Salvete omnes.

As you may have guessed from my last post, Lesbia has broken up with me. I have been despondent for days, grieving alone at home, which is why I have not written a poem for several days. However, I have been able to coalesce my thoughts into a coherent piece, which you shall see below.

Miser Catulle, desinas ineptire, et quod vides perisse perditum ducas. Fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles, cum ventitabas quo puella ducebat amata nobis quantum amabitur nulla. Ibi illa multa cum iocosa fiebant, quae tu volebas nec puella nolebat, fulsere vere candidi tibi soles. Nunc iam illa non vult: tu quoque impotens noli, nec quae fugit sectare, nec miser vive, sed obstinata mente perfer, obdura. Vale puella, iam Catullus obdurat, nec te requiret nec rogabit invitam. At tu dolebis, cum rogaberis nulla. Scelesta, uae te, quae tibi manet uita? Quis nunc te adibit? cui videberis bella? Quem nunc amabis? Cuius esse diceris? Quem basiabis? Cui labella mordebis? At tu, Catulle, destinatus obdura.

Poor Catullus, stop being a fool (none pity you)

And understand that that which is lost, is lost.

(Let's get real here, moping hasn't gotten you anywhere)

Once, Lady Luck was on your side

When you followed your sweetheart around

(which, if you consider it, is slightly stalkerish)

For she was loved by you as none were ever loved before

Not Juliet by her Romeo, nor Eurydice by her Orpheus

Not even Lizzie Bennet by her Darcy

And you two shared moments

Which you enjoyed; nor did she not enjoy them

Truly Lady Luck smiled upon you.

Now your girl is over you. You: get over her,

Don't chase her, or mope continually,

But harden your heart and endure.

Goodbye, girl. Catullus is stronger now:

He won't come knocking at your door.

But you'll sure be sorry when no one does.

I pity you, for you are the fool!

What destiny awaits you? Not a happy one, I'm sure.

Who will come to you now and address you with flattering words

And tolerate you when your eyes are glued to your new phone

Who will love you? Or even consider you 'decent enough'?

Whom will you kiss? Who will even think of your name?

Not I!

You, Catullus, be brave and stay strong.

Curate ut valeatis,