#cfaust

i know i said last week or something that aden was my fave by like an actual hair but at the same time there is not one of the kids that makes me feel more than costia. she just...........my child. ya know...controversial opinion that her life was the one that was more affected when jake literally died but...i kinda agree. even if just a little. lexa, clarke, and the rest of the kids sort of went back to have a semblance of normality but stubborn little shit head baby costia held on to that shit with white knuckles and never let it go until it was too late. and then after lexa dies she obviously spends the rest of her life just being guilty and bummed out about what she missed out on. honestly........one could argue that to a certain degree costia’s life ended the day jake died. or at least the life she was supposed to have. because even the lingering damage from that day is what ultimately lead to not just her failures when it came to interpersonal relationships but also in her career. costia VERY MUCH was on track to have the music career but she went about it all wrong twice over. first when she got romantically involved with august’s dad who was a married man with a family but then again when she cut him off. he was the key to the whole thing but she’s a self destructive idiot who nuked it in every way she could. god...why did you do this to me???

something i think about a lot is how wila was all but cut off from costia’s music the older she grew. she was basically banned from going to her shows, not that she played a lot of them in NYC because she avoided the city like the plague, but even on the rare occasion where lexa couldn’t talk herself out of a visit to LA if the trip managed to coincide with a gig costia had there was no way in hell lexa could show up. costia would rather not play. so for a long time the only way lexa got to listen to costia sing was either by little videos she covered on social media or whatever the girls recorded from her live shows whenever they happened to catch one. it was also why when costia sent home videos she had been working on before they posted them, it sort of became a habit for them to try to avoid watching it until they could sit down and watch it with wila. or even if they couldn’t put off watching it cuz cos needed feedback right away, they’d make sure to get lexa’s eyes on it not long after.

like...for example:

if cos sent this home before she posted it and was like “roa/nana/mom what do you think?” nana would find an excuse to come home that day even if she was slammed in college just so she could be COINCIDENTALLY have to watch it when lexa was around. clarke was obviously less subtle about it, but for the most part ro and nana were really good at delaying having to watch things as much as they could. god......i have Feelings now. thanks.

LIKEEEEE....if you think when ro came home from that one high school spring break she spent with cos in LA and didn’t practically run to sit lexa down to show her this......

BITCH, I FUCKING WEEPED

---

Hear me out, if you don’t think Aden would do this with Clarke you’re mistaken. Parker is having a hard time getting over Lexa being gone so he decides that they need to do things that not only distract her but also get her out of the apartment. He sits down with her and he’s like “Make a list of all the things you and mom never got to do and that you wish you did.” and Parker is all like “We did all that we set out to do. We had you guys and a good life. Nothing else I could’ve asked for.” but he won’t take no for an answer. He’s not budging on this so despite the fact that it takes a few days to get something out of her, they end up making a list and Aden sets out to make sure every point on that list is checked off.

Here’s the thing, Nana is responsible but she’s also very pragmatic, she’s very much like Lexa in that sense. Aden on the other hand, he’s incredibly emotion drivenl. Where Anya is the head, he’s the heart. Grief is never a competition but if you had to somehow quantify who suffered the most out of the kids with Lexa dying it would definitely be him. Costia suffered in her own way and it was definitely fucking hard, there’s no way around that, but Aden was a hair above everyone else. It had a lot to do with the fact that not only did he feel like he had less time with her because he was the last one to come along but also because he was the first one she forgot. He felt cheated out of so much time with his mom and that made him angry. He was definitely stuck in the anger age for a long time and that put a strain on his relationship. As much as this was about helping Parker it was also about helping himself get out of the rut he fell into or his life was going to fall apart. He knew Lexa almost lost everything because she let grief consume her and he realized that if only just for her, he couldn’t make the same mistake again. He was committed to getting through it and that was the reason he was the driving force behind The List.

It's not a silly little moment, It's not the storm before the calm. This is the deep and dying breath of This love that we've been working on. Can't seem to hold you like I want to So I can feel you in my arms. Nobody's gonna come and save you, We pulled too many false alarms. We're going down, And you can see it too. We're going down, And you know that we're doomed. My dear, We're slow dancing in a burning room. I was the one you always dreamed of, You were the one I tried to draw. How dare you say it's nothing to me? Baby, you're the only light I ever saw. I'll make the most of all the sadness, You'll be a bitch because you can. You try to hit me just to hurt me So you leave me feeling dirty 'Cause you can't understand. We're going down, And you can see it too. We're going down, And you know that we're doomed. My dear, We're slow dancing in a burning room. Go cry about it - why don't you? Go cry about it - why don't you? Go cry about it - why don't you? My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room, Burning room, Burning room, Burning room, Burning room. Don't you think we oughta know by now? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we oughta know by now? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we oughta know by now? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

I first added this song to the CFAU soundtrack for Chapter 16 - November 2030. It was quite intentional. It comes in full swing for the next chapter and it’s been fucking with my heart the past couple of days. Hurts. So much pain. 

JCJSKFJDKCJSKCKDKFJEJFBEKDJDKDJDKSKDM

I just screamed. Like…for real. Out loud. In real life.

Clexa Family AU: Music | Part 2/2

In these two masterposts I’m giving you a playlist for every character and major relationship. I’m also giving you at least one song that I think fit each chapter published so far. It may be for the whole chapter or simply for a particular scene.

I had to split the whole thing up into two parts because of the tumblr link limit, so the individual character and relationship playlists are on this separate post. I’m putting everything after Chapter 20 under the cut because I might update this post as the final nine chapters are released and if I do, no matter when you reblogged this you will always have access to the most updated version once you click the “read more”.

Chapter 1: October 2020

“Sweetest Devotion” - Adele [2015]

Chapter 2: July 8, 2028

Refer to the “Lexa & Jake” section on part one.

Chapter 3: July 1, 2014

“Perfect” - Jon McLaughlin [2006]

Chapter 4: May 2031

“Dreaming With a Broken Heart” - John Mayer [2006]

Chapter 5: Early July 2015

“Jackie & Wilson” - Hozier [2014]

Chapter 6: 1994

“Medicine” - Daughter [2012] (For the 1994 section)

“Forget It” - Breaking Benjamin [2004] (For the 1999 section)

“The Tide” - The Spill Canvas [2003] (The chorus is for the 2004 section)

Chapter 7: September 2016 [Part 2]

“Happiness” - The Fray [2009]

Chapter 8: June 14, 2029

“For Blue Skies” - Strays Don’t Sleep [2005]

“Impossible Year” - Panic! At The Disco [2016]

Chapter 9: April 2028

“Feeling A Moment” - Feeder [2005]

“Son’s Gonna Rise” (Ft. Carlos Santana) - Citizen Cope [2003]

Chapter 10: December 2030

“Where I Stood” - Missy Higgins [2007] (It’s for the overall chapter, but especifically imagine this playing over the scene when Lexa drops off Roa’s doll at Christmas and when Lexa doubles back and kisses Clarke)

Chapter 11: December 2009

“Memories (All We Need)” - The Sequel [2004] (Imagine this shit playing the night they first had sex)

“Terrified” (Ft. Jason Reeves) [Acoustic & Live] - Kara DioGuardi [2009] (Imagine this playing over a montage of Clarke and Lexa on the couch)

“Avalanche” - David Cook [2008] (Same as before)

“Just A Kiss” - Lady Antebellum [2011]

Chapter 12: October 12, 2028

“If I Believe You” - The 1975 [2015] (The last scene in Lexa’s office/sex)

Of course. I’ve actually been working on music post for the whole fic because someone asked about it, I’ve just been procrastinating it, but whoever asked for it…it’s coming. I can tackle this one because this is easy. 

Costia is very much an alt/singer-songwriter type of thing. Her personality and sense of humor shine a lot through her music. Her lyrics are full of dry wit and can be cheeky at times. These are the people who I think once put together into a blender would make the music Costia would probably make for like…her debut album (if there ever was one).

1) “Foundations” - Kate Nash [2007]

2) “No Strings” - Chlöe Howl [2013]

3) “White Nights” - Oh Land [2011]

4) “Settle Down” - Kimbra [2010]

5) “1234″ - Feist [2007]

Y’all are so needy. Fine. Here. Have some random songs that remind me of different points of their relationship.

1) “Pills” (Ft. Sarah McLachlan) - The Perishers

“One may think we’re alright, but we need pills to sleep at night. We need lies to make it through the day. We’re not ok. One may think we’re doing fine, but if I had to lay it on the line we’re losing ground with every passing day. We’re not ok”

I mean…do I need to explain the why to this one? lol

2) “Medicine” - Daughter

“You could still be what you want to. What you said you were when I met you. You’ve got a warm heart. You’ve got a beautiful brain, but it’s disintegrating…”

Obviously this song is about addiction, but imagine Clarke trying to have this same conversation with Lexa about a year after Jake dies. Just…trying to get to her. 

3) “Laura (Oh, Girl)” - PHOX

“Oh girl, what did they do to you? What did they take from you that you can never get back?” 

This could be the backbone of another pleading conversation that Clarke attempts to have with Lexa on one of her worse days. 

4) “Tell Her You Love Her” - Echosmith

“When she says she loves you, tell her you love her too. But don’t you run away run away when you get tired. 'Cause this will slip away slip away and start a fire that can never be put out. Oh hurry, time is running out. But don’t you run away run away before you say you love her.”

I love the studio version of this more than the acoustic and I always keep going back and forth over which one I would use, but today the studio one won. Picture this as the soundtrack to the end of Chapter 12. I’d throw a loop of the instrumental opening of the song until Clarke asks Lexa to say it then the lyrics kick in. The song would then be over the sex scene. 

5) “Start Of Time” - Gabrielle Aplin

“I’m an atom in a sea of nothing looking for another to combine. Maybe we could be the start of something, be together at the start of time. There’s a ghost upon the moor tonight. Now it’s in our house. When you walked into the room just then it’s like the sun came out. It’s like the sun came out and the day is clear. My voice is just a whisper louder than the screams you hear. It’s like the sun came out.”