#cderiva

from: meme.

mist clings to his skin, damp and unpleasant. but, his block is the next one and soon, they could duck into the warmth of his apartment and escape the chilly afternoon.

her hand is tucked comfortably in the crook of his elbow, and he makes sure that his pace isn't too quick, strides even with hers. he maneuvers them around larger puddles, partly because he didn't want the ends of his trousers to get wet and also for her sake. he cringes when they step into an unavoidable puddle. he'll change as soon as they get in. or, he'll be too distracted with @cderiva , too distracted with making sure she feels comfortable, too distracted with a growing desire for warmth and something more. in that case, he won't need to be worried about changing into something dry.

they're stopped at a crosswalk and kento gently pries her hand from his elbow as he stretches his arm out to settle instead across her shoulders. public displays of affection weren't really his thing. at least, not when he'd initially thought of what it would be like. not that this is really all that overt. but, it's a form of ... possession when he thought of it as he did it. even if it was mostly just to feel her closer. to make sure she feels as warm as he does with her by his side.

maria's face tilts up, and he glances down at her with hazel eyes that look a little greener than brown right now. a smile melts across his lips; he melts in general.

she ignores the first two buzzes, then it happens again and once more. and, she's not looking forward to hearing another. reaching over the tub, shoko snatches her phone from the floor and scans through the series of texts blowing up the screen.

from time to time, she can be cruel. like, the several moments she takes now to debate on whether she'll get out of the tub and open the door for her roommate. then, she does recollect the balcony incident, and their downstairs neighbor's incessant scolding.

heaving a sigh, shoko tucks the cigarette between her lips and reaches for a towel as she rises from the tub. warm water streams downwards, cool air from the cracked window hitting her skin. bare feet slap against wood flooring as she makes her way to the front door. her face is a little sour as she pulls it open.

it's like a party trick, the way she so easily slips in and out of people's lives. well, it's easy for her at least, and while she's not so inconsiderate as to not stop and think of how it made the other party feel, shoko couldn't dwell on the thought too long. she's learned early on that the person she is, the world she's apart of, will forever remain distinct and separate from the rest. so, no, maria likely would never have heard from her again.

but, her name and number was still saved in shoko's phone. ( like, how suguru's number is still there. haibara's, too. little ghosts of the past that she denies but still linger. like the photos that she keeps in a drawer at home. )

the lip of the bottle is both warm and cold. it's been pressing against her bottom lip, poised there so maybe she could stall for the right words to say. it cools down all over again when she tips it and beer pours into her mouth.

hiromi steadies himself against the train’s plastic seat as the speaker mutters signal fault, delay unspecified. the words stick the way dust clings to an unread page: annoyance first, then a neat fold into acceptance. he’d already overslept, phone died during the night meaning no alarm went off, blame entirely his. now steel and circuitry conspire to keep him from the library where ella waits. he lifts the phone, breathes out, dials.

her face floods the glass rectangle, soft pixels in the stale fluorescent light of the library with shelves towering behind her. “train’s stalled. i’m walking the last bit.”  he tells her, evenly. he won’t risk losing more time to machinery’s whims when they have two projects to finish.

ella is talking when the train unlocks its doors at last. he listens as he descends to street level, occasionally glancing at her face on the screen, the call’s timer ticking in one corner like a silent metronome of accountability. he takes a side street to avoid traffic. halfway to campus: a flower kiosk looms beneath a rust-striped awning, its buckets crowding half the sidewalk. 

his stride falters, then stops.

he realizes, abruptly, that he wants color in her hands tonight, wants proof that lateness doesn’t always equal neglect. this desire embarrasses him, it feels imprecise, sentimental, yet he cannot bring himself to dismiss it. he flips the camera, letting the lens drink petal after petal. “do you have favorites?”

@cderiva

Tick-Tock

Tick-Tock

Tick-Tock

each beat a reminder of how long she sat. How far from her own bed she was.

small pencil marks. abstract shapes filled the lined book. The obvious perpetrator in front of the glowing screen. No change made since the last time the document was open. without a partner beside her, there isn't much she can do. more seconds go by and she considers wrapping it up. accepting a failed attempt at making progress today.

a ringtone sounds out. immediately answered, so the sound doesn't disturb the peace the books portray. the call is no surprise. though the background she see's as she answers is. his words clarify a bit. but time has never felt longer than the last.

"if that's the case we can meet at a different time." they already had a jump start on their project. hiromi is ella's partner for a reason. it's clear why. she had never met anyone as motivated in thier pre-law program. they get along well. it doesn't matter but he's nice to look at as well. "or i can finish it up and send it to you for a final review. i just don't want you to stress coming if it's this much of an issue." except as she stares at the screen, she sees him making his way. her words may be falling on deaf ears. the books, her only guests, hear her. they don't whisper back whether or not it's a good idea.

shoko ... tends to be more affectionate or touchy. not inappropriately unless you're her partner or someone she's had relations with that would be receptive to that. she's a lot more honest, a looser tongue. she says things she might otherwise not say or be more guarded about, but she'd have to be more than tipsy for that. she eventually gets sleepy, and that enhances the affection because she'd want to snuggle up / hold onto you. she laughs more, not loudly, but seems to be more open. walls are down.

[ CHIRON ] what does your muse do to cope ? are their coping mechanisms healthy, or do they lean into bad habits to get through tough times ?

from: meme. / @cderiva featuring: shoko, kento, + yuta.

shoko ... it's interesting because when shoko is coping, it doesn't look like she's doing much different. she already has bad habits, like smoking, not eating very healthily, working herself to the bone. she's literally sleep, eat, smoke, work. so, when she's going through it or at her breaking point, she keeps her head down and keeps working. sticks to those routines to an even more destructive degree. she stays longer at work, sleeps in her office. so, the thing is; she's not coping. or, believes that distracting herself just enough, keeping her mind busy will help her cope. but, at some point of course, your mind will be idle. if she works hard enough, she can hopefully get exhausted enough to sleep, but what if that still doesn't work?

so, i'd say one of the only other things she might do that would stick out, but she doesn't tell anyone about is that she goes somewhere near the water. it could be a river, stream, or the sea. anywhere by water and she'll sit there and ruminate. it's comforting to be near the water. i headcanon that her family would take trips to the beach when she was a kid. that might be something that she still holds onto today and why it comforts her.

i also thinks she uses sex as a coping mechanism. i won't get into heavy detail. i don't think that it's her go-to, but she has used it in the past and will likely do it again. because of this though, she has an interesting and somewhat complicated relationship with sex. it's enjoyable and can absolutely be an expression of love. but, she's linked it as well to how she copes when she just wants her mind to be blank in a way that isn't the same way alcohol can affect her, that it ... becomes all wrapped up in that.

kento ... he's a little ashamed of the fact he does use alcohol to numb what he feels. he discovered at some point that it's pretty effective on the numbing factor, something that can take the edge off. what's more is he has a pretty high tolerance. but, there's shame in the fact that he does drink to cope because it feels childish or wrong. there's guilt in there. he needs to sort it out, he can't rely on something so destructive. but, at the same time, does he care that he's destroying himself? it's a war in his mind and he's tired of fighting.

i would say that in terms of anything healthy, he already goes to the grocery store for normal errands. but, the amount of time he spends in there speaks to his state of mind. he goes to the extra big grocery stores so he can spend more time dissociating, lmao. but it is calming to him. he engages in cooking dished that require more skill and a longer process, it clears his mind. gives him a healthy challenge. he has his music blasting for sure. but, in his earbuds because he's considerate of his neighbors.

from: meme / @cderiva setting: back roads of a provincial town, afternoon summer.

he's miserable under the wave of humid heat, sweltering in his uniform. he finally shirks his jacket, folding it neatly atop one of the backseat's cushions. as miserable as he is, however, she looks like she might be faring worse. or, maybe just as bad as he is. yuji and nobara went to go walk down to the nearest bus stop to check the times, maybe they could catch one back to the nearest station to take them back to the city. he offered to stick around with maria, mostly because he didn't want to walk all the way to the stop and nobara lost at rock, paper, scissors.

he's not really as chatty as yuji or nobara. not that he cares very much to break the silence or give more than a few words in response to whatever query was thrown his way. but, he's taking a little pity on the both of them. forcing himself to crack his mouth open, spill out some kind of ... compassion?