#camotechips

It took him years to simply understand that there were even different types of love. The kind he felt for his brother, the kind he felt for his favorite book, the kind they talked about on TV, the kind he felt for Yamaguchi…

It didn’t take 17 years for him to realize what he felt for Yamaguchi was love, it just took that long for him to find out that he was wrong about what he thought he was feeling.

It was a mess, a confusing flurry of thoughts, nothing bothering to come together long enough for him to understand what it all meant. Taking days to sift through the wreckage of his mind, he’d finally managed to collect pieces that made sense.

Yamaguchi was always meant to be more than his friend.

Tsukishima didn’t handle this revelation well, to say the least.

He’d never had a panic attack before then, and he certainly could do without one ever again, but he never wanted to bother Yamaguchi with all of this. It was his problem and his alone. Yamaguchi needed to stay blissfully unaware, at his side, forever.

Until he decided that he didn’t want to be there anymore, that is.

–

Yamaguchi insisted on a sleepover that night. Tsukishima was now well-aware and well-done with his best friend worrying over him like this. Just what did he think was gonna happen anyway? He was just going to sleep!

But he knew he couldn’t say no to Yamaguchi, and even if he tried, he’d wind up listening to some long lecture that would end with Yamaguchi getting what he wanted in the first place, so there really was no point in arguing.

For all his watching and waiting, Yamaguchi actually fell asleep pretty quickly. Tsukishima could hear the light snoring coming from across the room where his best friend was snugly sleeping on the spare futon.

He had only meant to glance his way for a moment, but it’d already felt like he’d been staring for hours. Yamaguchi had his face smashed against the pillow, his flyaway hair sticking out, as per usual.

How did it come to this? When books and TV talked about romance and all the butterflies in your stomach, he thought it was just crap they made up. And yet, here he was, watching his best friend sleep like some creep with a crush.

It wasn’t normal. He should stop, before it gets out of hand, before he does something he really regrets and it all goes to hell.

Tsukishima took a deep breath and willed himself to look away. He told himself to lock away whatever his heart was feeling because there was no room for it anyway. No room, no reason to mess up a good thing.

He was still staring.

Tsukishima forcibly turned onto his other side, facing the wall. Clearly, this would just take some work. But he knew what he had to do, and by God, he would do anything to keep Yamaguchi at his side, no matter what.

The small sound of Yamaguchi’s breathing reached his ears, and he had to tell himself again not to look.

He might struggle, but he knew he could do this. He had to.

Tsukishima loved Yamaguchi, and in order to keep him, he’d have to do everything to keep himself from… well, loving him.

He sighed. He really didn’t understand love at all…