Mar 17, 2021
Green&Grey~aloiv
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Green&Grey~aloiv
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Everything is too late.
Nothing about this is okay. My heart should know better than to trying to jump out of my chest. After all this time. Why is this still happening. Why do I not feel calm at the sight of you? My heart should know better and nothing about this is okay.
Everything is too late. The way misery rules everything around me. Everything is too late. The way everything collapses around me.
First snow and a glimpse of you. You reside in me. First decay and a glimpse of myself. You died in me.
Deleting song that should've never been been written. Yet I can't erase you from my mind. Am I doomed to regret for eternity? Or is my mind playing tricks on me?
Turn your back on me. I don't deserve a second look. Turn your loathe on me. I am nothing in between.
Sometimes I sit here and imagine a world where I'm not lazy and procrastinaty. In that world, I have A's and am a good student and get into good schools and have pet owls cause I'm so intelligent.
And then I snap back to reality and realize that I'm just an average student, with average grades, who will go to an average school, and have a cat.
And further on in my future, it doesn't seem to get any brighter. I want to be a teacher. Who the fuck actually wants to do that? I don't get how any self respecting human being can actually think that teaching little shits like myself is a good career choice. I want nice things in life, but the only way I can do that is if I don't have kids. Which I guess is ok.
And to add to that, I like guys. Its like life has decided to use me as an experiment for how much shit a human being can take before going insane.
I hope it finds its answer soon, cause insanity seems like a much better life than the one I'm living right now...
I made a hilarious joke about myself being attractive and ended it with lol kidding ! Mum just looks at me serious as and says "You need therapy". Mum. If you think I need therapy for that, imagine what you'll think when you see my arm for the first time. Fucktheworld.