2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

the only time I get really angry is when I hear people make really judgmental comments about someone they don't even know. and also when people are so convinced that their opinion is right that they don't even want to listen to anyone else's because they're too ready to fight it.  

I guess that's a lot. so I can't remember a specific time. XD

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

I'm not sure if I would tell everyone. because I wouldn't want them to treat me differently or be so sad that they can't enjoy the time they still have with me. maybe it's just because I've read Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, but I would write letters to people... I would write about memories and all the things I never said to them. and I would probably be a little afraid, especially if my death was going to be painful. I'd be mostly afraid to leave everyone I know still here. but I also know that I would be going to see Jesus, so there wouldn't be much of a reason to be afraid.  

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

The hardest thing for me to give up would be music. It does so many things for me. It can calm me down, it can make me smile, it can make me stop and think, it can put me to sleep, it can make me appreciate the beauty of life... I just really don't know what I would do without it because it's a part of me. 

just did 22. (:

blog rate: 94287430952173459872349752398475982345/10

foggybluesky said: this was a beautiful post, dear. <3 praise God.

catch7 said: i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you.

redwood-trees said: i love you so much omg <3

note from me: she is the best friend I never met.

(actual letter type-written on a typewriter)

Dear Mariah -

hi. i hope you don't mine that i don't like capitalizing letters... it just takes too long and i love the consistency of lowercase letters.

i have lots of paper and a very nice day to spend on you. i wonder if it is as nice in your front yard as it is in mine today. 

and there's something about typewriters that makes it just that much nicer.  what a horrible way to start a letter. my apologies. 

what i mean to say is that you are very beautiful and i think if i were a butterfly that could flutter from state to state, i would come visit you and land on your nose just to hear you laugh at me. sometimes i wish you didn't live so far away and i could decide to see you whenever i had an extra rainy day or some music to spare. 

though rainy days don't seem much at all like hair ties and i've never found an extra song when mine goes  flat

but i would still come visit you. 

today is feeling very much like a deleted scene in a movie the way it is scripted and planned and looks nice

but the music is missing  because it didn't need any

it would have been nice anyways just for someone to appreciate all of the effort of your work and thought and heart that went into something that wasn't kept because let's face it 

we're all deleted scenes in someone's movie

i just hope you're not one in mine and i am not one in yours because you are  very  very  very very very  very  very  very  worth  keeping

and i hope i am too.

now I will talk about you.

you are very important to me, but also to everyone. to life. to the world. life would be missing something if you weren't here. there would be a color misplaced from the rainbow, lost somewhere in between the stars and how the lake looks when it's raining. that's where i would miss you, even if you never were. because you always should be, you always should exist. 

i think i would look for you in the ringed stains that a coffee mug leaves behind, i would listen for you in the empty bottles that still have lots to say. there would be days when the sun would decide not to say hello

and i would think that you would very much like to be with me maybe while i listened to the rain and an old vinyl, books in our hands  and sweaters that nobody wanted but us

and some days i wish we would have been sisters because i think i have liked that quite a lot.

sorry if i sound insane. 

i'm just trying to figure out how i miss you this much when i've never even met you

this doesn't sound anything like a letter at all, does it?

your birthday is coming up awfully soon.  i want to get you something, but what i want most to get you is a visit from me but i don't think i can come visit you, which makes me sad because if i had a wish for your birthday i would probably wish to come visit you

life isn't fair sometimes. 

but i want to be that person that keeps the book and it makes it hard when i am here and you (the book) are there

somewhere

in between the stars and  how the lake looks when it's  r a i n i n g

i find it funny how something typed can be both impersonal and completely vulnerably honestly personal at the same time.

i wish you couldn't see the moon and the sun at the same time when it gets to a certain part of the day. i mean, who knows, maybe they're friends, but sometimes it makes me feel sad, like the way you feel when someone you love is leaving you for the first time, and they will come back and you know that but you are still unspeakably sad because even though they are coming back again... they're still leaving now. but i don't get sad for the sun. 

i get sad with the moon.

i think too much, but i think maybe the moon is very lovesick. 

waiting for someone. 

but maybe he will never come.

i wait with her. 

i think maybe the sun is that friend who wants to help the one who makes their smile extra big to tries and keep the moon from being so sad (because the moon doesn't always look sad, but the sun is also that friend - the one who knows anyways)

so the sun stays a while for the moon but the sun always has to leave and the moon is still very sad.

i have spent an entire page of your letter talking about the moon.

i wanted to write about how the grass felt underneath me (because i am typing outside) or the way it is warm and cold at the same time or how it is sunday but it feels like a thursday or tell you that autumn is fading away much too quickly and i still haven't had coffee with you in chicago underneath the bean where we would wear warm sweaters and big scarves and talk about life

but i'm pretty sure i've successfully drank my weight in apple cider.  so it's not all lost.

i met a hummingbird once and i told him he probably should have learned the words

he told me i should grow wings to fly instead of  pretending

i haven't see him again and i tried but i couldn't so he can keep humming

if he wants to.

you know the way sometimes you want to listen to a song so you turn it on and then you get tired of it so you turn on a different one and then you get tired of that one so you switch songs again

that is the way i feel right now writing to you deciding what i want to say then getting tired of it and changing my mind again

and again and again and again and again

i hope it is enough just to hear from me and read my words  without needing me to actually say anything

important

i am running out of typewriter ribbon but it was not wasted (definitely not)

i just hope this made you

smile.  

~from my lovely friend Hannah, whom I refer to as my Toothless. <3

3. Ever had a terrible breakup:

Nope. lol how boring, but the only real breakup I've had was very tame and mutual so.

6. Any tattoos do you want:

UGH YES.

I have one that someone is supposedly drawing up for me, and a Batman themed one in the works (in my mind) and at least two others that I have just the beginnings of inspiration for. It's not a lie that once you get one you'll get addicted.

9. Favorite Show:

l o l. Once Upon A Time. I love a lot of shows, but.. yes.

12. Favorite song:

No.

UGHHH right now I really like "Bloodline" by Barbarossa but it changes like every second like oops now it's "Silver Lining" by Hurts

15. Hair Color:

Brown.

Soon to be black me thinks.

18. Favorite color:

Black.

21. How long does it take you to shower:

Um, well a short shower is 45 min-1 hour.

24. Turn on:

Being Batman.

27. Fears:

Spiders, being buried alive, needles, giant squids (and other things about the ocean), making phone calls, adding to class discussions, talking to people. That sort of thing I suppose. 

30. Meaning behind your url:

Um, well in The Dark Knight, "I Believe In Harvey Dent" was Harvey's campaign slogan, and John Blake is a character I really love from The Dark Knight Rises and I put them together.

33. Last show you watched:

Watching George Lopez right now.

36. Favorite food:

Hot wings or crab legs.

39. Do you have a crush:

Nothing outside of fictional or celebrity.

43. What color shirt are you wearing:

Blue.

45. Wearing any bracelets:

Nope.

48. Last prank call you remember doing:

what the heck seriously this is great

you're really good

like i can't finger pick at allll