#cath'smasterlist

The moment you left your warm bed, you already missed Billy’s skin on yours. You wish you could stay longer, tangling your legs between his and letting your left hand rest on his chest.

The beautiful view of his defined back and the right side of his face’s weight on your pillow became a fast run to the Metro General Hospital. The path you were so used to do every fucking day, you made running with your own feet when the cabs didn’t appear around your street. 

Your lungs almost throw themselves out of your body when you crossed the doors of Maddie’s second house. 

The first and only time you choose to not pick up your phone, letting yourself rest and enjoy Billy’s attention over you, Shirley and Claire left multiple voice messages on your phone.

Covering in sweat, worries, rain, and tears, you entered her room which looked more like a torture chamber than a hospital.

Maddie’s health condition worsened, those were the exact words that froze your heart.

“What is all of this?” You tried to get closer, but Claire took you from behind “For Christ's sake, what is happening?”

The doctor started to connect the dialyzer between her little arm and the new huge machine by her side.

“Maddison has had a kidney failure, Y/N!” Claire took your face in her hands, though enough to not let you go “I tried to call you all night, she is having the worst time since the accident.”

The doctor and the nurse announced the incision on her body and you just couldn’t watch another procedure like that, you buried your eyes on Claire’s shoulder.

Not only five minutes after, Maddison started to puke.

And then she convulsed.

Maddison was dying.

And her heartbeat was too fast for a fourteen years old kid.

And there was nothing you could do to keep her with you.

“Please, don’t let her die, please! Please!”

Your screams broke every kind of privacy inside the hospital.

“She is just a kid, she can’t die like that! Please!”

Your eyes open trying to get every piece of her breath thinking that could be the last while Maddison-was-dying situation just couldn’t make some sense in your mind.

All the money you made, wasn’t worth it if you couldn’t have her.

Yes, you were selfish enough to not let her go. Maybe die was the best for her, to have eternal and peaceful rest, but the best for you was to try every second to bring her back.

It took hours. 

It took your life, your peace, your sanity, and any other kind of reasonable feeling inside you to make you keep your head in the right place. 

Little did you know that Billy’s should-be-dead friend was killing half of the CIA agents in the middle of the Kentucky woods. Making Billy bite his own guts, trying not to freak out - more than he already was - with the suicide mission his friends put him in. Showing his face so clear and bright as the sunlight.

Billy called you endless times, trying to reach you and remember you about the meeting you needed to have, now more than never, with Curtis. 

You are going to meet my friend, Curtis, tonight, right? I need you more than never, doll!

 Y/N, answer the fucking phone! I need to talk to you right now!

 Are you going to give up now? What the fuck are you doing?

 He wrote and left multiple voice messages.

A friend of mine had an accident last night. I’m at the hospital. Call you back when I can.

The only answer you were capable of giving.

The first time you let your sister as a second “choice” and put Billy as the first, she was dying. You weren’t going to repeat the same mistake again.

The only sound that kept her in this world stopped. Completely silence and chaos.

You couldn’t understand anymore what the doctors were saying and signalizing to each other, running over your sister.

You couldn’t move. 

You just watched and tried to fight the tears that blurred your vision and thought about all the ways to live without Maddison from now on. 

Would I need to keep working as a prostitute?

Would I need to keep going to all the dark places I went just to keep her here?

Most importantly, would I need to keep my job with Billy?

“She is back!” The man by Maddie’s side screamed “Holy shit girl, you are back!” 

He pressed his hand against her forehead, relief enough to walk away.

“Y/N…” Claire hugged you “Come on, honey… This is too much for you!”

You cried, sobbing for solace, in shock with what you just had seen.

She guides you outside, walking the hallway down you could see Claire's muscles tensing all over her arms to keep you on your feet, straight up.

She found an empty room, saying she was going to get something for you and she would be back. 

You couldn’t put in words or thoughts how it felt or what you were feeling. But you were surprised as shit when Billy entered the room.

“The fuck happened, doll?” He seemed afraid to come closer.

“The fuck you doing here, Billy?”

Hands inside his pockets.

“You didn’t pick up my calls, just left a fucking voice message on my mail and I need you more than ever now.”

“What happened?” 

You stood up trying to look normal.

“Nothing that you can know by now. What happened to you?”

“I… My friend…”

“Excuse me?” Claire, thank God “Who are you?”

Billy looked between you and the nurse, unbelieved Claire didn’t know who he was.

“Billy Russo. And you?”

Claire was about to say something brilliant and put Billy in his place, but you cut it off soon.

“She is the nurse who is helping my friend, Billy. Can you give us a minute Claire, please?”

She frowned, pissy off as hell, but shout the door leaving the two of you alone.

“Billy, I can’t do what you need now… I don’t have the head to leave this hospital!”

“You don’t have the head, doll?” He clenched his jaw and leaned against the chair in front of him. “I’m the one who doesn’t have the fucking head!”

His voice controlled herself to keep his tone under control.

“I’m gonna ask just one time: are you coming or I will need to find another one to do what I need?”

“Pardon?”

You couldn’t believe it. 

“My friend just almost died, Billy. I can’t and I won’t leave her here, without me or my support.” Tears rolled down without shame. “Just give me… I’m asking for just one day, and I will do whatever you want, I promise!”

He took out his anger on the poor chair.

“I don’t have a fucking day, Y/N! I need it now!” His expression was full of stress “Listen, if you don’t come with me we are done here. I will find another girl. If I don’t get the information I need until the end of the night, my fucking head will be on the line!”

He pointed to his own head like a gun, coming closer to you.

“You gonna find another girl?” You shocked your head “Are you even listening to yourself? What I am to you, Billy? Wich woman in New York will accept do all the things you ask me to do? Who will find it okay to be fucked by all these disgusting men and then need to open the legs to you at the end of the day?” You downed your voice, growing your body against him “Who, Billy? Tell me, I’m waiting!”

He needs me, he knows he needs me.

Billy looked at you, breathing repulse and exhaling fury, like a kid when his mommy doesn’t give him what he wants.

“You accepted, didn’t you?” 

You swallowed dry, dizzy by the words.

Billy grabbed your chin strong enough to leave his finger marked on it.

“I make you want things you can’t have, yeah?” He repeated your words from last night. It felt like a knife moving inside your chest. “Maybe you’re not too much professional as you used to be, doll.”

You closed your eyes, in a frustrating way to make the tears stop falling, with your face contracting in deep regret and discomfort on your injuries.

“If I leave this hospital without you, our deal is over.” Wicked eyes over you “It’s up to you!”

Your preaching, but fearful, voice ended the only connection you two had.

“Fuck you, Billy!”

For a couple of seconds you tought, for hell sure, he was about to kill you. When his nostrils opened wide trying to find the oxygen and his hand left your chin to close in a punch, you could believe you would live again the violence you lived a night before.

He called you every name he could, but then the room was just pure silence and nothing more than an intense desire to die.

To be continued...

New York were always a noisy city, and you started to love this after your mom’s death and Maddie’s accident. Being a 17 years old girl, all by yourself, in Hell’s Kitchen became a tragedy and the silence would’ve eaten you alive if it wasn’t for the noises, making you a good company, through the nights.

You came back to that place inside your mind when you wake up at five in the morning, at The Plaza Hotel, inside a dark cold room with a man laying in the bed behind you. Watching the entire city prepare herself for a new day, you made the velvet chair your exile for the following two hours until your owner wakes up.

Every moment from the last night was a punch in the stomach. After you sent Billy away, you were in the stage and all the men in the club were trying to take you as theirs; you were the main dish, and they were hungry for you.

 Until the moment where the man who, in the end, bought you was competing with the one and only Billy Russo to finally have you.

“Five thousand dollars!” My owner screamed.

“We have five thousand dollars! C’mon, boys!” Ramona’s eyes shinned in gold.

“Ten thousand dollars!” Billy in the back of the club, where you have left him minutes before. His arms rigid enough so his veins were screaming.

They kept like this for good rounds, when the bet ended with twenty-five thousand dollars and the bald man taking you to one of the most expansive and fancy hotel in New York. 

Billy, on the other hand, watched you be taken to the second floor, where the private area was, to the man who paid these amount of money to have an entire night of sex and fantasies coming true. You won’t ever forget Billy’s eyes on you, broken, empty and powerless.

When the maid knocked the door, bringing you back to where you really were, you were opened the way to a breakfast little cart and that as the time you put yourself back together to revive the other woman who lives inside you. It was the end of the service, you needed to make worth twenty-five thousand dollars the man have paid you and Ramona for it.

The little card between the color vivid fruits showed you the man’s name, which you couldn’t remember clearly.

“Mr. William Rawlins,

The Plaza Hotel thanked you one more time for the preference!

Hope you enjoy this little gift from all the Hotel staff!”

“Good morning, sweetheart!” His voice came out velvety.

“Good morning, honey!” 

You turned around, wrapping your arms around his neck and placing your lips on his beardless skin.

“Are you awake for a long time?” He asked, keeping his posture and eyes on yours.

“Yeah, just a little. Don’t worry!” You smiled, caring enough for your not so good, truly, humor. “How are you? Did you sleep well?” 

“Like a baby! Doesn’t even seam like I don’t sleep for the past weeks.”

“Oh so we have something in common, some kind of insomnia problem”

 “Yeah, I believe so…”

He analyzes me for a moment, hoping to find a fracture deep inside your eyes.

The man stepped back, setting the table for breakfast. He gently called you and being gentleman enough made all the ceremony for just a simple moment.

“You really like this breakfast and settling the table thing, don’t you?”

He served the coffee, being careful to not pour on the white tablecloth.

 “Well, this is not new to you, isn’t?”

You raise your eyebrows, confused by his phrase. You couldn’t differ if it was some kind of offense or just and a careless loud thought.

Taking a deep breath and fighting to not let yourself get that angry in the firsts hours of the day.

“Yeah, I suppose I’m. But you are more cautious with all of this… Well, doesn’t matter at all.”

“Y/N?” He called sweet as ever.

“Yes, Mr. Rawlins?”

“You don’t remember me, do you?” 

Fuck.

He kept waiting, too much concentrating on you to even touch on his coffee mug. 

Running all your memories archives, looking for any sign of his name, or his face, or this place e then the memory hit harder than a fucking slap on your face.

“Oh my God… You’re William Rawlins...”

“Yes, darling, it’s me!” 

For fuck's sake, how Ramona didn’t remember to tell you this?

There he was, sitting in front of you.

Your very first client. The man who waited for you to turn – close to – twenty-one years old to finally fuck you. 

“I’m so sorry, William! I don’t know how I couldn’t recognize you, I mean…”

You stand up and walk towards him, he steps back his chair a little bit, so you could sit on his lap. For a moment, you felt guilty enough to not remember him immediately.

William was one of the most interesting person you’ve ever met. He was gentle, kind and have always this serene expression on his face. But, the curious part is, inside his eyes, when he looks at you, it’s easy to see the anger, the darkest desires and violent hungry he feels. It is a crazy lion under the skin of a liar lamb.

“Long time no see, yeah?” You exhaled a deep.

“Yes, darling… I moved to Virginia after our last meeting. Work thing.”

He places a lock of hair behind your ear, taking all the time he needed to touch you as much as he could.

“And now, you're back to New York?”

You couldn’t deny the shine in your eyes. William could be a wonderful client to you. A regular one, in other words, something near to a salary. And something near to replace Billy’s payment – and absence.

“Just for a while… I have some work here to do, but I don’t plan to stay as long as it takes. I can’t tell you more than this, darling, I’m sorry.”

“No worries!” You whisper, running your eyes through his face and placing your thumb on his eye’s scar. “Can I ask how did you get these, or it’s also classified, baby?”

He takes your hand and kissed, closing his eyes as he smelled your wrist.

“Afghanistan gave me this one, and also the hair loss!”

His little smile in the end of the phrase made your heart race in some kind of nauseous “joy”.

“I bet was because of these little details I couldn’t reconize you.” You laugh shy.

You two kept going the conversation and eating the breakfast.

William made part of your life for a significant time, what made he witnesses many private life events, like your sister’s accident. Maddison was walking back home from school all alone that day because you were with William. He drove you to the hospital. He saw Maddison all broke on that stretcher. He saw the fear in your eyes, how scary were you. In the end, when the doctors told you her case depended on a miracle, because the probability for her to wake up and have a normal life, it was - and still is - almost zero; William, and Ramona, were the ones who helped to you to not fall apart.

But, he was also a dick, and everything you could curse about an old man who fucks a girl underage. But he was also there for you in your darkest time.

He vanished after your last meeting, he didn’t leave a note and even a message, literally just went gone. But, what hurt you the most was the fact that you heard, a couple weeks before he left, a conversation between him and Ramona about his will to take you with him; for you to be his wife and he would provide a world of good life and opportunities to you. Ramona didn’t agree at first, she wanted to talk more about it. And, not much longer, he left to Virginia.

He broke your heart and expectations about a decent future. You had all the right to be angry right now, but you just couldn’t. Not after what happened with Billy, and after everything you’ve been through with Maddie.

William’s comeback could be a golden ticket. A relief. You just need to earn it.

That morning, he gave you a ride to your home. “Just like the old times”, he said.

Wearing his suit coat, while watching New York’s streets from a – kind of – limousine, you rest your head on his shoulder, and he takes your hand on his. You took a deep breath of his perfume, remembering how was it to have hope in a possible good future for you and for Maddie. How you, at the time you heard his conversation with Ramona, you’re so hopeful and truly believed on his intentions. 

Many parts of you were gone since your mom’s death, the need to grow up faster than ever was the sourest poison you could have ever taste it. One of the parts you missed the most was the abillity to be a believer. But now, it’s all reality and wish to not crumble completely apart while facing it.

“Here we are, darling!” William ran his fingers from your hand to your arm.

You gave him a kind smile.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.” His eyes resting inside yours.

“Are you back for good, or this was just some kind of revival?”

He leaned a little kissing your forehead, taking all the time he needed, making your heart race in a way it was impossible for him to not hear it.

“This was our goodbye, sweetheart. The goodbye I could’t give you years ago.” He took your face in his hands. “I owned you this after I just left, I’m sorry for not being the man I’m used to be nowadays!”

“Please, you don’t need to apologize…”

“Y/N, please…” His eyes so concentrated on your expression, trying to find the border of your soul. “Thank you for the wonderful night!”

“You deserve so much more, William…”

You respect his decision, but would be so good if came back once for all.

His driver opened the door for you, cutting any chances for you to try to have William again.

“Oh God, your coat!” You took out faster to give them back to him, but he just smiled at your figure.

“Fits you better, darling!”

You let out a shy smirk and look down, giving him time to take a good look at you, from every point he could.

“Take care, William! Be safe!”

And the car window goes up, letting you taking the dirty stairs to your apartment. All alone, again.

At least you thought so…

To be continued…

***

The bathtub’s water was almost cold when the bell rang. It was early enough for anyone to come to your apartment, even because you didn’t have friends or family for it. 

You stood up, dried yourself with the old dirty towel, and headed to the living room.

“Who is it?” You screamed, cruising the person.

“Billy Russo.” 

“What the fuck?” You murmured.

Quickly you cleaned the room, taking the clothes, shoes, food bags, and anything that wasn’t supposed to be there to the pantry. Tied your hair up and wore a black robe.

“May I help you?” Your body blocked the doorway.

“May I come in?” He analyzes you.

You had to confess, it was a surprise he appears like that. Actually, you were bothered about it. Billy was invading your personal space, he wanted it to dominate you once he already had lost control of your first meeting. Whatever he needed to talk to you, he could have called, he could have texted, but no, he needed to show he did his homework very well to know where you work and, most importantly, where you live. 

He walked, looking at every piece of the cheap architecture. He took one of the table chairs, making himself comfortable like he had been here before. The coffee machine biped, and you served a mug for both of you. 

"Satisfied with your new million-dollar contract, Mr. Russo?”

“Satisfied enough to bring you another four works.” He watched you lean over the table “And call me Billy, we don’t need these formalities. Not anymore” His face close to yours.

“I’m glad you’re pleased about it.” You took the papers from his hands, touching his fingers “Tell me more!”

 And there was a whole week’s meeting plan. Billy gave you everything you needed to know about the clients: if they were married or single, if they were dominant or submissive, where would you meet them. Each contract was full of dollars and emends, making a path to Billy makes Anvil bigger and fruitful. Although, for you, a step closer to paying Maddie’s debt and seeing you free from this chain.

On that same day, Monday night, you pretended to be part of Anvil’s junior members. A Calvin Klein suit, a fake badge, and the client truly believed you were some kind of hardworking employee that would do anything to make her boss happy. After all his kinky requests were fulfilled, he left the contract signed on his pillow while you were 'sleeping'. 

On Tuesday noon, the idiot drank so much that you just needed to do little movements with your hands around his miserable cock, and he was cumming all over, moaning your fake’s name and quickly asking for the pen to sign the damn paper.

Wednesday was like the old job. Drugging one of Anvil’s competitors. When he passed out, you hacked into his computer, using some weird pen drive Billy gave you and changed a potential client's contract for another. The results were Billy receiving a call in the next hour with the client saying his firm would love to hire Anvil’s services.

But Thursday was different. The encounter was at Anvil facilities, in the meeting room. Billy told the client he wouldn’t make it on time, so he would send his assistant. It was late night when he fucked you at the conference table, making you so uncomfortable that you’ve never been before. First, you hated when they didn’t look at your face and chose to go from behind because you knew they were feeling ashamed of you; Second, you knew Billy was watching everything, the building had cameras everywhere, this wasn’t a coincidence, he’d planned. One more trick of his to have some kind of control over you, it makes you sick.

When the bastard ended, he didn’t even look at you and kept a far distance when both of you dressed up. 

He left the room with a lighter figure as you heard him and Billy chatting in the hallway, and he confirmed the new partnership. A few seconds later, your boss entered the room with his most perfect smile, without his blazer but formal as usual.

“Four new contracts in less than one week, we are making really good money together!” 

Your laugh couldn’t be more ironic. You are the one fucking his clients, literally working your ass for it, and we are making good money.

I'm the one making good fucking money, baby. You thought to yourself.

“Speaking of money here is for this first week.” He gives you a brown paper envelope “I’m clearly satisfied, so I gave you a little bonus. Hope you liked it.”

You took a quick glance inside, to make sure this could pay part of Maddie’s debt, and your heart pumped in relief. Your girl would stay with no problems until next week, just in time to receive your next payment.

“Scotch?” He offers.

“No, thanks.” You gave a polite grin.

“Don’t worry, I will not drug you, doll.” He winked at you “See?” He drinks the one he offered you. “Safe and sound!”

“Maybe another day, Billy.” You kept the smile pushing the glass back to him “I need to go!” 

“Then, let me take you home.”

He dropped the cups while you walked your way to the elevator.

“ I’ll get a cab, it’s fine.”

You tried to close the elevators doors, but he reached in time to don’t allow it. 

“I’m driving you home, doll.”

Billy was a predator. But, not the one who hunts for necessity, he did it for sport. Because he liked it. Anvil was the best example of it, even your deal was about his hunger for power and money. 

On the other hand, you are the one who keeps the leftovers, but for necessity. You didn’t regret doing what you do every day, but also stopped wishing that things could be different because it wasn’t going to happen. 

On Billy’s fancy car, which you didn’t even know the name of, he drove through New York. He wasn’t hurry, the silence was a song for him, and you enjoyed appreciating the city you were used to seeing underground.

Facing the dark and silent street, he parked the car, turning off the headlights. You knew what he wanted, and it was totally different from what you planned for your home arrival. 

“Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow!” 

You tried to open the handle, but it was locked.

“Are you rush?”

His tongue touched his cheek’s skin. 

“No, Billy.” You signed “I’m tired!”

“So..." He lowered his eyes "This is not going anywhere, right?” 

His hands dropped from the steering wheel in frustration.

“Well, here’s some advice for you” You turned to face him closely “Next time you want to have sex with me, you don’t need to hide and watch from behind the cameras, like you did today, or pretend to be the good boss and drive over here. You just have to ask personally.”

His jaw clenched when you pressed one of the dashboard buttons to unlock the car’s door. 

“Good night, Mr. Russo.” You kissed his cheek.

You rushed inside the building before he follows your last words' advice. Not only that, but you couldn’t have another man tonight, and neither want it. Anything was better than having another sex round, like a warm bathtub, a good tea, or a bad late-night TV show.

You left the bag on the sofa and opened the money’s package over the kitchen table. You let a small smile out while counting the money bills, your head was lighter than have been in years. You wanted to scream in relief and pride of yourself for never giving up on your sister because things were starting to get on the rails again, it was just a matter of time and some patience. You texted Shirley settling a meeting for the next morning to pay what was necessary.

But then, there was a knock on your door. The same knock from earlier this week, and you couldn’t even try to pretend you weren’t home, because he dropped you here minutes ago.

The relief, the pride, the lighter head, were all dead and gone for your best prostitute version of yourself to take control over you. He wanted her, the woman he hadn’t weeks ago in that hotel room, but now he has her in the palm of his thick hands.

She is the one everyone wants, she is the one everyone can get, and she is the one pushing your own self away from whom you ever were. That was a fucking open wound, and Madison is the reason this wound can never be healed.

You dragged your body to the door, and not letting your conscience think twice, you opened it.

There Billy was. Hands pressed against the frame, eyes running thirsty, lips soaked, like a hungry dog.

“What are you doing here?” Using a naive voice.

“Following your advice, doll.” 

He enters your personal space, undid your hair bun, and stuck his hand on the back of your neck. Looking for where he stopped the last time and where he could start this night.

“Take off your heels.” Impatience voice.

When your feet were on the cold ground, making you smaller and showing a fragile figure for him to play with, he started to put into practice all the fantasies he worked out when he watched you earlier that night. He tested if everything they told him was true, If your breasts were like they said, if your butt gets scarred after being slapped, if your tongue runs looking for his. 

The more he gets inside you, the far away you were from yourself and the dirtier you felt, especially tonight. 

Billy was a real handsome man, good-looking and charming as hell. Maybe in another life, you would be freaking out for having this man on your bed and almost begging to have you. But, when your work is sex for money, every sip of orgasm or any kind of pleasure you can ever feel starts to fade away little by little. Some days you don’t even want to see yourself naked in the mirror and dress in all the clothes you can to hide each centimeter of your human skin.

You couldn’t deny he was really good. Billy was savvy on this sexual tension game. His touch was precise, he knew what part of your body to touch and when, and controlled the intensity of it. But you were the professional one here, you were paid for it. So you couldn’t let him do all the job. 

Guiding him to your room, you sat him on the bed and stood up breathing heavily. You closed the bedroom door and windows, and he untied his tie and belt.

“Eyes on me, Sir!” You murmured to him.

You slowly took off you skirt and shirt. Keeping only your panties on, you let the pantyhose and bra feel on the plank floor. Your nipples screaming in the cold air, but Billy just could think this was for him like you were giving his thirty-thousand dollars back, or making the theft worth it.

You kneeled and went to find him, placing your hands on his lap and running your fingers on his zipper. Your eyes already eating each other in fake desire and false luxury. 

His hands gently grab your chin, and he stops your movements.

“You’re not going to have me tonight, doll.” One hand goes down to take your neck, while the other ripped his belt off “I’m the one having you tonight!”

Caught you by surprise, he leans his body over yours on the ground. You helped him take his clothes off, letting him have every part of your being. 

The thunder screamed in Hell’s Kitchen sky when you started to fake Billy’s effect on you. All the moans and shakes were your body craving for some rest, but you kept all together - as usual - and let the man play the way he wanted. 

All night long.  

To be continued…

*