Christmas had been different this year, that much was for sure. He had enjoyed himself though, spending the day at Maggieâs new place in the village with his love and his baby sister teasing him throughout as they enjoyed a meal and a gift exchange. It had honestly felt like old times. But even having a good time couldnât quell the emptiness of that missing piece to their small family here in Russia. It was his own stubbornness and his still ever-present anger towards her that had kept him from inviting the guard that day, not to mention his fear that Maggie would not have approved of her being there as well. He wasnât even sure how the two girls would get along after everything that had been revealed anyway. The whole thing was a mess.
A bit drunk after the festivities, Matthias had just dropped Kat off in her room when heâd come across the festive box in front of his door, the prince looking around the hallway as if the person whoâd put it there would be waiting in the shadows. Realizing no one was there, he took the box inside of his room and set it down on his bed so he could wash up for the night. A pair of clean pajama pants and a set of brushed teeth later, he took a seat next to the gift and started to inspect the outside closely, not sure what he would find or what he was looking for. A card maybe? Something that indicated this wasnât some sort of joke or anything of that sort?
It was anything but. Matthias sobered up immediately as he pulled the tissue paper from the picture, his whole body seeming to seize up as he gazed down at the girl who was unmistakably his daughter. He knew even before heâd read Solveigâs messy scrawl, there was no way this girl wasnât related to him or Sol. His fingertips lightly grazed the glass over Astridâs cheeks while his eyes welled ever so slightly, and Matthias let out a deep breath heâd felt like heâd been holding in ever since Halloween. This was her. And she was beautiful.
The Dutch prince wasnât sure how long heâd been staring down at that photo before he set it down next to the box, his eye catching a glint from something else inside. He picked up the disc, his head tilting while he took in the unfamiliar writing on it. That couldnât beâŠno, there was no way, right?
He was off the bed and over to his bookshelf faster than he realized he could even move almost losing his grip on the disc while he placed it in the cd player. The touch screen popped up and he almost cracked the delicate screen as he clicked on the first file.
âMatthias! Mama said you finally found out about me!â
Mouth falling open, he closed his eyes as he took in the girlâs tone and a million thoughts started to flood his mind. Found out about her? Had she known who he was all this time?
âShe tried to feed me some line about how if you knew she had a daughter youâd never let her keep her job because it was too dangerous. Between you and me, thatâs some BS.â
A laugh fell from his lips. This was Solveigâs daughter, that was for sure. So thatâs how sheâd kept Astrid in the dark, huh? Feeding her lies while somehow still shining him in a good lightâŠhe shouldnât have been surprised. Solveig was a good liar it seemed, and it made him wonder what else she had been keeping from him over the years.
âI donât think she knows who my dad is and that makes her really uneasy. Donât judge her about it, sheâs a great mom.â
His smile turned down into a frown as the girl continued. That line had made his heart ache for Astrid. Solveig had known all along and kept her in the dark along with him, kept her from knowing one of her parents. He knew what that was like in a way having never really known his mother. It wasnât an easy thing to grow up with and being that absent parent himself made him uneasy.
âAnyway! Iâve known about you pretty much my whole life. Got the birthday present by the way and loved it. I wasnât sure what you might want for the holiday though, and it was on a bit of short notice⊠Not gonna lie, Iâm giving you the same thing I gave my momâŠand your sister. Hope you like armature piano played by a teenager and I promise Iâll get you something way better for your birthday. Well, I mean, maybe⊠I would welcome a list of reasonably priced ideas. Or, you know what? My uncle makes the best honey mead. My momâs probably shared it with you, youâll love it. Of course, as a fourteen year old I have no idea what alcohol tastes like or anythingâŠSo, um.."Â
As his daughter continued, he started to smile again. She wasâŠthoughtful. And a bit of a firecracker at the same time. And he noted how she seemed to make him laugh so easily even as his laughter turned into a choked sound, tears finally starting to fall from his eyes while her voice filled the room. Why was he just getting to discover these things about her? Why had he not been allowed to laugh with her in person over the years? Why could he not be there to sneak her the first sip of honey mead sheâd probably already tasted? He leaned against the book case and slid down to sit on the floor, his knees coming up as he placed his arms against them, and then pressed his forehead against his own warm skin in an attempt to hide himself from the world. All he wanted to focus on was that voice.
"You know what, forget I said anything. We donât have to talk about it! I hope you enjoy Jason Mraz and the Beatles. I just get so bored of learning classical music, ya know? Well, this is way too long already, and itâs the third time Iâve recorded it⊠Yeah, this is like, the edited down version⊠I should-âŠI should go now. Happy Holidays, Matthias!"Â
Silence filled the room, broken only by the sound of his sobs as he stayed curled into himself. Seeing her, hearing her, it was everything he had needed and the worst thing that could have happened at the same time. This wasnât fair. That voice shouldnât be foreign to him, that picture shouldnât be the only one he owned, and he should have been able to display it proudly for everyone to see. Instead he would have to hide it away so nobody would know, he had to listen to her thick Norwegian accent and be reminded that she grew up in an entirely different country, he had to hear about how Solveig was a good mom despite her keeping the girl from her father.
And it wasnât even Solveigâs fault.
For months he had gone over that conversationâŠwell argument, in his head and all he could get from it was how this whole mess was because of his father. Solveig had some blame of course but could he really fault her for trying to protect her family? Matthias just wished beyond anything that she had trusted him enough to take care of it when they were younger. But again, he had been seventeen at the time, would he have trusted her if the roles had been reversed?
Music broke through his thoughts as he started to calm down. He wasnât sure how many songs he had missed or how long heâd allowed himself to break down but soon the melodic notes of a piano started to soothe him more and more as time went on. He stayed in that curled up position so that he could keep everything but that sound and his own thoughts out. Things had gotten so out of hand with this situation, but it was time. It was time for him to man up, to stop thinking of just himself as the victim here, to actually truly speak with the mother of his child and figure out what they wanted to do about it all. It was time to start healing from all of this and come out better on the other side.
And he would. He just didnât know where to start.
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