Apr 5, 2017
Bro: *sneezes in the dining room*
Me: *walks into living room*
Mom: Bless you
Me: Uhm... wrong child.....
Mom: Oh. Darn. I knew someone sneezed and it was a 50/50 chance it was you
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Bro: *sneezes in the dining room*
Me: *walks into living room*
Mom: Bless you
Me: Uhm... wrong child.....
Mom: Oh. Darn. I knew someone sneezed and it was a 50/50 chance it was you
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Me: do you want to order from this new japanese restaurant
Bro: *reads the word βgyozaβ*
Bro: *stomach growls*
Bro: *sobs* YES
Shoutout to @ccc7ccc for capturing my natural state on the NYC subways: annoyed
Bro, from across the apartment: Ooh this video game's character selection has a nurse! Description: "disciplinarian"
Me, to myself: Do I tell him
Bro: A HEALER
Me: Do I tell him
Bro, ten minutes later: Oh... it's n-not the medical kind of nurse...
[chubby pit bull waddling in front of us]
Me & bro at the same time: oooooh she thique
Pit bull: *stops and sits down, turning to us with a devastated look*
Owner: ???what are you doing Layla? *dragging her along*
Me: π« oh my god did we just fat shame a dog
Bro: poor Layla π
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bro's friends: *have a girl's night and invite me* Me: I can't come, I'm studying bro: *goes as my proxy to Girl's Night*
Me: *divvying up dinner* Are four chicken legs too much for you?
Bro: *mouth filled with cookies* Nofmgdwftht
Me: wha
Bro: *carefully around a mouth full of cookies* No I'm good with that
what i meant to say: wait I wanna show you something what i said: wait I- *coughs* *chokes* *wheezes* *teeters off chair* brother: what.....