#cdtr

Wonwoo as the main character

If you have read my fic commentary for Things We Lost to the Fire (TWLF), you would know that Wonwoo is the focus of the story. When coming up with the premise my whole intention was a character study on Wonwoo, specifically in the aftermath of Bittersweet MV. Everything about CDTR is based on this look he had in that MV.

Wonwoo is, at least in this piece of fiction, a very emotionally repressed individual and it causes him to only realize his long underlying feelings only six years later. It takes him very long to process his own emotions whether it is good or bad. Added with his very closed/private nature, it becomes an interesting combo. I honestly had the time of my life navigating how the world around him, 96-line and Mingyu, interacts with this.

His demisexuality, although not truly the forefront of the plot, still serves as some sort of complication to their dynamic due to the aftermath of his previous abusive relationship.

I also think that his openness to finally finding the courage to reach out to Mingyu directly lets him explore writing once again. This is not a coincidence.

Before Mingyu:

“Not really. I work with a magazine now. Haven’t really done any of my own writing for at least a year now.” ~Ch. 1, CDTR

Just a few weeks after:

“I know when we last spoke you wanted a break from writing. It’s been 2 years now, don’t you want to write again?” He has been writing, nothing substantial, just in random bursts here and there. “I’ll have to think about it,” Wonwoo answers. ~Ch. 11, CDTR

Bad Blood and it's influences

It's no surprise that after TWLF (titled inspired directly by Things We Lost in the Fire, Bastille) that CDTR will follow suit. Bad Blood heavily inspired Wonwoo's psyche in the beginning of the fic.

The streets surrounding him hid shadows of his almost forgotten memories. They crawl out, following him as he tries to side step them like pedestrians during rush hour but the soles of his shoes left wet prints, marking his every step, leading them directly to him. The memories refuse to leave. The existential crisis of his youth, the uncertainty of his future, the feeling that everything he was doing was wrong and the sting of that friendship. The only bright light in this forsaken place was the shine of Sohee’s smile and happiness. Even though her presence cast a light that highlights the gaping hole in the walls of his mind in the silhouette of Kim Mingyu.  He sighs, feeling rather resolute that he was never coming back again. At least not anywhere near here anymore. ~Chapter 1, CDTR

Above text, heavily inspired by Pompeii and These Streets.

These streets are yours, you can keep them In my mind it's like you haunt them And passing through I think I see you In the shapes of other women ~ These Streets

The plot of CDTR although not obvious, because of the nature of character study, is heavily influenced by songs like Weight of Living Pt I&II.

96-line friendship

In my notes I have written: Wonwoo practical, Jun supportive, Jihoon tough love, Soonyoung balance of supportive & practicle (not good with words).

In that alone is self-explainatory of their dynamic. It was evident to me that in order for Wonwoo to be part of society he needed very good friends. Wonwoo is also self-aware of this too.

 “You okay?” he whispers... Wonwoo hums, an ambiguous hum between yeah, he is and no, not really. “Are you worried about Mingyu? I’m sure whatever that was, there is an explanation.” “You heard that?” Jun nods, combing the strands of hairs around Wonwoo’s face with his fingers. Wonwoo lets him because it calms the strange anxiety in his chest. “Sounded a little hectic but he also sounded like he would have rather talked to you than deal with it.” “What are you two whispering about?” Soonyoung interrupts, sitting up so he can look at Wonwoo in Jun’s lap. No one is watching the movie now, Jihoon is also looking at him. “Wonwoo is worried about Mingyu,”... “Because of the phone call just now? Did something happen?” Soonyoung asks, not really looking at Wonwoo but at Jun instead. Wonwoo looks at Jun because he doesn’t really know how to explain and somehow he doesn’t mind Jun speaking on his behalf. ~Ch. 11, CDTR

I feel like this conversation perfectly captures their dynamic and how they support Wonwoo in exactly the way he needs it. Jihoon is silent but Jihoon was also the one who combed Hangang Park in search of Wonwoo.

Minghao as an Adversary

You may expect that in the aftermath of a love triangle, Sohee would be the obvious choice for an adversary. This however is not the case.

Minghao emerges as an anti-hero because is #1 Mingyu Protector. He is also aware that Mingyu never really got over Wonwoo from TWLF.

“He wanted to leave.” “He did and I encouraged him. But you didn’t even spend one moment looking for him when you returned,” Minghao says between gritted teeth. Minghao is right. Wonwoo had thought about reconciling with Mingyu when he returned, the idea tossed around in his mind with encouragement from Sohee throughout the years. But in the end, he had never once done it, not until six years had passed. “He may have forgiven you for it but like I said I will be less forgiving. Hurt him and I will encourage him to leave you like I did six years ago.” ~Ch. 12, CDTR

Which is a direct callback to what Minghao said in TWLF.

“I just want to come back home, Hao.” Mingyu said, between sobs. He was suddenly inexplicably exhausted.  “Then come back. Don’t stay there any longer than you need to.”... “If it’s what you need to do, then do it. Stop thinking about other people. Think about Kim Mingyu.” ~Ch. 5, TWLF

Mingyu’s character arc

Mingyu has never had a serious relationship. Dowoon, his long time manager, points it out. He constantly finds himself in a state of disbelief too.

He is at first reserved about Wonwoo and his intentions because Wonwoo had hurt him in the past. But alas, love happens without his permission.

Before Wonwoo:

 The way he smiled was so easy, so bright that it attracted the part of Mingyu’s brain that likes shiny things; like a magpie to jewellery. But Mingyu has been burned before, so he replaced the smile on his own face with neutrality, the smile only serving as a reminder of the decisions he had made and stuck to for six years. He just can’t be burned again. ~Ch. 3, CDTR

Once he was with Wonwoo:

The terrifying thought that he wants what they have now to last forever once again crosses his mind. It feels like overcast clouds in his chest, this thought of forever with Wonwoo, clouds that would dissipate to rain clearing the sky to better days. Or maybe the cloud foreshadows unstoppable rain ensuring eternal floods. ~Ch. 8, CDTR

He only admits to himself that things with Wonwoo are quite serious, after Dowoon points it out.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he croaks, voice rumbling deep, rough.

‘Because you are too perfect. Because I have loved you for most of my life. Because the very thought of losing you terrifies me.’

Original Characters

Not much to say about the OCs introduced. Jelly, Mingyu's temporary manager, is trans. It was in no way mentioned in anyway obvious but that is who she was in my head.

Tots💋

CDTR will continue to be dear to me. this genre of character study, although fun, is not as simple as it seems. haha. will i do it again probs not. do i love it? yes yes i do. well, till next time.