I MADE CHAD A LIFEINVADER PROFILE THINGY!!
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Stuff is kina off centre but I've been dizzy since waking up so whatever :p Chad only has 15 friends 💀💀fuckin loser

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I MADE CHAD A LIFEINVADER PROFILE THINGY!!
(Template by @nllick)
Stuff is kina off centre but I've been dizzy since waking up so whatever :p Chad only has 15 friends 💀💀fuckin loser

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So uh. Merry late Christmas I guess??
Last night I got held at gunpoint by a monkey.
Like a real one. Talking. Wearing a jacket. Girl monkey. Gun. Snow.
Everybody keeps telling me it was a woman in a mask but that’s a LIE.
I know what I saw.
Anyway the monkey was like “do a heist with me” and I said yes because
1) she had a gun and
2) I respect strong women / monkeys.
So we robbed a place together and honestly?? Team bonding. She helped me get money for new clothes too. Very supportive criminal primate energy.
Then I went to the strip club because I thought it would be festive.
It was NOT.
I saw boobs.
One of the strippers is named Fufu and she said I’m “sweet but confusing” which is basically a friendship offer. Now we’re friends and she’s allowed to come over to Uncle Ray’s apartment whenever because she deserves warmth and maybe soup.
Current status: – Still not sure if the monkey was real
– Got pants now
– Fufu is my best friend
– Christmas carols sound threatening
10/10 weirdest holiday of my life
— Chad “Seasonal Victim of Events” Bangs
And you'd be correct