#cantholditin

. healing looks like cry, rinse and repeat healing looks like me

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I think I love you, no, I know I love you. You're are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last image in my head before I sleep. When I think about you I can t help but smile. Remember when I told you that before I go to sleep I often just lay in my bed and daydream and just think about random stuff, well it's not all that random, it's usually you. I think about walking through thorn and seeing you by yourself sitting at one of the tall tables and just thinking to myself "today is going to be a good day" and "god I hope it's just her and I all day and she doesn't have to go to class and I can skip mine and we can just talk and be together all day. I think so often about looking into your eyes and it just fills me up. This thing I feel right now for you, I have never felt before for anyone, and to be truthful it kind of scares me how much I feel for you. It scares me how much I think about you and you and I together and the future we could share. But maybe it isn't fear, maybe its excitement and I have just never felt it like this before. I have been sitting around all day doing absolutely nothing because all I can think about it how much I want to be with you watching scrubs or doing homework or doing anything for that matter. This feeling I have for you has evoked such emotion that it has driven me to do something I have only ever done once before, write an electronic diary. The other time was when I was my most depressed and my most confused and I just could not handle it so I sat down and I wrote out my feeling to try to get my bearings straight and write myself free from my suicidal thoughts. I like to think of myself as a pretty grounded person but when I'm around you or I think of you I can't control myself, my emotions get the better of me and it kills me that I can't be with you. C says that you're going through some stuff right now and that I should wait to ask you out or confess my feeling for you but it gets harder and harder each day for I fall harder and harder each day. I want to be the person that you bitch to, I want to be the person you nag, I want to be the person you drag to an event because you don't want to go alone, I want to be the person whose back gets frozen by your feet when we're in bed together. We have a pact that if we reach thirty years old and we're both single that we will get married and settle down together and let me tell you I have never wanted to be thirty years old in my whole life. I sit here thinking about what if I just sent you this entry, maybe I could convince you to be with me, maybe I could convince you that we need not wait until thirty to start our lives together. But it seems that you and I are opposites for last year it seems you fell hard for me and I did not reciprocate and now the shoe is on the other foot because here I sit confessing my love to a digital screen while you are probably happily watching Netflix at home, content being none the wiser as I once was. I wish I could go back, I wish I could go back and shake my younger self into cognition, to awaken the person I am now, and leave behind the fool who was afraid to take a chance at love because I was scared of rejection or scared of intimacy. I have gone through how I would confess my feeling for you hundreds if not thousands of times in my head and  I want to do it so badly I almost can't contain myself.  I thought I was in love with another E but that affair pales in comparison with what I feel for you. One day, whether it be tomorrow or when we actually turn thirty, I will tell you how I feel because I could not forgive myself if I let this opportunity slip through my fingers. I love you.

Halata naman e. Ano ba talaga ako sayo? Yung pinipiem mo pagtinatamad ka lang magporn. Tang ina naman. Reciprocate.

So yehh I'm going to tell her how I feel this week, wish me luck 🇮🇹🇷🇺