#ch 09

[blog post; privately posted 07/08/2009]

Hey friends. Should I even call you friends? Does anyone even READ this? And if anyone DOES can I even CALL the my FRIENDS?

Anyway. Time for a background to this post; a setting if you wanna call it that.

It was my birthday yesterday, as you all know from the previous post (which I’ve deleted, but I’ll post anything relevant here).

“Woo, sixteen, the big one-six! I’m going out with FRIENDS on THE DAY OF! How exciting is that??? We’re going to go to the movies, and have dinner; my mom even said she’d let me drive to the movie theatre (since I’ll be getting my permit that day too)!”

I wish — WISH — that I had better news. But that’s just not how things work, now is it? We were all supposed to meet at the theatre — SUPPOSED is the key word there.

I got a text about twenty minutes after my mom left.

Then I got more.

I won’t screenshot and post them here, but they just—

These friends of mine, that I’d been trying SO HARD to keep, found my blog — like, my online JOURNAL blog; THIS blog — and they…

They were texting me and saying they were going to expose it to everyone at school. They said that they didn’t want me to come near them anymore; they said I’m a freak and that I deserve to be treated like one.

I hate this town.

Honestly FUCK THEM like? I’ve been trying for months, what have they been doing? I’ve had to listen to them talk about shit that I don’t care about for MONTHS — for what? The ILLUSION of friends?

Fuck that.

I’m tired of trying to fit into their little moulds. I’m just. Done.

I’ve decided that if someone wants to be my friend, then they have to be friends with ALL of me. I don’t care how many people I have to leave in the dust in order to find good friends.

Besides it’s not like I need friends to get a Pulitzer. Not like I need friends to change the world. If people can’t handle me then they’ll just have to get out of my way.

I don’t need them.

I’m going to be remembered as the person that photographed GOD what do I need false friends for?