#cantsayit

Operation #lifebeginsat50 time to #reignitin and #cantsayit #lol but you know what I mean (at New Northumbria)

💔 Non-existent💗 Very low💗💗 A little💗💗💗 Hopeful💗💗💗💗 High💗💗💗💗💗 Maximum

Hey. Being like this with you is fucking me up in the head in all the wrong ways. I know you dont see it was a big deal but its turning into one for me. Can we go back to just being friends? None of the other stuff you wouldnt send to anyone else. You'll always be one of my closest friends but your not mine. And i need to stop thinking of you as such. Have a good night. Hope this doesnt stop us being friends i just need to get my head right.

I have to compress our two writhing mouths together to stop those three, small, dangerous infinite words from escaping their larynx prison where they'll surge from my voice box, scouring each ridge of my trachea until they lie in wait where my tonsils once were. Waiting to exploit any moment of weakness where they can wrestle my tongue and coerce it to form their letters while rampaging through the gatekeepers of my teeth. They'll hang on my lips to soak up the enjoyment of their success for one split second before taking their final leap to freedom. Out of the now battered fortress of my mouth and into the air. They'll hang heavy there until they reach your perfectly formed ears where each syllable will be welcomed with glorious parades and taken to your heart where they were always meant to be. They'll reign supreme in a throne made for them that many have unsuccessfully tried to mold themselves to. And with the final puzzle piece of your life slipped exquisitely into place, your soul will be at peace. As the warden of my feelings it's a terrifying prospect to release them from their prison because, you see, I've given them a life sentence. So I'll keep them in lockup forever from fear of your heart exiling them; forcing me to swallow my pride, issue new arrest warrants and begrudgingly open up newly liberated cells after swallowing those tiny words down through my wartorn throat. So instead I'll hold my feelings captive until the next time our lips meet and the battle starts anew.

When people vent to me sometimes do not know what to say.People want to be told that everything will be alright,but some just want to hear I love you.It does not even have to be in a romantic way, but just as a friend.Therein lies my problem.I CANNOT SAY I LOVE YOU! I have never said it,not even to my parents.I was not taught to show affection as a child so now that I am grown it has really affected me.I started saying "I luboo" instead.Most people say same thing,but not really.There's a difference and hopefully I will be able to say it to the people who I love the most.

#cantsayit #getlost