For those inquisitive minds, this blog is the brain child of two intelligent (and good looking, might I add) co-workers. These co-workers share a dream of riches, all evolving from blogdom. At, let’s call it Fun Inc for reasons of anonymity, most desire to reach out and expand from their department – some would rather just be a ML. ML? What in the world? Yes, dropping unexplained abbrevs on you already – don’t fret. ML is a highly coveted position in a specific department where obtaining your lowest goal is the key to success. Rather, it’s a way of life. Both of your fellow bloggers have successfully mastered the ML life, I just recently. I have compiled a “How-To” to my successor:
Dearest Senorita Cat Fancy Pajamas,
Congratulations on being nominated for the new ML. Normally, you must follow him from a minimum of two consecutive desk movements, but the CSR Gods must have seen something extra special in you. Not just anybody can become a ML, so I have complied a “How-To” for you to follow, in the case you find yourself becoming productive. These are in no particular order.
- Stay offline as much as possible. Being online creates the chance for an incoming call. If you must answer a call, click “Work Offline” immediately afterwards.
- Bring in a jug of your favorite zero calorie, zero sugar, zero carb and zero everything to sit on your desk for an extended period of time.
- Escalation time is your time. Surf the net, take a brisk walk, catch up with coworkers.
- Over doing tickets? “LVM for cust” works just as fine as actually calling.
- Develop a false sense of importance. Find a task, and own it. Then demand to only do this all day.
- Coming back from breaks a few minutes late is OK, and repeated trips to the bathroom are allowed. If anyone asks, point to the giant jug on your desk referenced earlier. A condescendingly spoken, “DUH” if the situation demands.
- Your chair now sucks as ML; bring in an exercise ball and donate your chair to a fellow coworker.
- Getting an escalation is bothersome for many reasons, number one is the appearance of taking calls, and that just won’t do! Get off the phone quickly by giving the customer whatever it is they need. If appropriate, proclaim loudly, “Double Escalation” to hand off the call. Click Work Offline.
- Better start learning the rules of the road, congrats, you drive a motorcycle now.
- Ah, another email came in? Quick! NRN that shit.
- Your new desk comes with a beautiful white wall, or what we MLs like to call, a blank canvas to showcase our accomplishments. Here you will post all your Fun Inc tickets and your amateur photography pictures. You’ll need your own tape.
- Two calls holding? More like, looks like I just went on break!
- Feeling the grudge of fellow coworkers as they see you’ve been offline for 5 hours? Just click “Take a Break” and then “Work Offline”. Abra Cadabra! That counter just went to zero! Now you appear to have just taken a call without doing any of the work!
These are just a few, of many, that will be able to both help push you in the right direction and keep you grounded as a ML. The life of being unproductive appears easy, but as the millions of MLs before you could attest, it is harder than it looks. The MLs of the world wish you the best, if you ever feel like being productive, stop and hang in there baby.
