#ch81

This is Ultear speaking-- it’s all an act, but I can’t help but think that there was a bit of projection here, from her end. I believe that god she speaks of closer to the idea of a Christian God than anything-- except that the meaning has been perverted to something hardly resembling the grace and peace it was meant to be. And-- and that genuinely happens everywhere today.

To Ultear, god is simply an ideal-- an almighty one, a fickle being that looks for something, and appear only to those that truly seek them. Someone that can grant them the strength to carry on, and lead them on a path that brings them contentment. 

In this case, it is in genuine, heartrending despair that Jellal, and Ultear in her own backstory, finally see the reason to break. Of their own volition, they turn from the path of light, and take up the mantle of the Dark, because they no longer see a reason to have love for others. 

The Zeref cult sees him as a master of dark magic, a wizard that reigns in terror, an almighty, undefeated being. But in truth, even they failed to understand their own definition of Zeref. Some of them just worship Zeref blindly as a symbol of power, even demanding respect from others because they’re priests.

Ironically, the ones that most understand the cult’s definition of Zeref are the ones that were most victimised by it-- Ultear and Jellal. 

“I am called Zeref, and hate is my existence.”

To the cult, the figure known as ‘Zeref’ is just hatred personified. Zeref, to them, is the ally to those consumed by despair, is the comfort and solace for those that are so fuelled by hatred, they discard everything else. Zeref is the ally to all those who are depraved-- Zeref stands with those in the dark when the world demonises and rejects them. 

I personally dislike that Jellal is revealed to be a ‘possessed boy that did nothing wrong’. The amnesia plot is fine, but pinning all of his actions on Ultear’s brainwashing, I’m not keen. 

I want to believe that Jellal fell into depravity then. I want to believe that, consumed by so much hatred, Jellal desperately turned to anyone for help, finally found the imaginary Zeref that empathised with him-- and then he ran to it, because it gave him peace at his lowest point. And then, when Erza rejected his god, he turned against Erza, because she wouldn’t understand. She, who was apparently so strong, would never understand the amount of relief he felt to have found something that kept him going. 

How to Chase an Alpha 그 알파를 꼬시는 법 - Kimnyeong