guess whos back? thats right, its the moron that asked for leon and nemesis to be friends!
and its time for round two
ive managed to smack 2 braincells together to form the dumbest of ideas
leons having the time of his life playing with mr x (leon does not want to play hide and seek :P)
then jill enters the police station, followed by nemesis
cue the two duos meeting and nemesis goes after mr x because he has the audacity to touch his silly little guy
(ive always wondered what would happen if those 2 got in a fight)
Buddy Cop Apocalypse 2: Territorial Dispute
Resident Evil | Crackfic | Comedy/Action
Pairing(s): None (but Leon & Nemesis BFF chaos)
Summary:
Leonâs back in the RPD, trying to survive the worldâs worst game of hide-and-seek with Mr. X. Everythingâs going according to nightmareâuntil Jill Valentine storms in, Nemesis in tow, and suddenly the monsters arenât chasing the humans anymore. Because Nemesis just spotted his silly little guy being manhandled by a trench-coated knockoff, and things are about to get violently territorial.
Read Part 1 >>> HERE <<<
Authorâs Note (A/N):
Anon, my beloved chaos architect. Youâre back and once again proving that two braincells can, in fact, create pure gold. đđ„ I read this idea and immediately said âoh noâ out loud while grinning like a maniac. Leonâs still trying to have a normal rookie day, Nemesis is still emotionally unavailable but weirdly possessive, and Mr. X definitely didnât sign up for this nonsense. Jillâs just there wondering how her life turned into a kaiju custody battle.
Thank you for giving me the excuse to write the dumbest, most delightful crossover brawl in Raccoon City history. You are singlehandedly keeping Leonâs therapy bills (and my serotonin) alive. đ§ââïžđ
Leon S. Kennedy had reached the point where everything was above his pay grade. Crouched in the crumbling Raccoon City Police Department, he wondered why his first day felt more like a warzone than a job.
He hid behind an overturned desk, covered in grime, half out of bullets, and fully out of patience. Every few seconds, the air trembled with a thud, thud, thud that made his teeth rattle. Dust fell from the ceiling with each heavy step, snowing onto his hair as if the building itself had given up.
âOkay, Leon,â he muttered. âStay calm. Donât panic. Just another day in hell with a giant murder trench coat who hates hats and emotions.â
The door exploded off its hinges. Mr. X ducked his massive head through the doorway, expression unreadable beneath his wide-brimmed hat. His footsteps echoed like gunshots as he entered, scanning the room with unnerving calm. Leon scrambled backward, bumping into a filing cabinet, gun shaking in his grip.
âWHY WONâT YOU JUSTâDIE?!â he yelled, firing three useless rounds that pinged off Mr. Xâs chest. The man-mountain barely flinched.
Mr. X tilted his head in what Leon swore was disappointmentâlike heâd expected better from this rookie.
âSorry Iâm not Chris Redfield!â Leon barked. âYou want him, heâs probably punching a boulder somewhere!â
Then, the world exploded.
The RPDâs front doors went flying off their hinges in a thunderclap of fire and debris. Leon dove for cover as a wall of heat blasted through the lobby. When the smoke cleared, Jill Valentine emerged from the hazeâgun raised, jaw set, looking like sheâd walked through hell and decided it was boring. Behind her, the ground shook again.
Nemesis.
For a split second, time froze. Jillâs silhouette cut through the smoke, steady and unshaken, but Leonâs disbelief was written all over his faceâjaw slack, eyes wide, hand frozen halfway to his gun. He blinked twice, trying to decide whether to shoot, run, or ask if this was some Umbrella hallucination gone too far.
The last time he saw that eight-foot-tall walking tank, it had ended in a strange kind of mutual respect. But nowâNemesis was here, shoulders steaming, rocket launcher in hand, eyes glowing red like a demonic Christmas ornament. Jill barely acknowledged him. âTargetâs inside,â she said, voice calm, all business. âWe move before Umbrella sends backup.â
Nemesis didnât move. His head turned slowly, mechanical servos whining. His gaze locked onto Mr. X.
Two bioweapons. One lobby.
And only one had dared touch his rookie.
The tension was thick enough to chew. Leon froze between them, hands raised like a referee in a deathmatch.
âGuys?â he said, voice cracking. âLetâs notâuhâmake this weird?â
Too late.
Nemesis roared, and the sound was catastrophic. Windows shattered. Pigeons fled from the roof. Somewhere, a car alarm started and immediately regretted it. He charged, rocket launcher slung aside, fists swinging like wrecking balls. Mr. X met him head-on. The floor cracked. The walls trembled. Desks flew into splinters. Leon yelped and threw himself behind the reception counter where Jill was already crouched, reloading with perfect calm.
âPlease tell me theyâre on the same side,â Leon begged.
Jill didnât look up. âDepends. Are you S.T.A.R.S.?â
âNo!â
âThen⊠maybe.â
A filing cabinet whizzed past their heads, embedding itself in the wall. Leon risked a peek just in time to see Nemesis body-slam Mr. X into the front desk, roaring like a kaiju with a personal grudge. Mr. X retaliated with an uppercut so powerful it sent floor tiles flying like frisbees.
âI think theyâre fighting over custody of me!â Leon shouted.
âDonât flatter yourself,â Jill muttered, ducking as Nemesis hurled a bench like a frisbee of pure destruction. âHeâs probably just territorial.â
âOf me!â Leon cried, indignant.
Nemesis, hearing that, bellowed louderâconfirming the theory.
âSTAAAAARS!â he thundered, slamming his fist into Mr. Xâs face so hard the marble floor cracked like ice.
âGod,â Leon breathed, âitâs like watching two refrigerators fight.â
The fight spilled into the hallway, shattering glass and toppling filing cabinets. Mr. X ripped up a section of wall and used it as a shield. Nemesis answered by tearing down a statue and using it as a club. Every impact sounded like a thunderclap. Leon and Jill peeked through the chaos as sparks and dust filled the air.
Leon groaned. âIf they bring down the building, weâre dead.â
âThey are the building,â Jill replied dryly.
Mr. X finally managed to grab Nemesis by the throat, slamming him through a pillar. But Nemesis barely flinched. He twisted, ripped the marble apart, and drove his knee into Mr. Xâs midsection. The impact echoed through the entire station. Leon winced at the sound of breaking concreteâand possibly bones.
Nemesis reached for his rocket launcher but paused when he saw Leon, standing frozen by the doorway, covered in plaster dust and regret. His red eyes flickered once, as if in recognition. Then, with surprising restraint, he aimed slightly to the left and fired.
Mr. X went flying through a wall and out into the street, leaving a perfect bioweapon-shaped hole.
Silence followed. Dust settled like snow.
Nemesis stood panting in the wreckage, smoke rising from his shoulders. When he spotted Leon peeking from behind the counter, he made a low rumble that sounded almost⊠pleased.
Leon blinked. âUh⊠hey there, big guy. You win.â
Nemesis grunted. âLEON.â
âYeah, thatâs me.â Leon forced a nervous laugh. âYou, uh, sure showed him. Definitely the alpha refrigerator here.â
Nemesis tilted his head, then reached down andâwith shocking gentlenessâpicked Leon up by the back of his vest and set him upright. Jill just stared, caught between awe and existential horror.
âIâm gonna need therapy after this,â Leon muttered. âAssuming therapy still exists.â
Nemesis gave a single approving gruntâsomething that mightâve meant Donât worry, small human. Then he stomped off through the rubble in pursuit of his airborne rival.
Jill holstered her pistol, raising an eyebrow. âYou two are⊠friends?â
Leon rubbed the back of his neck. âItâs complicated. He saved me once. I think Iâm his emotional support rookie now.â
âRight,â Jill said. âYou need new friends.â
Leon exhaled with a tired laugh. âTell me about it.â
Later, Leon limpedâstill half in disbelief that heâd somehow made a friend out of a bio-weapon. Maybe tomorrow heâd start questioning his life choices, but tonight, he just laughed softly at the absurdity of it all before moving on.
He stepped over debris and shattered glass, spotting something sitting neatly atop a busted desk: a single green herb and a crushed soda can. He smiled faintly. âMiss you too, big guy.â
Outside, thunder rolledâand from somewhere distant came a faint, unmistakable roar.
âSTAAAAARS.â
Leon snorted under his breath. âHeâs not even chasing her anymore. Heâs just vibing.â
And for one absurd moment, amid the ruins of Raccoon City, Leon thought that maybeâjust maybeâfriendship could survive the apocalypse. Even if it involved bioweapons, property damage, and serious emotional confusion.
Raccoon City wasnât ready for this level of bromance.
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