#cfmort

//  @cfmort  

       breath   hitches   as   lips   curl   and   there   is   a   WICKEDNESS   in   the   curve   of   your   smile– a   sharpness   that   could   tear   anyone   else   asunder.   but   not   him–   never   him.   he   has   NEVER   broken   beneath   the   dark   of   your   soul,   the   viciousness   you   keep   guarded,   keep   shielded   from   the   rest   of   the   world. 

(   he   has   never   shied   away   from   it.   only   ever   encouraged,   fanned   the   flame.   ) 

  and   while   you   do   all   you   can–   intended   to   make   BETTER   choices   this   time   around,   there   is   no   denying   who   you   are.   and   who   you   are   is   SELFISH   and   greedy   and   someone   who   does   not   have   the   ability   to   be   calm   in   your   desires   once   they   have   become   fixed   and   clear   in   your   mind. 

 fingertips   drum   along   cold   surface   of   table   top   before   you   lean   more   fully   against   it,   arms   braced   as   eyes   shift,   dancing   over   plans   and   words   and   ideas   spread   across   the   table. 

   “and   who   could   possibly   oppose   us?   who   can   compare   to   our   power?”  

hi hello im dying  //  @cfmort 

  many years now, you have watched over him. proud, JOYOUS even, of the man he is becoming– is showing himself to be. each year, you find more and more reason for being so drawn to him– each year, he reminds you of exactly why you stay. for there is no-one else in your entire lifetime, that has captivated you as he.

               ( sixteen years old, and already far more superior than any in the world. ) 

  sometimes you wonder how it is that you came to be worthy of knowing him, of being at his side. but then other times you know, you are SURE– that this is what you deserve. after suffering so long, after so much pain and loneliness, this is your reward. to find one whose heart beats the same– whose soul yearns for something far more grand than this simple existence, than going along with the life laid out. 

 looking at him now, you cannot help yourself as lips curl– human, but now overly sharp teeth exposed– and the feeling within your chest EXPANDS. 

                                            slurping sounds  //  @cfmort  

      gaze lifts from where you had been casually reading through notes for history of magic– because really, what need did you have for this class? what need did you have to REALLY put any effort in, or pay attention?  you walked through such an important part of history– and then very quickly spent years of this life playing catch up due to a selfish need to understand what your past acts shaped.    

              so naturally– your interest in the work was only ever going to be CASUAL.    

                                           the distracted humming inevitable. 

                             the SLURPING from the glass in your hand? not so much. 

        his words are like salt scrubbed into open wounds and you wish to recoil, to pull away as quickly as possible-- drown yourself in bitter, icy waters so long as it meant you could escape this torment, this tearing at your mind. 

( and you know, hidden within you pressed so far down, that there is truth to his words, which is exactly why they burn, why they sink so deep into you that you wonder if this is not just your OWN THOUGHTS reflected back at you. too often, you have wondered if he is simply the mirror that draws attention to everything you’ve longed to bury, everything you’ve wanted to erase. ) 

  it sickens you, stomach churning to even imagine that there is any inch of you that is the same as him-- that you may not be the hero of this tale, but instead, a vessel. something to hold remnants of his malice until he has need for those specific parts again.   but you have fought, you have worked to keep these stray thoughts in line, perfectly packed away in the corners of your mind. 

( but now here he is, pulling at loose strings. tangling them around his fingers and watching you DANCE without any kind of control, with no ability to pull away. ) 

  the locket around your neck burns your skin-- and as much as you hate it, you still know it is better this way. it’s already too much to allow your friends to wear it for the short times that they do, because you DESPISE the idea that they could be hurt by him, could be poisoned by his words. 

( and what if he whispers sickeningly sweet to them? what if he pours the darkest parts of your soul into their thoughts? what if he is pushing them from you? ) 

  hands press firmly, scrubbing tired eyes before you shift, pull arms tighter around yourself but it is not the bitter wintry chill that causes you to shiver. nothing, nothing could compare to the way you feel him in every part of you, in your blood, in your mind. woven so intricately into you that you begin to wonder if this hand is yours-- if the movement is your own. who here, is truly in charge? 

oh maann  //  @cfmort  

       head raises slowly– attention already halfway focused on tom, gradually having been drawn away the moment he stepped into the room.  eyes flicker from the book, an exhausted movement. you have always KNOWN tom wanted more-- wanted to understand all the darker powers, to see how they could aid him, further his desires. it’s something you’ve never been afraid of, never shied away from.   the determination, dedication to uncovering a deeper power is something you have ALWAYS understood-- in both lives. 

  ( but you never imagined there might come a day when he would keep it a secret from you-- would withhold information, dance along the edge of a LIE even.   with ALL you have given him, all you have shared-- you never imagined there might be secrets between you. ) 

 fingertips DRUM lightly against the cover of the book-- lip drawn in between teeth for a moment before you finally SIGH and allow muscles to sink, to relax. body leans back against the table and you let the book rest, held at your side as you lock tired eyes with his.    --wonder how he might talk his way out of this one, will charm you round.    is it even possible?