the albatross || B.B || One-Shot
Summary: "Locked me up in towers, but I'd visit in your dreams. And they tried to warn you about me..."
Pairing(s): Winter Soldier x Vampire Fem! Reader
Trope(s): Unlikely friendship; Forbidden vibes; Awkward tension
Based on the Song: The Albatross by Taylor Swift
Total Word Count: 17,000+
Warnings: This one-shot contains explicit language, an identity crisis, graphic depictions of violence and blood loss, trust issues, cigarette smoking, and depressive thoughts/ideas. You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is purely fanfiction.
If you would rather read this fanfic on AO3, here is the link.
Author's Note: I really liked this idea and surprisingly, it just spilled out of me. The ending is pretty open-ended because I do imagine a part 2, but I won't write it unless there's demand for it. Either way, I love this one-shot. I hope you guys do, too. ---xxMoni
~
The Soldier enjoys watching the stars.
The Captain likes to tell him these stories about Bucky Barnes, about how he also liked watching the stars when they made camp in war-torn France. Bucky Barnes would pretend to know the math behind it all, and though the Captain said the math was a load of bullshit, he swore up and down that Barnes did know how to read palms, however.
The Soldier doesnât know how to read palms, but he does know how to calculate the stars now.
Hearing about his past self always put him on edge. He has another manâs name, another manâs face, another manâs life story. The Soldier was expected to relearn this, to find that lost part of himself that is âdeep down, Buck, I know it.â Sometimes heâd remember that he liked strawberry jam, but only if he tried it out of pure coincidence. Sometimes heâd remember the voice of a man called Gabe Jones, or of Dum-DumâDuganâand it reminded him that he was two people at once. Those memories were no longer hisâthey wereâbut not really.Â
He was notâis notâBucky Barnes anymore. In his head, at least.Â
He knew two things with absolute certainty though, two things the old Bucky Barnes would be happy the Soldier is keeping alive: Steve Rogers is his friend and it is the Soldierâs job to protect him, and that a thousand conversations are said in comfortable silence if you simply listen.Â
He passes the cigarette to the woman beside him, blowing the smoke out slowly into the frigid air. He hates the cold, but itâs better than a freezer. Freer up here on the roof of Avengers Tower. A chosen solitary. She takes the cigarette carefully, her grip extra tight since theyâre hanging over the ledge. Legs swinging, hair rustling in the wind. Dropping the cigarette would cause no harm, only annoyance. They only bring four of them to their nightly meetings.Â
She inhales deeply, her decaying lungs inflating just the bit, her mouth doing most of the work. She doesnât need to breathe, heâs found. On the rare occasions he is in her presence during the day, she never does. Not even to comfort those around her who watch her warily. He likes that. Placating others was tiresome, and the Soldier had refused to do it for anyone besides the Captain until he asked. For some reason, the crease between his brow makes his stomach turn and he knows Bucky Barnes would hate him for not smoothing it over.Â
The Soldier studies the woman at his right. He detects hints of dustâold cardboard, maybeâin the smoke she exhales. Her skin hadnât paled in the way popular media suspected, nor did her hair turn white. Her skin looks ashy, her cheeks a little gaunt. The only proof sheâs undead are the red eyesâheâs never seen her smile to verify the fangs.Â
They never exchange words out here. No one knows theyâre out here at all. He had come out for fresh air after a particularly nasty fight with Stark a year ago and found her leaning upside down on the ledge. If she had jumped, he doesnât think he would have leapt after her. He didnât know her and would not miss her. Let her fall and his world was unmoved.Â
A year of nightly cigarettes and no more than a hundred words between them. They had built a sort of camaraderieâafter a long day of pretending to be alive, they would sulk in peace together.Â
He knows her name, and she his. They have never called each other those names, but he suspects she would call him James before anything else. She doesnât seem to want to be called anything. Sheâs content to sit in mutual silence and bask in her invisibility.Â
But the Soldier has seen her every night for a year, and everytime she is still solid. Everytime she is still dead.Â
The team has forbidden anyone from being alone with her. The Captain has forbidden him from being alone with her. Stark and Banner have a fear of the unknown, and what is unknown is uncontrollable. The Soldier wonders why she was invited to the team in the first place if she was going to be locked away and hidden from the world. He wonders why the Captain even rescued him if he was going to be a red stain as well. She refuses to answer their questions, refuses to show them how she feeds, and refuses to put a single limb in the sun for experimental purposes. The team is not sadistic enoughâStark isnât sadistic enoughâto force her to burn so he can scribble the results in a notepad. So unless sheâs willing to be a science experiment, she cannot be trusted.Â
Unless the Soldier suddenly remembers the memories of a man lost to time, he cannot be trusted.Â
So he watches as her painted lips delicately wrap around the cigarette, their last one, and allows the strange delight to roll over him at the sound of her soft sigh.Â
âGoodnight,â she mumbles, her voice resembling the rustling of leaves in the dead of night. She has the same unsettling demeanor as he, perhaps more loose but still as real. The Soldier is meant to unnerve people. If they are terrified of him, they understand the depth of the mission. They will fall in line. As she rises, she grows in stature and dwarfs him. He finds he likes being the second most frightening creature in the room. He likes having a twin, finally, one that is not screaming inside his own head.Â
âGoodnight,â he replies, his gaze on the twinkling city lights. Brooklyn winks at him, refusing to fade.Â
The Soldier hears the roof door slam shut, and he is suddenly alone.
âââââ
The team is arguing.Â
Stark and the Captain crowd the large room they use for briefings while everyone else sits patiently at the long table. The Soldier occupies the single seat at the far end, the closest person to him being the Widow. She is watching the scene unfold with a stoicism that could rival his own, but she is more susceptible to that twitch in her upper lip. When Stark takes a dig at the Captainâs two-timing morality, she speaks up.Â
âYouâre both idiots. I donât see why we have to go empty-handed here, guys.â
Stark does his best to not roll his eyes, opting instead to squint at the Widow. âThe mission is childsplay. I just think weâd have a lot more fun and a ton more juicy stories to tell if we bring all of usââ
âThe answer is no, Tony. I will not bringââ
âSay it, Cap. Iâm sure our cheeky little assassin here would love to hear your reasoning.â
The Captain sighs, his large hands resting atop his slender hips. The Soldier has a vague memory of a group of men around a campfire, all singing a tune in French and sour-tasting liquor spilling from their tongues, and the Captain watching with the same stance but with a grin instead. He realizes fast that this memory is attached to Bucky Barnes, and it is better off dead.Â
âBuck, you know I donât like sending you out when there is no need.â
The Soldier hates team missions. He has no issues with killingâheâs rather good at it. The issue at hand is the lack of privacy, the dependence on one another, and the trust oozing from the Captain. The Soldier isnât the best friend he so desperately wants, and he doesnât know how to tell him that. Staying at the Tower is the best course of action in any situation. He frightens more people than he helps, and he would only get in the way.Â
He doesnât respond to the Captain. He remains quiet, his brow furrowed as he looks between the two angry men.Â
âItâs a routine inspection, Cap. This would be the perfect opportunity to bring him and the vampire.â
His stomach clenches on itself, though he gives nothing away outwardly. Heâs as still as ever, hands softly gripping the handles of the chair. He reminds himself to blink more than five times a minute, and that he needs to move more muscles than just his eyes. Heâs too accustomed to being frozen for long periods of time. He is no stranger to perching for hours, to hiding in the shadows. The Captain had told him his lack of movement was uncanny.Â
But the mere mention of the vampireâ
She had not gone on any missions yet. Her recruitment was more of a trial-run, on the basis that her input about vampires proved to be worthwhile. But it had been a year and Stark and Banner were no closer to studying the intricacies of such creatures. All they knew, or all they assumed, was what they saw from her. And since she was not allowed out of the Tower or on missions yet, they had seen little.Â
âWhat if she goes insane and feeds on a civilian?â the Colonel chimes in, shaking his head as the Captain scoffs at the accusation, âWhat? You donât think sheâd run given the first opportunity? Iâve told all of you that what youâre doing here is inhumane. Just because she hasnât seen the sun in who knows how long doesnât mean she doesnât want to see a damn bakery or a night-time play. And keeping her locked up will trigger her to hurt someone sooner rather than later.â
The Soldier had never wondered about that. She and him were so alike that he just assumed she was content with her situation. Heâd much rather be here than under the tentacles of Hydra. He believed she would much rather be here than in the sewers.Â
And it hit himâ
How did she feed now?
âJARVIS doesnât necessarily divulge details, but sheâs clean with her victims. Ah, you see that on my scrumptious arms? Goosebumps. Iâve caught her eyeing these veins.â
The Soldier tilts his head, interested. The Widow marks it.Â
âSheâs well-fed, then,â the Captain says, though the Soldier hears that subtle shake in his voice, âHow do we know she wonât escapeââ
âYouâre acting like sheâs our hostage,â the Widow snaps. She immediately casts an apology across the table. âIf she escapes, she escapes. The sun will slow her down, and she knows it. Youâre all debating this as if sheâs tried. She hasnât. She has caused no trouble so far. Youâre all just too scared to send her out into the wild because you havenât gotten to know her.â
The room silences. The man at the other far end of the table, the one he usually sees with metal wings across his broad shoulders, nods in agreement. At every briefing the Soldier has sat through, Wilson was the only one to ever bring her up in conversation. Small mentions that asked where she was at that very moment, if she had shared her family history yet, if she had fed and if not, was there anything he could do. The Soldier suspects Wilson would offer his own neck if the others agreed to it.Â
He doesnât like talking about her at these meetings. Everyone acts like they have the perfect read on her. They donâtâeven he doesnât. But he does have first-hand knowledge on what the strain of her lungs sounds like, and the exact timbre of her voice. The Soldier knew more than them, and it spoiled him rotten.Â
âThis is a controlled mission, Cap,â Wilson adds, shrugging. âI think this can be good for her. For Barnes. For you.â
The Soldier loosens a shoulderâthe tiresome act of placatingâand studies Wilson in the few seconds heâs afforded since the Captain is debating inside his head. Wilson is around his age, give or take a year or two, and he has never spoken ill about him before. Heâs heard the Widow and Barton murmuring their distrust about the Soldier in the beginning, but he believes the Captain shut it down. Starkâs jokes were endless, but he finds them humorous sometimes. He is the only person to ever pull a smirk from him. Wilson never spoke bad about anyone. He doesnât know if he likes that or not. Heâs grateful in an odd way, but confused mostly. There are countless things to hate him for. Tender hearts are so easily breakable, and the Soldier finds he does not want to bruise Wilsonâs.Â
âIâll talk to her tomorrow,â the Captain concedes. âBuck, you up for it?â
A choice. Heâs not used to having choices.Â
âOkay.â
âââââ
Clouds block the majority of the stars tonight.Â
On nights like these, he focuses on the multi-colored lives of the occupants in surrounding apartments. There are some setting up Autumn colors, others keeping their sleek, modern aesthetic. The Soldier thinks he enjoys a splash of color. He has a habit of draining it all, but he likes it while it lasts.Â
The apartments are sporadically lit. Many have retired to bed. Thereâs a family of four returning and passing around boxes of takeout. A woman sits up in bed and reads a large fantasy novel, her cat resting lazily at the edge of her silk sheets. A teenager adjusts his computer monitor and readies a new level on the game heâs playing, an empty pizza box on his desk. So many lives happening at onceâit overwhelms the Soldier. He does nothing all day besides lay in bed and eat and bathe when he has to. He has been wanting to take up knittingâsomething to do with his hands. Loading and taking apart guns isnât as enjoyable as it used to be.
âThey are going to take you on a mission,â he says, passing the cigarette. Her expression remains impassive. She inhales deeper than usual, his only indication that his statement affected her.
âOh.â
Sheâs quick to brush him off. Good. Sheâs not so easily rattled. âI am going, too,â he adds.
A shrug. She passes the cigarette back. He inhales, an odd flutter in his chest as he wraps his lips around the lipstick-stained stick.Â
Thereâs a bruise on her jawline. Tilting his head, he follows the length of it. It takes him a moment, but he finally recognizes the shape. Five purpling indents, one palm-sized.Â
He didnât even know she could bruise.Â
A sudden wave of rage nearly has him marching back into the Tower, ready to interrogate every team member at gunpoint. Their distrust shouldnât warrant violence. Then the Soldier inhales the toxic smoke again, realizing that his emotions are pointless. The Soldier does not feel, nor does he feel sympathy for others.Â
The Soldier questions the validity of that statement.
Still, he ponders who could have possibly injured her. The only ones able to inflict such pressure and not kill are him, the Captain, Stark while suited-up, and the God. But they had no evidence of what strength she could or could not handleâit was entirely plausible that a regular man hurt her. And since she does not leave the Tower, the man could have been one of her meals.Â
Her meal fought back.
âHow do you eat?â he asks before he can swallow it. He used to be punished for asking questions.Â
She turns her head slowly. Itâs unsettling to the Soldier, so much so that he averts his eyes. âYou know what I eat.â
âI asked how. Not who.â She blinks at him. âYou donât leave the Tower.â
This is the most theyâve spoken in one sitting. He always assumed sheâd be the one to speak first. It seems she assumed the same.
âThey bring me my meals.â A quick jump of his brow indicates his surprise. âYou didnât know that.â
He shakes his head. Does the Captain know? The Soldier had heard about interrogations happening at the Tower⊠Were these the same victims?Â
âThe bad ones they keep alive. Captives. I get my pick of the litter,â she explains, though her solemn expression betrays the joy in her tone.
âDoes it bother you?â he asks. The Soldier doesnât careâshouldnât careâand yet, he asks.
âI donât care.â It seems sheâll not care for the both of them.
He wonders how often she needs to feed. If blood is the only thing she needs to survive. His knowledge of vampire lore comes from a few, mediocre clicks around the internet. Most articles or opinions claim that blood is their life source, but the exact time-stamp vampires can go without it is still a mystery. If she were to go without, willingly or not, would she wither away? Would she simply cease to exist?âHow peaceful that sounds, actually. Would it be painless or would she feel every second? The Soldier did not feel time pass when frozen, nor did he comprehend it when allowed to breathe on his own.
âAre you skilled with weapons?â he asks. Invasions of privacy, like the Captain said, were not always welcome naturally. The truth was so much easier to obtain with a gun in hand, harder to earn with a fake smile. What really mattered was having the mission go smoothly. Maybe then the rest of the team will leave him alone and stop trying to make him assimilate. Maybe if the mission went smoothly for her, sheâd steal their attention. He would be free. Free to just be.
âI donât need them, but I have them.â
Irritation is an emotion that encases him fully nowadays. Irritation, agitation, resignation. Her bluntness rivals his, and it's itching at his skin. He liked it beforeâwhat is different today? âI am going on this mission, too. I need to know what you are skilled at to ensure the mission is a success.â
She flicks the dead cigarette bud over the ledge, watching as it gradually shrinks from sight. It was their last one. He will bring an extra one tomorrow.Â
âThere are no stars tonight,â she laments. Her lips twist into a small pout, nearly invisible. She has pretty lips. âGoodnight.â
He waits until sheâs gone to frown. The Soldier is confused.Â
âââââ
The team likes to get together Friday nights and watch movies in the common room. Usually the film is chosen to satisfy the Captainâs ignorance. His too, he has found. Though no one but Wilson includes him in that conversation.Â
The Captain, Stark, Banner, Wilson, and the Widow are the only ones present tonight. The younger agents are suspiciously absent, but he somewhat remembers Stark mentioning a Friday night outing. Figures, considering the ones in this room are easily recognizable.Â
If he were to walk around Times Square, would he cause a panic? The Soldier has been photographed a few times since returning from the shadows and each time the news outlets treat him like an enemy of state. He is, in a sense. There are plenty of things he knows that can crumble governments, but thereâs no point in sharing them now. Heâs not at war. Heâs not under control. But he wonders what it would be like to walk around and enjoy life. To go out with friends, to dance, to go feed some pigeons. He could tryâthe Captain will definitely go with himâbut he doesnât know how. After so many years of feeling the sour depths of his soul, how is he expected to break through the surface in one day? The urge to be normal gnaws at him, twisting and peeling flesh and muscle, but it is so much easier to just lie in bed. If enough time passes, maybe it will just happen.Â
Time was going on, speeding past his memories and lungs. Too fast, so fast he couldnât grab timeâs dangling string to slow it down. He wanted to yank it back, scream at it that heâs trying to remember, and that his new memories are preventing him from finding the ones from before. Thereâs so much new information that he wanted to, needed to, slow time down. How was he ever able to be Bucky Barnes again if time prevented him?
He likes when the younger ones are around. Theyâre less judgmental. They actually try to speak with him. Granted, itâs stupid things like: âWhat was the Great Depression like?â or âStraight up, who was the harder kill? Kennedy or Stalin?â The Captain usually shuts them down, but he canât help but chuckle from the absurdity of it once heâs alone.Â
âFeels weird watching this outside of a seventh grade classroom, but I promise you Steve, itâs a classic,â Wilson says, clapping the Captain on a shoulder. âThe Outsiders is a rite of passage, and you my friend have not truly assimilated until you watch it.â
Sitting on a stool rather than the giant couch, the Soldier takes immediate interest in what Wilson claims. If he wants to be normal again, shouldnât he try with the basics? Watching a movie didnât seem all that bad.Â
Heâs distracted by the repetitive popping in the microwave to feel the presence at the doorway. Everyone quiets, and the Soldier straightens. He marks the distance between him and the Widow, and though heâs positive she can protect herself, he debates how he would shield her with his body.Â
But there is no weapon pointed at them or enemy breaching the premisesâitâs her.Â
She burrows deeper into her oversized sweater, the hood covering most of her forehead. She ducks cautiously, eyes squinted as she peeks at the overhead beams. She looks ashier in the artificial light, but no less beautiful. Heâs seen her during the day before, but always when she was protected by shadows.Â
âFangs!â Stark cheers, the half-drunk beer bottle in his hand sloshing violently, âWeâve already chosen the movie so donât bitch about it like Banner always does. Popcornâs almost finished, and weâve got wine in the fridge. You like reds or are you like Cap here? Canât tear a moscato from his cold, dead paws even if you were the strongest person in the world.â
The Soldier gives Stark an incredulous glare, as does the Captain. Offering her food, mentioning cold, dead hands. It gladdens him, however, that though he is the most unpredictable person in the room, he isnât the stupidest.Â
âI personally like reds,â Wilson interjects, casually strolling forward to hit the light switch. She visibly relaxes. âWant me to pour you a glass? We can talk shit about Stark together as he learns how to play the movie.â
Stark mumbles something about how the cheapest technology is often the hardest to understand. Wilson leads her into the kitchen, innocently rambling about wine tours and tasting. The Soldier meets her eyes as she passes. There is simple acknowledgement, but no words. Itâs as if they donât know each other at all.Â
He has no claim to that anyway. He shares as much as she does.Â
She takes a glass of moscato, curiously. He would have assumedâand thatâs just it, isnât it? He assumed.
The others settle into their spots. She looks around, a peculiar look on her delicate face. Vampires were supposedly ageless, but he sees the age in her eyes, in how she holds up her head. Heâs been told that while he wears the mask, his eyes look tortured. Like theyâve seen too much. Â
Her eyes held an ancient power, tainted with misery, and yet all he finds himself wondering is what color they were before she changed.
She sits on the lone recliner closest to Wilson, tucking her knees in and leaning her upper body on a pillow. She balances her wine as she adjusts, ignoring the interested stares from the others.Â
âI watched this movie when it first came out,â she shares, her voice an elegant whisper. The Captain watches her warily, as does Banner.Â
âSo did I. Youâre not special,â Stark responds, clicking the play button. The Soldier stands, but he doesnât know what for. To defend her? To add to the harassment? To walk out of the room?Â
Her small chuckle surprises him. Surprises all of them. He takes one step forward, then another, until he too is a part of the group. He chooses to sit on the cushion just beside her recliner. If he had a cigarette, it wouldnât be so different from all the other nights.Â
The Captain attempts to ignore him, but ultimately fails. The Soldier senses his relief, his hope.
They watch the movie in comfortable silence, interrupted only by Starkâs or Wilsonâs personal additions. He doesnât mind, though. He likes the movie enough to quell that poisonous irritation. Itâs toward the end when he looks at her, when his curiosity gets the best of him.Â
There is a sunset on the screen.Â
Silver glistens across her waterline.Â
Then itâs gone, because nothing gold can stay.Â
The Soldier resonates most with a simpler quote. He longs for normalcy, no matter how much he prefers solitude. The voice screaming in his head wonât let him forget it. He repeats the quote several times before the end credits:Â "I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me."
He used to tell himself that pain was temporary and that being put under would limit itâhe always believed that one.
Heâs angry that Johnny dies and that Dally kills himself. Heâs angry because the Soldier cares about the Captain more than anything and would do the same. Heâs angry that he, with his contaminated past and bloodied hands, can still watch the sunset. Heâs angry because since sheâs dead, she cannot.
âââââ
âIâm guessing thereâs an angle here, Cap. Why else would she make nice now?â
Sometimes Stark made him question the teamâs so-called heart. He assumes the Captain had to plead his case, and has continued to do so when the Soldier showed no signs of improvement. She hadnât put up a fight when they informed her of the mission, nor did she ask any questions. The barest of nods and she was given her orders. He would have liked to be in the room when they discussed this, but he received the automatic manila folder outside his room door.Â
Target:Â Male, 56, Hydra scientist maintaining one of eight remaining Hydra bases in North America. Assumed to be armed and dangerous. No history of super strength, night vision, or combat training.Â
And in each folder the Soldier is given his team and his task. Sometimes heâd argue with the logistics considering he knew more than he let on, but this seemed simple enough. He sneers at the use of their code names.Â
Soldier Objective:Â Joined by âWidowâ and âFangsâ, retrieve the data on the main computer. Data pertaining to Hydra, Project Insight, Project Paperclip, and NASA is to be handled with care. The Soldier and Widow are cleared for hand-to-hand combat.Â
He should have received everyoneâs objective. To function as a team, as the Captain so desperately wants, he needs to know each detail. Knowing in advance saves lives, and omitting this now is going to get someone killed.Â
As long as that someone isnât the Captain or Wilson, the Soldier did not care as much as he should.Â
Now, while walking through the dimly lit hallway with two women watching his six, he understands why the team made this her first mission. The base was mostly abandoned, there was a limited paper trail that was easy to follow, and it wasnât too far from New York. A night-time mission usually meant difficult entryways or an ambush. He finds he enjoys the quiet walk and flickering lights, and the small conversation the Widow and the Vampire make. Heâs still vigilant and hyper-focused on finding the computer lab, but he allows his mind to knock over one wall.Â
The sound of women gossiping and giggling sounded a lot better than the complaints and curses of men.Â
âCome on, thereâs got to be someone on the team you think is hot.â
The Soldier rolls his eyes at the Widowâs comment. He doesnât bother looking back. Itâs the same thing every single time: the Widow asks the question, the Vampire answers. Neither of them include him, but he doesnât mind. Though he sits with her every night, he doesnât actually know much about her. And the short replies the Widow also offers make him feel⊠appreciative. Heâs learning, heâs retaining, heâsâ
He shakes his head when he compares this lesson to a filing system, as if the women guarding his back are mere test subjects, or targets. As if the information heâs learning could be used against them.Â
Itâs hard to rewire your brain, your thoughts. Once something has burrowed deep into each crevice, itâs hard to pull it out. Change is hard, rare, and celebrated once successful. The Soldierâs wiring needs to change if he is to ever learn anything new for the innocent purpose of being human.Â
âI think the Captain is good looking,â she answers, huffing a laugh when the Widow hums in agreement.Â
âHeâs a tough one to crack.â
âBut youâve cracked him.â
The Widow waits for the Soldier to secure the corner before walking forward and punching in a code. He sees her narrow her eyes, a small smirk gracing her pale lips.Â
âI am cracking him.â
The Soldier has seen the Captain blush around the Widow, has seen him shield her before others, and has always walked beside her in support. He didnât think it meant anythingâthe Captain was kind to everyone. But there is a⊠tenderness shared between them. Perhaps cultivated over the long months they were searching for him. She and Wilson were the only ones who believed there was a chance they'd even find him.
âHe likes you. His heart pumps quicker when youâre around.â
It should bother him that sheâs exposing the Captainâs feelings. But the Captain deserves an intimate form of companionship, something to take his mind off the fact that the Soldier has no problem drowning in solitude.
âYou can hear our blood?â
âOnly when I concentrate.â
The Soldier lifts a hand to stop them. Thereâs a soft rustling behind the door they are meant to enter. Drawers being opened. If it is indeed their target, then Wilson and the Captain are running around for nothing. His unit wasnât supposed to engage in any arrestsâhe has half a mind to just bring the Widow along.Â
He splits them up. The Widow remains with him. Heâll confront the target as she works the computers. He turns to give the last order, but is softly interrupted.Â
âThereâs a back door just around the corner. I can pick it and blend into the shadows.â
The Soldier thinks about it, then nods. âDo not engage unless I order it.â
A misty rogue. Stark is insaneâshe could be useful on more daunting missions.
Armed with two shortswords, one gold and one ruby, she pulls on the hood of her cloak and gives them a small smile. A smile that said sheâd follow his directions and remain hidden forever, if needed.
He and the Widow work in tandem, noiselessly picking the lock and creeping into the room. With her red hair pulled up, she shimmies along the wall quickly, heading for the largest of the six monitors. The only light comes from the handheld flashlight their target uses to read loose papers. His frantic eyes search for something along the black, redacted text. The Soldier simply struts forward, his mask doing most of the intimidation, his boots announcing his arrival. Their target clutches a file close to his chest as he retreats. Off to the side, the Soldier vaguely sees the back door open and close.Â
âIâm unarmed,â their target squeals, squeezing his eyes shut. âIâm not here to cause trouble.â
What ridiculous lies, he thinks. Hydra did not apologize, nor did they beg for ceasefires. They trained him to ignore such pleas, such excuses. And by the way the Soldier grips him by the neck to lift him, he was trained well.Â
âWhen I let you go,â the Soldier says, his voice a deadly timbre, âgive me the weapon you have at your back.â
The target struggles, his gurgling embarrassingly loud. A monitor brightens, and the Widow waves as she gets to work. The target, once recognizing her, loses most of his hope. He is dropped and the weapon clatters to the floor. The Soldier does not retrieve itâit is yanked into the shadows.Â
âWe thought you were dead,â he says, panicked eyes never leaving the mask. No one ever wanted to look him in the eyes. No one ever wanted to hear him speak.Â
âIâm going to reach into your coat and grab that file. Make a move and I will break the first bone I come into contact with.â
âMm,â the Widow hums, her downloads beeping one-by-one as they finish, âSteve frowns on that if they surrender willingly.â
âComplete the download,â he orders. He doesnât like when the Widow rambles during these missions. The more he grows to enjoy her company, the more distracted heâs destined to get. The more he avoids interaction, the more efficient heâll be.Â
And lonelyâ
âItâs done,â she says, rolling her eyes. She stands at his side, arms crossed. âJust sedate him already so we can get out of this rusty hellholeââ
He turns to look at her. One quick glance at the red menace. Thatâs all it takes.Â
The target draws a knife and whips it wildly, slashing the Widow across her neck. Itâs unlike her to be so ill-prepared. The Soldier doesnât know whether to press his palm across her neck or kill the target. This has never happened before. The team is going to question his capabilities, his true alliances, his reflexes, his empathyâ
The target yelps in agony. The decision is made for the Soldier.Â
He has no choice but to bend his neck to the hunter behind him, holding him close and ripping through his carotid. The Widow curses and holds her wound, her steady voice settling the awful worry in the pit of his stomach.Â
Worry⊠For his team. He would smile if the situation wasnât so chaotic.
The spray of blood is mostly contained. Her fangs dig so deep that blood seeping from the puncture is caught by her lips. Her lipstick stains his pale neck, paler now as she consumes him whole. Barely concealed by the shadows, she hungrily drinks without remorse. Payback. Her red eyes glow brighter than heâs ever seen them, black veins crawl and stretch from the corners, and he swears thereâs smoke surrounding her strong body. Like a bad omen, a demon emerging from the depths of gloom itself.
He falls limp in her arms, his dead eyes blindly watching the Soldier as she drops him to the floor. His eyes were once blue. Theyâre white now.
âAre you okay?â she asks the Widow, standing somehow taller, solid.Â
The Widow looks at her drenched hand and nods slowly. âIâm not opposed to one of you carrying me back.â The wound is superficial, but no less alarming. He picks her up and holds her close, signaling to his newly nourished partner. She gets the hint. Hauling the dead man over a shoulder, she waits for him to lead the way.Â
Barton takes the Widow from his arms, his laughs overlapping her own. The Captain checks on her before marching over to him and the woman with dried blood on her neck, who then drops the target at the Captainâs feet.
âWhat the hell happened?â Anger. Itâs an emotion so rare for the Captain. At least, itâs rare to the Soldier.Â
âConcealed knife. I didnât check him thoroughly,â he answers, his explanation true enough. He should have known even Hydra scientists kept an extra weapon on their person at all times, especially small ones. He just didnât think the Widow would get nicked so easilyâthat she didnât see that coming at all.Â
âBut why is he dead?â
She raises her reddened chin at him to boldly say, âHe attacked. The downloads were complete. We werenât even supposed to run into him. That was your job.â
Itâs obvious the Captain wasnât expecting her response. Immediately his face loosens and his shoulders do that guilty-drop the Soldier sees often. âYouâre right. Your team wasnât supposed to encounter him at all. Itâs a mistake on my end.â
âNot that we didnât have muscle to defend ourselves,â she lightly jokes, then kicks the pale body on the floor.Â
âWeâre going to have to report this.â
âDo what you must.â
âAndââ the Captain strains, looking to the Soldier for assistance. But he knows what heâs about to say, and gears up to fight it. âAnd because this is an on-duty death, you need to go to psych.â
âDonât send her there,â the Soldier cuts in, his stomach dropping. âSay I killed him. Just donât send her there.â
âThatâs not how this works, Buck.â
âPsych is a glorified therapy session that fails to help even the lowest of street cops. Itâs judgment, not help.â
âI canât override it.â
The Soldier sighs, argument after argument swirling in the mess of his mind. The times he went to psych were all the same. Constructed in a way that made him feel like killing was always the wrong choice. Neglecting that now, he has the choice. Sometimes heâll claim a stray bullet, but the majority of his kills are necessary. They are strategic. They are his own.Â
âItâs fine,â she says, tilting her head at her kill. âNot the first time Iâve been evaluated.â
âPsych can be bypassed if the kill was a team-effort. Iâll see if I can get Fury to sign off on it.â
She shakes her head at the Captain. âYou wanted to know more about my life, yes? Iâm assuming these things arenât confidential to you or Stark⊠But when you do go talking about me to the others, make sure to mention that I drained him dry.â
âââââ
"Do you hate me for it?"
The Soldier offers an unimpressed look. He hands her the cigarette and blows out the smoke burning his throat. âFunny.â
Thereâs a quirk at her lip. She takes a longer drag than usual, trying to mask it.
âThey all hated me for it back then.â
âWho?â
âFamily. Friends. Enemies. Lovers.â
âAnd you cared what they thought?â
She shrugs, stealing a second drag. âAt the time.â
Her lipstick is a brownish-maroon today, and he finds himself studying the tint before bringing the cigarette back to his mouth. He doesnât share anything nowadays besides cigarettes and a living room. The Captain offers him food, money, adviceâthe Soldier takes but never gives.Â
Her face contorts slightly, her jaw ticking. Such extravagant movements for the simple outcome of showing her four canines. The points extend maybe half a centimeter longer than the rest of her teeth. Because of her minimal overbite, the teeth slide perfectly against one another. She runs her tongue over the top two.
He wonders how his victims would have reacted if they got to see the lower half of his face. There would have been no smile accompanying the kills. He had growled from frustration, to incite fear. Teeth werenât necessarily frightening. Theyâre a barrier to words, the shield for tongues, the blades against intruders. Her teeth were her life-force, the blades needed to let those intruders in.Â
âHow was your evaluation?â
A small snort. He looks at herâher ancient grace, the absence of grays at her roots, her glaring red eyes.Â
âThey kept asking if the smell of Natashaâs blood affected me.â
âJudging by your nonchalance, Iâd say you went completely feral over it.â
Another quirk at her lip. He likes the movement.Â
âYou believe that I wouldnât attack any one of you. Thanks.â
He does. She hasnât attacked him up here, hasnât attacked anyone on the team, and has never tried to escape to wreak havoc on the city. He doesnât tell her he does, but she feels it somehow. Her shoulders loosen.
The tension slowly dissipates from his body as wellâa revelation both amazing and concerning. The Soldier should never have his guard down. He should always be prepared for a fight.
âThe ones they bring me are always so happy to be led to their deaths,â she says, a small frown quickly forming then disappearing. âSometimes I wait until theyâre asleep. Or when theyâre facing the other way. Sometimes I drain them when theyâre inside of me.â
He blinks. âYou have sex with them?â
âI never leave the Tower. I canât leave. Iâve been living alone for so long that I donât even think I can go into the real world and bring someone home. Would you know how?â
He doesnât need to think about such a ridiculous possibility. He canât even find it within himself to give Wilson a matching pat-on-the-back. âNo.â
She gives a small nod. Absent of pity, filled with strange empathy. âI tell them theyâre going to die. I ask them how they would like to go. They choose that most of the time.â She chuckles, âI only offer it to the cute ones.â
âTheyâre bad people, though.â
âTheyâre dying anyway. Might as well die feeding me.â
He doesnât remember it, but the Soldier considers sexâor pleasure, reallyâto be too much of a gift. The people they capture and keep to interrogate are scum of the Earth, his tormentors. Sheâs rewarding his villains.Â
Anger floods his chest, violent and nasty. She snatches the cigarette from his rigid fingers.Â
He could push her off the ledge. No one will miss her. He will. Sheâll probably survive the tremendous fall. Sheâll continue the cycle. She canât leave the Tower. He canât leave the Tower.Â
âI donât have to sleep with them,â she says, her voice so quiet he wouldnât be able to hear without his advancements. âBut when I do, they taste a little sweeter. I havenât had sweets in so long⊠Not since my birthday. Did you know I died on my birthday? My mom bought me chocolate instead of donating those five cents to the war effort. I wasnât a child anymore but she never forgot my birthday⊠So, I can make it through ten minutes of boring sex. And when itâs done, for a blessed moment, I remember the taste of sugar and my momâs smile when I broke the bar in two so we could share.â
For the first time in a long time, the Soldier is speechless. Because he sympathizes⊠A once frozen emotion thawed by the mention of chocolate and a mother. He tries and fails to remember his own motherâs face. After so many years of only being able to see his eyes, he prays they matched hers. After so many years of being force-fed genetically-modified trash, he has forgotten the taste of chocolate.
His anger is replaced by a solemn peculiarity that itches along his insides. He is aware of his loss, her loss, the logic in her kills. She feeds blindly in the hopes of feeling whole again. Has he done anything to feel whole again besides bury the screams lower and lower?Â
âI was feral today because we were never supposed to come into contact with the target and he almost hurt you. He managed to hurt Natasha. I did what I had to do.â
And she was being punished for it.Â
âHe tasted disgusting, by the way.â
The Soldier, honest to God, laughs. Not expecting it, her shoulders tense and she jumps a little. He shoots his flesh hand out to hold her still, gripping her thigh as she pulls her gaze back up. Instinctâhe does not want her to fall after all.Â
âSorry,â he says, surprising himself. Then, as he allows a tendril of Bucky Barnes to escape through the walls he had forged from steel, he jokes, âIâm still stuck on the fact that when you fuck, you think of your motherâs face.â
His ill-timed vulgarity is rewarded with a sudden cackle of her own, a vicious and underutilized sound that pulls her lips back and showcases all four sharp canines in their primal glory. Crinkles by her eyes, she sits with the aftershocks of it.
He gives her the first drag of their last cigarette.
âââââ
He had been exiting the Tower with Wilson when it started.
Three large booms above had them ducking for cover. Debris slammed into the concrete and damaged parked cars while burnt furniture landed in odd angles after barely missing pedestrians. Smoke clouded their aerial viewâthere was no way Wilson was going to be able to fly through the black cloud blind. It was up to Stark and the Colonel to fly directly from the roof.Â
âCap, what the hell was that?â Wilson yelled into his phone. He directed the floor staff away from the building and into the cafe next door. The Soldier analyzed each person, their expressions, the things in their hands. The smoke blocked his view of the lower rooftops. No one tried storming the bottom floor. There were no planes or helicopters around, and the glass had shattered outwards.Â
The threat was internal.Â
âIt seems one of our captives managed to plant explosives beforeââ The Captain stops, his voice heavy with exertion. âJARVIS doesnât think weâve been compromised or that there are any intruders. Just good olâ fashion bombs.â
âWeâll get everyone down here to safety. You guys handle the top,â Wilson says, wiping a nervous hand over his head.Â
âAsk him which type of captive it was,â the Soldier tells him, failing to keep his rising panic leveled. Wilsonâs bewilderment is marked in his brow, but he asks anyway.Â
âHe doesnât understand the questionââ
âWas it one of the captives we sent back to the police or was it one we sent to be fed on?â
Wilson waits for the Captain to clarify, still not understanding the danger of the situation. âFed on.â
The Soldier sprints back into the Tower and clicks the elevator button, cursing when the lights flicker out. Stark and the Colonel were busy flying people out, the Widow and the Captain were securing the floor, Banner was putting out the fire with the young ones, and the God was probably doing all three things. Though all honorable, they were also clueless. Because if the explosion had happened on her floor, there was no floor left. No walls. No tinted glass. And though there was black smoke clogging everyoneâs nostrils and burning everyoneâs vision, the sun was still shining.Â
âCome outside again and bend your knees,â someone orders from behind him. The Witch tilts her red head at him, a regal seriousness twinkling in her eyes. He does as she says. She contorts her glowing hands, and he is lifted through the thick cloud and past several dozen floors before landing on the seventy-seventh. Â
Flames nip at his exposed arms, but the burn is nothing compared to the strain on his lungs. He limits his deep gulps and barrels through turned furniture and glass. Screams come from further down the collapsed hall, but he hears Banner amongst them.
âRogers!â he yells, swiping at exposed wires hanging in his way. Electricity shoots up his metal arm, momentarily paralyzing it. He holds his breath and waits for the upgraded vibranium to reboot.Â
âBucky! Over here!â
âDid you find her?â he asks when he reaches the Captain, dodging Tower employees on their way to the Colonel a few feet away. The Colonel flies three down at once, his return time averaging ten seconds. At this rate, ten more trips and the entire floor should be evacuated.Â
âI canât see anything past this damn smoke!â the Captain explains, coughing loudly as he brushes stray ash off the Soldierâs singed shoulder. He allows the touch, feeling gratitude rather than his usual discomfort. âSheâd be knocked out by now. This smoke is killing me.â
He shakes his head. âShe doesnât have to breathe. The smoke isnât the issue. If I was her, I would hop from shadow to shadow, but she canât even see those. One wrong move and she could step directly into the sunlight.â
âShe doesnât have to breathe?â he asks. Fascination paints the Captainâs face before he switches again. âWhat do you suggest?â
âDonât ask why I know, but I know you and I can hold our breaths for at least three minutes before we need air.â
Hydra loved their experiments. The Soldier is grateful he doesnât have to do this underwater.Â
âThen Iâm right behind you, Barnes.â
They stalk through the heavy smoke carefully, using the collars of their t-shirts to wipe the burn at their eyes and to inhale deeply after the first three minutes. There is no sign of their resident vampire, only debris and some of Starkâs failed experiments. The floor above had also fallen, but the steel beams were still intact. No one lived above or below her, but that didnât mean Stark hadnât splurged on unnecessary furniture and decorations. Each step they took was a cautious one. Only the Soldier could push and pull burning wood and fabric out of their path without risk of burns, and the shield covered their heads as glass fell through the floor above. It would take Stark approximately a week to repair this, but for now the Soldier thanks whatever entity listening that the damage wasnât catastrophic.Â
He had just started to call this place a home. The only place where he was afforded solitude. Choice.Â
Having it burned to the ground should have sent him on a spiral, a thought that irritated him more than scared him. He doesnât like starting over from scratch. It was hard enough to do the first time without a base. But all the thoughts occupying his head right now are about her, how this is her home too, and that she needed his help.
âBuck! Over here!âÂ
The Captain tries lifting the large stone of concrete blocking the small sanctuary sheâs hidden in, but itâs no use. The surrounding glass and heated metal are pinching and burning his palms. She does not scream for help, nor does she alert them of her location. Sheâs eerily quiet.Â
He looks around, then down at his own body. Heâs wearing black, and the Captain is wearing white. They have to be quick.
âMove!â he tells him. In sync, the Soldier slides his metal arm beneath the concrete and liftsâthe Captain reads his mind verbatim, stripping himself of his shirt and preparing to wrap her upper half. She screams in agony, the sound scraping along the walls of his matted skull. The Captain barrels into the small crevice, shielding her with his body.Â
âWeâve got you,â the Captain says gently, coughing off to the side. The Soldier canât see her, but he trusts the Captainâs calm reaction.Â
âGo!â he yells, the concrete slab pulling at his shoulder. Ten more seconds and heâs going down with it.Â
The Captain picks her up and runs in the direction they came from, the Soldier following. He canât see her face, but he can see her arms. What looks like silver rashes blister and boil as they hang in full view of the sunlight.Â
He catches up to them, adds to their shield, and dares to hold her limp hand in his.
âââââ
She doesnât go to the roof the next four nights. He does not smoke without her, but he brings a pack just in case.
The Soldier sits on the ledge, scarily desperate to be spoken to, alone with his own damning thoughts.
âââââ
He sneaks into the Captainâs snack cupboard in the middle of the night. There are chips of all sorts and flavors, packaged noodles, and packets of sauces from various restaurants. The chocolate is in a box of its own, three or four bars already missing. Itâs one of those famous brands, popular during his time and still. With a final glance down the quiet hall, he steals a bar and closes the cupboard.
The silky wrapping is familiar to both his metal and flesh hand. He has eaten this candy before. A lifetime ago. Another person ago.
He peels the wrapping and breaks off a single rectangular piece. Crisp and clean. He slides his flesh fingertips together, smoothing the chocolate into his skin. The smell is overwhelmingly intriguing, so much so that his mouth waters.Â
He bites the warmed chocolate, swishing it around his tongue. Vanilla, caramelized sugarâthe creamy texture suits the sweetness, the aroma of cocoa soothing the tension at the base of his neck. He takes another small bite, and this time he has a vision of a womanâs face, older by maybe a year or two. The same eyes, hair color, and top lip as him.
Bucky Barnes had a sister. He had a sister. She liked chocolate. He bought her a bar with his first paycheck. He remembers something other than bloodshed and angry voices. He remembers his sisterâs eyes and the fact he was a working man when it counted the most. He wipes at his wet eyes with the back of his metal hand, wincing from the scratch.Â
âI had the same reaction when I tried chocolate again after I woke up.â
The Soldier doesnât move a muscle. He watches the Captain approach the counter with a good-natured smirk. He holds his hand out, waiting. The Soldier hesitatesâand it hits him then that he wouldnât be able to share the chocolate with her anywaysâbut he breaks a piece for the Captain. Whether itâs because his whole opinion on the Captain has changed after he protected her with his own body, or because the Soldier wants to take one cautious step forward on the path to healing, so be it. He doesnât make a fuss about the sharing, just brings the chocolate to his mouth and enjoys the piece just as the Soldier did.Â
âDernier used to rant about how French chocolate was elite,â the Captain chuckles. He lifts himself onto the counter. His sleep attire consists of gray sweatpants and those tight, white t-shirts the Widow buys him. As he rakes his eyes further, the Soldier nearly cackles from the sight of the Captainâs black and yellow socks depicting small, alien-like cartoons with goggles and overalls.Â
Steve Rogers used to sleep in socks all the time. The Captain does the same.Â
âDid we ever eat chocolate during our time on the front line?â he asks. The Soldier uses the roof of his mouth to somehow spread the flavors.Â
âThey sent us some packaged kits but it wasnât the same. This chocolate is made from cooked milk, not powdered. We didnât complain, though. It was nice to taste something from home, even if it didnât exactly match Maâs baking. But Falsworth found some real chocolate in a bombed bakery right outside of PoznaĆââ
âIt was Morita.â
The Captain blinks. âWhat?â
âFalsworth pointed out the bakery, but Morita was the only one with big enough balls to actually go in there and bring us back the sweets. He grabbed some flour and sugar bags, too.â
The Captain chews his piece slowly, his gaze never leaving the Soldierâs. Fascination, sorrow, elationâall of it fighting to overtake one face. He doesnât like that he canât pinpoint the exact emotion attacking the Captain, or that they donât match the four primary ones.Â
âYeah, Buck. Youâre right. It was Morita.â
That screaming voice in his head quiets now, opting for a more subtle cheering. Pride, he realizes.Â
The Soldier shares the rest of the chocolate bar with the Captain, and then another, all while they reminisce about the Howling Commandos. Itâs equal parts warped memories and clear ones. But that doesnât matter, because what he doesnât remember the Captain clarifies, and vice versa. Â
âââââ
A week after the attack, the Soldier is the first one to arrive on the roof, cigarette box in hand. He has gone every night, and every night he has sat alone. The absence of the undead shadow heâs come to expect is odd, almost as if his presence alone unsettled the unnatural balance of things. Death was natural, but she defied it.
This felt too normal.Â
The roof door opens. He hasnât opened the new pack yet. She takes small steps to the ledge, wincing slightly as she swings her right leg over. He watches her and says nothingâthe team doesnât speak about their injuries unless theyâre serious, and she doesnât speak to anyone at all.Â
Heâs never asked her about her relationship with the others. He only knows how she is with him. It feels unbalanced somehow. She knows more about his character now than anyone else, besides the Captain, because he doesnât speak with anyone else. He doesnât know what she does with the other twenty-one hours of her day. He feels heâs allowed to ask considering just how vulnerable heâs seen her. A small part of him feels like thatâs taking advantage.Â
âYou could have started without me,â she says, the low timbre of her voice still strong enough to raise the hair on his arms. Not even the upcoming seasonal chill has succeeded in that. He doesnât get cold often. Unless heâs dreaming.Â
âThey donât taste the same if I do.â
Itâs bold, what he says. Sheâll think he means a cigarette is best shared with a friend and conversation. He wonât tell her the two reasons he smokes at all: It elicits a soothing, guttural response that sends him back to midnight campfires serenaded by distant stories of home, and because heâs come to enjoy the taste of red, of brown, of pink, inked at the white base.Â
She hums lightly and finally swings her left leg over. Again the movement seems to hurt her. He notices her skin is ashier, cracking where her laugh lines would be, and her red eyes emit a soft glow. Her lips are nearly white and her hair refuses to hold in any natural moisture. Sheâs drying up, and yet she takes the cigarette he offers and inhales until decayed lungs inflate.Â
âYou look terrible.â The trapped voice within him curses at him relentlessly, probably begging to be sent to the front lines to take over this battle for him. Flirting was Bucky Barnesâ thing, not the Soldier's. Then again, the Soldier doesnât think heâs trying to flirt. But he doesnât want to dismiss her either.Â
âYeah, that happens when I go a few days without eating.â
âTheyâre not bringing you food?â
âTheyâre repairing my floor. Their minds are elsewhere.â
âBut⊠You look terrible.â
He shuts himself up by taking a long puff, avoiding her amused gaze. Heâs not trying to be funny, but it does make him feel a little better to know she isnât taking his careless words seriously.Â
âI havenât left the guest room. The windows on your floor arenât made for my condition.â
How could the team, how could he, be so clueless? He should have checked on her when she didnât come the first night. Should have knocked on her door and checked if she had enough damn pillows. Banner should have visited and taken the opportunity to ask those subtle but obvious questions.Â
âHow long can you go without?â
âForever. I won't die from it.â
âBut how long before it hurts?â
The question surprises her. She takes the cigarette from his fingers cautiously, as if the question was tied to a physical one. Heâs aware that sheâs physically weak, vulnerable, open to proddingâcompletely exposed.Â
She thinks for a moment before saying, her shoulders hunched and eyes glowing softly, âIt hurts right now.â
He does not think before saying, as he snatches the smoke back and gets a little lost in the brown lip stain he can now taste wholly, âWhat would happen if you drank from me?â
Her eyes widen ever so slightly. Both curiosity and outright distaste floods her once calm expression. He should be offended by that, but instead he waits. Strangely⊠excited for her answer.Â
âIâve never had a true, willing victim before.â
âDonât call me a victim.â
âIâve never had a true, willing supper-plate before.â
âBetter.â
 She huffs a short laugh. âAs hungry as I am, drinking from you would be a poor decision.â
Because of the serum, because of the bite marks, because they barely know one anotherâthe reasons are endless, really. But the Soldier wants to help, and wanting is rare.Â
âDo you have to kill?â
âNo.â
âWill it leave a mark?â
âA little one.â
âHow much do you need?â
âAs much as the typical person would donate.â
âHave you ever gotten sick from someoneâs blood?â
She takes a long drag, contemplative. âOnce.â
He realizes that for the first time in a long time he knows more about the science portion of things, rather than the brutal aspects, before Banner and Stark. Not even psych got these specifics. He is truly two steps ahead, and something like⊠greed, envelops him. A peculiar type of greedâa fanatical smugness at the fact that he of all people has taken the time to learn something the others have given up prying for.Â
The Soldier, for once, is being considerate. Elation pools in his empty stomach because of her hesitationâbecause she is considering his well-being.Â
He nods, his decision final. âDrink from me.â
âQuite possibly the stupidest thing youâve ever said.â
âYouâre killing yourself because you wonât ask for help.â
âAsking for help,â she drawls sarcastically, frowning. She flicks the dud into the aerial abyss and reaches for their second cigarette of the night. âHave you asked for it?â
He lights the end for her. âI donât need help.â
âYouâre just as isolated as I am. According to Natasha, weâre unhealthy.â
âMy seams arenât unraveling as we speak.â Even as he says it, he knows sheâll counter it.
âThatâs the difference. You can see mine. Your seams are in here,â she explains, pointing at her own temple. âIâve accepted my death a long time ago.â
His brow draws together. âIf that were true, you would stay here until the sun came up.â
Shaking her head, she blows the smoke out in two short spurts. âMostly everything about being human is dead to me. My heart no longer beats. If I donât mask it with perfume, youâll start smelling rotting meat. I sleep, maybe, ten days of the year. Wine is the only human thing I can consume without vomiting. I am a dying paradox, forced to pretend. But my mind is my own, and though my heart is frozen, itâs still there. I may be dead, but I donât want to die.â
The Soldier wakes each morning, his mind finally his own, his heart somehow intact. He has a team who tries to support him, a friend who would destroy the world for the memory of him, and a vampire companion he has never thanked for simply being there. His heart beats the same as it did in 1945, he sleeps a full night through one-hundred days of the year, and he hasnât drank wine since moving into the Tower. He is living, and yet he has no life. He is forced to pretend to be Bucky Barnes, forced to automate the husk of a living paradox. They tried to kill the human part of him, and when they partially succeeded, he wanted to die along with it. His memory is dead, slowly reviving, and he doesnât want to die now.Â
He makes an apathetic noise, unwilling to reveal just how much her vulnerability burrowed into his own. âThe offer is still on the table.â
The cigarette is halved.Â
âItâll hurt a little bit.â
âAs long as you donât kill me.â
She considers once more, even studying his neck as she does. The Soldier has been at the will of others before, but this is different. He chose this.
âThen get comfortable. I donât want you falling over.â
Their feet hit the roof at the same time. Itâs the first time he notices how much taller he is. The second cigarette is flicked away, the thirdâfor nowâstays in the pack. She dusts the back of her sweatpants off, cleaning her arms next. Sheâs nervous, he realizes. That funny smugness comes back, stronger than before.Â
âTake as much as you need,â he offers, his smirk widening when she rolls her eyes. She crosses her arms and inspects him head to toe, a smirk of her own to match his. Itâs suddenly intimate. Her eyes glimmer and shine so bright he no longer wants to lift his head to see the natural wondersâthe two brilliant rubies taking him apart piece by piece are the most unnatural wonders in the world. What does he look like to her? Is there a scarlet glow outlining his body? Can she see the way his index and thumb tap together, the only physical sign of nerves heâll show anyone. Can she hear his steady heartbeat, trained to combat adrenaline, and through the ruse can she see how desperately Bucky Barnes is banging on the walls to escape? Not to oppose the incoming bite, but to be the one to feel a womanâs mouth on him again. The Soldier apologizes to him, promises that it isnât anything sexual, and whispers that heâll break him out soon. Little by little, heâll help pull the dead man inside of him to the surface.Â
âTilt your head for me,â she gently instructs. She swallows hard. He does as heâs told.Â
Slowly, she creeps forward. Close enough that he should feel her hot breath, but thereâs nothing at all. Her cold palms rest on his cheeks, scratching against his stubble, the pads of her thumbs near the corners of his parted mouth. Boldly, she traces a hand down his angled neckâpausesâthen hooks his hair behind his ear. The Soldier involuntarily shivers, but he does not reprimand himself.Â
âReady,â she murmurs, excitement glimmering in the swirl of crimson. Are his gray ones just as potent?
âAs Iâll ever be.â
Just as they did back at the Hydra base, the skin around her eyes deepens in color, black veins extending far down her cheeks. Her fangs, once hidden by her tempting lips, nudge his neck. Four needle points, though the two on top are the first to puncture him. He hisses softly but quickly relaxes into her strong hold, their chests pressed together. Before he can encourage her, she bites down.Â
ItâsâŠÂ
Otherworldly. Bizarre. Erotic.Â
She moans as she drinks, and heâmatches it.Â
One hand delicately holds the other side of his neck, the other trailing to his waist. He canât trust that she knows exactly what sheâs doing, lost in her bloodlust, so he tries to ignore it. Tries to ignore the serum rushing to heal his wound and the once dormant, primal reaction of his blood rushing south. But she drinks plenty, greedily, and heâll offer her more still.Â
She detaches herself, licking at the injury. He shuts his eyes and suppresses a groan. She takes this reaction as pain, however.Â
âDid I hurt you?â
He shakes his head. âWas that enough?â
âCan you handle a little more?â He nods, and she punctures him again.Â
He gets lightheaded the longer she drinks, but itâs worth it. Her skin is returning to its natural shade, her eyes are dimming, her lips are moistening. Even her grip feels stronger. Unlike the last time, there is no smoke circling them. She is simply feeding, visible to the elements. Visible to him.Â
And apparently, visible to their first ever trespassers.Â
âThree seconds, Fangs! One, twoââ
The Soldier throws a knife backward just as she removes her bloodied teeth, landing a perfect stab in one of the crevices in Starkâs suit. The Colonel sneaks up behind her and hauls her up into the air. Stark flies behind him, holding his arms to his sides.Â
âI always knew you were into some kinky shit, Sergeant. But unsupervised? BDSM one-oh-one, make sure your partner can be trusted.â
âLet me go,â he warns. Then, deeper and more brutal, âLet her go.â
Stark scoffs, but lets him go anyway. âShe was just eating you. I think your sympathies are leaning toward the Axisââ
âShe wasnât hurting me! I let her feed because you bastards havenât fed her in days!â
Stark and the Colonel pause, their eyes meeting. The latter seems more surprised. âShit, Tony. Is that true?â
âHold on, hold on, back up. Let me think about this.â
The Colonel interjects, his brow rising. âWhatâs there to think about? Did you feed her or not? Did you let her starve?â
âIâm not in charge of it!â Stark makes a small hand motion to tell the Colonel to let her down. The second her feet hit the roof, sheâs wiping his blood from her jaw. He wants to tell her not to. It was her claim, her right. She need not be ashamed for simply surviving. âBut I can see where our wires have gotten crossed,â Stark concedes.
The Soldier leaves his neck as is. Blood slowly trickles to his collarbones and into his t-shirt. Stark follows it, the slightest twinge of curiosity flashing across his bearded face.Â
The Soldier steps closer to him, his gaze enough to unravel even the strongest of men. âHow can you forget one of your own?â
Still, Stark persists, his self-assurance unrelenting. âIf you havenât noticed, BarnesâYou two are the most reclusive, secretive, stone-faced people on this team. I avert my eyes whenever one of you even enters the room.â
âI didnât hurt him.â
They all turn to her. He hates how small her voice sounds, how modest she makes herself. To defend herself.Â
âYeah, we see that,â Stark says, rubbing his temples. âDonât know why we bothered. If he wanted you dead, Iâd suspect youâd be⊠deader.âÂ
âThen leave,â the Soldier grinds out.
âBarnesââ the Colonel sighs. He extracts himself from his suit, the silver absorbing the moonlight. âWe just caught her feeding from you.â
âWith permission.â
Stark mumbles, âGlad to know the Winter Soldier is all about consentââ
âWe need to report this. Sheâs never⊠Sheâs never done that before,â the Colonel decides, though his expression tells him heâs in battle with his own words. âAnd if itâs because weâve made her recruitment mirror captivity, then we need to re-evaluate the ethics, Tony.â
âFor now, no one is allowed on the roof.â
âAre you serious?â
âItâs fine,â she says, straightening her shoulders. âI put you in danger and they saw what they saw. If I want to be a part of the team, they need to know everything, right?â
The Colonel steps back into his suit, the closure of his mask unsettling something within the Soldier. Masks function as detachment, as a lie. He knows the man underneath, but he is forced to make peace with the myth.Â
âMeet us bright and early in the lab,â Stark orders her, masking himself as well. He motions for her to follow.
Before the door shuts, she looks over her shoulder. No mask in sight.Â
âSmells like cigarettes up here,â Stark mutters, coughing dramatically.
âââââ
She is restricted to the lab for the next two days and ordered to complete another round of psych. No matter how often he threatens to put a knife in Starkâs neck, he doesnât budge. The Captain swears that no invasive procedures are taking place, that he is present for any and all questions Stark and Banner are throwing at her. He says she is cooperating, even telling them how and how often she needs to feed in order to be effective in battle. They find that the serum did not affect her at all.
But when he sees her at the end of her imprisonment, her red irises no longer hold an excited or even tame glow. They are void.Â
They remind him of his own.Â
And he is terrified.
âââââ
He awakens with a jolt, immediately pulling the gun from underneath his pillow and aiming at the intruder with sleepy eyes but steady hands. The shadows do little to conceal her, especially with the slight glow from her eyes and the fact that the moon shines upon her. Sheâs forgone her usual black clothing tonight, and instead dons pinkâa cotton two-piece night set. Slight collar on the shirt, shorts for bottoms. Pockets. If he didnât recognize her shadow like his very own, heâd wonder who exactly was standing at the edge of his bed, watching him sleep.Â
âShoot me. I want to see what happens.â
He lowers the weapon, glaring at her playfully. âFunny.â
âNever been shot before. Curiosity kills me daily.â
âCan you bleed out?â
âI can bleed. But no, I canât bleed out.â
âIs it your blood?â
âNo. Itâs the blood I consume. I use it for energy.â
âWhat are you doing in my room?â
She smirks, shrugging her shoulders as if her unannounced presence is normal. âI knew they were going to bar you from the rooftop and were going to send me my dinner around this time, so I took the opportunity.â
He draws himself further up the bed, his naked chest on display. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he pats the space beside him at the same time. He hears her snicker, the accidental innuendo making him blush. Itâs a weird feelingâto be thought of in that way. To think in that way.Â
She hops in beside him but stays above the blanket. He raises a brow.Â
âI would only make your bed colder.â
It truly is like lying beside a cadaver. She produces little heat when she feeds, but this⊠This is her natural state. He feels it all, distinguishable from the natural chill of night and three feet of distance.Â
âDo you like being cold?â
âIt makes summers easier.â
âYouâre inside all the time.â
âIn general.â
He hums and brings a pillow up to clutch against his stomach.Â
âWhat are you really doing here?â
She shrugs. âIâm public enemy number one right now. The Captain and Wanda may still like me, but I donât talk to them. Not like how I talk to you.â
âIâm not the friend you want to talk to about your feelings, or have braid your hair.â
âDamn, and I was really looking forward to that.â
He rolls his eyes. The moonlight slices through the curtains of his bare bedroom, cutting right through them. They are separated by the light, and in a peculiar turn of events, he envies the moon for it. The one constant that brought them together, now splitting them in half.Â
âWhen do you think theyâll calm down?â
âDepends on how willing they are to listen to me.â
âWell, youâre hardly ever wrong.â
âIâm never wrong.â
âHardly. So, I guess what you say is good news.â
He chuckles, the barest of brushes with their shoulders igniting an ache in his stomach. He wonders if she is similarly affected. If she, too, feels the odd connection between them blossoming into something stranger. He is used to feeling nothing at allâconditionedâand yet, skin-to-skin is like learning a whole new language. Fluent in many, the Soldier believes this language of silence is exclusively their own.
âIâm sorry Stark and Banner kept you in the lab for so long.â
âThey let me wander.â
His lip quirks. âDid you give them what they wanted?â
âDo you mean, did I break?â
âWere they trying to break you?â
She opens her mouth to say something, something witty he assumes, but she chooses not to. Instead, she shakes her head and bares honest eyes. âNo. But I told them what they needed to know. Over time, theyâll start feeling like teammates. And I, a part of the team. They need to know about my condition, and when Iâm ready, theyâll know me.âÂ
He realizes why her impassiveness used to irk him soâshe is him, he is her. They are carbon-copies. He is speaking to himself, and he sees and feels what the Captain does. Sadness. Emitting from her, growing within him.
âDo you enjoy being excluded?â
âDo I enjoy being alone?â
âSame thing.â
She rearranges her legs, crossing the right one over the left. âItâs not the same thing. Being alone is for peace of mind. Exclusion is⊠forced.â
âIsolation, then. Like what Stark said. Basking in our reclusiveness.â
âIâve been alone a long time. I find comfort in it, but I donât like being lonely.â
âIâm not following.â
She smiles, turning to look at him. He meets her eyesâthereâs a shimmer of gold in them. âI came here tonight because I donât like being alone at this hour anymore. I like our silence. Our proximity. Iâm not lonely when Iâm with you, but we can be alone together.â
âAh,â he sighs. Nervously, he holds her stare and says, âI like our time together, too.â
Itâs refreshing, being open. Usually he delivers truths bluntly, honesty with a punch, and information without remorse. With her, itâs easier to be the Soldier. Itâs easier to try and reach deep into the pit of whatâs left of his soul, and pull out Bucky Barnes.
âNatashaâs nice. We can invite her to smoke with us.â
âNo.â
She laughs. âNoted.â
âWhat about Wilson?â
âHe wouldnât smoke, but heâd be fun in conversation.â
âYou speak to him often?â
She hums, considering. âHe always speaks to me if Iâm in the room. The Captain, too.â
He likes thatâpeople he considers friends treating her kindly.
âWhat do you talk about?â
âThe weather, mostly.â
He snorts, the sound completely unflattering. She doesnât seem to mind. âIdiots. Do they describe the sun to you, too?â
She laughs again, the original melody caressing his skin. âI donât blame them. Iâm pretty closed off during the day.â
âYou should come train with me sometime. The windows can be covered.â
âI forget youâre the expert with knives around here.â
âKnives, yes. Daggers, no.â
She moves to sit criss-crossed, facing him. âItâs not all that different. Plus, what I use are more like shortswords anyway.â
âHow old are you again?â
She grins, fangs and all. Beckoning him, his blood. He sits up higher.Â
âNever ask a lady her age.â
âI see times havenât changed.â
âWhat else do you remember from those times?â
A little, he wants to say. Barely anything at all, he wants to scream.
âI remember ladies wore more than this to bed,â he teases, pinching a loose thread at her shorts.Â
She raises a brow. âWhat nuns were you dating?â
âDonât tell me Iâve been lied to my whole life.â
âSometimes,â she breathes, the air she expels completely artificial, âthey wore nothing at all.â
âLiar.â
She bounces as she gets off his bed. Her smile remains, and he finds that heâs been sporting one of his own the entire time.Â
âLiar. One of my top five pet names.â
He watches her walk away, and before he can stop himselfâ
âWhat do you like being called? By your first name? A nickname?â
âI quite like being called Fangs.â
Damn Stark to all the Hells. He gives a playful scoff, âYour first name will do.â
âCall me Fangs.â
âNo.â
âPlease?â
âGet out of my room.â
She rolls her eyes, and checks the hallway before squeezing through the slight gap of the door. âGoodnight, Barnes.â
âCall me James.â
âYour last name will do.â
âââââ
The Soldier grips the handles of his chair and limits his air consumption to a whopping ten breaths a minute. Any more oxygen and his adrenaline will spike. He does not want to cause a scene, no, not when the Colonel and Banner are doing that for him.Â
âI think we all need to calm down and look at this situation from all sides,â the Captain reasons, the strong timbre of his voice carrying over Starkâs.Â
âCap, your bleeding heart is showing.â
The Colonel sighs, âSee reason, Tony. She was starving because of our carelessness. And because we never initiate conversation with her, we didnât ask!â
âNuh-uh, donât group me in that shit. I talk to her whenever I see her. I was with my sister all week so Iâm excluded from your witch-hunt,â Wilson declares, leaning back in his chair, his expression one of extreme disappointment.
âBuck, we believe her when she says she wasnât hurting you. But what in the world made you think that it was safe for her to feed from youânot even considering the serumâat all?â
âThere you go, treating him like a kid again,â Stark grumbles with a heavy roll of his eyes. The Soldier turns his head slowly, his glare half-hidden behind his hair but deadly enough to make Stark clear his throat.Â
âOh, shut it, Tony. Which is it then? He let her because heâs such a kid, or he shouldnât have let her because heâs such a kid?â the Colonel argues.
The Widow leans her head back and brings her feet up to rest on the table. âAnd there you guys go again, acting like heâs not in the room.â
Banner interjects, massaging his hands together as he stutters, âDrinking his blood could have made her even more super than she is. We had no way of knowing for sure because she had rejected every test before this week.â
âAnd did you find anything different with her blood?â Wilson asks.
âAh! Thatâs one thing we discovered. She doesnât have any,â Stark shares, clapping his hands together.
âConsidering the lack thereof, there was no blood to intermingle with his, so to say. She canât absorb it permanently,â Banner explains further.Â
âSomething we should have known when she first joined the team!â
âTony, are you afraid that sheâs going to be addicted to his blood now? Or any of ours?â the Widow asks, raising a trimmed brow. She looks around the table, her gaze softening slightly as it lands on the Captain. Still, she moans, âGod, you guys are stupid.â
Stark makes a rattling scene as he pulls a chair out and sits down. He intertwines his fingers, mimicking a student. âElaborate, then.â
The Widow stares at him for longer than the Soldier ever has. Her silence is as deadly as his, but more cutthroat. Where Stark would pinch until the Soldier either swung or bolted, he submits for the Widow. Be it that heâs known her longer and has more respect, he doesnât know.Â
âDid any of you read my report about the mission a few weeks ago? Or did you just send your own to Fury and call it a day?â No one answers her. âOf course. If you did read mine, you would have read where I elaborated on the capability of her self-control. I bled first. It was my blood out in the air. The target hadnât seen her. Barnes would have dealt with him first and given me the second look. She had the opportunity to go toward my open neck and have a feast. But instead, she tore into the man who hurt me.â
The Soldier canât help the smirk that forms when it clicks. âYou let him cut you on purpose.â
âGlad to know my work is being appreciated.â
Stark leans forward, actual shock painting his face. âYou jump started the experiments? That was your idea?â
âWell, you and Banner were getting nowhere.â
He turns to the rest of the table, his smirk replaced by a frown. âShe wasnât going to hurt me because I trust her. And she trusts me. Weâve met every night for the past few months to share cigarettes and conversation up on that roof. Not once before did she even look at my neck.â
âMakes sense for those two to be close,â Banner mumbles, somewhat apologetic. âRemember when you wouldnât let me or Tony operate on your arm after TâChalla gifted you it?â
âLook, if sheâs angry at us then we will all apologize and try to understand where sheâs coming fromââÂ
He abruptly stands, cutting Stark off. He marks the Colonel and the Widow reaching for the guns at their hip. Stark looks offended for a secondâ
Heâs had weeks to learn how to show⊠empathy. Weeks to learn how to look at someone and have his eyes speak for him. Stark closes his mouth, his brow relaxing, his gaze intense. Decent. Human.
âItâs not some competition between her and I. Sheâs not trying to be angry, or angrier than me. Sheâs sad. She didnât let you into her world because you never asked! Never got to know her. Youâre terrified of her not because she looks like she can kill you, but because she looks three seconds away from killing herself. You see nothing in her faceâthe same nothing like in mine. Itâs a hazy type of nothing, and soon you will realize you shouldnât have been afraid of her, you should have been trying to help her.â
âBuckâŠâ the Captain breathes, restless.Â
âIâm not about to kill myself, Rogers. Donât worry. But everything would be a lot easier if you all justâŠÂ asked what you wanted to ask. The more you tip-toe around what you think is happening, the longer you build up this scenario that ends in flames. I like my silence, and sometimes I like when itâs interrupted. If you listen to my advice, youâll know when to bother me and when to leave me the fuck alone.â
The Widow snickers, but thereâs pride in her look. Praise he never asked for, and never will. Though, heâs glad his argument is supported. Heâs glad the red-haired menace of a woman was creative enough to seek answers herself. The only one with a spine, it seems.Â
âI trust her,â he repeats. He really needs them to know that. âYouâve asked questions about her condition and you got your answers. Now, ask about her next time.â
âââââ
They get the call late into the night. Rousing them from sleep, the Captain tells the team to suit up and board the quinjet in under fifteen minutes. The flight to Moscow will be a long one, and the chilly descent wonât make anyone happier. They are expected to land when the moon hangs high again.
The Widow cannot return to Russia. The Soldier canât either, but heâs better at evading. He knows how to navigate the icy forests. Wilson, Stark, and the Colonel are grounded for risk of being shot down. The only ones cleared for this mission are himself, the Captain, Barton, Maximoff, and their vampire companion.Â
They split into two teams. The Captain and Maximoff head east. Barton accompanies him, and though he does not explicitly say it, he is watching just how close the Soldier walks near the woman who drank his blood three nights ago.Â
The mission is to infiltrate and leave no hostages. Killing on a team-effort. They succeed. On record, the Avengers werenât in Russia at all.
The Captain calls an all-clear and the Soldier corroborates. Sunrise is nearing. They need to return to the quinjet immediately.Â
He doesnât hear the high-tech drones flying at ground-level. But he does hear the rustling behind the trees, the regular breathing from trained lungs. He orders Barton back but itâs too late. He steps on an explosive and is sent into the air. Starkâs expertise extends to their suits as well so itâs a miracle Barton doesnât lose a limb, but their position is known. He calls for assistance over the comms. Smoke billows at his side, then disappears altogether. As he deals with the men sprouting from hiding, she deals with the ones still crouching. Blood sprays and his legs tire fast without Barton there to help. He doesnât even know where he landed.Â
He tries calling for the Captain again with no luck. Itâs an ambush with their best combat agents, and they are sorely outnumbered. If it was just guns and knives, even arrows, he could beat them all. The weapons they have are electricity-based, some fire. Heâs battling his own men while also checking at the corner of his eye that sparks and heat arenât one of her weaknesses. Because if sheâs downed, he canât go for Barton. She is a priority.Â
If no one helps her, sheâll burn.Â
âGo find Rogers!â he screams to her as he smashes his metal fist into the stomach of a man much larger than him.Â
âIâll go for Clint! He couldnât have landed farââ
Heâs struck by a bullet before she finishes her sentence. Her terrified gasp is perhaps the saddest part about this whole ordeal. She doesn't need to breathe, she doesn't need to gasp. He lands on his back, his stomach branded by lead, directly in this morningâs first ray of light.  Â
âJames!â
The Captain confirms Bartonâs safety, then his panicked questioning bombards the comms as he is informed of the Soldierâs condition. Her voice sounds different over the earpiece. Somehow lighter. Frightened, but lighter. Shadows attempt to cover him from afar, but they canât reach. Sheâs not close enough. She digs into necks and plunges her gold shortsword into the other available meat she can find. The Soldier has been shot at many times, but shot? Once when he was Bucky Barnes, twice during his seventy year prison sentence, and once more since arriving at the Tower. Only the wound during the war had been in the stomach, and he had miraculously healed in three days then. He hadnât thought twice about why that was.Â
These are the worst injuriesâget shot in the middle and suddenly every part of your body hurts. He canât think, can barely breathe. If he isnât helped soon, the serum will battle his natural adrenaline to the point he could die from shock.Â
There are hands on his shoulders, then under them, lifting poorly. She screams and screams and screams. He smells burning flesh. He is dropped momentarily and sees the flash of a gold dagger, then the crimson of the enemy. Again, he is lifted, dragged. Again, she is screaming.
They take cover in every shadow she can fit in. She waits, whimpering under her breath, then does it all over again. He canât fully open his eyes.Â
She does this twelve more times until they are far enough from the enemy. She shoves them into an empty cave and immediately begins removing his leathers.Â
He doesnât remember much after that.
âââââ
The unmistakable scent of cooking rabbit hits him before the stabbing pain in his abdomen.
âYou owe me,â he hears a cranky voice mutter, the voice heâs come to expect whenever the sun disappears and the moon kisses the stars. Heâs on his back, his metal fist practically fused to his stomach. When he opens his eyes fully there are branches blocking his view of the night sky. Thereâs a campfire to his left, flames growing higher as it cooks the animal hovering over it. He moans in discomfort when he turns his neck a little more, but itâs worth it.Â
There she isâskinning a second rabbit and skewering it a second later, frown on her beautiful face, cloak torn from the bullets that grazed her. Without the hood, the injuries from the sun are on full display. Scattered, silver patches mark her natural tint, slowly healing but obviously causing discomfort. She pauses her cooking to scratch at herself relentlessly, cheeks and neck bearing her lashes.Â
âWhat do I owe you?â he croaks, coughing automatically. She abandons the dead animal to grab their emergency water containers. She holds the back of his head as she gently pours water on his lips first. Once moistened, he takes the container from her with his flesh hand.Â
âI donât like killing animals,â she says, helping him sit up. He winces and lets her move him to the base of a wide tree.Â
âSorry,â he replies absentmindedly. âYou should eat, too.â
âI already did. Youâre getting my leftovers.â
He eyes the fire, then the surrounding forest. âIs it safe to have one burning so high?â
She steadies the second rabbit over the wooden grill and turns the other one. She gives an unimpressed hum and remains facing away. âI dragged you for miles. I doubt they will catch up soon.â
âMiles?â
âThe Captain was ambushed, too. Going to him would have put your life at risk.â A pause, then a twinge of distress. âAnd I wasnât strong enough to protect you and fight anymore.â
âThis had nothing to do with your strength or competence. The sunââ
âThe fucking sun,â she grinds out, her usual low tone rising, âBecause of the fucking sun, it made me incompetent. I am a hazard in the field when I have to cower in the shadows while my teammates are getting their asses handed to them.â
The Soldier pinches an eye closed, fixing his position slightly. âI can handle my own ass, thank youââ
âI was a nurse in the war.â
He pauses, his heart clenching. âOur war?â
Our war, he says. Like he and the Captain owned all the pain, the consequences, the deaths, the aftermath.Â
âI didnât even know I had⊠died. I woke up in the middle of the night surrounded by the corpses of my men. I walked for miles until I found the gods-awful British army.â
He chuckles at that, even if his stomach begs him not to.Â
âI guess the enemy had a predator on the field. Makes sense⊠There were a lot of bodies to feed from. I stayed in the tents and worked well into the morning. And when my refuge was attacked, I left the tent so I could help.â
She doesnât see the pitiful look he gives her.Â
âI burned so badly. And while I burned, I couldnât reach the downed soldiers. When it was all done, instinct won⊠I fed for the first time that night. They all tasted like bile. When I finally found my own base again, I had a birthday card and chocolate waiting for me. I ate the entire bar even though it made me sick, even though it tasted like dirt. I was questioned about how I survived when so many died, why I kept giving my rations away, why I refused to work during the day. So because of the fucking sun, I let good men die. I could not have that happen today.â
Silence hums between them, the gentle crackle of the fire speaking for them. It occurs to him that she does not need the warmth it provides, but that she built it for him. For the sole purpose of feeding and comforting him. Something liquid figuratively drips into his stomach, swirling chaotically. Â
She removes the darkened rabbit from the fire and hands it to him. He thanks her with a nod of his head, and bites into its thigh. The meat is dry, but he has half a mind to thank her for removing its head so he doesnât have to stare into dead eyes.Â
âClintâs alive, by the way. Idiot landed in a gods-honest haystack a mile from the rest of the team.âÂ
He laughs as he chews. She nods her head at his stomach.Â
âIâm fine,â he assures her, lifting his metal hand to showcase the dried blood. The bullet went right through him. âIâm just sore.â
A few minutes pass before he speaks again, his meal half-eaten. Sheâs handed him the second rabbit already.Â
âThank you,â he says honestly. âIâm not used to being saved. I find it odd that so many people want to save me. It was a calculated sacrifice, and I owe you my life.â
âCalculated,â she drawls. âI didnât think much about it. You give me too much credit.â
âWell, if you didnât think about it, then youâre just as much of an idiot as Rogers.â
The first smile of the night graces her face, now mostly healed from the silver patches.Â
âIt wasnât your fault. Someone took advantage ofââ he pauses, the words too familiar. âSomeone took advantage of you when you were helpless. When you were left for dead. And when you tried to help, you got the short end of the stick.â
âSome dull stick.â
He steadies his breathing, then takes another bite. The ache in his stomach feels less burdensome as he eats.Â
âYouâre a veteran.â
âDo nurses count as veterans?â
âFuck yeah they do.â They share a laugh, a moment. Itâs as intimate as can be, the most intimate theyâve ever been. Even more so than when she had her teeth in his neck.Â
âThank you,â he repeats, though the sentiment means more now. âFor being a friend.â
âThank you for not dying on me. And for trusting me,â she says, her red eyes glowing faintly. âDo I surpass the Captain?â
He chuckles. âHeâs my closest friend. I think youâre my best friend.â
âWhatever that means,â she mutters, her quip a balm over the entire night.Â
They speak for the next few hours. Itâs the most heâs spoken since coming home. Where his tongue would dry out and his head would turn hazy, he finds peace and urgency instead. Peace in her voice, in his mind. Urgency to tell her everything and nothing, all at once.Â
The Captain finds them before sunrise, and the Soldierâfor the first time since reclaiming pieces of Bucky Barnesâhugs his closest friend because he simply wants to.
âââââ
Three weeks later, they are allowed back onto the roof. She brings the cigarettes this time. A different brand, one he vaguely remembers Dum-Dum complaining about. Said they were lady-smokes. He considers their taste, a memory for Bucky Barnes and a new experience for the Soldier. Those truths can coexist.Â
He quite likes their flavor.Â
âIf you could take a bite out of anyone on the team, who would it be?â
He chokes on the smoke, fanning it away as he tries to control his laughter. âItâs actually insane of you to ask that questionââ
Her mouth splits into a wide smile, her fangs showing. âAw, câmon! Indulge me! Who would it be?â
âWho would you want to taste?â
âWell, Iâve already tasted you.â
His chest tightens, suggestive of a lot more than he is ready to admit. Sheâs transitioned to blood bags instead of the vein, and some archaic part of himself is glad for it. He doesnât necessarily want her mouth on anyoneâs neck, besides his own, ever again.Â
âYeah, you have,â he says quietly, cheeks reddening. âI donât want to say who Iâm thinking.â
She takes a short drag, smiling around the cigarette. âYouâve thought about it?â
âYou want to hear it or not?â
She passes him the stick, her eyes glowing momentarily. âYes, yes. Sorry, sorry.â
He waits a moment, savoring the taste of her on their smoke. He wonders if one day theyâll upgrade to jointsâif it would affect either of them at all. He clears his throat before admitting, âThor.â
Silence. He takes another drag.Â
âIâve thought about him, too.â
He doesnât choke on his laugh this time. Itâs loud, flowing down into the crowded streets and mixing with reality. For so long his silence has placated his mind and unnerved othersâheâs becoming human again, resurrecting.  Â
She matches his volume, taking the cigarette from his steady fingers. âSeriously! If I were to bring up the question of whether I need human blood or humanoid blood to sustain me to Tony and Bruce, oh! They would call him down to earth to find out immediately.â
Is it possible to bring someone whoâs undead back to life, too? Were they living all along? Were they just suspended in an unmoving abyss and once something sparked, they chose to climb again? Is it ever that simple? It took him years, then months, weeks, and suddenly, days. He hasnât broken through the skyline just yet, and neither has she, but that sliver of solace, that sliver of knowledge that itâs possible⊠Thatâs what makes him want to continue on. To hold hands with time itself. Â
âI have no doubt they would,â he adds, running a hand through his hair. He breathes in the crisp night air, and feels absolutely no remorse as he asks, âWhat did mine taste like?â
She considers, eyes crinkling. âSweet. Like toffee, or more what I remember toffee tastes like. When people are happy, they taste like sugar to me, remember?â
âI was happy?â he says doubtingly, but his mind doesnât believe his own uncertainty. Itâs been a long time since heâs been happy, since he was his old self. Maybe the moment her teeth met his skin, he was Bucky Barnes. Maybe he was a new rendition of his old formâwith one new emotion. Learning, retaining, earning this new life. âIâm happy,â he repeats because itâs true.
âI think Iâm happy, too.â
God, sheâs magnificent.Â
âYou know what makes me even happier, though?â
âWhatâs that?â
âThai food,â he says honestly, ignoring her playful scoff. âIâm serious. Let me take you out tomorrow night. And⊠when we return⊠you can taste it for yourself.â
She tries not to smile, but it splits gracefully. âThat sounds so weirdââ
âHey, Iâm trying here!â
She passes him the cigarette, only their second of the night, and scoots closer on the ledge. âFine. You can take me out. But there better be wine or else Iâll complain the whole timeââ
He grabs her hand, flesh on flesh, warm and cold. Intertwining their fingers, they both study the connection. Again, silence breezes through them. There is no longer a gap, no longer just smoke being shared.Â
She does not pull away, but instead leans her head down and rests it on his shoulder. He savors the weight, high on the prospect of time itself, and rests his own head over hers.
xx
A/N: Let me know if you guys want a part 2, if not then this is a perfect one-shot for me! --Moni









