#camxbe

as always, waiting for their turn to perform is the most nerve wracking part of the process. jinyoung has anxious energy. he bounces in place, shaking his hands by his side as he tries to expel those extra jitters. but not too much, because he doesn’t want to exhaust himself before the performance either. he hums the melody over and over to himself; he’s long since committed it to memory, though singing and dancing at the same time still makes him a bit nervous. haneul has helped a lot with that; the whole lip sync thing worked after all. jinyoung glances at their makeshift leader, trying to catch the man’s eye to share a reassuring smile between them. he needs to see it more than he wants to send one to haneul.

there’s cam too; he’s also been a huge help. between the two of them, their team had a lot of practical experience. throw in jinyoung’s dance prowess and joomi’s voice that impressed the judges so much and on paper, jinyoung might say that they have the strongest group of contestants of any of the other teams. and kou; they also have kou.

he can’t help but glance at joomi too. is he anxious under pressure? does he swallow it down and hide it better than jinyoung does? does he care at all that they’re about to step on stage, that they only have one shot to make it look good? jinyoung is sure that he does. they’ve been awkward these entire last two weeks and it’s probably jinyoung’s own fault. he hadn’t noticed at first how he avoided joomi; he didn’t want to touch him the same way he casually hugged and leaned on his other teammates, he didn’t have much to say to him when it came to chatting during breaks. and yet they share an intimate moment up on stage, heads nearly pressed together as they stare each other down. jinyoung is determined to be professional despite the odd relationship between them. he thinks joomi can do the same, but he just really doesn’t know him well enough to tell.

it’s their turn on stage eventually and jinyoung shakes out the last bit of nerves he can and feigns confidence as he and his team take their places. he has the first words of the song and while it’s not exactly singing, he sets the tone for the rest of the performance. desperate, a little unhinged, at wit’s end. jinyoung knows the feeling all too well, it’s easy enough to tap into. but can he do it with eyes staring at him, looking for every little mistake? he hopes so. at least he’s in the back, a few seconds of intro and dancing before the others part ways and he’s the center of attention. he gets to his feet, staggering not unlike a zombie as the concept they decided on demanded, reaching desperately forward as he continues to sell the act that the rest of the team had already started to dance to.

“i’m so shocked,” he wails before breaking off into laughter, trying to express a pain so excruciating that he can’t even cry anymore, or perhaps so mind-numbing that he’s lost his brain entirely (hence, zombies). he reaches toward joomi as they both inhale a great breath, and the performance really begins.

he has so many lines this time. thankfully, none of them are particularly difficult. jinyoung probably had overreacted a bit when initially reviewing his part, making it up into something big and scary in his head when really... half of it was just shouting in tune anyways. he nearly lost his voice in practice trying to learn how to make the right sound but he’s been careful and a little break actually suits this performance better anyways; he wants to give the sense of fear and desperation, not of a perfectly stable singer. maybe jinyoung can relate to the concept a little too much. sure, he’s never been a zombie, but the lyrics of confusion, loneliness, hurt... those he understands all too well. he tries not to think too much about it, especially now that he’s on stage.

the part with joomi comes all too soon and thankfully he doesn’t have to sing through it, that’s kou leading up to it and joomi taking over as he ‘pulls’ jinyoung around by the shoulder before ‘grabbing’ the back of his neck and pulling them in close. it feels more intimate here despite being so much more exposed. he can see every pore on joomi’s face despite the layers of makeup, he can smell the sweat on his skin and feel the heat of his breath on his face. he doesn’t break eye contact. if he’s flushed, it’s from the performance. if joomi looks different right now, it’s because of the stage lights and costumes and all of those things that make idols shine on stage. nothing else. still, he nearly stumbles as joomi spins away—a move that jinyoung taught him to execute correctly in the first place—and takes a deep breath to re-center and refocus himself.

there are much more important things to think about right now than jung joomi.

thankfully, he doesn’t have to sing again until the chorus. and even then, it’s the shouting on-pitch technique again. jinyoung wants to shout. despite the way he’s starting to feel a bit winded, the end of the performance wearing on his body and pushing his endurance to its limits, he half-screams his lyrics out at the judges. angry, upset, confused; all of those ugly things he wanted to cry and scream as a child, now on display for the millions of people tuning into next gen. let them think he’s a good actor, that it’s not his own pain he’s drawing from and is instead some imagined hurt. don’t let them know how he knows these emotions so well, just that he can execute them on stage at his own will.