#cayir

is he cute y/n?

Okay, Courtney is doing some homework and I finally have my laptop on so I’m gonna be productive and write you something heartfelt.

 I ADORE YOU. Lets start with something cliché; you have grown into such a sympathetic, beautiful woman. Truly, truly. I know that you’ve expressed times where you’ve felt envious of me and my life, but I don’t think you fully understand how jealous I am of you.  You’re incredibly brilliant with jokes and wit, you’ve got a figure you need to learn how to flaunt, you are so smart and will accomplish so much even though you may feel jipped out of a niche, you are so pretty without makeup! Etc etc etc. Don’t you dare ever think the admiration was never reciprocated. You are so so so so rad.

 I’M SORRY. I’m sorry for drifting and I’m sorry if it ever felt I took you for granted. [This isn’t a huge issue in our friendship, but I feel obligated to do so.] I apologize for all the growing up you had to deal with, with me. I know I had a lot of baggage.

 THANK YOU. Thank you for everything.  I’m just on the verge of tears typing this, listening to some Passion Pit [yet another influence you’ve had on me]. You have been and continue to be one of the most loyal and understanding friends I have ever met. I AM the lucky one to have known you. Thank you for staying along my side. You have never given up on me despite all the probably-unacceptable-slutty-naïve-just plain stupid shit I’ve done. Thank you for being there when I didn’t feel as if I had anyone. As you can remember, high school wasn’t really easy for me. I wasn’t thrown the most predictable, average teenage problems. It was real life. And you handled everything with so much consideration and empathy that no one could ever replace. I really don’t know how I’d survive through high school without you. Without the entire nerd herd. I know you’ve said that maybe it’s not so good that you accept things so easily, but I don’t think its so bad. Unless its meth. But that’s an incredible trait to possess: the ability to accept without judgment. I’m sure you’re gonna save other lives with that, besides mine, in the future.

Also, don’t be too afraid of change. You are the cosmos. You are part of the universe. You are the phases of the moon, a beautiful creature. And change comes with that. Welcome it with open arms and see where it leans you. Ill always be here to fall you if you fall. That was always my secret to adventures. Allow yourself to take on the world with only a pinch of fear. Don’t limit yourself. Go make friends. Go drink some beer [MAKE SURE THERE ARE PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU OR HOLD ME BACK LORD JESUS]. Go on a roadtrip. Makeout with a random guy [SAVE THE SEX, BISH]. [But if you do, go get checked out and fill me in on the deets .J]  

 It really does hit me. I feel like I’ve lost a piece of me. It, honestly, scares me having you so far, but I already know you’re not entirely lost. You’ve just always been there in the past 4 years… you’ve gained a permanent residence in my heart. I promise I’ll try my best to update you if you do the same.