#catsareevil

Hsn anyonr made an au wgere brazny isa hunter inthe woods and clown isa like cryptid hefeeds

Clown wantslike huamns NdBeanzysaysok!!!

🛑Disclaimer: I f*cking love animals. Yes, including cats. Yes, I own pets. Yes, they run my house like tiny furry dictators. If this post hurt your feelings, congrats—you have the emotional durability of a soggy napkin. Your cat doesn’t give a f*ck about your outrage, and neither do I. That little bastard is licking its own a**hole while plotting your financial and emotional downfall. If you’re mad, go pet your cat and get over it. Or stay pressed. Either way, engagement is engagement. Laugh or leave. Either way, I win. 🚀

Look, I love cats as much as the next degenerate scrolling through the internet at 3 AM, but let’s get one thing fcking straight—**half the sht you believe about cats is either made up or straight-up feline propaganda.**

So, let’s break it down: Here are 8 "facts" about cats that sound true, but are actually complete and utter f*cking nonsense.

1️⃣ “Cats Love Their Owners”

No, they f*cking don’t. They tolerate you because you supply them with food and a warm place to sleep. If you died in your apartment, that little f*cker wouldn’t mourn—you’d be a half-eaten corpse before they even considered meowing for help.

2️⃣ “Cats Always Land on Their Feet”

Yeah? Tell that to the dumbass cat I saw slam into a f*cking glass door at full speed. Cats have reflexes, sure, but that doesn’t mean they won’t absolutely f*ck up their landing like a drunk gymnast.

3️⃣ “Cats Purr Because They’re Happy”

LIES. Absolute f*cking lies. Cats also purr when they’re stressed, injured, or plotting your demise. If your cat is purring while staring directly into your soul, congratulations—you’re the next human sacrifice in its nine-life ritual.

4️⃣ “Cats Hate Water”

Ever tried bathing a cat? Yeah, they fight like they’re possessed by Satan himself. But some breeds love water. There are cats that willingly jump into lakes like they’re training for the f*cking Navy SEALs. Your cat just hates YOU, not water.

5️⃣ “Cats Are Independent”

Bullsht. Cats are needy little fcks that scream at your door at 3 AM because they don’t like the existential horror of being alone. They act all mysterious and self-sufficient, but the second you close the bathroom door, suddenly, it’s the f*cking apocalypse.

6️⃣ “Black Cats Are Bad Luck”

First of all, that’s racist. Second, black cats aren’t bad luck—they’re just sleek little bastards that get blamed for sht humans are already fcking up. If your life is in shambles, don’t blame the cat, blame the fact that you’re an idiot.

7️⃣ “Cats Bring You Dead Animals as a Gift”

Btch, that’s not a gift—that’s a **fcking threat.** Your cat isn’t being generous, it’s teaching you how to hunt because it thinks you’re an incompetent, useless piece of sh*t who can’t fend for yourself.

8️⃣ “Cats Meow to Communicate With Humans”

Yeah, they do. Because they f*cking domesticated YOU, dumbass. Meowing isn’t even a real cat-to-cat communication—it’s a sound they invented to manipulate your stupid human brain into obeying their every f*cking whim.

🐱🔥 REBLOG if your cat has ever scammed you with its fake-ass love. 🔄

Im having nightmares where the cats tumble from a vast abyss and engulf me till I drown in fur and whiskers. It is actually pretty scary and ive doubled up on my tinfoil layering around the vents in my room. considering sealing the lightbulbs in foil next but unsure if I should use standard kitchen stuff or invest at an industrial level?

and before anyone asks yes I am sleeping with cat repellent on my pillow AND taking anti-allergy pills at night but it doesnt seem to be having much effect.

one thing it has got me thinking about tho is the extent to which cats are influencing everyday behaviour. I often presume they dont bother with daily interference because man is docile and easily influenced enough, it would be a waste of their feline pheromones to sway our decisions over what coffee to order in the morning.

I see the Cats more so in politics and gods and these Big Decisions. Like which floors get colour and flavour and enetrtainment. its easier to keep the criminals criminal when you've taken away all the miscellaneous wonders of life, so take away everything for them and leave them susceptible to the brainwaves.

There have been a lot of big decisions in the last couple days that i really thought would turnout better. I really thought id put enough micro-plastic essential oils in my air diffusers that my friends would not be plagued by indecision and violence. Maybe im getting my herb blends wrong?? Then again i havent been travelling with my macroplastic head shield so maybe tHats it. 

Its really got me thinking though and i cant figure out which are my thoughts and which are like the thoights of something else greAter thats imposed on my subconscious. Am i really Tooth?? When i died they made me out of mulch again and told me that this is me. Why do i not feel like me anymore?? Why do my gums reel funny and my bones ache?? Do I have gum disease ??? 

and the terrible thing is i felt the urge to do violence. i didn't do any but there was a long while when I really thought about it, I really thought about the easier, violent option that would make everything go away and I could get on with everything else. and i didnt do that but maybe that's because i was scared, not because i was good.

and ive sat with that for a long while. am i me, is it me that was cruel? or did the Cats interfere with my resurrection and make me meaner?

and then it got me thinking (and im always thinking!!)

what constitutes the self? is it my actions (because those are deeply muddled by social contexts)?? is it my thoughts, and does that make me bad for considering violence? is it my friends (ruh roh if so)? is it some unseeable otherness that makes up my soul?? is it my blood and my brain and nerves? is it the influence i have on others? is it anything i can control?

if im in my body, and you're in yours, and there's no way for us to switch, will we ever truly understand each other?