Altruism: The Art of Going Out of Your Way
An Essay about Increased Positive Affect and the Thoughts, Feelings, and Realizations of the Author regarding the task of Doing Good and their project entitled Keeping Tabs: Counting Kindness
Once, I was able to convince a friend out of suicide. Sometimes, when I think about that day, I recall the events prior to it and the infinite possibilities had the stars not aligned with my actions.
If I had not been brought by my Father to school, despite him already running late for work, would anyone have talked her out of it? If I had not been engorged with happiness from a hearty meal at home, with my Mother greeting me a beautiful morning, would I have come to school grumpy instead? Would I even bother to console my suicidal friend who everyone deemed as someone with no hope? If I had decided on skipping first day of classes, would summer have been my last time seeing her? Most of the time, however, I think about her, too.
If her mother did not condemn her relationship with her boyfriend that much, would she have been that upset? If her father was not an adulterer, would she have been happier? If her sisters were kinder, would she be safer? Indeed, it is hard to look through the lens of others. But it is not hard to be able to extend a helping hand to someone else, despite not fully understanding or knowing their situation.
Doing good has always been number one in the rule books. As kids, we were taught to do our homework. Help Mother wash the dishes. Help Dad mop the floor. Don’t say bad words. Always be polite. And the list goes on and on and on. Sayings like the Golden Rule of Confucius which goes "Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself,” or simplified by our kindergarten teachers as “Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you,” have served as guiding moral compasses for generations. However, if you think about it, the saying “Do good and good will come to you,” has a better ring to it. True to its words, doing good does do you good, just in unexpected ways!
Last week, my friends and I took part in a little activity. It was nothing out of the ordinary. The catch was, we had to write down all the random acts of kindness we have done. It was like counting your blessings, but in a way, WE were the blessing.
Throughout the course of the week, I had a stronger sense of mindfulness. In a way, I felt like there was a shift of perspective from my own little sheltered bubble. I became more aware of the good and bad in this world despite being able to witness such things in a day to day basis. Thus, I felt like I became more appreciative of others, of myself, and of the things that I have. In turn, I had developed a more positive outlook. Since then, I have dwelled less on mistakes. Instead, I exert more power on relishing the little things that feel right in my life.
Nowadays, I have noticed as well that I feel less stressed about things. I now give myself the ample space and allow myself to find the pace that fits me, instead of pushing myself to the point of exhaustion trying to keep up with others.
From observation and experience, it really is more difficult to do than say to keep looking at life with pure optimism. Indeed, there are many things to worry about. My grades. My allowance. My family. My social life. However, I realized that the more I did things for others, whether or not initially it was sincere, I ended up feeling a sense of relief and belongingness. In our very demanding world, we often are pushed to stay ragged around the edges so that in turn, we may deflect, instead of absorbing, the pain and difficulties brought to us by happenstance. Thus, we often feel alone, and this is where we are mostly wrong; for we may feel lonely but we are never alone.
Through this project, I was able to branch out to more people. People who I may never meet again. Strangers who will probably forget my face and our little exchange. Despite these melancholic thoughts of experiences becoming mere memories, I brighten up to the thought that in one way or another, in the continuum of time and events, I have played a role and acted as a string to the threads of one’s life. Better yet, from simple acts, I have fostered a deeper relationship with my friends. A reassuring gesture of belongingness pulling me away from isolation.
Greatest of all, kindness is like a carousel. It goes round and round! When we bring forth the good to others, we create an environment that hones positivity. We do not only create a memory bank of kindness for us to return to in times of sorrow. We also instill calm and peace within us and around us.
In our society today, we are expected to live on the edge. To deal with life through grit and survival instincts. We must remember, however, that it is not weak to put other people’s needs before our own or to be kind when the rest of the world sees it as a shortcoming. When we go beyond ourselves, per sé, critique an essay that a friend made, or teach math to your seatmate who finds it more difficult to solve problems, we create an awareness of the impact of our actions. Greater than our improved mood, self-esteem, and increased satisfaction is our increased drive towards kindness. Altruism should not be a rarity that the crowd applauds for one second and turns its back to right afterward. It must be a norm that is not practiced but internalized. Such art of going out of your way could actually be a means of leading others, and you, to the right path where you should’ve been all along.
This essay is dedicated to my best friend. May we live long enough to look back at our lives one day and see how beautiful it really is. To not regret living past our difficulties.
