#camelpoojuice

“There you go. Can you give me your hands?” Eugene asked, holding his hands out, palms facing up.

Jaesoo’s back was pressed hard against the wall, his hands clutching desperately at his knees. Carefully he pried his trembling fingers away from his pants and placed them in Eugene’s. He squeezed his eyes shut as a tear rolled down his cheek and he took a ragged breath.

“There you go. Breathe for me, okay? Deep breath in, slow breath out. I’ve got you, Jaesoo-yah.” The words were soft and soothing, Eugene having navigated them through enough of these by now to know what normally helped to put the other’s mind at ease. Thumbs slowly rubbed over the back of Jaesoo’s hands, beginning to ground him ever so slightly.

Doing what was asked of him was as hard as ever, but gradually he could feel the panic subsiding and his breathing evened out. Finally he opened his eyes again, meeting Eugene’s eyes once more.

“I’m sorry, Yoojinnie-yah,” he mumbled, giving his boyfriend a sad smile.

“Don’t apologize. I’m here for you, okay?” It was the same response that Eugene gave every time that this happened. It didn’t matter how many times it happened, though, Jaesoo always felt guilty for needing the other’s help. 

Before he’d met Eugene, he hadn’t had anyone to lean on. Not because Hansol wouldn’t have let him lean, but rather because Jaesoo never asked. He had always forced himself to handle everything that was thrown at him.

Needless to say, it hadn’t gone well.

“Can we go lay down?” he asked, desperately wanting to stretch out and get as far from the corner that he’d crammed himself into as his panic attack hit as he could.

“Of course, Jae-yah.” Eugene stood, gently pulling him up with him as he did so. Jaesoo pulled one hand away, wiping roughly at his eyes. He threaded his fingers loosely into Eugene’s and squeezed softly, allowing Eugene to lead him on the short walk through the house to Eugene’s bedroom.

Kicking off his slippers, he crawled into the bed, holding up the blankets for the other to join him. He curled into Eugene as he felt his boyfriend’s arms around him, burying his face into the crook of his neck and breathing in the familiar scent deeply. 

“You’re amazing,” he murmured softly. “You know that, right? I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes.”

“You’d figure it out, babe. But you don’t have to. You have me, okay?” Eugene reminded him, softly carding his fingers through Jaesoo’s hair.

Jaesoo nodded against his shoulder, closing his eyes, completely exhausted from the panic attack he’d had.

“I love you, Yoojinnie,” he whispered, quickly dropping over the edge into sleep.