author'd note: this is my first fic. im writing them both as neurodivergent and bisexual. just two disaster bi bois being idiots. luca is a trans guy. heavy self insert *cough cough*
strawberries and cigarettes by troye sivan
"you’re looking at me like you’re trying to figure me out"
Luca steps out onto the balcony, cigarette in hand, looking around, taking a deep breathe. he’s spacing out, staring off into the distance. it is 2 am and the city is quiet. the sound of the house party carrying on inside muffled by the closed door.
he’s about to light up and take a drag when the door opens and carmy steps out, his own cigarettes in hand. they stare at each other a moment, carmy’s blue eyes holding something intense, luca’s wide and darting.
luca is the first to look away, lighting up and offering the flame to carmy, who leans in and lights up too. they both stare out at the quiet city. neither of them starts the conversation that they both know needs to come. they watch silently as a bird flies past the balcony grill. luca points, and they stare together at a plane flying high up in the sky. never once saying anything. a car passes by on the street, and laughter sounds from within the house.
this is how it always was with them. talking about everything except what matters, or not talking at all.
luca wonders about the time he laughed when carmy asked, 2 weeks into hooking up, "are we boyfriends?". luca thought he HAD to be kidding. he’d giggled at the thought and said no. he thought they were just flirting, but had it meant more than that?
carmy’s lost in thought too. he remembers the time he was sick and luca had slowly massaged the knots out of his neck with some roll-on oil he carried in his bag. he was always prepared like that. his elegant fingers working their way through his neck. he remembers the way luca had said "you have such pretty hands" and all carmy could do was to reach out for luca's palms and hold them up, saying "me? look at you!".
luca really did have the nicest hands
lost in thought, luca sat down. "legs hurt?” asked carmy. "im just tired”, came the response. "its nice to see you out here, though”, says carmy
“yeah, i’ve been under a rock,” luca says wryly
carmy sits down, his thigh lightly brushing luca as he crosses his legs
there's a tingle in the air
‘i cant believe i still feel it’ they both think, surprised
luca turns a little to look at carmy, curious
carmy is staring straight ahead
then his eyes flicker quickly to luca and then back again
“you’re looking at me like you’re trying to figure me out”, he says
“oh, i absolutely am”, says luca, smirking
carmy laughs, “your face is like a book”, he says,” you were always easy to read”
“you know, most people read me wrong? i told you about that, didn’t i?” asks luca without shifting his expression.
“yeah, but i don't get how; it's all in your eyes”, replies carmy
“you’re special, i like you. did you sniff glue as a child?” laughs luca
carmy can't help but giggle delightedly
their eyes on each others as they laughed, luca locked him with his begging-for-cock-eyes. and carmy couldn't look away
“you’re looking at me again”, he said
“and you’re looking back”
