#cd 32

I hate that it has been 20 months since we started.

I hate that it's only been 2 months since I miscarried.

I hate that AF symptoms are the same as Pregnancy symptoms.

I hate nausea, and sore nipples, and peeing all the time, and being exhausted, and feeling bloated, and headaches, and cravings, and dizziness.

I hate that I have ALL these symptoms.

I hate CD 32.

I hate being 15dpo.

I hate that I'm 2 days late for my period.

I hate that I was almost never late before the MC.

I hate BFN tests.

I hate that I'm scared for a BFP to come and not get darker again.

I hate that I keep testing when I know I'm out this cycle.

And now my temp are back up…like jumped +0.72!?! What the heck body? Are we pregnant, are we coming down with something, did I get hot while sleeping?

Okay, so here’s the deal:

At the end of October, I started taking birth control again. I only missed two pills for the entire month that I took it, which was late-November to late-December. I got it refilled just before the new year, buuuuuuuut I really sucked at taking it. Like, I only took the first two pills. I’m awful, I know.

So, we BD’d on New Year’s Day, and I’m sure that’s the only time we did it within when I think my “fertile window” was. At this point, I’m not even sure I ovulated.

So we were back at home visiting with family and friends for about four days, and then we drove back, and I noticed my nipples were tingly and a tiny bit sore. I remember telling my fiance, “Welp, that means I’m starting my period soon.” Which I didn’t even mind because I knew there was no way I could be pregnant. I had taken BCP for one month, taken two more pills once my period was over, and then stopped. So I didn’t even think twice about it.

Until my nipples had been sore for a week. I’m closing in on two weeks and my nipples are still so sensitive to the touch. I went back to look at the symptoms I logged on Fertility Friend, and each time I reported sore nipples, my period started exactly a week afterwards, and then the soreness would go away as soon as it started.

On Wednesday morning, I went potty, wiped, and there was orange-colored mucus. I put a pad on expecting that I would start my period later that day or by the next morning. I’ve only spotted one other time and my period hit full force the next day. So the next day, all I had was brown spotting, on the pad and toilet paper, and then it just stopped. I woke up with a clean pad yesterday morning and this morning as well. I should also note that I usually have moderate cramps the day before my period is due. This time around? It was like a little pinch for a few moments, and then nothing.

The only “symptoms” I’ve had are my stupidly sore nipples, my tits feel enormous (I had to go out and buy bigger, cupless bras and sports bras), spotting, and exhaustion, which just started yesterday.