I spend the next few hours sitting on my balcony, clutching a book in my hands and waiting to see the sun rise. The lack of sleep has been taking its toll on me, the heaviness of my bones was a clear sign, the dull ache in the back of my head, the tiredness that plagued me.

Maybe it wasn’t only the attack that was plaguing my thoughts right now. I mean, Venus had been eliminated a few days ago, and my heart had hurt so much as I hugged her before she left. I lost my best friend, and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t having some separation anxiety from the beauty guru. A part of me felt like I needed her to be around me, she made me feel more confident in myself when she was around. Now, it I’ve never felt anymore lonely.

My maids comes bursting into my room a few minutes after the light starts to break over the horizon. They’re in a frenzy as they pull me back into my room.

Angelica starts giving instructions to Peggy and Eliza as they start scrambling around the room, and I blink in confusion at the frenzied pace of my maids.

“What’s happening?” I ask Angelica as she makes me take a seat at my vanity.

“They found a rebel, Miss.” Peggy informs me, brushing my bed hair.

“What?!” I yell, looking at Peggy. “Wait, then why are you all here? What’s with this?”

“There’s going to be a caning, a public caning.” Angelica says deadpan- wiping my face with a moist towelette. “We don’t have much time. We have to get ready you ready.”

A caning? Perhaps that was a better punishment than an execution… but still, a public caning?

I let my maids drag me to my closet, fussing over which of my dresses was appropriate for an event like that. How much black I had in my closet was ridiculous. My maids have always joked that I always looked like I was prepared for someone’s funeral… well, it’s not my fault that I preferred the color. I’d stop wearing the color when they invent a darker color. My maids continue doing their job, I allow them to prepare to dress me and put some minimal make up and soon enough I look like I was dressed like I was headed for a funeral.

My feet slip into my slides, my bandaged ankle still lightly throbbing every time I walked. Eliza gives my choice of foot wear a disapproving look, but there’s nothing we could do about it.

The news of the caning did bring a somber mood in everyone. A knock on my door signals that my escort had arrived, a guard assigned to assist me. Dr. Granger said that I needed someone to help me walk around, just someone for me to help me with tricky things like going down the stairs and whatnot, but I’m pretty sure that the guard served a second purpose though, to prevent me from running away again.

To my surprise, it’s Officer Gutierrez waiting by my door this morning and he offers me his arm before we start walking.

Gutierrez was Kramer’s classmate, a fellow Fort Lauper graduate too- I couldn’t imagine what went through his head when news of Kramer’s death had reached him.

Gutierrez was the first one to speak among us.

“We’re headed to the side of the palace, the part that’s closer to the east entrance.” he informs me as he starts assisting me on the stairs- holding my hand as I took one step at a time.

“The rebel… it was an inside job, wasn’t it?” I ask, recalling what I had heard from the report I had heard the day of the attack.

“It was… but,” Gutierrez shifts his eyes away, a look of doubt in them.

I raise an eyebrow as I take one last step down the staircase, “but what?”

Gutierrez shakes his head, something still troubling him. “Nothing.”

That’s suspicious, I shake my head- deciding not to push through with my questions. The two of us walk the rest of the way in silence, though I could tell that Gutierrez was obviously uncomfortable. What was so wrong about catching a rebel? Wasn’t that a win for us? A chance to give justice to those who have died during the attack? Gutierrez ushers me outside and a bolt of anxiety shoots through me as I hear the sounds of a crowd gathering behind the palace gates, as well as the sight of a good number of people allowed to enter through the gates. Gutierrez brings me to a certain area of the crowd, tells me that this was where the Selected are supposed to watch. He gives one last glance to the raised stage before bowing and leaving me standing there, unsure of what all his fuss was about.

Rebellion was wrong. The rebel was getting what he deserved. A caning sent a message to everyone, punishment. Hammurabi’s law. Eye for an eye.

The government, the military, the country’s national defense were stronger than anything, anyone who dared to threaten it. That was the message.

The sound of the crowd dulls out as a man dressed like an executioner steps up to the stage, and I could only hear his voice ring throughout the space.

“Charles Flynn!” his voice echoes menacingly, “a member of the palace kitchen staff was found attempting to bring down the monarchy with his fellow rebels.”

I nod, hanging on every word. 

Charles Flynn. 

That’s the name of the bastard who unleashed hell on the palace. I keep my eyes trained on the stage, feeling a sense of resentment against him already. Traitor.

“Mr. Flynn has broken his loyalty to the country and the monarchy. His disgusting actions have shown his real intentions. He is found guilty of treason against Illéa!”

The crowd seems to roar too, anger in their cries from outside the gates. The enmity of everyone clearly creating at atmosphere that was so full of hatred you could choke on it. My eyes shift to the other raised platform, where the Schreaves watched- clad in all black. The queen was beside King Spencer and I gaze upon the king’s steely expression, an unforgiving expression that reminded me so much of Nate when he had gotten angry the other night. I then see Nate standing there, looking obviously uncomfortable, eyes moving everywhere- wearing a more unsure version of King Spencer’s expression.

I wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and squeeze his hand, whisper to him how he needed to stop looking that way, tell him that things like this needed to be done- that this was the ugly side of his job. Everyone’s job had an ugly side. A future king like Nate needed to be reminded that, but most of all- I think he needed to be assured that things were necessary to be the leader I knew Nate could be.

Suddenly, the crowd’s yells grow louder as I see a figure hobbling to the stage where the masked announcer stands- and I feel my heart drop.

That was Charles Flynn?

The rebel looked like he couldn’t weigh 100 pounds soaking wet, he was nothing but a teenager, a child. How could he be a rebel?

I narrow my eyes on the kid, searching his face for something, anything that reminded me of the rebel I had faced off. There was nothing common between them, save for the blood on his shirt. Charles Flynn’s face was not the face of a rebel, heck- that kid looked like he’d apologize for burning my morning toast. The crier continued his speech, and I was suddenly understanding the look of concern Nate had on his face, why Officer Gutierrez seemed so antsy discussing about the rebel.

The mental image of a child like Charles Flynn being brutalized with canes was not a pretty picture to imagine.

I ball my hands into fists, though. I remind myself that Charles Flynn was a rebel- if he was found guilty by the king. If the king, my commander-in-chief, had found him guilty, then I, a soldier, should accept his orders.

“This is a crime punishable by death! But in his mercy, King Spencer had decided to spare this traitor’s life. Long Live King Spencer!”

The child was a traitor, I remind myself. I should not hold any sympathy for a rebel. Charles Flynn had made Kramer’s death possible. He should find himself lucky that the king had not ordered an execution, he should find himself lucky that his fate was not the same as his fellow rebels. Long Live King Spencer. I thought bitterfully.

Still, my heart was beating wildly as I watched the rebel’s hands strapped to some device- palms to the sky. This boy looked only about 15.. 16 years old? Was that the face of some kind of spy? My instincts were yelling at me to stop directing such harsh thoughts to the child.

“Charles Flynn, you are hereby stripped of your caste. You are the lowest of the low. You are an Eight and sentenced to prison for further questioning!” No wonder they’re keeping him alive.

I keep my eyes on Charles Flynn’s face, noticing his eyes trained to the direction of the stage... where the Schreaves stood. Who was he looking at?

“And to inflict upon you the shame and pain you have brought upon this proud country, you will be publicly caned with fifteen strikes. May your many scars remind you of your many sins!” The growing rage of the crowd was starting to unsettle me.

I stop myself again, stopped myself from trying to be so sympathetic to the rebel. Sympathy will get us no where with this rebel situation, sympathy did not stop people getting killed in rebel attacks.

But sympathy was what I feel when I see the canes being drawn from their buckets of water. I felt Charles Flynn’s pain as I hear his anguished cries when the canes had struck down on his hands for the first blow. I ball my fists to my sides even harder, feeling the slight pain from my nails against my palms as I clutched my fist. This was necessary, This was the verdict of King Spencer, these were his orders. I could not disagree with the king, I had to respect his decisions.

It was my duty as a soldier.

Nothing tore me apart than that thought. I look at the people bringing the canes down on the kid. My thoughts drift over to the masked men striking Charles Flynn’s hands.

They were doing their duty.

Then it hits me, makes me wonder if I could do the same thing as them if I were given orders to. I have killed a rebel, but more out of self-defense than what was ordered to me. If I had been ordered to cane someone, would I do it?

The answer is clear in my head.

I would not.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from reacting to this public torture. I couldn’t agree with this, Spencer be god fucking damned. No one deserved to be treated this way.

Rebels, soldiers, guards, queens, kings.

No one in this world deserved punishment and pain like this, I realize. Then I notice a sudden movement from the stage with the Schreaves, a blur of black jumping the railings and shrieking out Charles Flynn’s name. The royals themselves were yelling things I couldn’t quite make out thanks to the deafening crowd. All I could hear was Queen Aubrey, the usually serene and calm Queen Aubrey, screaming Princes Mallory’s name. Nate was yelling something too. King Spencer seems to have broken his stoic mask, pushing a guard to chase after the figure running to Charles Flynn.

What in Elton John’s good name was happening?

I watch Princess Mal run to the stage, screaming “CHARLIE!” and the pieces seem to click together. Charles Flynn was looking at Mal a while ago.

Oh… Oh.. Well, holy shit- this was a revelation.

Just about as Mal was about to reach the stage, a guard slams her to the ground- stopping her from reaching him. The morning sunlight allowed everyone close enough to see the tears streaming down the princess’ face. She was screaming profanities I thought never existed in her vocabulary at the guard as he grabbed her. Her cries caught Charles Flynn’s attention though, sharing a look with the princess before another set of blows were dealt on his bleeding palms. Mal and Charles Flynn seemed to have something shared between them, I could tell that. There was something there, perhaps a mutual care for each other. The things you do for the people you care about.

My eyes widen when another figure jumps the railings- my heart almost fucking stops… this time it was Nate.

I watch the crown prince run to the stage and jump on it, going to his sister.

This time, it was my turn to yell his name.

“NATE!” I felt my breath catch in my throat seeing Nate on the stage, seeing him so close to those men holding those canes. Nate get off that stage. I don’t know what those men would do to him for his obvious act of protesting against this.

I wanted to scream his name, push past the crowd and fucking tackle Nate down from that stage. He needed to be away from that danger, someone needed to get him off that stage.

Fear, I felt fear overcome me as he stood on that stage. What the hell was this boy doing? I was frozen in fear of what could happen to Nate. Oh my god, what would Spencer do to him? They could hurt him, I couldn’t let that happen. Nate please get off that stage. I was choking up in fear, unknowingly tearing up as my feet drag me to the railing, pressing myself against the bars. Wasn’t Nate aware of how dangerous a situation he was in? I tried to stay close enough, just in case something happened- I’d be there.

“Stop,” I hear Nate yell and I hold my breath like everyone else in the crowd.

Everything went silent, except for the sound of Mal’s incoherent screaming and crying as she was held back from reaching Charles Flynn.

“What's the point of this? Is this what's expected of a king?” Nate’s voice echoes throughout the entire space. Everyone was listening to him now, and right there.. I saw him transform from a scared boy to a man who spoke with a conviction that commanded everyone’s attention. That didn’t stop me from still fearing for his safety, it made me even more worried. Fools who run their mouths too much could wind up dead. But I saw him, the courage he musters with every word he said.

Nate looks to the king, and the king looked pissed off. Good lord, please don’t hurt him. I silently pleaded in my thoughts and tried to think of things rationally. The king couldn’t hurt his own son. But the anger in the king’s eyes made me fear the worst, gripping the bars with my hands tightly- anticipating what the next move was going to be. If Spencer even thought of laying a hand on Nate…

“If that's the case, I don't want it.” My jaw drops when those words come out of Nate’s mouth. For Christ’s sake Nate…

But I get it, I understand where he’s coming from when I hear the sound of the canes on Charles Flynn’s palms. This was the sound of terror, it was barbaric. This was not order- this was cruelty. I understood where Nate was coming from- his eyes usually gave everything away. The prince I knew often cared deeply for everyone around him, his kindness was one of his best traits- his selflessness was admirable, but equally frustrating.

His ability to empathize with others, his sympathy- his heart- was a quality that I loved about him because by being around him, well… the warmth of his spirit melted my the walls of ice I had built to protect myself from being emotionally attached to people.  

The fearlessness of his stance against the king made him shine like a beacon of hope. I understand where he’s coming from.

“Why are you encouraging this, Why are you enjoying this? You’re literally watching a boy get tortured. He’s a kid.” Nate threw questions at the crowd with such disgust.

I was born to protect other people, the need to was incessant, but a need that made me want to be in the military in the first place. However, I’d rather give up my rank, my officership, my station to protect people from being an absent minded monster who just followed orders, like the ones bringing the canes down against the limp Charles Flynn… but wait.. another realization comes to me.

There could always be more people wearing those masks and holding those canes. Those men, striking the rebel… they were just following orders- if they stopped… there’d be always be more people thinking that they were just doing their duties. This injustice would continue, torture like this… it would happen again- because they were the king’s orders.

If I left my job… If Nate would leave being prince… who’s to say that the same thing won’t happen when Quinn’s on the throne? When Brooks is on the throne? 

If we wanted to change the way things were… we couldn’t run away from them- we had to make sure that we change things ourselves.

I don’t think being just a pilot in the air force could help me change things.

Later, I needed to tell Nate this later.

“End this.” Nate yells to the direction of his parents, staring off his own father. I felt fear overcome me, scared of what Spencer would do to Nate again. What if he ordered the masked men to hit Nate?

Thankfully, after a silent beat… Spencer speaks up. “That's enough.”

I breath a sigh of relief as the barbaric torture on the rebel ends, and the masked torturers drag him away. The king wears a stoic face as he commands the crowd to disperse, but I turn to Nate’s direction- keeping an eye on him. He’s safe, I remind myself as I watch him walk away with Mallory in Brooks’ arms.

After Nate goes back into the palace, I do too. I was concerned for Nate, his well-being, I knew I needed to talk to him soon. So I walk quickly back to my room, enduring the pain of brisk walking on my sprain. I reach my desk, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen to write a quick note.

Natalie, we need to talk. Meet me up at the rooftop when you're free.

- Marshall Camille

I try to keep myself on the downlow for the next week after we had kissed, and to my surprise- yeah. It wasn’t spur of the moment, because lo and behold: feelings were still there. Hair fixing, hand holding, butterfly stomaching feelings.

Oh the butterflies were definitely there when Nate had approached me after dinner one night.

“Hey Marshall,” he greets just as everyone was leaving the dining hall, and my stomach just kinda turns when I realize that he’s talking to me- but in a good way, I suppose.

“Oh hey.. uh, Hi Nate.” My face starts to feel like it’s heating up- good lord I needed to stop acting like such a nerd.

He curls his lips in, he seemed to do that a lot… before he proceeds to ask me, “Do you want to go see a movie... or something?”

“A movie?” A smile tugs on my lips, “Yeah, I'd like that…”

Nate smiles back, “Then lets go.”

The two of us start walking with each other, catching up on each other’s lives. I’m pretty sure Nate would be sick of me telling him about etiquette lessons with Lady Collette, so I ended up sharing one of my usual target practices with the guards in the shooting range below. Nate tells me a little about his day, and I try to poke a little fun on his paperwork, knowing how boring that stuff would be. Unfortunately, he didn’t have anything on Area 51, but they did discuss the topic of how the Great Pyramids were built. Yes, definitely exciting top government secrets.

We laugh with each other until we reach the theater.

“What do you want to watch?” Nate asks as we walk in. It was an interesting little set up, like a shrunken version of the movie theaters- a little more luxurious since it was full of recliners.

“I'm not quite sure…” I say, turning back to Nate. “What would you want to watch?”

The two of us reach a case full of DVD cases, all labeled with their movie titles in Alphabetical order. My first choice would have been for the two of us to watch Top Gun, but previous experience has taught me that Top Gun was not everyone’s cup of tea.

Nate shrugs, “It's your date, you pick.”

Okay yeah, I wasn’t going to watch Top Gun for the nth time. I sigh as I search the titles, not really finding any of the movies interesting. So I decide to leave it to chance.

“You know what? I'm going to pick a random one.” My hand skims over the cases as I close my eyes. I hope I pick a good one.

Once I feel my hand brush over the right title, I reach out and take out the DVD case.

I hear Nate chuckle beside me. “You want that one?”

My eyes open, and I see what Nate means.

Titanic. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet on the cover looking romantic as ever.

I let out a laugh, knowing already how cheesy this movie was.

“Sure,” I smirk at Nate. “I'm so in the mood to ugly cry over Leonardo DiCaprio.”

“I'm letting you know now, I will cry.” Nate shakes his head as he takes the case from my hand and starts setting up the movie.

“Don't worry, I won't judge you. Just give me a heads up so I'll have the box of tissues ready.” I flash him an amused smile. Nate? Crying over Titanic? Oh I’m so ready for that combination.

He finishes setting up the movie and stands, “Not like you won't.”

“I'm not saying that I wouldn't cry.” I shake my head. I got over emotional over books, how much more movies?

“How many times have you seen it?” Nate asks as he chooses one of the couch like recliners, good for two. Slick move, Schreave.

“I'm pretty sure I've seen it at least twice.” I take the seat next to him, giving us a comfortable distance between us- no matter how much I wanted to sit close to him. Personal space, Marshall. You may have been holding hands last time, that doesn’t mean that he still feels the same way.

Nate turns to look at me straight in the eye, “Five times.”

My jaw drops before I start laughing, “FIVE TIMES?”

“Everytime it was Mal's turn to pick a movie she'd always pick Titanic, every single time. Then we just stopped letting her pick.” Nate explains to me, and I try to control myself from laughing- but it was just too funny.

I cover my mouth in laughter, “Please tell me that you haven't memorized the dialogue by heart.”

“Oh yeah.” Nate nods.

“Oh my god... now I'm really excited to watch this movie.”

I try to imagine Nate quoting the most quotable lines from the movie, it’s probably going to be quite a sight to behold.

Nate simply replies by smirking and bumping my shoulder with his and I realize that we did end up moving closer to each other as we conversed.

“Come on, play the movie now.” I smirk back and Nate grabs the remote to press play.

For the next hour or so we watch the movie play out, the treasure hunters, Old Rose beginning her narration of the story, introductions for Rose and Jack. As shots of the Titanic pan out through the movie, a fact pops into my head and I end up saying out loud, breaking the silence between us.

I’ve never really had a movie date, but I could tell that it had its downsides: you had no idea if it was okay to talk with the person with you- and it was crazy, how I just wanted to talk to Nate. How easy it’s become for me to open up to him.

My eyes glance over to him, and I catch his eyes looking at me. Wait, was he staring?

Nate turns away quickly, and I laugh a little- a blush creeping up my face. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” he says as he looks straight towards the movie.

“Oh, okay..” I tilt my head and prop it on my arm on the top of my seat’s back.

We continue watching the movie, and I notice that Nate was holding out his hand, palm open to me- a hint.

I consider taking his hand, was he hinting for me to hold his hand? I look at his face, was he?

Another chance, I have to take it. I move a little closer to Nate, taking his hand in mine.

Nate gives out a small smile, looking at me. “You've changed a lot since I first met you.”

Have I really?

“Is it a bad thing?” I don’t think I have changed, maybe I just showed him parts of me I never really wanted people to see.

Nate flashes me a worried look.

“No, no, not at all. It's just I remember our first date you didn't want to even touch me,” he rubs the back of my hand with his thumb, “and now... you are more comfortable doing that kind of stuff.”

I furrow my brows, surprised by Nate’s concerned tone. “Nate... I have to be sorry about that for the most part…” I squeeze Nate’s hand back.

“It's not that I didn't want that... I was more scared…” I admit, the fear of actually having feelings for someone who wouldn’t reciprocate my own always lingered in me.

“You were scared of me?”

“More like getting scared of getting emotionally attached to someone... someone I can't exactly have.” I explain to him. This entire thing was masochistic in a way- being in a Selection… opening yourself to this kind of pain. Nate was someone I knew I liked, but I’ve always wondered… would I ever be good enough for him? He was a prince, I was just a soldier.The last time I checked, royals never ended up with their soldiers.

Nate nods and looks back to the movie, biting his lip. “I'm sorry about that... I get this isn't a normal situation.”

“You don't have to be sorry,” I shake my head and use my free hand to cup his cheek so he can look back at me. “You've been trying your hardest to make the best out of this situation.”

He gives me a small smile while he squeezes my hand again, “Thanks.”

I use my thumb to rub his cheek, smiling a little. He really was a good one, and a handsome one at that.

He was good looking, even more up close. I don’t want my hand to linger too long on his face, so I pull my hand away and let the two of us watch the movie.

We were already at the part when Jack and Rose were at the tip of the ship, Jack holding Rose up as she spread her arms. I’m flying, Jack. I’m flying.

Nate moves his hand away from holding mine, moving it to the back of my chair- smooth Nate, very smooth. I move a little closer to him, taking the hint.

He looks over at me, giving me a look. Just come here over already.

I let out a small laugh, what a dork he could be. This time, I move the closest I can be with him- leaning my head on him but feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest.

“I’m not that bad.” he says as he puts his arm around my shoulder, a joking tone in his voice.

“Of course you're not that bad. If you were, I would have split an hour ago.” I roll my eyes at him with a laugh. God, if it can be like this all the time….

I liked this, I liked having his arm around me, being this close with him- even with all the nervousness and uncertainty. It was finally nice to have someone to lean on, watch cheesy movies with- it was more than nice to have someone this close to me.

When Jack and Rose arrive at her sitting room, and Rose shows Jack the heart of the ocean. (Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your french girls- wearing this… wearing only this.) I realize how awkward this was going to get, and I was right when Rose drops her robe.

My first instinct gets me and I use my hands to cover my eyes and Nate’s- definitely one way to avoid an awkward situation.

Nate laughs as he moves my hand away from his eyes. “Come on. This is my favorite part.”

I lightly hit his arm, getting his joke. “Oh my god, you're so gross.”

“I was joking.” he smirks at me.

“Sure you were.” I return the smirk.

“I was. I promise.”

“Okay, I trust you.” I snort out a laugh.

Nate raises an eyebrow in a joking manner, “Do you?”

“You're way too decent to be that gross.” I reason out with him, snickering just a little

“Oh so I’m just decent?” he jokes.

“Okay, you're more than just decent. You're sweet... and thoughtful... and kind.. and…” I realize that I was getting away with describing him, then look away feeling myself blush.

Nate rubs my arm, asking in a curiously playful tone.“And what?”

And the most amazing person I’ve ever met.

“You're, in every way, charming.” I answer him with a smile.

“That’s better than decent.” he nods before turning to the screen again, this time to Jack and Rose running around the ship- away from Hockley’s croney, hiding out in an old car. Where to miss? To the stars.

I look away, feeling myself blush AGAIN as Jack and Rose proceed to make out in the car and well… do more. Hand print on the misty glass in all it’s glory.

Nate looks over at me, and chuckles- which makes me nudge his shoulder. How could he not find this awkward?

He pulls me closer with the arm wrapped around me and places a kiss on the top of my head, giving me tingles all over my body. Sometimes I don’t get it, how Nate was one of the few people who could do this to me… make me feel this way… all light and giddy… guard down… how…

“You know the first time I watched this movie... I was with my parents... Heavens to Betsy, it was awkward.” I share with him the uncomfortable situation of my first Titanic experience.

Nate shares his, telling me that the first time he watched the movie was when Max was around- which to Nate was both awkward and hilarious.

We talk a little bit more about Max, if he ever was like him, just having another hilarious conversation to diffuse the awkwardness of what was unfolding in front of us.

“Oh here's my favorite part,” I joke as ship hits the iceberg.

Nate chuckles. “ Your favorite part is all the people dying?”

I decide to play along, adding some sarcasm into my tone. “Oh yeah... definitely.. gives it a whole realistic feel.”

“Whatever makes you happy,” one side of his mouth quirks up.

“I'm kidding.” I laugh.

“Wooo, good.” Nate lets out a fake sigh of relief.

I snort out, “But yeah... after a couple of intense scenes... maybe Jack and Rose really needed... an ice breaker.”

Nate looks at me incredulously, “Did you really just make a pun?”

“I saw the opportunity, I took it.” I laugh under my breath, pride swelling in myself. Nate rolls his eyes at me and I laugh one last time before going back to leaning on him and watching the disaster of the Titanic unfold before our eyes.

The panic and confusion on the screen makes it a serious moment for the two of us, leaving us in silence as the rest of the story unfolds. When Jack and Rose are at the edge of the ship, about to hit the water- I take a deep breath, being my reminded of my irrational fear of sinking ships. That happens when you live on a naval ship with your dad for two months.

Jack helps Rose onto a piece of the wreckage, and Nate makes a comment- breaking the silence.

“She needs to shoot over. He can fit.”

I tap my chin, considering Jack and Rose’s situation.“That may not be the case- that piece of wood might lose its buoyancy if Jack gets on…”

Then Jack starts giving out his speech to Rose while he’s in the water and dying of the cold.

(Listen Rose, you’re gonna get out of here. You’re gonna go on…)

I feel tears starting to form in my eyes, and I try to fan my eyes- trying not to cry- Oh my God, why did Leo have to be so good at acting? I didn’t want to be the first one between Nate and I to cry because of this movie, but Nate reaches over to get me a kleenex, and that’s when I notice him looking like he was holding back tears.

(Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

I promise.

Never let go.

I’ll never let go, Jack.)

But dang it, Leo was just that poignant. I feel a tear slip from my eye and the rest of the waterworks follow. I take the kleenex Nate offers.

“This part gets me everytime.” I wipe my eyes.

Nate nods his head, “Me too.”

“I told you that I was in the mood to ugly cry over Leonardo DiCaprio…” I comment as Rose tries to wake Jack up, to no response. Good lord, why did this have to be so sad? Jack and Rose could have been together, they should have been- they made each other happy… even if they came from two different worlds… okay… they just met each other three days before… BUT STILL- I was emotionally invested into these characters.

Jack, come back.

More tears come down from my eyes as Rose lets Jack go to float down in the water- and I felt pissed.

“YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER LET GO, GOOD LORD, ROSE!” I yell, frustrated that she literally did the opposite of what she promised Jack.

Nate pulls me closer and rubs my arm trying to comfort me, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No, don't worry... I'm just frustrated…” I give out a small laugh in the absurdity of all this, wiping the tears from my eyes.

Nate continues to rub my arm in a comforting way, the two of us watching the screen as Rose gets saved and manages to wrap up what had happened to the ship with her narration. I know what’s going to happen next- the little twist of Old Grandma Rose still having the necklace- the Heart of the Ocean- but I’m still a little frustrated with her intentionally dropping the million dollar necklace into the water. That could have fed millions of people, should have been in a museum.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s only a necklace…” Nate says, which makes me turn to him and realize that he’s got tears in his eyes.

“It's not okay.” I say as I turn away from the screen, knowing this is the part where Rose dies in her sleep… and somehow reunite with Jack in a resurrected Titanic- and shiiiiit, I think I’m crying. Why did this have to be so sad?

I could see that a tear or two were falling from Nate’s eyes, and I couldn’t blame him. This part literally pulled on my heartstrings, it probably did on Nate’s too. I reach for the box of tissues and grab some for me and him, offering him some tissues for his tears.

He takes it and wipes his face, and I move the arm between us to his own shoulder, giving him a one armed hug. He look like he needed a hug. Nate pulls me a little closer as Jack and Rose share another kiss before the screen goes black and fades into the credits.

I take a few glances up at Nate, seeing if he was okay… or if he needed anymore tissues… and he catches my eyes, smirking at me.

“What?”

“Oh.. hah... nothing.” I dimiss before curling my lips in. Just checking up on you.

Nate smirks a little more playfully as he repeats himself, “What?”

I laugh again, then realizing that his hair was a mess- how that happened, I have no idea. So I reach my hand up, starting to fix his hair- but I just end up playing with it. It was smooth for a head of curls.

“What are you doing?” he asks in the same playful tone, tilting his head.

“Just,” I smirk as I meet his eyes. “fixing your hair.”

Nate leans himself closer to me and my heart nearly jumps, “Did it look bad?”

“Please, you could never look bad…” I say as I move closer to him, our faces mere inches apart, and my eyes quickly flicker from focusing on his face to his lips then back to his face. Now would be a good time… maybe.. to kiss him..

“That’s a lie.” Nate says just above a whisper and for a split second I thought.. maybe he thought so too.. I mean… My Heart Will Go On was playing in the credits rolling on the screen… maybe he would be okay.. if I just…

“It’s not.” I whisper back before I lean in to kiss him and as if we could be any closer- Nate uses the arm wrapped around me to pull me closer to him as he kisses me back.

My hand moves to the back of Nate’s head, and I continue keeping my lips on his. We were slow with each other, letting our hands move as we press against each other on the recliner, adjusting ourselves to the space. I feel a bit of my confidence build as he again pulls me closer and well, he wasn’t pulling away. I hope I was doing this right… My hand instinctively drags itself down Nate’s back, tracing along his spine before I settle it on his lower back, drawing circles.

I press my lips against his a little harder when I feel his hands in my hair, feeling my face heat up before a chill shoots through my body. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before… about a person.. and as much as I want to scream at myself, yell at myself, pull myself away from this situation- I only wanted more of this. I wanted more moments like this- moments with Nate, even if I knew they’d be limited, even if I knew that I could never have this permanently.

I’d take all of them if I felt like this whenever I was with him, no matter how little time I could be with him.  

No matter.

When I feel the kiss get a little more feverish, I move my hand to grip Nate’s arms and I could feel the muscles I first admired when I met him in the gym a long time ago.

“Holy hell, your arms…” I mumble in between kisses, slowing everything down until Nate pulls away with a raised eyebrow.

“What about them?” he asks looking at me.

“Oh.. I just..” I look away with a small smile, feeling embarrassed of what I had impulsively said. “I like them... a lot.”

Nate chuckles as he bites his lips with a blush, “Thanks.”

“Yeah sure.” I wish I could kiss him again, but maybe tonight.. maybe we’ve had more than enough of that… so I breathe out a laugh and run my hand through my own hair, hoping to fix it if Nate had messed up my hair- didn’t want to walk around looking like I had just made out with Nate… or did I..?

“It’s getting late, you should get back to your room.” Nate remarks and I check my watch.

I nod back at him, “Umm.. yeah.. I didn't realize how late it was getting…”

“Same.” he says as he stands and offers me his hand, and I take his hand and stand.

We leave the theater and walk hand in hand to my room, enjoying each other’s company. We reach my door and Nate turns to me. o

“I had fun, you got to see me cry, but I had fun.” he says.

A laugh escapes me, “I'll never forget your face when Rose dropped that necklace into the water... but..” I nod, feeling a smile creep up my lips,“Me too... I liked it…”

“Please don’t.” Nate shakes his head when I mention the necklace.

“Never gonna let you live it down, Natalie.”

I’d never let that memory go, never.

“Whatever.” Nate jokes as he leans to give me a small peck on my lips, making me blush. “Good night Michelle.”

“Good night, Nate.” I smile through my blush, opening my door from behind me, waving good bye.

I catch one last smile on Nate’s face before I see him walk away. I step into my room- closing my door behind me and pressing my back against the door still feeling the residual giddiness from being with Nate.

Moments. I was starting to live for moments like these.

I wipe a tear from my eye, pressing my back against the sitting room door.

If only memories like those could really convince me to stay in this palace.

Even today, I can’t shake off how I felt- and I was SUPPOSED to be happy. Today was my 20th birthday AND Christmas Eve. Everyone was busy with preparing for the Christmas Ball tomorrow and Lady Collette was giving us one last dance lesson. The entire palace was just waiting in anticipation for the ball. Needless to say, I should have been jumping for joy from the moment my maids had woken me up with breakfast in bed.

Getting down to Lady Collette’s dance lesson, I couldn’t help but feel my heartstrings get pulled at remembering how much better Phanie was at these routines or Maya’s hilarious side comments. As much as I actually enjoyed the dance lessons for the past few days, I couldn’t enjoy this last lesson, wanting to get out of that hall the moment we were dismissed by Lady Collette.

My feet take me down the hallway and I know where to turn to take a set of stairs that take me to the lower levels of the palace. I needed to blow off some steam, my mood was not the best since yesterday and I quickly find myself going down the steps to find myself standing in front of the guard’s entrance. I’ve found the underground areas dedicated to the guards as the perfect place to escape the life of being a Selected. What I particularly loved was that the entire place was built like an underground base- training centers, bunkers, barracks, rec rooms, mess hall- it was a mini military base and its familiarity felt like home.

I’m greeted by the sight of two figures standing in the front of the main entrance and I recognize the two as Officers Gutierrez and Kramer.

“Stopping by again, Lady Camille?” Gutierrez says as he blocks my way.

“Gutierrez…” I give him a commanding yet exasperated tone,”I just want to use the shooting range today.”

Kramer belts out a laugh, “Gutz is just messing with you, Marshall. Come on in, I’ll guard you while you’re there”

“Thanks a lot Kramer” I nod before walking through the entrance walking with Kramer and navigating our way through barracks and small intelligence centers- what went behind those doors were beyond me.

What was fascinating about this palace was how elaborate its design was. It’s exterior- the parts seen by the public and all that- was built to dazzle its guess with its luxurious swirls and touches of gold, but holy crap, this place was built to be like a fortress with all these underground levels and resources. Exploring this palace was one of the few reasons why I was out of my room a lot. In my explorations and with guidance from the surprisingly patronizing guards (it may or may not have helped that I was in the same batch of basic training with them at Whites though), I’ve basically become a regular at their main headquarters down here.

Lucky for me, this mini base had a small firing range that was wonderful for practice shooting or in my case- recreational shooting to blow off steam.

Escorting me into the range, Kramer nods at the Master of Arms, Officer Theodore, signaling him to open a cabinet full of an arsenal of guns for my own selection.

“Honestly, I don’t get why you guys keep so many guns here- no one ever uses it.” I comment as I choose a small hand gun from the case. Today felt like a pistol kind of day.

“We actually do, mostly for the newbies though.” Kramer explains, putting his arms at a parade rest. “Who knows? This range might be useful to our future Queen.” he adds with a smirk.

“Last time I checked, I was just a Selected, Kramer.” I retort checking the gun’s amo. I was just another girl who could be sent home… like my friends. I didn’t want to dream too far.

Kramer shakes his head, “You’ve lasted this long, maybe you might be switching your wings for crowns soon.”

“Not from what I’ve heard from the maids.” I say as I tie my hair behind my back.

“Oh yeah, Delancey and Kelly told me about hearing from other people about the prince’s activities with some of the… other ladies.” Officer Theodore comments handing me a small cartridge.

I know what Theodore meant, the rumors of Nate having done god knows what and I didn’t want to let that get too into my head- I wasn’t going to add that to the list of things that bothered me. No way was I going to hold it against the prince either.

“I’ve heard someone’s been locking lips with him recently,” Kramer adds to Theodore’s comment.

“Kramer, honestly that’s above my pay grade,” I say as I put on my safety goggles and ear covers, “Now could I shoot some targets in peace?”

He raises his arms defensively with a laugh, “Okay princess, no need to get so hot and bothered about your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I give one last look at a grinning Kramer and Theodore putting on ear covers before sending my target to the back of the room and preparing myself to shoot.

I aim my gun and shoot, trying to focus all this pent up anger about Phanie and Maya at every sound. Why did they get eliminated? From what they had told me about their dates, the two of them were doing just fine with Natalie- err… Nate. And before Christmas too! Couldn’t they have just stayed a little longer for the ball?

Just, GOD. I had never felt more helpless than I did when they both told me that they were just eliminated- these were MY friends. How could I have gotten attached to those two so fast? Fuck, it felt like a mistake to attempt to make friends in the first place. No it wasn’t a mistake. The friends were worth it, they still are- but jesus, this hurt like a bitch. Attachment to people hurt like a bitch. I would know, moving around too many times had taught me that.

As every bullet left its case, I could feel the weight on my chest feel lighter. I felt some resolve come over me, letting me focus all that negative emotion leave my system. None of this was my fault. None of this was anyone’s fault. This was the way things were. 34 girls would leave in the end, only 1 would stay. I couldn’t blame anyone- especially Nate. Nate was not the one to receive the blame, this was his competition, and he was way too decent to eliminate people without having a valid reason.

When I run out of ammunition, I choose not to use the second set of bullets given to me by Theodore. I’ve accepted the inevitable, not everyone was going to stay for long- I might not stay for long- and that was okay, and being friends with them… even for the shortest of times was still good. Lord have mercy on my soul, this was probably going to wreck me.

Come what may, I’m trying to learn this as I’m going through these motions. I was not wasting this opportunity.

I take off my protective gear and step on the mechanism to bring my paper target closer for inspection, I’m mildly impressed at my attempt. Few shots to the head, a few more on the shoulders and stomach- good enough.

Kramer and Theodore clap slowly before I hand over the gun and gear; I thank them for their time before Kramer escorts me back up to the upper levels of the palace, making quick conversation about the upcoming ball and the heightened security for it.

When we’re back to the main entrance and see Officer Gutierrez standing there at the same post, I wave them both a good bye before making my own way back to my room.

A small chuckle escapes my lips, “You're not used to wrapping gifts?”

“Nope, not a thing I have to do often.”

Of course he didn’t have to wrap gifts often, there were probably people who did that for him… but I’m surprised to know that he did take the time to wrap mine.

“I'm flattered that you took the time to wrap mine though.” I smirk, it was a thoughtful gesture.

“I’m not sure you’ll want to be flattered over that, anyway enough about the wrapping what’s happening in here?” Nate tries to catch a glimpse of the festivities happening inside, and I step aside to give him a better view.

“Truth or Dare, and a number of people that I theorize have had too much alcohol.” I answer with an amused tone, no way was I drinking tonight, but it was pretty funny to see everyone fool around as effect of the alcohol in their systems. 

“That’s what happens at parties.” He laughs and I laugh with him, then shaking my head disapprovingly.

“I wouldn't really know what happens at a party,honestly.” I shrug my shoulders, “But would you... want to come in...? Have some cake?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, stepping inside to get a full view of the party. “wow like all the girls are here.” he comments as everyone greets him and waves.

“I was just surprised as you were when Venus brought me here,” I shrug as we make our way to the cake.

“But everyone was sober and you weren’t walking in in the middle of truth or dare…” Nate jokingly replies with a laugh.

I snap my fingers and point to him, “Good point… so,” I say reaching the table, “Can I interest you with a slice of cake made by the talented Clara Éclair?”

Nate catches up to me, “Oh of course.”

“Here you go.” I say as hand him one of the plates that already had a slice of cake with a fork on it.

“Oh my gosh, just as good as the other one. I seriously don’t know how bakers do it.” Nate comments after taking his first bite.

“Baking is the closest thing we have to wizardry.” I laugh at his reaction, relating to how much I appreciated the cake- it was glorious.

“true, very true” he mumbles as he continues to dig into the slice of cake.

“So…” I start off, trying to make more conversation (I know, that’s a surprise even to me) “…how's your day been?”

I mentally face palm myself for using the worst conversation starter. Well, it’s not the worst to me, it’s actually something I would like to be asked every now and then- but I mentally berate myself for the lack of substance in my question.

“It’s been pretty well, how’s yours?”

“Well, you can guess that the day has been pretty eventful from this party alone.” I gesture to the girls still having a go at truth or dare.

“True.” he agrees looking to the group.

“I bet that you don't typically spend your birthdays like this…”

“Not really, my mom likes birthdays to just be family.”

“Really?” I raise my eyebrows, “So it's just you and your family together?”

Nate nods before giving his explanation, “the whole family together is always... something. Like I had to have a party for all the board members, other royals and important people of society because it was my 20th birthday and right before the selection. But my mom decides the actually birthday to just family, it’s really nice actually.”

“Huh, I remember watching a broadcast of that party- there was waaaay too many people for a party…” I remember watching that Report with the Bullets back in Fort Hamilton, when I was just a second lieutenant and my friends were still based in Illea, when everything was completely different.

I continue after being caught up in my thoughts for a second, “…but I guess that's the way things are for the Schreave's golden boy. It sounds nice that you got to spend your birthday with your family.”

A pang of jealousy strikes me at the thought of how united Nate’s family seemed, how it seemed like everyone really valued each other as member of the family, how stable they all were. I wanted that.

“Oh the golden boy?” he raises his eyebrow questioningly at me.

“You technically are their golden boy. Eldest son... heir to the throne... need I say more of your titles?” I explain to him smirking. Golden boy was just a nickname that naturally came to me, it described him perfectly quite honestly. He was golden.. That would have been a nice call sign if he were a pilot- though I’m pretty sure that the guards used something else when referring to him for security details.

“Oh I’ve heard Illeas Sweetheart from another selected,” he adds in good humor. 

“Ah yes, Illea's Sweetheart- and let's not forget ‘Nate the ideal Mate’.” I respond, remembering a magazine cover I had saw laying on one of the tables on the library, I found that title hilarious- though probably not completely disagreeable.

Nate rolls his eyes, “who could forget that one.”

“Everyone basically loves you- hence... ‘Golden Boy’.” I reason with a laugh, it was like he was a compliment magnet.

“Thanks,” he laughs.

“Don't let it all get to your head though” I smirk, “You'll lose your charm.”

“You do realize this isn’t the first time I’ve heard those names.” Nate claire-ifies with me. ((Love you Claire <3 Don’t kill me for this pun))

“Of course... a guy like you? You probably hear that on a daily basis.” I muse.

“I’d say more weekly. But yes.”

“Weekly basis... how oddly specific!” I raise my eyebrow. Did he actually keep track?

“Interviews…” he explains further.

“Ahhhh... I get it.” I nod in amusement, still adding a teasing tone in my voice.

“What! I have to do them..” Nate exclaims, probably trying to clear his own reputation to me, and I’m trying not to laugh too much.

“Of course, because you're the golden boy.” I tease, enjoying using the new nickname.

“Okay you can stop it with the names now” he declares and I relent my name tirade.

“Okay okay..” I jokingly raise my hands in defeat, “Enough about being the golden boy…” I couldn’t resist using it one last time and it earns me a glare from Nate that makes me snicker a little.

“How are you holding up with the ball?” I ask while making sure to change the topic and avoid the temptation of calling him another nickname.

Nate shrugs, “I’m fine, it’s one of those things where you have to just be there. You can’t prepare yourself for it.”

“Lady Collette's been saying the same thing- doesn't stop her telling us every single bit of etiquette we should practice throughout the entire thing.”

“She takes her job... very seriously” Nate agrees.

“She does... she should consider an alternate career as a drill sergeant though, she'd fit right in.”

“I’ll let her know,” he winks at me jokingly.

“She does a good job though... teaching us stuff. I've definitely improved my ability to ‘glide through the dance floor like a swan on a lake’.” I explain, putting air quotations as I use the same description as Lady Collette often mentioned during practices.

“Oh is that what you’re supposed to do?” Nate exagerates with mock surprise, “I do more of a graceful elephant dancing on ice.” he smirks before chuckling.

“I'm pretty sure that elephants on ice still have a chance to be incredibly graceful.” I counter, though laughing with him. I’d pay good money to see his impression of graceful elephant dancing on ice tomorrow at the ball.

“Yeah okay. Are you all ready for tomorrow night?”

“Ready as I'll ever be,” I nod. “Well, I'm mentally preparing myself for all those... people that are gonna be there.”

It’s not that I hated people, I just felt overwhelmed by big groups of people and trying to not make a fool out of myself in front of all of them. Big groups of people always made it more difficult to observe things.

“It’s really only going to be the girls, guards, royal family and maybe a couple of board members. Nothing too crazy.” Nate reasons out, and I admit that it helps ease me.

“Nothing too crazy- yeah.” I try to shake my head, shaking off the unease. I shouldn’t be scared of some ball.

“Seriously they aren’t that bad. If anything they are boring. Unless all the girls get drunk,” Nate points to the girls, “which it seem like they might.”

I laugh, “I doubt it would be boring tomorrow but ... I wouldn't want to see everyone else get drunk. Some of us need to be the responsible adults.” I kinda felt the need to make sure everyone didn’t drink too much for tonight, it was my party afterall (well, it was hosted by Vee- but as the reason for the party, I felt the responsibility to make sure everyone was okay)

“It’ll happen, I’m betting it now.” Nate amusingly declares.

“And what would you exactly wage that all the girls would get drunk tomorrow?” I raise my eyebrow questioningly at him, surprised in the confidence of his statement.

“First of all I never said all of them. But at least…” Nate looks at the group, “7 of them. If 7 or more girls get drunk you owe me…”

I interrupt him with a scoff, “depends on what you'd be interested in getting from this…”

What he would want from me did intrigue me, honestly.

“Well how about this, if you win I can get you out of one day of lessons.” Nate offers with a raised eyebrow. One day off lessons, I’d love that- a day with no lesson or anything.

Now, I needed to offer my own proposal of what I’d do if I’d lose this bet. I didn’t have anything great to offer in exchange for that one day of freedom from lessons, and I doubt that Nate would be interested in getting flight lessons from me. Every action has its equal opposite reaction, and bets often worked that way too- with that I decide on my punishment in case I lose the bet (decide while mentally kicking myself, of course).

“Fine, if 7 or more girls get drunk… I will…” I roll my eyes at how stupid this was going to sound, “get as drunk as they are.”

“Seriously?” Nate raises his eyebrow in surprise.

“I'm serious,” I reply, looking him straight in the eye to prove it. “Unless you're interested in anything else?”

“Nope, I’m fine with you getting drunk. Deal?” he extends his hand out in front of him. Now or never, Marshall- the bet has been made, no backing out now.

I take his hand and shake it firmly, I’ll be damned if I backed out of a bet. “I can't believe my dignity is riding on everyone else's sobriety tomorrow.”

“No telling the girls about this. That’s unfair.” Nate adds in a serious tone.

“I'll play fair, your highness- don't sweat it.” I smirk. Scout’s Soldier’s honor.

“I’m not losing anything. It’s a win either way for you.” Nate smirks back at me before continuing, “but really you could get out of lessons. I wished for those days as a child.” he shares.

“I wish for them everyday,” I reply laughing earning me Nate’s accompanying laughter. As much as future queen duties were fascinating (well, not fascinating to me, but I’m sure that the other girls were fascinated), I often wondered what it was like for the king, the allocations for military budgets and resources, collaborating with the best generals for the country’s military strategy (a job my father briefly had served under here in Angeles)- a part of me was interested in knowing what it was like to handle those responsibilities, and an idea pops into my head.

“One more condition- If I get out of lessons, I want to spend it seeing what you actually do as a prince.”

I know Nate didn’t have the heavy load of tasks, seeing that he was still a monarch in training, but it was something different and maybe more of my speed and pay grade.

“Um…” he pauses to think for a moment.

“I’d have to ask my dad, but it’s also my dad so he’ll probably say yes, unless we have some big secret plan going on.” he smirks jokingly at me. “But you are mostly just going to be sitting there watching me do paperwork.”

“I'd take paperwork over sitting and getting lectured on the dos and don'ts for princesses-in-training.” It was all getting unnecessarily repetitive, honestly- a change in course topic would be refreshing.

“Okay then. It’s boring.” Nate mutters.

“Ahhh the burden of being royalty…” I say as I take a look at my watch to check the time.

12:07 AM

“Whoa, It's already Christmas morning.”

“Is it?” Nate proceeds to check his watch, “hm... it is. Well Merry Christmas.” he smiles.

“Merry Christmas, Natalie.” I smile back at him, leaning against the wall.

Nate rolls his eyes, “Another nick name from our very own Michelle.”

“Get used to it- Natalie's growing on me,” I laugh, “Or would you prefer Golden Boy?”

“Natalie is just fine.” he replies in exasperation.

Now that I knew it was Christmas day, a part of me wondered if Santa would show up in the palace bringing everyone gifts… gifts.. GIFTS! Speaking of gifts…

“So Natalie, On the topic of Christmas... how about you come with me for a while?” I ask, making my way to Vee’s door.

“Uh... sure…” he replies in a slightly confused tone as he follows me.

I lead him across the hallway, “We're just headed to my room across the hall, don't worry.”

“I wasn’t worried, more confused” he mutters.

“Let me spell it out: I'm getting your Christmas gift- hold on.” I open my door and leave the door open, “You can come in if you want.”

“Okay” he says as he walks right behind me, “what a nice room.” he comments.

“Thanks, I like to keep everything organized.” Well, it was a force of habit after living all those years in military school.

I open my closet and search for the present I had just wrapped a while ago after I picked it up from Shipka, who handled the mail. Ah, there it is. I pull out the small box.

“This just came in the mail today.” I explain as I walk up to him.

“I’m guessing that’s for me…” Nate wonders out loud.

“Indeed it is,” I offer him the present, “Merry Christmas.”

He accepts the box and starts to unwrap it, “You do know you didn’t have to get me something.”

“Nah, I figured that I wanted to get you something.” I shrug, if only he knew the day-long internal debate it took to figure that out.

“I asked Jace what you might want... and he said guitar picks and I know that you're a Potterhead from the others so... yeah I figured these.” I look down, trying to not make much eye contact- I wasn’t sure he was going to like the Harry Potter-themed guitar picks, “would be something you'd like.”

Despite my eyes downturned, I manage to see shock come across his expression before he smiles,“Wow, these are really cool. Oh my, thank you.”

“Yeah, I made sure to get a set.. cause I know that they're pretty easy to lose so yeah..” I laugh, trying to shake off my nerves- honestly, I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am and it building up inside of me. “Hope you like them.”

“I really do, thank you. Can I give you a hug...?” he says, and I’m surprised to hear him asking me that. Did he notice how I wasn’t the most comfortable with physical closeness? I’m astonished to say the least. Nate was beginning to earn more of my trust.

I rub my neck, thinking about it. I wouldn’t mind it… anymore. A hug felt like a nice thing to have right now.

“Yeah, sure.” I agree, opening my arms to him.

In a split second, I feel my nerves ease as he wraps his arms around me. It’s a sudden silence and heat that comforts me, the kind that made my heart leap. Being this close to him makes me realize how warm he was to hold, and I wouldn’t have minded basking in his heat a little longer.

“Thank you,” Nate gives me a one side smile as we break apart, and a part of me instantly misses his warmth. But the two of us resume that comfortable distance away from each other, and I’m thankful that it doesn’t feel awkward.

“I feel like I should be thanking you,” I laugh, pushing my hair behind my ear before I put my hands behind my back.

“Why?”

“You have no idea how worried I was if you'd like the gift or not.” I explain to him.

Nate laughs, “They literally are my two favorite things.”

“Good to know that I didn't mess up.” I smile, I’ve always liked getting people the right gifts, Nate was no different.

“Now I feel like my leggings weren’t good enough.” he shakes his head.

“What? No! I'd probably use them as much as I can.” The leggings Nate gave a while ago was actually really pretty (and they were navy blue too)

“Okay good” Nate lets out a sigh of relief.

I pat his shoulder reassuringly, “ I like them a lot, trust me.”

He flashes another infectious smile, and I’m starting to realize how much time we’ve spent away from the party. I check my watch and confirm my realization.

“We should be headed back to Vee's room... or I should at least be back at my own party.” I tell him, taking a step back from him and towards the door.

“Maybe, you are the guest of honor.” He replies.

“Duty calls,” I laugh. “Thank you for visiting the party, by the way.” I turn to him as we start walking to my door, “Too bad that you missed Taylor Swift.”

“No problem, happy birthday and now merry Christmas.” he says walking with me.

“You too Natalie,” I open the door for the two of us and walk out into the hallway with him.

Despite this guilt, I still continue on with this Selection and try to perform everything to the best of my abilities. I think I’ve been making progress with the people here, actually having the courage to stay in the women’s room to mingle sometimes. It was just hard to get close with other people when you’re so used to moving around- no relationship was permanent.

But against my instincts, I’ve been lately taking choices that made me feel more comfortable around these people. Just a few days ago I agreed to join a Secret Santa, and that reminded me of another thing that helped make me feel better.

There’s magic in the air when the calendars shift from November 30 to December 1. It’s like when everything in the world tends to get a little better because the holidays were fast approaching. As the song really went, it was always the most wonderful time of the year, and the holiday season has never failed to lift my spirits up.

I’m not going to deny it: Christmas is and always will be one of my favorite holidays EVER, and one of my favorite activities definitely had to be Christmas shopping.It was more on seeing the sheer joy in the eyes of the people I gave gifts to, and the way my heart leaps when I know that I made my friends happy.

This year, I was not planning on missing out on one of my favorite holiday activities, so I informed my guard friends that I was going to go out of the palace to go Christmas shopping yesterday, and I luckily got the approval to head out on my own.

I walk into the garage, wearing my own civilian attire. I needed a breath of fresh air from the palace. This morning, I wasn’t feeling like my best self again, so maybe a little reminder of Christmas was going to help me feel better.

Just as I was looking for a set of keys in the garage, a voice from behind startles me.

"Umm are you looking for something?”

At the sound of the voice, I jump and put my fists up- almost out of instinct, just in case of an attacker, but I immediately relax at the sight of a confused looking Jace Bennett standing right in front of me.

“Oh whoa, it's just you Bennett.” I comment, relaxing myself and standing upright again.

“What are you doing?” he asks me, reaching up for his own car keys. Wait… was he going out?

“I need a ride to the city... and I was told that I could borrow one of the cars here.” I answer, putting my hands again in my pockets.

He raises his eyebrows at me, “Yeah sure, I'm leaving I can take you if you want.”

I didn’t even ask him for a ride, but it was definitely decent that he was offering me one. “Huh, thanks. I’d appreciate it.”

“Where exactly do you want to go?” Jace opens his car’s door, ready to leave.

“Eh, depends on where you're going…” I open my own door, “You aren't by any chance passing by South Coast Plaza, are you?”

“It's a little out of the way but I can take you. Are you just in the mood to go shopping?” he asks me as I get into his car.

“Kinda, more like Christmas shopping.. we've got a secret santa among us Selected girls going on right now. Thanks a lot though… Are you sure I'm not bothering you?”

“What are you planning to get?” Jace nods as he starts the car, “No not at all, I was just going home because there was nothing else for me to do here. This is actually giving me something to do.”

“Thanks a lot.” I say as I put my seatbelt on (who knew how safe of a driver he was), “I'm getting A book for the person I got, and a couple more stuff for friends.”

“The secret santa thing sounds fun. So I'm guessing you girls are getting along well?” Jace asks me as he pulls out to the driveway.

“You guess right, I think everyone's becoming really close with each other... at least.. that's what I hear is going on in the women's room.”

“Are you not becoming close with them?”

“Oh I am, I have friends here.” I shake my head, trying to prove to him that I wasn’t as anti-social as most people thought, “I just don't visit the women's room a lot.” I explain to him.

“Ooooh got it. what else do you guys do? Like how do you spend a whole day at the palace?”

“Well, there are lessons for half the day with your mom, we talk about all those etiquette and royal protocols one of us would be using in the future. She's definitely... enthusiastic about etiquette.” I snort, remembering the morning lessons with Jace’s mother, and how much she reminded me of one of my old drill sergeants.

Jace laughs as he drives, “That's just the way she is. At least the ones who won't become one of the royals will know how to eat a meal properly.”

“I think table etiquette's kinda common in this day and age, I mean... even I learned some twisted form of it way back in military school.” I add to him, feeling a little defensive. God forbid that the few of us not born into fame and royalty didn’t know how to differentiate the fish fork from the salad fork.

“And now you are getting the full blown version of it.”

“Definitely a full blown version,” I laugh a little under my breath, “with an instructor who's just as fierce as any drill sergeant. So, what do you do? Like on a normal day, whether it's in or away from the palace, what do you do?”

Jace Benett was more like an anomally in the palace- a figure you hear about from others’ experiences. I always wondered what he usually did in the palace other than hang out with the prince. From what he’s told me himself, Nate was busy a lot, so my curiousity got the best of me when I ask Jace that.

“Hang out here mostly,” Jace shrugs, “There is something always going on which always keeps me busy. But at home I don’t do very much, like I have other friends other than Nate which I hang out with but most of the time I’m just chilling in my room or when I can convince my mother to let me go on a trip than I do that.” he shrugs again, “I don’t have that exciting of a life.”

“Jace Bennett, not having an exciting life? I find that difficult to believe.” I raise my eyebrows at his admission, “Sounds like you have a lot of fun though.” I contradict, looking at the boy in front of me- he didn’t seem like the type to describe his life as anything but exciting.

“Yeah I get to do whatever I want whenever I want to do it.” he agrees.

I decide to go back to answering his first question, “That's cool... so continuing that answer to your first question, the Selected usually get half the day off so I kinda do anything that makes me a little more productive. The guards have a small training center underground where I can practice my marksmanship... I go over old war stories in the library... anything that makes me feel like... I'm doing something.”

“Marksmanship? What’s that?” Jace asks me.

“Umm.. uh... shooting guns... Can't get rusty while I'm here in the palace.” I shrug. Call me a workaholic or whatever, I just don’t like doing things without having a purpose, there always needed to be an end goal. Exploring the subterrainian levels of the palace had helped me discover some of the guards’ training centers. All I knew was that I stood an 18 to 1 chance of getting deployed after this Selection.

Jace nods, “Makes sense, are you good at the whole shooting guns thing?”

“I think I am, I mean.. it's all about practice and aim, and learning how to work with different kinds of guns... the ones in the palace are the same as the ones in my old base, so it's really just for polishing on old skills.” I explain to Jace, before realizing how weirdly specific I was getting with him.

I shake my head with a laugh. “Wow, I must sound like some psycho to you right now.”

Wouldn’t want my possible husband’s (okay not really my possible husband- we went on one date) best friend to think that I’m crazy.

“No you aren’t it’s your job, as long as you aren’t a serial killer than you’re good.” I was technically trained to kill for the military, did that count? I hope it didn’t.

“I can confirm that I am definitely not a serial killer.” I shrug, “So Bennett, where do you like to take trips to? You seem like the traveling type.”

“Really anywhere. I have gone all over the world, I like water and deserts the most. I have joined Nate and Mr. Schreave on business trips a couple of time but those are boring.” Jace shares with me.

My eyes widen in surprise and I’m trying to hold back a laugh, “Mr. Schreave? You call the king... Mr. Schreave?”

Oh wow, yeah- call the commander-in-chief Mr. Schreave- that sure sounds right to me.

“Well... yeah... I can’t just go calling him Spencer. When I was little I wouldn’t go up to him and be like ‘Hello your highness may you give me a piggy back ride please?’ Mr. Schreave is more on my level.” Jace laughs, explaining to me.

“You have a good point, but now,” I burst out laughing, “I can't get the mental image of the king giving piggy back ride to a little Jace out of my head.”

“He did it more than you’d think,” he laughs along, “He’s the best, he always puts his family first.”

“I could tell, it rubs off a lot on Nate too.” I reply, realizing they both had the same magnanimous aura.

“Nate is like the perfect person.” Jace says rolling his eyes, and that catches my attention.

I’ve heard so many describe his perfection, maids, guards, staff, other Selected… and now his best friend. A part of me wanted to believe all of their praise but the other part reminded me that no person could honestly be that perfect.

“He's sweeter than most guys I've known, that's for sure.” I comment about Nate, mentioning the aspect that I liked about him the most. There was compassion in that soul.

“He’s okay.” Jace remarks, and I laugh again in response- typical boy reactions. Of course they share some form of self-deprecation for their friends.

“Okay seems like an understatement for him,” I shrug almost defensively, “Then again you're his best friend.”

“It’s how best friends are, how about you what’s yours like?” Jace remarks before turning the conversation back to me.

“I've technically got 5 best friends, to be quite honest. You see, all of us belong to the same junior air squad and have been working together for the past two years. There's Lip Gloss, Wolf, Drone, Ears, and Crab.” I smile as I mention them, I missed them a lot. “I'm closest with Lip Gloss though.”

Jace laughs and raises his eyebrows, “Lip gloss?”

“Cassandra, that's her real name, nicknamed her that when she cried on the first day of military school when our instructor confiscated her lip gloss. We went to the same military school together, so we've been friends for a long time. She... was the one who was pretty excited over this whole Selection thing.” I missed Cass a lot, still do.

“She seems like... quite the person.” He comments, “The person I know who would cry over lip gloss is Mallory.”

“Mallory, wow, I've heard stories of her from the other girls- a lot are terrified of meeting her.”

“Just follow these rules don’t talk to her from 9-7, don’t be wearing the color white, make sure you have taken a shower within 3 hours and don’t offend her and she’s the kindest person you have ever met.” Jace jokes and laughs hysterically.

I can’t help but laugh as much as he was, “Oh my god, that is so specific.” I wheeze, “Is she that terrible?”

“She’s not that bad, just don’t get on her bad side and you’d probably be good.”

“Or you know... avoid her so I don't get to see either side” I shrug laughing, “Actually, I really haven't seen her around save for meals in the dining hall.”

“She think she likes to stay in her room, I’m not sure. I’ve never been close to her.” Jace remarks.

“But I do know you're close with Nate's other sister, right?” Now this was definitely a loaded question. I remember one of the Selected girls wondering if Jace and Quinn were dating… and well- curiousity got the cat right now.

“Yeah I guess you could say that.” He says nonchalantly.

“I haven't met her either, but I've heard good things about her.” That was the truth, everyone has said that Quinn was quite gracious. ((GET IT CAUSE… GRACE IS RP-ING HER?? HAHAHAHAHAH))

“She’s a good and kind person.” He’s practically turning red right now.

“I bet she is,” I smirk, I always enjoyed teasing people with their better halfs so I added another loaded question. “So have you gotten your girlfriend a Christmas gift yet?”

“Not yet, I’m not sure what sh...” Jace says before realizing what he was saying to me then giving me a death stare. HA! There it was, he just admitted they were dating.

“Gotcha” I wink at him, faking discretion, “You can go shopping with me if you want. South Coast Plaza is pretty big.” I tell him, maybe wanting to use his free time to go shopping too.

“Sure, you should help me decide what I should get her.” I’m surprised at how easily he trusts me, and a part of me is internally laughing. Wow, even in the Selection I still manage to wingwoman.

“Great,” I clasp my hands with a nod, “I definitely could.”

“What do girls even like?” Jace curiously asks me.

“That... kinda depends on what she's like... honestly. It's always good to base it off her hobbies, but you can also find something a little more personalized and stuff.” I explain to Jace. Getting presents for girls was just the same as any present for anybody else. It had to be personal- plus it didn’t help that I didn’t know Quinn personally.

“She is really into drawing so maybe pencils?” Jace asks me, and I nod.

“Drawing... yeah, pencils seem like a good idea- the collectible kind seems like a great idea, along with a sketch book.. or something.” I affirm adding a few suggestions. The thing with relationships and Christmaswas that… it doesn’t matter what kind of gift is given… it was more on letting the person know you care and as much as this made me sound like a Hallmark card… it’s the thought that counts.

My personal dilemma was that I wasn’t sure if I’d overstep any boundaries if I was going to get Nate a gift- because I had no idea what I was doing. I’d have to think about it, now I was here to shop for my Secret Santa and friends.

Jace nods, “Okay,” he says as he parks the car and quickly jumps out of the car, “so where do you need to go?”

“So I have to get my secret santa a book at Barnes and Noble... and I'm getting matching pajamas for all of my friends sooo that's probably going to be at PJs'r'Us” I elaborate to Jace. I was planning on getting a nice book set along with a couple of matching pajamas for my friends in the Selection… and five more matching pajamas for my friends in South Korea.

“I suppose, we'd come across a craft store somewhere here for Quinn's stuff.” I tell Jace.

“Let’s go to your stores first because you wanted to come here.”

“Alrighty,” I say as we begin walking around the mall. “So... do you go Christmas shopping every year?”

“Nothing too big and special.”

“But it's Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year, shopping is one of the best parts.” I feel like I personally should defend Christmas.

“We’re not really big gift giving people, like we can get whatever we want whenever we want it, so why have someone gift it to you.” Jace explains to me, and I understand where he’s coming from.

“Ahhh, right... yeah, I guess that's kind of the life of the rich and famous.” I shrug, “Everything's just at your disposal.”

If only all of us were born into a life like that.

“You seem like you are very much a gift giving person.” Jace comments to me.

“I give when I can,” I laugh non-chalantly, “Christmas shopping is basically the only real shopping that I'm interested in honestly.”

“Yeah you don’t seem like the stereotypical white girl, like shopping is everything. Like you fire guns because you can” Jace adds, and I laugh.

“Not like a Stereotypical white girl, huh? I'll take that as a compliment. You're not so stereotypical yourself.”

“And how so?” he turns to me.

“You're nicer than what I expected, I mean, you offered me a lift here, and all that. I was kinda expecting a pretentious rich kid.” I reply to him, honestly telling him my impression of him at first. I was kinda expecting a fuck boy, but I found a much more decent personality in him. No wonder he was best friends with Nate.

“Thanks...? I’m pretty sure you aren’t allowed to take palace cars anyway but no problem if you ever need a ride let me know.” Jace gives me a wink, and I nod with a laugh.

“Well, who needs Uber when you have Jace Bennett, right?” I definitely could save a couple dollars of with my new chauffeur.

“It’s free and won’t be 100% awkward.” A very convincing sales pitch, that was.

“Oh definitely, best ride ever.” I chuckle in response before I see a Barnes and Noble ahead. “Oh hey, I see a Barnes and Noble!”

The rest of the day Jace and I spent going through the mall and buying what we were going to give other people. I bought a nice Jane Austen book set for my Secret Santa, a shit ton of pajamas for all of my friends, while I was able to help Jace pick out the coolest set of chrome painted coloring pencils for Quinn and a sketch book with 500 leaves. What I found remarkable was how easy it was for me to get along with him.

“Thanks again for going with me, Bennett.” I tell him as we walk out of the mall, carrying our Christmas haul.  

“No problem, I’m just going to drop you off then head, just so you know.”

“You don't need to, you know. I mean, you've done more than enough.” I shake my head with a laugh, “You can go ahead, I'll just grab a taxi or an uber or something.”

“No no it’s fine, it’s not that long of a ride. It’s really no problem, I could always run back in there and see... Nate”

“Sure... Nate.” I laugh, way to be reaaaal subtle, Bennett. “Your one and only best friend.”

“The one and only.” he laughs.

The mention of Nate reminds me again of my dilemma. Throughout our entire shopping trip, I had been debating on whether or not I was going to give Nate a gift and in my head were dozens of possibilities of what I was going to get him, but…

I’m not quite sure if giving a gift gave the right message… for the reason that we weren’t exactly that close, and it may just seem like overstepping some kind of personal boundary for both of us… or worse, looking like I’m assuming something between us that may not exist for him.

It was only just one date- but I still held a lot of confusion in this continuous limbo of single and not single, and dating and not dating. This was why I hated dating- the uncertainty, the internal mind games, the war fare that only I could only see. I felt like we were pretty okay… but also not okay? He may think that the gesture was meant to win his affection, but honestly, I don’t think I could care any less if I won his affection now- okay maybe I should because I think I kinda like him- BUT THERE WERE 18 OTHER GIRLS TOO.

Feeling like an option sucked, but what the hell, I’ve got nothing to lose.

“Speaking of him...Do you know what he'd like for Christmas?”

He flashes me a surprised look before he starts the car, “Not really, maybe he’d want some guitar picks, don’t you need those to play guitar?”

“Guitar picks, right, I think I can find them next time I go out…” I nod my head wondering if I could order something online just on time for Christmas. I remember, he loved to play guitar and all that music stuff. It was just going to be a little something for someone who’s shown me nothing but kindness. That’s it.

“It’s something small but I think he’d really appreciate it.” Jace tells me, and I nod my in reply still caught in another mental debate with myself.

For the rest of the short drive we stay silent, listening to the back to back Christmas songs playing on the radio. When we both arrive back to the palace, he helps me unload some of my bags from his car.

“Thanks again,” I smile, “for everything.” I take the bags from the back.

“No problem, again if you need a ride let me know.” Jace tells me as we walk towards the door to the palace connected to the garage.

“I will... OH by the way, in case I forget.” Or you know get eliminated before Christmas, I separate one of the gift bags I got and hand it to Jace.

“Merry Christmas, Bennett.” I managed to sneak an extra pair of christmas themed pajamas for Jace while I was shopping for Ears, Drone, and Crab (and my brothers too, because even those assholes deserved Christmas gifts).

“Merry Christmas Marsh.” He replies as he holds the bag.

“So, I'll see you around, thanks again!” I wave my hand before I walk straight for the door and run to my room to hide all of the gifts in my closet. The holidays have just begun.