#cavycas

and because my family just can’t stop being stereotypically italian for more than 2 seconds, my dad brought olive oil on this trip

then when he had difficulty starting a campfire in the rain, he soaked paper towel in the olive oil and threw it on the firewood so it’d catch fire

my girlfriend, lovely and kind, decided to look down and turn the vents on to get the windshield cleared up. what she didn’t know was that as she had looked down, a fully grown doe began to scamper across the road. i immediately took my foot off the gas because when i’m in a panic i try to escape as quickly as possible. within a second i knew we wouldn’t hit the deer, she was running fast enough and we were far enough back that we weren’t in danger. 

all of this transpired in my head in silence. i didn’t even so much as utter the word “deer” in warning to my beautiful girlfriend, who was still looking down at the a/c and heat controls. 

so. she looks back up. and the sees the deer. in the middle of the road, right in front of the car. 

imagine, if you will, that a pubescent orc has just been kicked in his recently-descended testicles. a hoarse, high-pitched shriek of surprise. 

this is the sound my girlfriend made. not just because there was a deer within a few feet of her car as we’re travelling down a dark ass country road at night, but because she didn’t see this doe actually run onto the road. she looked up when it was already directly in front of us, so all she could see what the brown-grey shape of some monstrous hell creature cryptid backwood nightmare that was about to wreck her g6

i creeped a little and saw gangster art too so i am now dead you have killed me

ok but i also named my mankey john cena do i have to shut up