#cavillvirus

“I thought you weren’t going?” She asked from the doorway.

He turned around and grinned. “I’ll go if it means I get to see the look on that bastard, Cody’s face when you walk past him like he doesn’t even exist.” 

Within five minutes, Paige was dressed and ready and the moment she revealed herself from around the hall, he realized how blind he had been. She had always been cute to him in the way that growing up together as family friends could be, but in that dress she was stunning and somehow Logan could see her as the woman she was becoming.

So they went to the dance together. Of course he didn’t dance at all. He was either standing in a corner or sitting at a table watching Paige bounce all over the dancefloor until she fell into a chair next to him, laughing like a hyena. It only took one look at her for him to know she was drunk. 

“Jesus, Paige,” he said, grabbing her arm so she wouldn’t fall out of the chair. “Are you drunk?”

“Nooo,” she lied before going into a fit of giggles. 

“Where’d you get booze in here?” 

“Jess...brought some flasks.” Her speech was beginning to severely slur and Logan knew that within thirty minutes she’d be hunched over a trash can. This wasn’t exactly the first time she had pushed her limit.

“Let’s go.” He hoisted her up and guided her out of the venue and got her into his truck. He knew he couldn’t take her home like this. Not only would she get in trouble, but her dad would kill him for letting this happen. So he just drove. Every so often he would glance at Paige. Her window was rolled down and she had her arms crossed on the windowsill, her head resting on it letting the wind hit her face. He silently thanked the universe she hadn’t gotten sick, especially in his truck. 

They had been driving on a dark country road for about thirty minutes when she quietly said his name. 

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to leave…” She was referring to him going into the army. Within a month after graduation he would be off to basic training and from there, who knew. He honestly had no idea how to respond to her. They hadn’t really talked about their futures much beyond the basics of she was going to college and he was joining the army. “I feel…” she started, but trailed off before regaining her thoughts. “I feel like something bad is going to happen.” 

“Nothing bad is going to happen.” 

“What if you end up going to war?”

“Then I go to war,” he said plainly. 

“Logan,” she protested. “That’s not what I meant.” 

He was beginning to get irritated. Here he was driving her drunk ass around and she was questioning him. He pulled his truck off the road, put it in park and cut the engine.

“Then what did you mean, Paige?” His voice was sharp.

“I meant,” she said, her voice suddenly small and quiet. He watched her take a deep breath before speaking again. “What if -- if you die?” She was tearing up now and he felt a pang of guilt for being irritated at her. She was drunk and emotional, it wasn’t really her fault. 

“Well, then…” he mused, considering the possibility himself. “I honestly don’t know,” he finally said. 

“I don’t think I could take it if something happened to you.” She was crying now. The tears streamed quietly down her face, making her mascara run. She went to wipe at her eyes, but all it did was smudge it even more, leaving black marks around her eyes. 

“Ah, sure you could. I’m not that special,” he joked, nudging his shoulder against hers. 

“You are to me.” 

And before he could even begin to cultivate a response, she was kissing him. It was sloppy and forceful, but he let her kiss him and he began to kiss her back. Until he remembered that she was drunk and not thinking or acting herself, so he pulled away, leaving her staring at him dumbfounded. 

“Paige,” he murmured, shaking his head and wiping his mouth. “You’re drunk.” 

“Not anymore,” she said confidently, but Logan would bet anything that come morning she wouldn’t remember this conversation, let alone the kiss. He said nothing, just turned the key over and drove away in silence. By the time he got to Paige’s house she was asleep. He carried her in and to her bedroom, dress and all, then said goodnight to her parents before driving aimlessly trying to process what just happened. He found himself brushing over his lips with his fingertips, trying to feel the part of her that still lingered on him.

In the weeks leading up to his departure, she never once brought up the kiss or her feelings for him. Whether it was because she regretted it or didn’t remember, he had no idea, but he wasn’t about to bring it up. So he went into the army and she went off to school. They wrote letters back and forth to each other, a phone call every now and then to catch up, but eventually those dwindled. It wasn’t until he came home on leave the first time that he saw her again; three years after their kiss.

“I’m goin’ out,” he said to no one in particular as he slipped out the door with the mini cooler in tow. He drove his truck with the windows down and the radio off the entire way to Paige’s house, well her parents’. He hadn’t bothered to ask his mom if Paige was home on break, he’d just drive by and find out for himself. If her car was in the drive he’d stop, but if not, at least he wouldn’t rouse any suspicion. He knew his mother always thought he liked Paige or Paige liked him and he didn’t want to give her any reason to believe that she was right. 

Logan stopped at the next gas station and bought two six packs: one for him and one for her and put them in the cooler. The night was warm and humidity still lay thick in the air. He hadn’t realized how much he missed home until he smelled the air of early June in Georgia. Oddly, he didn’t push the speed limit on the long stretch of road he could drive with his eyes closed. He opted instead to take his time and enjoy it knowing that his leave would be over before he knew it and hauled off to god knows where. After being away for three years, he could still find the turn to Paige’s house even in the dark and as he pulled up the driveway he immediately noticed the light coming from her window. His stomach flipped and for a moment he considered just turning around, going home, and drinking the two six packs by himself. You got this far, he thought as he put the truck into park and turned the key. He walked up to the door, thinking of what he’d say first when he saw her, but right as he was about to knock the door flew open and there she was. 

She looked the same, but different. He couldn’t really articulate what it was, maybe her hair, he thought, girls liked to change their hair a lot. But it wasn’t her hair, it was the confidence that enveloped her. He had never been nervous around her, but standing on her porch he suddenly felt very intimidated. All he could do was swallow, but suddenly his throat was drier than where he just spent the last nine months. 

“Logan,” she said, unsurprised. “What are you doing here?” 

“Came to see you. A little bird told me you were back in town for the summer,” he lied. 

She stepped away from the door and opened it wider. “You wanna come in? Daddy’s in bed already, but I’m sure he’d want to see you.”

He cleared his throat. “Actually, I was gonna see if you wanted to come with me. I got some beer,” he said nodding towards the truck. 

“Go where?” she asked. She was clearly intrigued, but knowing Paige she always had questions.

“Figured we’d figure it out on the way.”

She looked up at him and smiled, then shook her head before finally saying.  “Let me grab my shoes.” 

“I’ll meet you out in the truck,” he said as she disappeared down the hall towards her room. 

Twenty minutes later they were parked off a dirt road in a clearing of land that belonged to his grandparents. He had always come here to hunt, to think, and in high school -- to drink. He and Paige had engaged in small talk on the drive. Mostly it was her talking and him listening. She was already on her second beer and becoming quite chatty about everything ranging from school to the last argument she had with her mom. He secretly hoped that her tolerance for alcohol had increased since prom night; that was not something he’d like to repeat. 

While she went on about her plans for the rest of the summer, he grabbed a beer from the cooler between them and opened it, taking a long gulp that instantly relieved his dry throat that had persisted since seeing Paige.

“Are you even listening?” she asked, playfully hitting him on the arm. 

“Yeah,” he drawled. “I’m listening.” He gave her a sideways glance and grinned.

“What’d I just say?” 

“You said,” he said before chugging the rest of the beer and crushing it in his hand. “That you were going to go visit your mama’s folks for a few weeks.” He ended with a proud smile.  She leaned back into the seat and gave him a faux glare. He knew how much she hated being proved wrong. 

“Why’d you bring me here anyway?”

“To talk and drink beer.” He grabbed another beer. “Why was there something else you had in mind?” 

She laughed because they both knew there was nothing else to do in their town, especially after nine pm. “I’m glad the army didn’t take away your sense of humor.” 

He had wondered how long it’d take for her to bring up the military. He internally began to panic, remembering their last conversation about his service in this same truck. 

“Not yet anyhow,” he quipped. 

They fell into an easy silence until he could feel it beginning to slip into borderline awkwardness. He turned around to the poor excuse he had for a backseat and grabbed the blanket he kept there, then grabbed the cooler and the beer he was drinking. “Come on,” he said, leaving her still sitting in the truck. 

He let the tailgate down and climbed into the bed, spreading the blanket down and putting the cooler off to the side. Then he sat himself down and grabbed his open beer from the edge of the bed and took a drink. He heard the passenger side door open, then close. Paige stood at the end of the tailgate with her hands on her hips. 

“Did you bring me all the way out here just to fuck me?” Her question caught him off guard and he choked on his beer. “It’s fine if you did, but just be honest about it.” 

He had to ask himself the same question, but honestly, having sex hadn’t even crossed his mind. He had just wanted to hang out and drink beer in peace with Paige. He felt nervousness flood his system. Did she want to have sex with him? 

“No, Paige. I didn’t bring you out here for that,” he said defensively. She gave him a doubtful look, but climbed up nonetheless. He waited until she sat next to him before he said, “Might’ve been to kill you though.” He said it as seriously as he could, but one look at her face and he was bursting into laughter and she immediately followed. When she went to grab another beer, he asked if she felt okay. “You don’t have to drink them all just to prove anything. I don’t want you to get sick.”

She scoffed. “Obviously you’ve been gone a long time.” 

“Are you trying to tell me you’re no longer the lightest of lightweights?” 

“College does things to you, Logan,” she deadpanned. “You wouldn’t understand.” 

He knew she was joking, but part of him felt like it was a jab at his decision to forgo the academic route. She hadn’t exactly been super supportive of his choice to enlist.

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” He asked this in earnest. She had seemed different from the moment he laid eyes on her in the doorway, he just couldn’t put a finger on it. She chose her words more carefully and spoke slower, but mainly the difference was in her eyes. They were no longer as bright as he remembered. 

She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her arms around them, almost like she was hugging herself. He watched her think for a moment like she was considering whether to answer his question, but ultimately she did. “Like make you question everything you’ve ever known. I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore,” she said barely above a whisper, but with all the conviction in the world. 

He grunted in amusement. “Sounds a lot like the army.” He finished his beer and moved to grab another. 

“I didn’t realize it would be so hard to go away and then come back.” He nodded in agreement, knowing exactly how she felt. Since being back he was seeing things through a whole other lens. People here didn’t understand just how good they had it. This wasn’t to discount the problems he knew people faced here at home, but out there, it was on a different level. “We grew up in a bubble, Logan. I think it burst.” 

She turned to look at him, her eyes heavy. They might’ve been a bit buzzed, but he knew she wasn’t drunk and neither was he, so it made what he did next seem a bit more meaningful. He kissed her. Unlike the first time, it was him who leaned in, slowly at first, but once he felt how her body leaned towards his he didn’t hold back. His hand came up to cradle her head and hold her to him and he felt her begin to smile before she pulled away. 

She gave a breathy chuckle. “So you did bring me out here to have sex.” 

“No,” he repeated, pulling away from her. “I really didn’t. Swear.” His heart was racing and his body felt like he was burning from the inside out. Had he thought about what it would be like with Paige before? Yes, many times. The thought of being with her had gotten him through his first deployment, but he knew damn well he didn’t bring her out there for that reason alone. 

“But have you thought about it?” He looked down, away, anywhere but her face. In an attempt to hide the truth, he had given it away. She scooted closer to him and gently guided his face to meet hers. “Because I have,” she said quietly. “After my first time I remember wishing it had been with you.” Her eyes bore into him with an intensity he had never seen in her. “I always thought it would be with you,” she added. Giving him no time to respond, she kissed him, her tongue slipping into his mouth in a hungry attempt to steal his breath away. She quickly moved to straddle him at the same time, and he was acutely aware of the feeling that his jeans were beginning to feel uncomfortably tight in this position. Her fingertips skirted underneath the hem of his shirt and the cold contrast of them against his skin, made him groan. Her hands traveled up to his chest and with each inch she touched, she made him feel as though he was melting. 

When she pulled away from his lips and began to pepper kisses down his throat, he could no longer control his breath. God, was this supposed to hurt? He felt like his heart was going to explode. He wanted to touch her, but his mind was running wild and he couldn’t make his arms move. “Logan,” she breathed. “You can touch me.” She grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her breast.

“Paige,” he murmured, but when she continued kissing and nipping at his neck and trying to work his shirt off him, he repeated her name. “Paige, stop.” 

She sat back on her heels, looking slightly confused. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?” 

He laughed. How could she possibly think she did something wrong. In approximately three minutes she had made him feel more alive than he ever had in his twenty-one years. No, the problem was him. “Paige, I…” he swallowed. “I’ve never…” He watched as the realization came across her face. 

“Seriously?” she asked. There was no judgement in her tone, but he couldn’t help but feel very embarrassed. “I would’ve thought back in high school, or at least being in the army. I thought women loved a man in uniform.” 

Oh, they do, he thought. There had been many times he could’ve, but he just didn’t want to. It never seemed right. He had been made fun of plenty by his buddies for turning down the most willing of women. 

“Logan, we don’t have to.” 

“No,” he said, maybe a bit too quickly. “No, I want to,” he nodded. 

“Are you sure?” 

When he nodded in response, she stood up in the bed and began to unbutton her cutoff shorts. As much as he was entranced in watching her, he realized he was missing one crucial element. “Paige, I don’t have any condoms.” He watched in astonishment as she reached behind her and pulled two square packets from her back pocket and tossed them onto his lap. He laughed, realizing that all along it had been her trying to get in his pants. Her shorts slid off her hips and she stepped out of them before kneeling down to straddle him again. 

“I don’t have to show you how to put that on, do I?” she teased. 

“No,” he chuckled as he held them between two fingers.  “No, that I think I can figure out.” 

She cradled his face between her hands before kissing him deeply, her teeth lightly pulling on his bottom lip. When he brought his hand up to cup her breast through her shirt, he felt her breath hitch and gave a throaty moan which triggered something in him that he was exactly sure what it was. In one swift motion he managed to flip them so hovered above her. He wanted to tell her what he had known since that night three years ago, but had been too afraid to say. What he thought that time and distance would diminish, but hadn’t. “Paige, I --” he started, but she reached up and planted a finger over his mouth. 

“No more talking, Logan. Just love me,” she whispered. She might’ve really said ‘fuck’, but he swore he heard love, so that’s what he did. He loved her. 

It was messy and quick, but he did everything according to her lead. He touched her where she asked, and once he was inside her he moved when she said to move. They fell into a rhythm that had them mirror the other. She lifted her hips to meet him and in response he drove deeper. “Don’t stop,” she whined as she hugged him to her. He found his release when she began to clench around him and he tried to keep going even after he knew he couldn’t anymore. When he finally pulled away and lay on his back next to her, his breath uneven and shaky, he said, “If it wasn’t good for you, I’m sorry.” 

Paige turned her head and smiled at him in the dark. “It was good, because it was with you.” Before he could say anything else, she was asking for her clothes on account of not wanting to get eaten up by mosquitos. They dressed in silence and drank one more beer while they talked about what the future held, immediate and distant. He told her he had only a week left of his leave before heading back to where he was stationed. Then when it seemed like they had run out of words, he drove her home. As she walked towards her front door, she turned around and waved in the dark. He wasn’t sure if she could see him wave, but he smiled and waved anyway. What he was sure she couldn’t see was the tear he wiped away as he turned his truck around and drove away. In that moment he realized that he’d never be able to give himself to another the way he did to Paige; he would never be anything but hers. He shook his head, thinking how he had believed the army would make a man out of him, but he was wrong, it had been her. 

He had seen her once more before he left, but they never talked about what happened that night. They maintained contact here and there over the next five years, but eventually even that dwindled and he only heard about her through his mother. And since then that was all he got of her. Now he had a wedding invitation while she still had pieces of him.

Sy sat numbly in his worn out hand-me-down recliner, casually flipping the card over front to back before finally staring it dead on. He took a deep swig of his beer, kicking his boots off in the process. Out of all the things he expected to get in the mail, a wedding invitation wasn’t one of them. He wondered how she even got his address. Mama, he thought, borderline cursing. This must’ve been her twisted way of getting back at him for moving across the country after getting out of the army. It’d been a couple years, but she still hadn’t forgiven him for not coming home after being gone for so long. 

He looked down at the invitation and brushed his thumb over the picture of the happy couple. The first thing that caught his attention was that her coppery brown hair had been chopped off to her shoulders and anyone who knew her, knew that she loved her hair. She practically had to be forced to get a trim. And while her smile was still just as bright, her eyes looked empty. What has he done to you? 

He sat there and tried to remember a time when he hadn’t known her, but he couldn’t, that’s how long they had been in each other’s lives. Their fathers had been buddies in high school and through various family camping trips, football games, and cookouts over the years they had grown to be best friends. Whoever the woman was in this picture, it sure as hell wasn’t Paige. That much he knew for sure. 

Sy took note of the date for the upcoming nuptials. It was two months and some change away. Seemed pretty quick from what he knew about weddings, but then again, he didn’t know a lot. He rummaged in his pocket for his phone and then did something he was buzzed just enough to do. He called her. 

He wondered if the number he had was still hers, but after a few rings he heard that familiar voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello?” 

“Congratulations,” he said politely. An obvious pause fell between the two of them, but he was determined to wait for her response.

“Logan,” she said, her tone surprised. “Than...thank you.” He heard her moving around. It sounded like the rustling of blankets, but he couldn’t be sure. He made a quick glance at his watch and silently chided himself for calling her so late her time. She had probably been asleep, or close to it. “So you got the invitation?” Her voice sounded hopeful and eager. 

“I did. Came in the mail today.” 

“Do you think you’ll be able to make it?” Sy made a mental observation that her voice, although familiar, sounded different. Gone was the subtle drawl she had always had and in its place was a flat voice more akin to a news anchor.

“Ah, Paige I dunno. It’s kind last minute to get a plane ticket and get off work…” 

“Knowing you, you have at least three weeks vacation time saved up,” she chuckled. Sy laughed at that. She knew him too well, even after years of barely speaking.

 “You’d be right.” 

“So you’ll come?” she asked eagerly. “I want you there. You’re still one of my best friends.” 

With that comment, Sy gave a sardonic grunt. “Very bold of you to say we’re friends when I haven’t heard from you in almost five years.”

“The phone works both ways, Logan,” she snipped. 

“It’s Sy,” he said firmly. “I go by Sy now.” The conversation was quickly becoming volatile, and he knew that anything else he said could potentially open up Pandora’s box. He quickly decided he didn’t give a shit if it did. “Let me ask you something,” he continued before she could respond to his last comment. “Are you happy?”  There was a half second pause before she answered that she was, but that slight hesitation told him all he needed to know. 

“Things change, Lo--,” she started before correcting herself. “Sy. People change.”

“That they do,” he agreed. “I’m happy for ya.” Sy knew he was lying, more so to himself. Nothing about this situation made him happy. This was never how he imagined his relationship with Paige playing out, but he believed his performance was award worthy, especially for someone who felt like there was a tornado ripping through them.

“So will you come?” she probed. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He’d rather get shot at again than see her walk down the aisle towards someone else, but at the end of the day all he wanted was for her to be happy. He would do anything just to see her smile. If him being there made her happy, then he’d be there no matter how miserable it made him. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there...hey, I gotta go. Have a good evening.” 

“Oh, okay. Goodbye.” she mumbled.