to his home. He looked out for Brian kind of like an older brother would. He was respectful of Brian’s boundaries and made him feel normal for having panic attacks. Brittany, on the other hand, was the first person Ezra came out to (that wasn’t his sister, Nat) and she was so chill about it. She was able to make Ezra feel normal for his sexuality and when he came out to his friends, she invited him over to cook and just play music together and it is just the perfect response to someone who’s sort of going through a lot of emotions.

- Mrs. Clelland is so sweet too. She took her own student to her own home and made him feel safe and wanted! I love her and she clearly raised her son, Gabe, very well.

- Ty is so cool too. The entire moment when Ezra and Kevan slept over after the party and Ty encouraged Ezra to come out was such a good scene. I mean it! The conversation that followed was so wild and funny too. A whole debate on the sexualities and races of food which went into wild tangents about gross food combos. It’s so good because it shows that they’re just 13 year old boys. Normal middle schoolers that shouldn’t have to deal with the shit that Brian’s been dealing with. They make Ezra feel so normal and I love how Kevan was like “Ez, I’m going to set you up with a dude” and used the code word “mango” to refer to dateable men for Ezra. It’s so funny and he’s such a good ally for being so supportive. I also love that he’s a 13 year old that loves to cook, plus he’s Asian (Indian specifically) so bonus points for that.

- The random phrases are so good too. TEAM = Together, Everyone Achieves More. And the Ezra-patented LOSS = Lack of Sizzle Sauce. The way it caught on with the rest of the basketball team is adorable too and I love that Brian, though quiet and shy, got in on those inside jokes because Ezra just naturally makes people feel so much more welcome around him. I love that about him. 

- Richie is such an adorable 9 year old too! He did everything to protect his older brother and he did so well distracting adults so Brian could accomplish a bunch of things. Brian knows his brother gets anxious and he looks out for him and he protects him from strangers and I love him! Bless all these well-raised children!

- I haven’t talked enough about Ezra being such a great friend. He made a chill zone at Ty’s end-of-the-year party so that Brian can decompress if things got to be too much and Ty and Kevan were in on it too. But also, Ezra put on three bangers in a row so that he could dance with Brian, get him out of his shell a bit. And it is just so sweet, I love these kids. Whether or not Brian ever reciprocates Ezra’s feelings, I hope that they can be the best of friends for a long time.

Dislikes:

- Screw Victor! He really called Kevan “Captain Curry” for eating Indian food? And he also teased and mocked Brian relentlessly for literally no reason other than him being timid. That’s so  dumb. Yet he’s smart enough to know not to out a kid. He’s not going to make fun of Ezra for being gay but he’s got no issue with jabbing at someone’s race? The frick? I’m guessing he and Colby learned that behavior from their brothers and also enabled it for each other but it’s fucked up that Colby gives Victor a pass for his casual racism and ableism just because Victor had helped him with his schoolwork. It’s so dumb because of Colby’s issue with the Juice is that they made him feel bad for not being as smart, then it’s a dumb reason because Ezra offered to help! Not to mention, if Colby knows what it’s like to feel isolated for a thing he can’t control (a mental thing no less) then why the fuck do it to Brian too? He and Victor are just massive hypocrites clinging onto their whiteness to feel superior to others. Colby also covering his body more after Ezra came out is the antithesis to Brian holding his hand after he came out. I cannot believe Ezra used to have a crush on that asshole.

- But kudos to Brian for not only bashing Victor’s racist skull into a locker but for also telling him off like an ice cold badass in front of the student body. “I’m sorry I hit you. I wasn’t really myself that day. I shouldn’t let you bother me that much. But it won’t happen again. I’m not worried about you anymore.” What a baller thing to say to your bully.

I read this in 2 days, 30 pages in the first and the rest in the second. So it went by really fast and that's my fault for reading it like that, I have a bad time remembering and perceiving better when I read it all in one day rather than a week to process chunks.

So reading too fast is why I initially had much much worse thoughts on this book. I read it online from my local library so I could go back and read snippets I wanted to revisit anytime I wanted to by just using my phone. And looking back it's better thank I thought it was. I always loved and adored this series and the sequel did not disappoint, I think I disappointed myself by reading it to fast lmao. But the book is a good book.

My main notes going in were

1. Victor needs to take his redemption arc seriously (I read the book preview on the site)

2. If a massive communication error happens between Brian and Ezra and their friendship collapses I can't see the book as good / I really hope Brian doesn't go crazy and scream at Ezra if he finds out he likes Victor

3. I thought/think Brian is on the aromantic spectrum and I hoped he would do exploring and find an identity he fit. (I'm really pushing for aro rep as one myself, read the Melissa/Rick books.)

4. Juice (Ty and Kevan especially) getting to have their funny moments and lighthearted times.

And honestly all of these were fulfilled well. Which means I can't be too mad about anything. I also never expected Brian to develop romantic feelings for Ezra and anyone hoping that kind of stuff disturbs me. Brian is clear in the second book he doesn't like Ezra that way and I dont like when people try to smush 'em together.

Also, Victor IS good for Ezra. I dont understand romance in media/in general much but I know theyre both happy and excited and they both show theyre pretty mature and well enough to be partners that way. Theyre having fun.

Victor is not the kind of villain people think he is. Not anymore. He is clearly doing better himself and with others and its actually beautiful to witness. I admire how well he regulates his emotions in the moment. I am very fond of him.

The only "bad" thing I want to point out is how 'unrealistic' the series is. How it makes middle schoolers so mature which I dont doubt, but all of them are amazing and its wild. The only character I have problems with are Colby and Harrison, but they aren't even that bad by the end of book two. So overall, obviously more mature than average kids these days but I can easily dismiss that with the counter argument that the book offers a good example to younger readers. Plus I enjoyed the series so much that it doesn't even matter to me. The story and plot is always beautiful and tackles many difficult subjects.

There are probably more things I'd say but its late and I just needed to say it. So thats a bunch of my thoughts disorganized and done.