#celibrate

June has always been my favorite month. When I was little, I always looked forward to summer in June because June 21 is my birthday. For most of my early life 0-6 I would get a ice cream cake from Dairy Queen and me and my family would celebrate. Sometimes we even invited friends. As the next years came my birthday— and by extension my brother’s birthday (June 2)— fell to the way side. My mom wasn’t a bad person, she was just gone for work most days than not. My dad was a bad person at the time and my brother and I avoided him as much as we could. June, July, and August were the months of wandering outside without supervion from years 8- now.

I celibrated my birthday on my own in those years. Maybe my family would have a cake, but usually I would sit by the window and images that this year would be better than the last. I would make a birthday promis to change something I didn’t like about myself. To always be better and love things as much as I could.

As my 23rd birthday approaches I’ve tried to be excited, but I’m mostly just sad. When did something I use to look forward to slip away from me? I want to love my birthday like I used to. I want to appreciate it with the child like hope that this day would be about me, and only me. I think a lot of what I’m feeling comes from a place of not taking care of myself. I’ve let people walk over me emotionally recently, and now that I’ve taken some time off from them I’ve come out the other side... enlightened.

June 21st may not be only about me. The world is a vast and convoluted place where birthdays over lap and not everyone knows who I am. But this birthday I want to try and remember that I matter enough to celebrate another year of me.

I want to take more pictures. I want to sit outside and read books without feeling guilty about the content (I’m looking at you YA lit). I want to unapologetically love what I love and have valid criticism of the things I dislike. I want to find that little girl starring out the window wishing for the 4th time not to cry as much and tell her that crying isn’t so bad. Some times you regret what you wish.

This has been on my mind for awhile, especially since I’m now out of college and trying to piece some semblance of a life together. I’m not sure if anyone else feels the same, but.. yeah.

made a birthday card for someone yesterday 

ईसा मसीह की मृत्यु

हजरत ईसा मसीह की मृत्यु 30 वर्ष की आयु में हुई जो पूर्व ही निर्धारित थी। स्वयं ईसा जी ने कहा कि मेरी मृत्यु निकट है।

(मत्ती 26ः24-55 पृष्ठ 42-44)