#cassianappreciation

There were more than I anticipated. Banners bearing the sigils of each camp fluttered in the wind, marking the clusters of all the different parties that have joined. 

Good. 

Today was the day of the Endless Sun, the Illyiran celebration of summer solstice. We Illyrians believe that the sun’s strength sharpens our endurance, clears our judgement and drives our courage. The books tell us that every battle that was won beneath the longest sun, was one that honored the Mother herself. She had gifted the Illyrians with wings to reach the sky and as much daylight to conquer the earth below. 

But it was not a day of war. Instead, the rival camps set aside grudges and met in contests of skill rather than bloodshed. We had competitions of all kinds: archery, endurance races and flights, wrestling matches with bound limbs and sword duels on cliffs. But not until death, but for glory and victory until every match ended with crossed forearms instead of spilled blood.

It was a day to remember that we were one people before we split into camps.

Thousands of them formed a perfect thick circle of leather clad fighters and left the center clear. I tucked in my wings neatly to drop down. The wind was howling in my ears as the ground drew closer. All heads tilted upward. At the last second, I unfolded my wings to soften my fall just a bit and landed with a ground shaking thud. 

As I straightened myself from the crouched position I landed in and rippled my wings, showing off my commanding power in spreading them wide for all of them to see, before snapping them in again. The murmurs died out . Everyone around me got in formation and saluted the Illyrian way.

I stilled for a moment, taking them all in.

And like they all rehearsed, they called in unison. “General.” Their one voice echoing off the mountains. 

I saluted them the same way before I spoke.

“It does an warrior’s heart good to see every camp standing together beneath the same sky.” I shouted loud enough for all of them to hear me, slowly turning around to address all of them. “Today, the sun grants us more light than every other day of the year. Our ancestors believed that every extra hour of light was a gift. Not for idleness, but to test ourselves. To fly farther!” They all shanted back every last word.

“To fight harder!”

“To become stronger!”

I let the stillness sweep in again before I got on. “Our ancestors understood something we should never forget. Strength is earned in training. Not in war. And honor is forged in discipline and not measured in opponents we slaughtered." The last word felt bitter on my tongue. Flashes of my rages tried to crawl up but I chugged them down. 

"So today, we do not spill Illyrian blood." I yelled with a firm voice. "We sharpen one another instead."

They yelled their approval, while drumming on their breast plate and a smile spread on my face as I began to end my speech.

"Beat your opponent fairly. Push your brothers until they curse your name. Win with pride. Lose with dignity. And if you lose to someone younger…" I shrugged dramatically and grinned. "Train harder before next summer."

A deep roll of laughter rolled across the field. 

"But when the last contest ends and darkness claims the mountains…" I took a moment and paused. "We eat together!"

Cheers erupted around me.

"We drink together!"

The cheers grew louder.

"And by the Mother, we remind every mountain from Windhaven to the northern peaks that no one celebrates like an Illyrian!" I raised my fist at the last words and drums began to echo as roars erupted.

Then I shouted over the crowd.” May today’s sun strengthen all of you. May today’s trials sharpen your spirit and may today’s fire remind us all that before we are warriors of different camps–”

I hit my fist against my chest. “ We are Illyrians!”

Like thunder the chants and roars struck the valley.

The games began and I was hassling around to spend some time at each game. Some invited me to a fight as a guest of honor. I didn't even have to try to win. 

The only exception I made was with the children… The time I spent there is precious to me as it reminds me of my beginnings in this camp. A bastard born, fighting every day for scraps, beating others for clothes and a better bedsheet to use as a tent, stealing embers to ignite my own little fire for some warmth to thaw my frozen limbs… They invited me for a fight and I stretched it, only using a fraction of my power and in the end…letting them win over me of course. 

I knew that the Illyrians were proud and never desired a win out of pity. But I’ve learned that they blossom from such small achievements. So, I let them overpower me and have their moment.

As the sun began its slow descent, the fires were lit again across Windhaven. The day of the fights was over. The night belonged to music, roast meat and overflowing casks of wine and ale. There’s storytelling and enough drinking games to leave even the seasoned warriors and captains stumbling. The camp would remain awake until dawn greets them once again. Then they’d have a good-days sleep.

I didn’t say goodbye to anyone before lying and saying I’m going for a loo. I headed for the nearest cluster of trees and soared through the sky soundlessly. The tension of the day subsided and I felt tired. This day wasn’t going to end.

My wings felt heavy and I thought I pulled a muscle while fighting the small ones. Usually, the way back felt as if time was passing faster. But that was not today. The length stretched on and on until I crossed the veil to Velaris again. 

The howling wind that froze my limbs was gone and the smell of jasmine, salt and the water of the glittering Sidra filled my nostrils. Only a speck of blue painted the horizon as I landed on the balcony of the House of Wind. I’d only got minutes left.

I quickly swapped my armor for a dress shirt and a pair of trousers. A quick splash of the well water to freshen up my face. Then I was jumping out of the window, letting my wings take the fall and swung through the warm air, heading towards the rainbow.

This day belonged to Illyria, this night belonged to Velaris.

The floorboards of the stage shuddered as I landed on it unelegantly.

“The last pint with your warriors was too much.” Rhysand mused as he was fixated on the small watch on his wrist. “Just in time. I have to give you that.”

“You know what day it is, Cassian.” Feyre sneered at me. Oh, we’re using legal names. She must be feral.

“Sorry, I got held up.” I huffed with slumped shoulders.

“Sorry doesn't cut it.” Az snapped from beside me, picking a feather from my shoulder. 

“We’ve all been waiting for you!” Mor scolded me. 

Mother save me!

The curtain in front of us was still closed, so no one saw me arriving late. The crowd in front of it must have been massive. Everyone in Velaris was here today. It was their day, too. Well...their night. 

Every year on summer solstice the Inner circle renewed their vows to the people of Velaris. The city had fallen silent as the curtains drew to the sides. Thousands were standing on the central place in the heart of the rainbow, along the banks of the Sidra and some were even perched on the ceilings of the houses. The wind ebbed down, letting the swinging lanterns still. The music had ceased and even the wind had stopped calling between the narrow cobblestone streets. 

Amren stepped onto the balcony first and held her speech. She vowed remembrance to the city. Fitting, I think, because of her age. How old was she again?

When she finished, Mor stepped forward and took Amren’s hand, like our self made ceremony demanded it. She promised Welcome to the people. She was the embodiment of freedom, joy and refuge and stood for a life without fear. After her, Azriel vowed to keep them secret, Rysand vowed to lead and Feyre vowed to nurture. 

She stretched out her hand, waiting for me to step into the stage light. 

I lined myself up with them and for a heartbeat, I simply looked at the people below. My people.

“My family beside me has each promised to guard Velaris in their own way.” I said with a small smile pulling the corners of my lips upwards.

“I’ve never been the one with beautiful words.” The people of Velaris laughed gently at my honest words. “So, I’ll give you the truth instead.”

Suddenly, the crowd grew silent. I hadn’t even prepared a speech like the others did. I was bad at this. Shit. They were all watching me…

“I was born in an Illyrian war camp where males were taught that strength was measured only by brutality and battles. But this city taught me different. It taught me that true strength is measured by compassion and the will to retaliate and love, even if the whole world’s screaming at you, telling you otherwise.”

I let my eyes roam to the kids on their parents shoulders, the teenagers on the roofs, to the woman that held her grandmother in her arms.

“The laughter in the streets. The music drifting from open windows and strangers singing alongside. The artists painting until dawn. The children who have never known war.” My pause let the eerie stillness settle into all our bones. “That is what I fight for. So tonight, before the Mother, before my High Lady and High Lord, before My Mate and my family… before my city and my people…”

I took another deep breath. “I renew the same vow I made decades ago. The vow that no enemy will reach these streets, no child nor elderly will stand alone! And should darkness ever come for this city again, it will have to fight me first. I vow to be your shield!” At that, I took Feyre’s hand to connect the Inner Circle at last. Joined as one again.

As my last words echoed off the streets, the crowd answered with roars of celebration. Firecrackers flew through the air and the music came to life again. The people cheered and clinked their glasses of champagne as they began to dance and sing. Strangers became best friends over a shared pipe, old enemies forgave one another and cousins who haven't seen each other in years clung together like they’ve never been separated. No one celebrated alone. 

After that, we ran down the stairs to throw ourselves into the crowd. I could tell from the faint expression on Azriel's face, that his wings hurt too from tucking them in neatly and protecting them from others falling and stumbling in our backs. But we sang along and celebrated with the people, listening to their drunken offerings of thanks and praises. I’ve lost the others more times than I’d like to admit but that was okay. I was amongst my people. Just a special one was missing.

Suddenly, I felt that distinct tug against my ribs. So gentle, so calm. I turned my head towards the street that would lead me away from the cheering crowds.

It was time to go home. Truly home.

I clawed my way through the sea of bodies to find a spot to swing my wings wide and soar through the sky.

The songs grew quieter, the lights dimmed behind me. And finally, I landed on the cobblestone street in front of the picket fence that I just painted last week. Fireflies bumbled through the bushes of blooming lavender that greeted me as I turned the knob of the front door to let myself in. I peeled out of my overheated shoes and abandoned my beer spilled shirt and trousers in the powder room downstairs. I washed my hands and turned the light on the porch off before I headed upstairs. Following the fragrance of gorse, I crossed the doorway into the bedroom, finding my beautiful mate inside our bed. Just as I left her.

My heart filled with joy, imagining her sleeping in, enjoying a cup of tea on the porch and reading until it was time for lunch and feeding the strays before getting cozy on the sofa. Maybe she went for a walk in the garden and the market to get some produce to cook a meal – I’m sure she left something on the stove – and then taking a bath and getting ready for bed. 

A single lit candle flickered on the nightstand as she was sitting against the headboard, smiling dearly at me.

“Hey sweetheart.” I greeted my mate, the mattress dipping as I sat down on my side. 

“Hey, handsome.” Her voice was like honey to a sore throat. “How was your day?” She reached out and cupped my cheek. I leaned into her touch.

“Fine. But never ending. I’m happy that I’m home.” I said exhaustedly and got under the covers. 

“How are you?” I asked, smiling at her. Then my eyes drifted lower. “You two?”

The duvet fell as she exposed her middle section, her hands falling on her belly. “We’re good. But it’s getting a little uncomfortable right now.” She smiled through the rambling inside of her.

I took her in my arm, my other hand sprawling across her swollen belly, the babe kicking against my hand as if scolding me for coming home too late.

“I’m sorry little one.” I crouched down to whisper to my unborn child. “Not long and I’ll have you in my arms. We can fight and dance together. Sounds good?”

A kick answered me.

“I’m due a week now. You promise you’ll be home next week?” She asked me with her cute scrunched nose as our babe turned and kicked inside of her.

“Yeah. I’m home.”

"Oh my", you exclaim and turn around to be met with Cassian standing in the doorway. "Oh you, hey. Yeah, I am home. And no, I don't want to talk about it."

"That bad, huh?" He asks and sits down on the sofa opposite yours.

"What part of I don't want to talk about it was hard to understand?" You hiss but immediately regret your snappy tone.

"Alcohol won't make your problems go away, though", he remarks and points to the full to the brim glass in your hand.

"It won't but it will make me forget for just this evening. So, if you could see yourself out I am doing fine, thank you."

You never understood the fixation Cassian had on your failed dates. When Mor and Az were concerned, he seemed to have a heightened interest in who you were meeting up with. But tonight, you are having none of it, therefore, you bring the glass to your lips.

Or are trying to because Cassian stands up and grabs the glass right out of your hand.

"The fuck you are", he responds to your admittedly rude dismissal.

"What do you want?"

"I have a better idea than getting shitfaced at 7pm. Get your coat and some shoes. We are going out", he orders.

You want to protest but he stands there, waiting for you to get into motion.

"Fine", you huff and get up.

Minutes later, you stand outside the townhouse covered in a coat against the cold of this November night.

"Now what?" You ask.

Cassian grins and answers. "I thought you'd never ask."

Next thing you know he is scooping you up into his arms and states: "We're going for a ride."

You want to protest, again, but cannot formulate your thoughts quickly enough because Cassian already leapt into the air.

And you with him.

Instinctively, you grasp onto him and pull yourself to his strong chest. It is not like you have never flown with any of the guys before but it usually came with a little more preparation than now.

You open your eyes and the first thing you see is Cassian staring at you, smiling. You look around and see Velaris painted in the lights of the city beneath you. Snow has begun falling around you, coating the streets in white powder.

"Sorry if I scared you. Should have warned you before leaping into the sky."

"It's okay. Where are we going?"

"Just flying around a little, helping you clear your head. If you have a place in mind I can take you there", he offers.

You shake your head. "No, this is fine. If you get exhausted we can..."

He tsks. "Do I look like I get exhausted carrying you around? I think not. Now tell me about your evening. If you want to."

You let out a pained sigh. "There is not a lot to say, to be honest. Guy was a douche. He arrived late which should have been a red flag to begin with. But his whole demeanour was super uncomfortable. I was glad when it ended."

Cassian hums in response.

"I guess I'll stop looking for my mate. Maybe not everyone has one? I mean it could be possible that you never meet your match."

"Don't say that. Everyone has a match out there. What do you mean with uncomfortable? He wasn't inappropriate, was he? Otherwise, I'd have to pay him a visit later."

You chuckle and push playfully against his hard chest. Gods, he must work out constantly for being built like this. Having such a body and face should be illegal. You never would admit in a hundred years that you have crushed on Cassian since the day you met him and the other guys. But he would never let you hear the end of it. And despite your attraction to him, you were looking for a relationship while he had a certain reputation among the friend circle. Not exactly relationship material. So, wanting to preserve your friendship you never talked about your crush on him with anyone.

"It wasn't like that. You know, I just didn't feel at ease like with the others or you. I don't feel the need to disguise myself as someone I am not", you explain.

You both stay silent for a while, taking in the scenery around you. Eventually, Cassian seems to spot a hill on the outskirts of the city and lands atop of it. From where you stand, you have a breathtaking view over the city. You cannot help to just gape at the beauty of your hometown.

Your breath visible in the air you notice how the temperatures have dropped on the hill in comparison to the city. You start shaking a little but almost immediately, you feel the soft weight of silk envelop your back. You look to your side and see Cassian spreading one of his wings around you.

You smile at him and stand closer. "Thanks. For the flight as well, I guess. It really is better than getting shitfaced."

"I figured as much. What I don't understand though..." He begins but stops, staring into the city.

"What is it?"

"Tell me something. If you feel so comfortable with me, as you said. And you also said it is important to you to feel comfortable. Why is it that you always go on these horrible dates when they make you feel like you have to change yourself?"

You huff out a laugh. "Cassian, I mean, isn't it obvious? We are friends. I am looking for a relationship, I don't get what you are getting at."

"Who says I am not looking for a relationship?" He asks and turns to face you.

You try to grasp the words but you are speechless.

So he continues. "It is like you meet all these guys that have nothing on you by the way. And it seems like..." He rakes his fingers through the long strands of his hair.

"And it seems like what?" You ask astounded.

"It seems like I am invisible to you. And I don't know why."

Now you are completely at a loss of words. Him, invisible to you? In what kind of askew reality was he living? Has he looked in the mirror?

"I...you...I always assumed you were just having fun. And I would have never assumed that you...me?" You point towards yourself.

"That I fancied you?"

Now that he labels it so plainly your breath hitches and you feel your cheeks going warm.

"Yeah, that."

"Well, now you have it. I made a fool out of myself because I just couldn't bear see you return from yet another awful date."

"You haven't made a fool out of yourself", you say and reach out to touch his cheek. Not breaking eye contact you both just stand there for a while.

"It wasn't ever on my radar that you had an interest in me. Except for friendship."

"I guess I have to work on my flirting skills. They seem to not work on the one woman I am interested in", he sighs but a smile is creeping up on his lips.

Relief washes over you.

"If you feel better I had a crush on you ever since I stumbled right in front of you the day we met. I was so embarrassed."

He laughs. "That was cute as Hel."

"So, what do we do now?" You ask.

"I mean, now that the cat's out the bag. Will you go out on a date with me? I mean, technically, this can count as a date, too. It will be our second date then, just to ease the pressure of first dates.", he proposes, smirking.

"Oh, so you take girls on a flight for the first date?" You joke.

Cassian shakes his head and wraps his arms around you. "No. Just you."

You smile. Maybe this really has been a better idea than getting drunk.

I hope you enjoyed this short that I have written for Cassian week! I had so much fun and hope I can contribute to the other days as well. Lots of love <3

With a splash of cold water to his face, the memories were gone. He locked the heavy wooden door behind him before he was airborne and on his way to the House of Wind.

He landed on a balcony and the framed glass opened up for him as a welcome, like the house waited for his arrival. He strode past the ballrooms and from the tall ceilings hung with massive chandeliers. Everything was polished and it still set him in awe. Not even a speck of dirt or the rural mountain feeling. When he came here first, he was taken aback by the size and comfort of the palace. But the years have passed by and he embraced the advantages. He didn't have to suck in his wings or bumped into random objects, thanks to all the wide doorframes that could easily fit him twice. The magically appearing plates of a savoury roast for dinner and the never dying river of wine that refilled by itself were very pleasing. How could he ever forget the first time the warm water was plunging into the tub, filling the bathing room with steam and falling into a soft and cozy bed after a long soak.

The paperwork that Rhys left in Cassians adjoined study was finished neatly before he flew down to the townhouse.

 Nestled between similar houses and warmly lit windows flower while the foliage of the willows and flowers swayed in the mild wind, as if calling him invitingly to enter. The heated air of the cozy foyer hit him right in the face. Beneath his feet, a lived and worn out rug. There was a rip in it from when he was fighting with Az when they were kids. Rhysand's mother made them resew the piece but with time, the threads loosened again, the hardwood floor lurking at him from the past like an old friend. Laughter pulled him into the sitting area in the dining room where everyone was already waiting for him. Feyre and Rhys, Az and Amren and Mor. The plush chair accommodated his wings and his High Lords smile greeted him as he handed him a glass of liquor. He always liked that house better than the House of Wind. Cozier and smaller, not having to walk miles to get to another level. Even the fires seemed to burn warmer in the townhouse. Even if he had to share a room with a snoring Az. Sleeping next to his brother set him at peace.

After another toast, they all slipped into their coats and headed out towards the town center. He smiled at Amren’s and Mor’s joined bickering at Rhysand while Az’s shadows tickled Feyre’s earlobes. Suddenly, Cassian stopped and stood rooted to the ground, so happy that those people were there. He was happy that they were more than just friends. They’re family. But a small cold spot in his chest remained…someone was missing. Speaking of the devil, Cassian heard the clacking sound of heels echoing off the empty streetwalls.

She ran around the corner, smiling sweetly at him with her arms stretched out wide. She sprung into Cassian’s arms and he twirled her around.

“You’re finally home!” She chirped and kissed his cheek. A hot flame roared inside his heart as he saw her wide smile. Then he set her down on her feet staring into his favourite set of eyes. She was glowing like the nights of starfall. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m home!”