#cdash

cdash’s (dA) (pixiv) art is my current favourite! I’ve seen a lot of their work around, but never linked to a gallery or profile. It took me like two hours to finally find an account, mainly because the artist is Chinese.

To the lovely Anon who sent me an ask weeks ago (let’s face it, at this point, it was months ago) about my favorite scene to write in my Portal 2 fic -- I finally have your answer. 

Yours was literally the first ask I have had in years, and I was so excited and sat down right away to reply -- then got interrupted 2/3 of the way through, went to save my reply as a draft to finish later ... and then discovered asks are a one-time deal. I didn’t know that they only stay in the ask inbox if they’ve been replied to, and I couldn’t figure out how to get your question back. 

Anyway, if you’re still out there, please know I am terribly sorry that I never responded to your question, and please also know that your kind words meant (mean!) SO much. (And also please PM or send another ask to let me know you’ve read this? Because I honestly feel like shit about it.)

My favorite CDaSH scene to write and why:

Hi, three people who followed me!

I dunno if whoever has been reading CDaSH cares (and no worries if you don't), but just to give you some context why there was a five-month lag (other than my life temporarily going to shit)...

Chapter 7 spent most of those five months in a state of 80% completion, but as I said in my AN - I didn't major in English (but I have three degrees in psychology. Over-educated and underpaid much? Yep). My literary grammar skills aren't up to par, which left me agonizing over every semicolon, "has/had," use of present/past tense, etc. It's also not a linear chapter, and what made sense in my head was no guarantee that it would make sense to the reader, so I kept writing and re-writing, and then eventually just said to hell with it and crossed my fingers that folks would be able to figure it out. Even even though my story is "just fanfiction," I still want to give you a product that is as close to professional as I can make it. Compounding all of that is my lack of a beta reader, and although my husband and family are happy to read what I write, none of them know Portal. (Although kudos to my husband, who does play Co-op with me when I ask him.) 

Research is the other factor that delays my updates. I've put in more hours - many, many more hours - exhaustively pouring over Portal lore than I did on the last lit review I wrote before I dropped out of my PhD program (which would have been my fourth degree in psychology - Overeducated, underpaid, and an idiot much? Yep!). Re-watching walkthroughs; reading level-by-level descriptions of old and new Aperture on the various Portal wikis; researching the background of Borealis; going over Wheatley and GLaDOS's lines time and time again, not only because I'm trying to nail their cadence and style of speech, but also searching for elements that make the story as close to cannon as possible...Then I stay up late at night wondering if anyone has picked up on the little details I've dropped along the way - silverstreams immediately recognized the references to Lab Rat (yay!), but there's other stuff I've tried to incorporate that I worry readers are completely missing, and the effort to go the extra mile is ultimately a waste of time on my part.

Plus, the pragmatic part of myself feels dumb investing all of this time in a story that won't generate anything for me other than pride and affirmation when I receive follows/favourites/reviews (THANK YOU!!). CDaSH takes away from the time I could be spending on my own original work, which I do want to publish. Eventually. Someday. Maybe. Blah.

Hm. This post turned out way more complain-y than I ever intended, but I guess I just needed some space in which to vent. 

OK, back to chapter 9...and writing reports for my real job.

Recent review...

Anonymous 8/13/13 . chapter 6

OMG! I think I know who left those things! It was Doug Rattman, wasn't it? See, the thing is, after the LAB RAT comic and stuff, my brother thinks that Rattman is still alive, but lost in the condemned section of Aperture to keep away from GLaDOS. PLEASE tell me I'm right!

Ack! C'mon, Anonymous, you know I can't tell you if you're right before I've posted the whole story!  

However, I am in complete agreement about Doug still being alive. I think Valve left far too many hints within Portal 2 to suggest otherwise, no matter how ambiguous the ending was to Lab Rat. I am on the fence about whether a Portal film will ever materialize (and also on the fence about how I feel with JJ Abrams* being at the helm), but if it does, I hope we get the definitive answer to Doug's whereabouts.

The reviews folks have left me on FF.net have been lovely to read, and many times make me wish I could reply back - and sometimes I do, but I don't want to bother people, and other times the reviews are from guests, and so I have no way to say thanks. I did read up a little on FF.net etiquette, but there didn't seem to be a clear consensus on the matter...so I've turned to tumblr as the solution.

Regarding the Morse code line in Chapter Three - this is a reference that was lost on me until I started doing research for the story. When Wheatley starts babbling in Spanish after he becomes WheatDOS ("I don't even know what I just said! But I can found out!"), the translation of his line is, "You are using this translation software incorrectly. Please consult the manual."* So that's what the dots and dashes in CDaSH mean. I mentioned it in an author's note because I didn't want readers to think I had copped out and just typed a bunch of random dots and dashes and called it Morse code.  

*Disclaimer: I'm basing this on the information here and don't know if their translation of Wheatley's Spanish is correct.

Tsau's review - I totally did not clue into the "Percy W." connection until you pointed it out, which is pretty damn brainless on my part given that I love HP. Fact Core as a prefect at Hogwarts...wow, that'd be a rabbit hole of a crossover...! (Has anyone written this? And if so, can I read it? Hermione vs. Prefect Fact Core - oh, man. SOMEONE has to write this.) And yay for Monty Python! No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! 

As for Chell's selective mutism - I've worked with kids who struggle with this and as a result probably know more than the average bear about the disorder, but the scope of my familiarity with it ends there. I am extremely cautious when writing about this aspect of Chell's history - CDaSH and Portal are fictitious (duh), selective mutism is not (duh^2), and knowing that one of my readers has personal experience with it makes me want to tread even more lightly. I don't mention this as a complaint, but in recognition of the fact that authors often create characters that struggle with shit that they themselves (the authors) have never experienced, and as a result, they write it all wrong. (That's a really piss-poor way of saying the following: I've personally never struggled with selective mutism, I'm writing a character who has, and if I am ever off the mark, please speak up and tell me.)