#celineabique

Today has been well. We were able to complete our composition (well, almost). All we need now is a bit of polishing and viola! A rebellious song is out for curious song producers. It's really hard to believe that we composed a song A freaking song! When I was in sixth grade, it was my expertise, writing gibberish poems and songs, in that matter. Despite my lack of knowledge in grammar, I still pursued my hobby in writing down words in every paper I see. Through the years of learning, my grammar improved and thus, fate has given me a challenge to test how improved I am right now. To my utter surprise, I created a Tagalog song. I didn't really know what came to me, but I did enjoy making it and Girl, my classmate/groupmate, made it even more fun because of her enthusiastic and interesting ideas when it comes to music. And earlier, we've decided to put an end to that troublesome song. Girl even helped Carlos' group with their song. And I swear to the mother of holy goat cheese that their song was just absolutely fantastic! I can't even. 

I am in love with mellow and soft music and Carlos' group just hit my soft spot. I know that if ever Carlos reads this, he will definitely kill me but who cares? Carlos, I love you already. ♥  hahahahahaha! Gross dude. But I swear. Your music was just... I can't even put a finger on it. I might steal your record and put it in my iPod and put it on 'repeat' all month long. Yep. That's how awesome it is. It may even beat Justin Bieber's song in the hit chart. Or even Big Bang's. But anyway, you better vow that you and Girl will definitely make a video and shall post it online and I'll be your number one fan forever and ever, because if you don't, well hell will break loose. 

Despite a week of not reading text books and doing school works, the schedule of our examinations wasn't moved. I was glad but dreary at the same time. Glad, because  we only have few lessons to study and dreary, because everything happened so fast.  I was still in my comfort zone when these blasted examinations came out of nowhere. Anyway, I was still grateful because we managed to get through it alive.

Period by period I get extremely excited because as the clock continues to tick, examinations were getting lesser and lesser. And earlier today, hardships came to meet their end. But every end has a new beginning. Hence, we were pressured by our music teacher to a compose song and make a music video for it. And guess what, its submission is on Wednesday! Woop-dee-doo. There's no one to blame, really. It's just that due to the week of having heavy rain, we didn't really have the chance to meet up with our group mates and this week was filled with preparations for the exams so yeah. We weren't prepared. And now, our teacher wants us to rush things. Oh well, it's our batch's expertise. *wink* *wink*

I'm the kind of person who gets moved far too easily. And by the time I stood up and decided to work on my project in Values, something inside me stirred. I don't know, maybe excitement? Anxiety? Or even mild adrenaline rush. First of all, I wanted to get it over with so I can continue on with my other responsibilities. Second of all, I've been desiring to read the Bible within the spare times I had, but temptations made their way in those hours and I regret it very much. Now, God has sent me a sign to start a new path, He has sent me a parachute like the one Haymitch had sent to Katniss when she was in dire need of medicine. God has sent me a wonderful gift and I am unbelievably ignorant to take notice of it first. But even if I was as ignorant as a wooden chair, He managed to catch my attention and I am really grateful He did that for me. Truly, God is the only one who will be your life jacket when you feel like drowning in your own miseries. 

Regarding our project, we were told to pile up the similarities of the gospels Mark and Luke. I found them quite astonishing. Despite the fact that almost all of them based their writings on one main gospel, it gave out more intensity when reading them. As of my opinion, I like the way they repeat the concept but still manage to come up with unique impressions. It adds feeling to the reader's point of view (for me) because based on my experiences, the more I read it often, the more it stays in my head. If that's the case, I'll be able to absorb the message clearly without missing any marks. 

Happiness is being controlled by the ones who feel it. Henceforth, it is our choice to be happy or not. Though there are times even if we chose to be happy, unfortunate events or depressing memories will just barge in our minds and we can't help but ponder about them more. Resulting, our foul moods.

Simpletons, such as I, only think of this. Mourn over unnecessary matters though the sun is up, crashing own hopes, and even worse, killing our very own beings. It's such a silly thing to discuss but these things happen. No matter how hard we try to drive those heart-wrenching thoughts away, they still come back and haunts us 24/7. It's so suffocating it makes you want to stop breathing. I'm not telling you to go to the nearest cliff and hit yourself with a rock, I'm just stating the obvious; these events happen and they are inevitable. 

Standing still, and letting the world keep on spinning. It's sickening. 

Especially when you're just right there, breathing, and seeing the people around you treat you like trash or just easily avoid you. It's so sickening I want to vomit. I can't stand them. 

This feeling... It saddens me. I can't help but feel my insides being torn apart. I can't help but feel useless as the whole world turn its back at me. I can't help but feel... rejected. 

It was like one day, I was in between the sky and ocean, savoring every moment I held within my tiny hands. Then all of a sudden, they all disappeared and turned into bits of broken glasses. I was hurt. Yes. In fact, I was deeply hurt. I feel so hopeless as the world continues to mock me with its immortal laughter. I can't believe this is happening. I really can't.

All I need is peace. Yes, peace. Because for now, all I could think of every time I close my eyes is the combination of various disastrous happenings in my life. They're too much for me to juggle. I need some time to think. I need some time.