#cap_ironman

Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18861004

The first time Steve puts on his wedding band after the war, it's been almost a year since he came back to life, and he's still living away from Avengers Tower. He and Tony are on different teams, and Steve's workload as commander is so heavy that there are days that start with a mission and end up with him falling asleep over his paperwork, faceplanting on his bed. When this happenes, he wakes up feeling guilty and with a heavy knot in his stomach-- he's supposed to be working on fixing their relationship and yet he can't even pick up his phone before falling asleep and calling his estranged husband. Steve misses how things were, before the anger. Before the betrayals, and the violence and dying. He feels guilty that what made him want to try again in the first place it's the memory of Tony's paceful face after putting his brain through a blender and calling it quits. (He has so many questions and so many regrets and feels so, so angry that sometimes he can't help but be consumed by it. Until he remembers that anger almost drove him to kill the person he loves the most in his life. So he puts a lid on it and tries.) And then Tony comes over to his sad excuse of a flat (can an empty place like his be called a home?) carrying a bag of takeout and a tentative smile, trusting and earnest and Steve feels his heart swell with warm and his anger melt a little. Tony doesn't remember the scope of his fury, and doesn't blame Steve for it. He forgets (he made himself forget) and forgives. (And the guilt in Steve grows and grows but he's so grateful he could cry.) So he opens the door to Tony, basks in his forgiveness. Accepts gestures of affection, and sleeps his tiredness away, cradled in Tony's arms. And hopes with all his heart that tomorrow they'll do better.

Tony has scars again. They map his entire body and entire story he doesn’t remember living, a year of his life so full of horrors and grief he’s not even sure if he wants it back. Steve traces his fingers over these new scars, a question settled in the furrow of his eyebrows. In his pursed lips. In distant eyes, and the slump of his shoulders. Tony’s not sure if they can go back to how they were before. He wants to scrub his body clean, turn into the blank canvas that Extremis shaped him into, once. He wants to get rid of the scars so his body matches his mind and he gets to be free from the ghost of his missing year, so he doesn’t see Steve and feels defeated by fear. Steve touches the RT node reverently, traces his fingers over it and lets the light slip through them. It reflects on Steve’s eyes and turns everything around them a soft, eerie blue. He shifts closer to him, cradling Tony’s nape in one hand, covering the RT with the other. He wonders if Steve pictures the light going out. If he imagines Tony’s lungs shutting down. His heart giving up. “Hey,” he rasps, and tried to smile for him. “I’m here. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He runs his fingers through Steve’s short hair, watched as he closes his eyes. He’s tense. “Tony.” Steve says, voice a little rough. “I need you to promise me something.” “Okay,” Tony stares at him, waits for Steve to find his way around words. “I need you to promise me that you’re never, never going to try to kill– that you won’t kill yourself again.” Slightly stunned, Tony blinks at him, opening and closing his mouth. He’s not sure what led Steve’s to this train of thought, and he doesn’t know if he wants to find out. “I’m sure I wasn’t actually trying to—“ “Don’t lie to me,” Steve says fiercely, his grip on Tony becoming tighter. “Please, Tony.” There’s an awkward pause between them, until Tony lets out a sigh. He hugs Steve, cradling him against his chest, Steve’s cheek resting over the cold surface of the RT. “I promise.” He presses a kiss against Steve’s temple. Feels as his whole body shakes. He hates himself for lying to him. (But the truth is, Steve was gone and he was mad with grief, and he would do it again if it means getting to live without that pain. And that’s the curse of never learning from past mistakes, of making promises he can’t keep.)

Another round of the Stony comment bingo put on by @cap-ironman!  This card was much harder because most bingos depended on things that I don't consume.  Still managed a column though! T1:  How To Date a Superhero Without Even Trying by sabrecmc T2:  I'm here by S_Horne T3:  Steve/Tony kiss by hackedmotionsensors T4:  made to make you blue by gottalovev T5:  Bullshit Magical Sex Whammy by coaster

Perhaps the engineer's secrets are bigger than they seem.

((please ignore my awful attempt at a baby))

Tony meets a painful reminder of his past, and Steve gets caught in the fallout.

You guys, go look at the wonderful comic I got for cap_ironman holiday exchange! It’s a comic called Out of Time (the author still unrevealed), it’s absolutely gorgeous and it’s all about time travel and Stony emotions <3