#catra fluff

"Mara,"  Catra had murmured when Adora had told her how the stars were shaped like a woman, and Adora had immediately wanted to kiss her. That's been happening a lot lately, her being overcome with the urge to kiss Catra. Almost everything Catra does makes Adora want to kiss her.

She stares at Catra, now, and wonders for the umpteenth time that night how she's able to breathe when Catra looks like that. Her hair blows slightly with the wind, the short strands somehow falling perfectly into place, unlike her own, which get in her mouth and on her eyes every so often. 

The sun has set a long time ago, but the little torch they hold illuminates them both well enough. Adora almost wishes it didn't. Almost.

Catra's hair is like chocolate, dark strands twisting and merging with the others, her hair different shades due to the light, soft and fluffy, and Adora has to fight the urge to reach out and touch them. Her skin glows under the torchlight, the harsh yellow of it soft on her features, tanned warm skin looking so beautiful she wants to cry. Catra, everything about her is just so right and so perfect it makes her want to cry. The light only exaggerates her lashes, their shadows clearly visible on her cheek as she blinks slowly, tired. Blue and yellow eyes shine, one like liquid gold, gleaming in the dark, and the other as though someone has taken the sky and placed it in her eyes. Her eyes contain the whole world. Adora turns pink, suddenly shy. She feels like a child with a crush. 

She continues admiring Catra, staring shamelessly. She's confessed now, hasn't she, despite the whole ordeal being so painful? She has a right to stare.

She stares at the slope of Catra's neck, the dark material covering it, hugging her skin. She stares at the bare skin of Catra's arms, the two marks on her bicep and the slight muscles. She's more lean than muscular. She looks small, too, arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them to her chest.

Small. Catra isn't small-the word just doesn't fit her.

Vertically challenged, Adora muses.

She stares a little more than necessary at Catra's cleavage. It isn't her fault; she's practised years of restraint. Just a peak shouldn't hurt (she can practically hear Glimmer mocking her, even in her head, for how pathetically whipped she is). The suit cinches at the waist, and Adora stares at that for a long time too. She wants to hug Catra from behind, she wants to wrap an arm around that waist, maybe just hold it. She needs to stop. 

But it's been years since she's been happy with Catra. Sometimes, when she was in the rebellion, she dreaded it. She hated Bow and she hated Glimmer and she hated herself for hating them, but maybe if they were a little cruel, a little evil, a little bit like anything they Horde had told her that they were, maybe she wouldn't have left Catra. Maybe she and Catra could've been happy. It's futile, she knows it is, and incredibly selfish, too, but maybe they both would've been spared a lot of pain had they both just stayed put. 

She glances at Catra again, who's staring back at her. Catra grins at her, and Adora beams back, her smile dopey and huge. Catra's smile makes her happy, everything about Catra makes her happy. Funny, that is, before all Catra managed to do was make her sad. Sad, upset, and guilty. Guilty for leaving her behind, knowing that Catra's pride and hurt would never let her turn her back on the Horde, guilty for hurting her, knowing there was no other way.

She's filled with a strange feeling. It's more than happiness, more than anything, she watches the way Catra's nimble fingers tear at the peel of the fruit in front of her, the little sparkle of wonder in her eyes as she bites into it. Catra has recently discovered what fruit is, and she is obsessed. Wait until she finds out about cake. 

She smiles when Catra's tongue peeks out, a quick flash of pink, to lick the juice from her lips and she purrs, her whole body vibrating. All the pain she's been through is worth it, she thinks, if it's for Catra. 

She wants to be with her so badly it hurts. She wants to hug her and kiss her and hold her hand and talk with her for hours, and she wants to make up for lost time and shower her with love all the time to make up for the times she couldn't. She just wants to touch her. She wants to trace her fingers up and down her spine, lift her up and spin her in circles, she wants to be wrapped up in her as she rests, she wants to hold her so badly it aches her. She wonders if that's a little pathetic of her. 

She remembers the kiss they shared at the Heart of Etheria, it was a gentle press of lips, more than a peck but not a full-on make-out session either. She wants to recreate it again, she wants to press herself flush against Catra, wants to feel her soft lips under her own, wants to run a hand through her hair and wrap another around her waist. She wants to kiss her so bad it hurts. 

She's too scared to do it, though. 

She reaches for her hand instead. Catra's palm meets her halfway, their hands awkwardly trying to slot themselves into place, hungry for the intimacy. They don't fit right in perfectly on the first try, rather, Catra's nail scratches the side of her palm, and it takes them a minute to adjust themselves. It's worth it, though, at the end, when Catra slightly squeezes Adora's hand, and Adora swears her heart skips a beat. 

Catra turns to look at her, and smiles slowly, hesitantly. Adora smirks back.

"Aw, you totally have a crush on me," she says, teasing, because she doesn't know how to be sappy and sweet and romantic with Catra, because that isn't them, and because she likes the way Catra's ears turn red and her tail spikes up, "How embarrassing, "

Catra bristles, "We're literally dating!" she exclaims, glaring at Adora in mock annoyance.

Adora sighs, the stupid smirk still on her face, "Still,"

She looks at Catra, still grinning, and she can hear the blood rushing in her ears and her heart pounding in her chest, threatening to claw out of her ribcage and come out. She's sure Catra can hear it, too. Dammit. 

She's afraid she'll do something she regrets, she's afraid she'll kiss Catra. She chooses to focus on the soft way Catra's ears are shaped, mentally repeating the same mantra: do not kiss her.  She thinks she'll do it anyway, and the thought scares her. And then Catra kisses her. 

Or, rather, Catra leans in for a kiss, and Adora's brain malfunctions. She doesn't know how to kiss a girl. How does it even work? Is a girl's mouth different than a boy's (although she's never kissed a boy, either, but she's sure it's a lot simpler than kissing Catra)? She panics, and then does what anybody else in her place would do, she slams her face into Catra's. Catra gasps before they're both set off-balance, hurtling to the floor and off the tree branch they sat on at full speed. 

Catra yelps, grabbing onto Adora's hand as her other one grips the branch. They're dangling off the branch with only Catra's hand holding them up.

Adora gapes up at the branch, then squints, "Is that a mouse?"

Catra squeaks, terrified, letting go of the branch in a panic, and they both come crashing down. Fuck. 

Adora groans in pain, and barely registers Catra on top of her until she feels her move. 

"Ow," Catra huffs, then looks down at her, smirking, thankfully not upset and rather amused. "Hey Adora,"

Adora clears her throat, "Hi,"

"Why so aggresive?" she asks, head tilted to the side as she stares at her intently. 

Adora's grateful that she isn't standing up, because she's sure that her knees would buckle if she was, "Um, I-"

"You know," Catra drawls, "If you don't want to kiss me, you could just say so instead of slamming my teeth in with your head, we all take time to-"

"No!" Adora grabs at Catra's hands, wincing slightly at the pain that shoots up her side at the sudden movement, "No, no, no. I don't-it's not like that! I do want to kiss you, I want to so bad but I don't know how to kiss a girl, you know? And I don't want to disappoint you and..." she trails off when Catra chuckles pressing a chaste kiss at her temple.

Adora gulps, the nervousness crawling back as she tries to control her breathing. At this rate, she's going to end up hyperventilating and huffing and puffing into their fucking kiss. 

"My love, you're a horrible kisser," Catra mutters quietly, tracing the outline of Adora's face, finger gently brushing against her skin. Adora, pathetically, tries to inch up, to kiss her again to prove otherwise.

"Am not, I'll show you-" Catra cuts her off, pressing herself down on Adora, lips firmly planted on hers as she runs a hand through Adora's hair, fingers slipping through the golden locks. Catra's lips are soft above hers, and she registers how Catra tastes vaguely sweet, like the fruit she was eating, but more than that she tastes so much like Catra it's overwhelming. She pulls back after a long time, and Adora stares up at her, grinning goofily.

"I love you,"

Catra grins at that, pink dusting her cheeks, "I love you too. And I stand by my earlier statement, you're a horrible kisser," She smiles wider at Adora's little huff, and leans down again, lips ghosting over hers, "Don't worry, we can practice," 

Last week, Adora had picked Catra up when she'd refused to sleep, her protests muddling together because of how overtired she was, and had simply thrown Catra over her shoulder, and Catra could feel herself ascending.

She needed to stop. Not only that, but she also needed to catch a grip. Adora was her best friend, not someone whose lips she should be fantasizing about kissing in the middle of a lecture from Shadow Weaver.

Oh, right, Shadow Weaver. Another problem, like Catra didn't have enough already. Shadow Weaver may despise Catra right now, but if she found out about her feelings for Adora, she would murder her. Call her a 'distraction' or something like that before sucking her soul out. Or however Shadow Weaver killed people.

Adora's expertly dodging blows some distance away, kicking Lonnie's gut and grinning when she falls. They've been going at it for a while, and Catra's entranced by the way Adora's smile widens when Lonnie falls, and the way her hair is out of her perfect ponytail, and the way her eyes gleam-

Her opponent lands a blow at her rib, pushing her back. It isn't hard enough to hurt her in a way that matters, but it does throw her off balance. She slides, regaining it quickly, before smashing her elbow against their torso and dodging under their arm. They fall to the floor, and she wins.

"Good work, Lonnie!" Adora calls out behind her, racing to catch up to Catra.

"You, too, Adora. Gotta say, nearly lost 'cause I got distracted by your biceps," Lonnie calls back, laughing.

Adora grins, "Look who's talking,"

It's pretty obvious that they're joking. Adora jokes like that. But Catra can't help feel a prickle of annoyance. "Careful now," she smirks at her, "People may start thinking you're into girls," also I'm jealous, please stop.

"Well, they wouldn't be wrong," Adora answers, continuing on as if she hasn't just taken Catra's world and ripped it off its hinges.

"You're into girls?" Catra's voice comes out shocked. She's trying to calm herself, to make sure she looks nonchalant, but it really isn't working.

Adora simply nods.

She freezes, hit by the full realization of what that means. Adora likes girls. Catra is a girl.

What's wrong with you?

Adora may like girls, but it doesn't mean she necessarily likes Catra. But it does mean that there is a chance. There's a chance that Adora might like her back, there's a chance that they might get together-

And, she reminds herself, if you don't, it won't be because you're a girl. It'll be because you're you.

"Are you okay?" Adora asks, interrupting Catra's train of thoughts.

"Yeah, it was just a little weird," Wait, no, poor word choice.

"What? Me being attracted to girls?"

"No, Adora, not everything is about you. Just a little weird that you like girls, y'know?" Oh, God, what is she doing? Catra really wishes her mouth would shut the fuck up.

"Oh, is that so?"

"No, I mean. Yes, but no? I, you know, always thought you had a thing for Kyle?" Kyle? Really?

Adora blinks at her, "Kyle? The one who's dating Rogelio?"

"...yes?"

Adora sighs, annoyance obvious. "Catra, I thought we worked past this?"

Catra hadn't even noticed that they'd already gotten to the roof. That was fast. Had Adora unconsciously led them there or did she do it on purpose? And why was Catra thinking of that when there were clearly more important things to be worrying about? "Past what? Honestly, Adora, let it go. Said it was a little weird, that's all,"

"I can't just 'let it go'," she replies, adamant, "especially not when you're lying to my face,"

She pauses, gulping, before she leaps onto the railing. "Forget it,"

"No-Catra! Come back!"

Catra's already climbed up, though.

There are so many reasons she should just lie again, but something in her really wants to give in. So many reasons not to tell her.

She doesn't deserve Adora, for starters. Adora is everything she isn't, an angel to the core. The self-sacrificing hero, the good guy. Adora's the best, Adora deserves the best. She's too pure to be tainted by her, too sweet whereas Catra's bitter. Catra ought to simply lie again. It's what she should do.

"and it would do you both so much good if you left her. You're holding her back,"

Shadow Weaver's words echo in her head again, and she grits her teeth.

Adora has climbed up beside her and is simply staring. The light is making her hair look a shade golden, making it glow, as though she's some sort of ethereal being. She may as well be. It falls on her, softening her features, and her hair frame her face, still out of her ponytail from the recent fight.

She looks beautiful, and Catra is questioning how she can even breathe. She's unsure if she can, actually.

Shadow Weaver may be right, but Catra doesn't care anymore. She's tired of the old hag controlling her life, tired of the constant supervision and scrutiny. If she's going to go down, why not kiss Adora before doing it?

"Catra?"

"I've got a crush on you," the words leave her so fast it's like they're being ripped from her chest. It's painful, and she feels tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She's nauseous, and the fear is now bubbling up inside of her. Not only has she risked ruining everything she and Adora have, but she's also risked getting hurt again.

"What?" Adora's voice is barely above a whisper.

She takes a deep breath and tries to forget. The pain will always linger at the back of her head, the voices will always whisper, waiting to consume her. They'll warn her not to let herself become vulnerable, but that's what Adora has taught her.

"I've," she grounds out, focusing on her knees, making an effort not to look at Adora, "got a stupid crush on you,"

Keeping your heart open makes you vulnerable, but it also makes you strong. And, besides, she'd rather be vulnerable than forget the feeling of Adora's hand in hers, or the way her stupid little hair puff stands out.

"You like me? Really?" Adora sounds astonished, and Catra wants to smack her face.

She's growing frustrated, and finally meets Adora's wide eyes, "Don't you get it? I love you," the words hang heavily in the air between them, "I always have,"

She's done with the Horde. She's done with Shadow Weaver and her mind games and her threats and she's done with everyone else. She loves Adora, and she'd be damned if she let anything get in the way of that. A tear falls.

Adora doesn't want me. Not like how I want her.

"You love me?" Adora sounds like she's still processing the information, shocked and confused. Catra laughs wetly.

"You're such an idiot,"

"I love you too,"

Fuck Shadow Weaver, fuck her insecurities. She doesn't deserve Adora, and she's sure she'll hurt her again, but should she be the one deciding that? if Adora decides that she loves Catra, who's she to argue?

Catra leans in, her heart going haywire.

Fuck everyone else. It's just her and Adora.

Adora meets her lips halfway, hand reaching up to cup Catra's face as she pulls her impossibly close. It's so gentle and sweet and surreal, and Catra wants to feel like that forever, and Adora's so soft and perfect. Catra can't breathe, and she doesn't want to. She wants to stay there, in Adora's arms, forever.