#catastrophicfletcher

merrick was determined to find herself again. to be the happy go lucky girl she’d been even two months ago, to refuse to let herself dwell in the pain and heartache that would overwhelm her if she let it. the only way to help ethan, she knew, was to help herself. the way things were going, they were both about to shutter up in the room colette tended to avoid these days and waste away because no one took care of them. 

fletch was the closest thing she really had to a ball of sunshine. a best friend. her heart still broke when she thought about lulu, what had happened to her - what could have happened if merrick had been more proactive the last few years of their friendship - but she had people around her now. she had colette and madison, she still had holly ( thank god ), she had logan and ethan back, she had a brother, whom she spent most of her time with these days. 

and she had fletcher. 

her crush on him that had developed when they first arrived had disappointed into a warm friendship, a closeness and intimacy that she craved more than she wanted sugar. ( almost. ) she could relax with him, take naps in the clinic or at the foley house, jump on his back when they ran into each other at the park - she was comfortable with him, and at a time where she wasn’t comfortable with most, it was a relief. 

it had taken some work, but she’d managed to dig around enough to find out some of his favorites. to find cd’s and to find blank cd’s and a way to make him a mix that was perfect for him. her preferred way of showing appreciation. she’d brought her boombox - batteries found in an old house at the edge of town underneath a bed - and appeared at his doorway with a grin, eager to share her present with him. 

“okay,” she started when she bounded into the room still decked out as if the eldest foley would move back into it, “i made you something, but you have to promise to love it or i’m never going through this much work again.” 

having melissa back at the house was...different. for one, madison felt like she had to perform, somehow. it wasn’t melissa’s fault, she knew that, but the girl madison had been at 14 had grown and changed and having her there felt a little bit like having a parent around. she had been getting comfortable, shedding some of her quiet nature and even beginning to initiate affection with those around her before her sister showed up. 

it felt like a slap in the face, really, suddenly reminded of what life had been like before a few months ago. 

not that she ever thought melissa would judge her - she was absolutely sure she wouldn’t. she was also sure that melissa wanted her to be herself, but madison, well, she was barely starting to know who herself really was. 

it also meant she’d pulled away from the others - unintentionally, but they were all busy all the time anyways, and madison did best floating in the background of their lives. so she focused on logan - the summer heat made her sister even more irritable than normal, her own emotional upheaval at having a woman twice her age around that she barely knew except from stories madison and their mother would whisper to her when she asked. to her face, logan was the perfect foley : polite, interested, masking any pain she felt. it was so unreal, so unlike her, that for a moment madison had wondered how deeply their home life had already taken it’s toll on her. 

but the truth was, logan was more like madison than she had previously thought. there was a torrent of emotions running underneath her smiles, and while it took a few weeks for it to really take hold, eventually madison felt that logan - the real logan, the outspoken and boisterous logan, was coming back out. which meant madison had to focus on her old life again. the one she’d been building. 

the one that started with fletcher. 

they hadn’t even talked about it, not really - she had assured him that melissa’s former room was his, and he was not, under any circumstances, to give it up. but madison had shut down, closed her vulnerabilities, smiled and said she was happy, of course, she was fine, nothing was wrong, why would her sister returning be anything but a joyous event? and if fletcher saw through her ( he always did ), he kept quiet, not prying, giving her her space to work things out. 

the afternoon sun was sweltering, but madison hid herself away in the tree house she’d shown him once upon a time - a sketchpad open with a face that looked almost like her own, but sharper, edges a little more severe, being drawn with a pencil. she’d left him a note telling him where she’d be, saying he could join her, and she was relieved when she heard his arrival - she had missed him, had missed them, and the smile she wore when he appeared through the trap door was probably the most genuine one she’d worn in a month. 

“you came,” she practically exclaimed, closing her sketch book and moving things around so he could get comfortable - notebooks and markers, towels to sit on to help keep from splinters, a couple snacks she’d brought with her when she’d escaped. “i know this sounds crazy, considering we live together, but i’ve missed this. you and me. i feel like it’s been forever since we’ve actually spent time together.” 

fairvale was suffocating her. 

even as holly finally came home, even as things went back to ‘normal’, merrick couldn’t breathe. ethan was in her bed - practically catatonic, but eating and bathing enough that she knew he was still in there, just shell shocked. logan was around, making her question every decision she’d made since she was fifteen. and holly had almost died, leaving her to deal with it all on her own. 

she needed out. 

out of the house, because she couldn’t leave town again. going back to riverside had been risky enough - doing it again so soon would be suicide. so she settled for the playground, instead, resting in the middle of the merry-go-round and letting the breeze push her around, her walkman playing a CD of breakup songs she’d made a lifetime ago. she had a bottle of water, a snack, and she was content to lay there while the sun dipped below the horizon in the dark, letting whatever happened to her happen. 

it was fletcher who found her there - going home, she was sure - but she heard his voice call her name over her headphones and she slid them off, sitting up to smile at him. 

“hey, you,” she greeted, glad to finally see him out of the clinic. “does this mean you’re finally going home? i was getting worried i’d have to rent you a bed in there for yourself, soon.” 

being in the middle of the end of the world sucked. she may have been in her own house, a privilege few really had anymore, but she was one of very few who had grown in the area now known as fairvale. she couldn’t even allow herself to think of it’s original name - the world was too different from the one she’d grown up in - but she regularly saw people who were now neighbors in clothing that had belonged to those she’d grown up around, in hoodies and jeans she recognized from peers who have long since died or disappeared or just fled. 

all she wanted was a small sense of normalcy. just one. 

almost everything was communal these days, and she understood that. really, she had. after the recent insurrection, she’d donated all of her parents clothing to allow others to share it. she knew as logan grew, she’d have to depend on the community to help clothe her sister. hell, her own house was a stomping ground for those who came in and out of town - her parents room empty, but the guest room had been used by a couple who’d since departed in the past few days. gone on to find out what else was left. 

nothing was left. 

it was times like these madison missed melissa most. and while she’d promised fletcher privacy - the room once covered in posters of pop-punk bands and mid2000s heartthrobs was his own now - she knew melissa’s hiding spot. the back of the closet, in a shoe box labeled ‘keep out!!!!! that means you madison!!!’ was a diary, and sometimes she just wanted to hear her sister’s voice again. 

she emerged from the closet with her hands wrapped around the notebooks, surprised to see fletcher staring anxiously into the depths she’d just been scurrying around in. “sorry!” she responded quickly, hiding the composition books behind her back as if it had been melissa who’d walked in on her, reminiscent of days long since past, “i was just looking for something, i wasn’t touching your stuff, i swear!” 

madison was still amazed at how well everything had come together - the town had managed to hear her idea and not only support it, but piece together their talents to bring a night that the kids would certainly not forget for awhile. logan was stunning in her emerald green dress - pieced together over painful hours on her mom’s old sewing machine, using pieces from various fabrics left behind and a pattern she’d found in a drawer. logan hadn’t looked so happy in months - years, maybe - and when her ‘boyfriend’, alex, had come to pick her up, well, madison had played her part of dutiful sister right. 

she even pulled fletcher out to the dance floor with her, her eyes wistful at the twinkle lights they’d found, taking a moment to stop scanning everything looking for flaws to instead enjoy the moment. “thank you, so much,” she murmured, resting her head against his chest - her own dress had been her senior year homecoming dress, a bright fuchsia that had gone with blake’s neon blue back then. “i don’t think i could have actually gotten this together without your help and support. you’re the best fake husband i’ve ever had.” 

everyone needed a distraction. 

it was painfully obvious by the faux happiness colette was trying to keep on her face when she was around others, by the silence that trailed behind merrick like a ghost, by the haunted look of others around town. even logan, normally able to push through any tragedy with a smile, was looking depressed. 

“she’s a teenager,” she reminded herself, but madison was also her only guardian now, and she would be damned if logan fell into a spiral just because madison couldn’t provide comfort and safety like they both deserved. 

the idea sprung almost out of nowhere - she was hiding in melissa’s closet ( again ), beneath the tulle of her prom dress, when it hit her. there was only a handful of kids, but they deserved something - some sort of normalcy, some reminder that life had it’s ups and downs but there were nights they’d remember for good reasons too. 

“i need your help,” madison demanded, her voice surprisingly forceful when she found fletcher in the kitchen, her eyes a little wild as plans and preparations started to take root. “i want to throw a prom - or a formal, or whatever - for the kids. and, i guess, any adults that wanna come. logan needs something to look forward to, and i was on prom committee all four years of high school, so i can do most of it anyways, but i would really love it if you helped me throw this together. people like you better - you appear friendlier than i do - and i’m gonna need some people on board with this.” 

it had been one of the worst weeks of her life. this wasn’t something she said lightly - there had been the week her parents both passed, of course, and the week melissa left them. there was the time the world ended, and the time blake left for california. the time she had the chicken pox had been rough, but this - 

she had very nearly died. she had almost left logan behind forever. 

she knew she was in good hands - livia had taken care of her sister while she and fletcher were quarantined - but there was nothing pushing her forward more than getting better to see logan again. she would tell fletcher that had never doubted him, and she hadn’t - not really - but she had doubted herself. 

logan had flown in the second the doors were open to visitors, climbed into madison’s bed, and refused to let go. she told her every inch of gossip she could, french braided her hair, read her a book she’d found in their mothers room - both of their japanesse was rusty, but she’d tried to keep their mothers language alive as best as possible. at some point, fletcher had come over, resting in the chair next to her bed, and when she looked over again, he was slumped over - snoring lightly, logan half asleep herself.

madison reached for fletcher’s head, threading her fingers through his hair - this was her family, now, the whole reason she’d made it through. she felt an overwhelming burst of emotion inside of her, tears threatening to leak from the corner of her eyes. “thank you,” she whispered, though she didn’t know if he was awake or not. “thank you for saving my life.” 

it seemed more imperative than ever to know how to protect oneself; if there had been one breach, there was the possibility of another. it was why she’d told fletcher to come to the wood-jacobson home when he’d gotten some sleep, so they could start their official training. after all, one day he might be cornered on his own, and merrick hated to admit she might actually be growing attached to him - he was holly’s right hand man in the clinic, lived with madison looking out for the quiet girl, and yeah, he was kind of cute and she’d hate to have to kill him if he got turned.

being superficial was easier than acknowledging that the idea of losing anyone else would absolutely send her over the edge. 

“okay,” merrick began - the pair were outside in the backyard, grass a little too long ( not one of them knew how to operate a lawn mower, a flaw, really ) but the sun shining above them as she tossed a baseball up and down in the air. “before we teach you how to throw knives and fight, we need to see where your hand-eye coordination is. out there, you’re going to need to react instinctively - if something’s coming for you, you don’t have time to consider strategy and methods, you just need to act. and if you don’t act quickly enough...” 

she let it trail off, both of them knowing where the end of her sentence lay. 

it would be the end of him. 

“so as silly as it seems, we’re gonna play catch first. easy to begin with, and then i’ll start throwing some of my actual pitches. this’ll give me an idea of what we need to work on - where your weak spots are, so we can focus on those and make sure they’re harder to break through. deal?”