#caleb decoherence

Who am I? What am I for?

In both Decoherence and the main story timeline, Caleb knows more about what's going on than MC does. In both cases, Caleb's memories aren't wiped to the same extent. We get some hints that Caleb has had to introduce himself to MC more than once, especially when MC had memory problems after the chronorift catastrophe. During their "last escape" in Decoherence, MC only remembers his name, but Caleb remembers everything about her.

So, Caleb remembers being a test subject. He remembers Josephine choosing to take them in. He knows, more than MC does, that his origins are uncertain.

While MC's memory loss is almost a blessing and she's able to initially find her identity in her relationships to Josephine and Caleb, Caleb doesn't have that luxury.

In both timelines, his earliest sense of purpose is: My job is to protect her. Adults in his life specifically reinforce this. Decoherence makes this entirely literal--he is her battery. He heals her and repairs her. The entire purpose of his existence, from the perspective of the research institute, is to support her.

So Caleb doesn't want to protect MC "just because" he's her "older brother"--moreso, he identifies with the "brother" role because he already feels that his entire purpose in life is to protect her.

What is love?

The only thing young Caleb knows is that love means protecting someone and sacrificing yourself to do so. This is reinforced in him by the adults around him, and it gives him a sense of purpose.

So, when he hits puberty and those feelings start developing, he's at a loss. Is this familial love? Is it romantic love? How does one tell the difference? He identifies with the "brother" role because he wants to protect MC. But then he finds himself also identifying with the "boyfriend" role that he tries out when MC visits him at college and "pretends" to be his girlfriend.

Caleb doesn't have any male role models to lean on or reach out to for help navigating this, either.

A lack of support

As much as Josephine cares for MC and Caleb, she also probably wasn't the most equipped to be a parent. She abruptly took in an eight year old and an eleven year old when she was middle aged. As a scientist, odds are high that she focused on being rational. With two smart kids, she probably pushed them academically and assured them they were doing well--but perhaps could not always be there for them emotionally.

We see Caleb move through the world with this sense that he's on his own, that he needs to meet his needs and he can't expect anyone else to. He's usually in a role of helping and supporting Grandma/Josephine, as opposed to being supported by her. So, every aspect of his life reinforces that his role is caretaking.

One can imagine that if Josephine had been both equipped and very perceptive, she could have helped Caleb navigate these confusing emotions, and assured him that given how atypical his childhood was, the important thing is that he and MC are honest with each other. But since Josephine can't even bring herself to tell MC her own origin, Caleb is at a loss.

The "protector" role

Decoherence makes this literal, which I think is very helpful. Caleb does not want to keep MC out of danger for misogynistic reasons, or because he doesn't think she's capable--he does it because the only role he knows is as "protector".

He doesn't know how to relate to MC, how to feel accepted by her, unless he is fulfilling this role. We see it in Decoherence so clearly with how he swaps their power and attempts to sacrifice himself. He consistently misunderstands the reasons MC loves him, and underestimates the magnitude of that love.

In Hidden Waves he specifically expresses that he believes if he shows any weakness, MC won't feel like she can rely on him. This is not machismo, it ties back to his childhood trauma and the message he received that his entire purpose in life is to support her. If she doesn't need him, it's not a wound to his pride--it's something that shakes the very foundation of his identity.

In Lucid Dream, Caleb's emotional crisis that triggers the Toring chip is realizing that he doesn't know how to take care of her anymore. Which, I want to emphasize again, is his entire purpose in life.

Head in the clouds

One of the interesting elements of Caleb's character is that while he believes his entire purpose is to protect and support MC, he's constantly leaving her--packing off to Skyhaven, joining the DAA where he's frequently deployed, etc. How can he be so obsessed with protecting her if he's constantly leaving her unprotected?

This is because he perceives that the only way to accomplish his goal is to find somewhere that's safe for just them. Caleb mentions that "if the world was destroyed once, it can be destroyed again"--in the modern timeline, this references the Chronorift Catastrophe, but we know that on some level he's actually aware that not only with Earth be destroyed and become Philos, but as we see in Decoherence, even Philos will also be destroyed.

He becomes a pilot (even though it means leaving her) so that he can have the skills to keep her safe even if the planet itself is destroyed. But this goal is ultimately misguided--one of the most tragic aspects of his character is that he keeps getting in his own way. MC needs him to confront the reality of their situation--the Toring chip, the Fleet--but Caleb is unable to confront those things in himself, creating more distance between them.

Living in the moment

I don't see Caleb as lying to MC's face intentionally--or, at least, not maliciously. It's less that he's being calculating and manipulating her, and more that he's desperately attempting to put his "other life" out of his mind. He pretends that the diversions, like finding someone following them, don't exist because he desperately wants them to not exist. He wants, as much as possible, to live in this fantasy world where they are safe and together.

Caleb makes a lot of promises he doesn't keep, and he feels terrible about this (which we see explicitly in Decoherence). Again, he's not trying to manipulate--he's caught up in the moment and impulse. He believes, when he makes those promises, that they are possible to keep. And then he's forced to confront his failure, again and again.

Each time he becomes more and more adamant--this time I'll keep the promise.

Shame spirals

Caleb hides from his "negative" emotions because they're overwhelming. He either puts them out of his mind in a practical way (running the fleet with a cold precision) or in a whimsical way (focusing on entertaining MC and keeping her happy). But, either way, he's hiding from them.

Because Caleb was never taught how to manage or understand these emotions, he feels intense shame for his romantic feelings towards MC. This shame only intensifies the yearning and the craving, which triggers even more shame in a vicious cycle.

It's not really the circumstances themselves that make MC the forbidden fruit--they more or less grew up in an orphanage together. The EN localization isn't wrong that they're essentially best friends since childhood navigating romantic feelings. It's primarily how Caleb feels about the situation.

He internalized the "brother" role, and isn't sure if he can continue to uphold his "protector" role when stepping into these feelings. He's similar to Zayne in this way, deeply fearing the intensity of his own affection for and attachment to MC. This conflict is primarily internal.

One of the most frightening things to Caleb about romantic love is that it requires him to show up as himself, not just to fill a role for MC.

Do I deserve love?

On a fundamental level, Caleb does not feel that he deserves love. He feels that he has a function to fulfill (protector, entertainer) and his value is entirely tied to that function.

This is part of why he's so willing to leave her behind when he goes to fulfill that function--he doesn't understand that leaving hurts her, because he doesn't understand that she loves him for more than the function he provides. Decoherence makes this so clear with Caleb trying to sacrifice himself, then MC insisting, "I don't want to live in a world without you."

So, when MC asks him to step out of that "function" and simply relate to her as himself--like she does in Hidden Waves--this is both extremely challenging for Caleb but also profoundly healing. It's not the world he makes for her that she wants, it's a relationship with Caleb himself.

This inner conflict is intensified by the Toring chip, and his deep fear that what it's doing to him makes him unlovable. This is his core conflict in the main story timeline--can you love this "new" me? Or am I too monstrous? If I can no longer hold back how I feel about you, will that ruin everything?

Both sides of the caretaking coin

Especially with the military theming and initial focusing on physical control and protection, Caleb can initially present as leaning into masculine stereotypes. However, especially as you see their "Old Days" memories and the newer current day memories, it's clear that Caleb is attempting to care for MC in every possible way, far beyond gender stereotypes. He cooks for her, cleans for her, does her laundry, etc.

In this way, Caleb can also be very directly relatable for people who've been expected to become caretakers. For people who have a history of caretaking (such as eldest daughters, shout out) Caleb both represents someone willing to take care of you for a change, and your own internal conflict with regards to that caretaking role. Not only is Caleb's presence assuring, but his own internal development touches on those notes of letting love in and letting yourself be taken care of. This layered experience ends up being really compelling.

You are the trigger

There's an intentional parallel between the "interference module" used in Decoherence to cause MC and Caleb to kill each other if they get too close to each other and the Toring chip in the main story timeline. When Caleb actually begins to confront reality, when he's attempting to deal with his actual emotions, the chip kicks in and makes him even less human--it makes him forget his relationship to her and makes him more likely to hurt her.

This is another reason for Caleb's hesitance, distance, and yearning in the main story timeline. He has a very good reason to believe that if they get too close, they'll both be destroyed--and yet, it's the thing he wants more than anything. This intensifies the feelings of "forbidden romance", making them even harder to resist.

Endless summer

The idea of endless summer poetically encompasses both Caleb's greatest weaknesses and his greatest strengths.

On the one hand, "endless summer" captures the idea of focusing on the future with your head in the clouds. It's a fantastical, unrealistic ideal that distracts Caleb from the opportunities in front of him. It can't always be summer, just like he can't actually achieve these lofty, perfect visions of his life with MC.

But, on the other hand, "endless summer" captures the quiet enthusiasm for life that comes from deeply cherishing every moment. When you are truly present, those moments can feel endless and profound. "Summer" becomes metaphorical, representing the calm and warm state of mind that Caleb himself brings. (In CN, his name means/sounds like "Summer Day" 🥹)

In conclusion

Caleb is extremely well-written as a traumatized character. His fundamental false beliefs about his own worth and role in the world create excruciating internal conflict, which interferes with the one relationship he cares about the most.

Letting MC stand beside him isn't about her convincing him that she's strong enough--it's about him learning that he deserves love, he deserves to get to be a human, he doesn't just have to perform the functions of caretaking and protection to be wanted by MC.

Caleb's shame and rejection around his feelings for MC ultimately reveal his deep fear of his own humanity. If he can't control these emotions, then how can he be her protector?

Unless otherwise stated, all quotes and page numbers below are from Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson

Just keep swimming

Sevens are always in motion. Many of Caleb's seemingly contradictory qualities end up making sense and coming into focus when seen through the lens of a type Seven.

For example, his fun-loving and whimsical nature when he's with MC is typical of a Seven with a Six wing. Charismatic, positive, encouraging, supportive--these are all genuine qualities of this type.

Sevens are dynamic, adaptable, energetic--but also have a tendency to run from their problems and refuse to confront deeper-seated issues, which may cause lasting damage to their relationships.

Academic ease, relational difficulty

Caleb's seemingly effortless and nonchalant excellence at Aerospace Academy and at the DAA is typical of Sevens:

Because they are able to pick up many different skills with relative ease, it becomes more difficult for them to decide what to do with themselves. As a result, they do not always use their ability as they would if they had to struggle to gain them. When Sevens are more balanced, however, their versatility, curiosity, and ability to learn can lead them to extraordinary achievement. (pg 236)

However, this contrasts with relationship difficulties:

[...] they are out of touch with their inner guidance [...] They do not feel that they know how to make choices that will benefit themselves and others. [...] they try to keep their minds busy all of the time. As long as they can keep their minds occupied, especially with projects and positive ideas for the future, they can, to some extent, keep anxiety and negative feelings out of their conscious awareness. [...] Sevens are compelled to stay on the go, moving from one experience to the next, searching for more stimulation. (pg263)

We see this in how Caleb tends to have his "head in the clouds". He's constantly dreaming up futures for him and MC, talking about finding a paradise just for them, a place that can be safe from the world. By constantly looking upwards and forwards--towards the sky, then the Deepspace Tunnel--he can keep his anxieties out of conscious awareness.

Ironically, it is his fear of losing MC that causes him to leave her so often--he's so busy keeping himself moving that he sometimes fails to appreciate the opportunities available in the moment.

What's the goal?

"On a very deep level, Sevens do not feel that they can find what they really want in life." (pg 263) This can lead to a "trial and error" approach. There's a sense of "maybe this next thing will work, maybe this will satisfy me".

We see this in Caleb's drive and work ethic at the Academy, DAA, and the Fleet--despite his seeming nonchalance, he's eagerly trying out the next thing, and the next thing. He loves the feeling of flying, but that's still not enough to satisfy him. He seeks more and more dangerous scenarios, seemingly heedless of the danger, and it's not until the nearly-failed mission depicted in Pathless Realms that Caleb finally confronts that his constant searching for satisfaction might take away the thing he cares about the most--his relationship with MC.

We also see this in Caleb "trying on" the "boyfriend" role when he asked MC to pretend to be his girlfriend when he was in college. He's been yearning for her, of course, but I think it's fair to see this as something that's initially playful and from a place of curiosity on his part, which he then later realizes leads to deeper feelings. He wants to try out different dynamics between them and see what "sticks".

But this constant shifting can make it harder to enjoy the moment:

[...] as Sevens speed up their pursuit of whatever seems to offer freedom and satisfaction, they tend to make worse choices, and they are less able to be satisfied because everything is experienced indirectly, through the dense filter of their fast-paced mental activity. The result is that Sevens end up anxious, frustrated, and enraged, with fewer resources available to them physically, emotionally, or financially. (pg264)

Genuine optimism

Unlike characters such as Professor Lucius, whose affection should be considered with great suspicion, Caleb's optimism and cheerfulness are not fake. They can be jarring compared to the problems he's ignoring, but they're not feelings he "puts on" just to manipulate MC.

[...] Sevens are extremely optimistic people--exuberant and upbeat. They [...] desire to fully participate in their lives each day. They are naturally cheerful and good-humored, not taking themselves too seriously, or anything else for that matter. When they are balanced within themselves, their joy and enthusiasm for life naturally affect everyone around them. They remind us of the pure pleasure of existence--the greatest gift of all. (pg 264)

The childhood pattern

Sevens generally feel cut off from parental/maternal nurturance at a young age, and so come to the conclusion that they need to "nurture" themselves. ("I am not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself waiting for somebody to take care of me. I'll take care of myself!" pg265)

Caleb, being not only an orphan but a test subject (who almost certainly remembers that he was experimented on, since there's no signs of him having memory problems before the Toring chip) quite literally did not get any of the nurturance he needed as a young child. He's ten or eleven by the time Josephine rescues him and MC. MC, being a few years younger, and also losing her memories, has more of an opportunity to bond to Josephine on a deeper level and feel some of that nurturance while she's still in a critical period for it.

The entertainer

Notably, Caleb also takes on the role of taking care of MC as well. This is expressed in looking after her happiness (as is very clear in Decoherence) and so Caleb takes on the role of "entertainer", which is also the name of the Seven with a Six wing subtype. Caleb is always finding or buying toys for MC, taking her places, cheering her up, etc. He often does so without wanting or expecting recognition, as her happiness is enough for him.

A lot of Caleb's easygoing charm, especially with his classmates and colleagues before the explosion, is well described by the Six wing.

Notably:

Looking for strong experiences, they are often either in a relationship or looking for one. They do not like to be alone but have high requirements of intimates. They often have conflicts between a desire to move on to greener pastures and a fear of losing connection.

Caleb's yearning for MC provides this kind of strong experience, though he fears his own neediness and intensity when they're together, which leads him to pull back from her at times. His "greener pastures" aren't another relationship, but rather, this imagined future where they can be safe and alone together. Yet, he also fears losing connection with MC where she's at now.

Caleb at work

When it comes to planning his life and engaging with the Farspace Fleet, Caleb leans more into his Eight wing, exhibiting more traits of the 7w8, The Realist. He's strategic, organized, practical, tough-minded. He still retains the charm of the Six Wing, cultivating a calm politeness with his direct reports, but when necessary, he is not afraid to act decisively and violently.

These traits are not entirely due to the Toring chip, and are to some extent part of Caleb's innate personality. In fact, we see in Serpent's Cast (World Underneath) that Caleb's able to "flip a switch" even before the Toring Chip, becoming cold and decisive in order to protect himself and MC.

So his fears that MC will reject the "new Caleb" are not just from the Toring chip--they are also from him becoming less able to hide his own "darker" traits from himself and from her.

The Sexual Seven

Wisdom of the Enneagram presents three different "instinctual variants" (sexual, self-preservation, social) which add further nuance to how Sevens show up in the world.

In all of their activities and interactions, they want to experience the intense charge of being alive. They see life through heightened imagination, idealizing themselves, their relationships, and reality. [...] [They are] magnetized by people whom they find interesting or refreshing. [...] They feel temporarily dazzled and hypnotized by the object of their curiosity [...] Sexual sevens enjoy the excitement of fantasying about future adventures and shared interests with the new person. [...] Less healthy Sexual Sevens [...] fear commitment, preferring the intense feelings of infatuation that occur in the earliest stages of a relationship. (pg269-269)

So, we see that part of why Caleb is so hesitant to express his feelings or initiate taking things to the next level with MC is that he craves the intensity of the longing and yearning. He truly fears commitment, and feels more comfortable with admiring MC from afar. Even the intensity of his shame and conflict is stimulating and grounding on some level. When he is physically away from her (such as at the Academy or on DAA/Fleet missions) he's able to indulge in the fantasies of their future and the idealized version of their relationship.

This is part of why Caleb's own thinking leans into the "forbidden love" angle. As we see in the Sexual Seven, that intensity of emotion is part of what he's seeking. There's a fear that, if he gets what he wants, it won't actually satisfy him.

To a lesser extent, Caleb also demonstrates the self-preservation instinct, being one to search out activities to do with MC and ensuring that they both always have what they need. (pg267) (Him cooking, doing the grocery shopping, etc is part of this instinct.)

Wake up call: The grass is always greener

Caleb (as with all Sevens) has a tendency to focus too much on the future, on the next thing. He's thinking about what happens when the next disaster occurs and how to accumulate the skills and resources that he'll need to ensure that both his and MC's needs are met. He's dreaming about the imagined, heightened future of them being able to live in a place that's peaceful and just for them.

Caleb's big wake-up call, which we're starting to see in his story, is for him to realize that focusing on this idealized future is cutting him off from MC in the moment. This is especially demonstrated in Hidden Waves, where his focus on forming himself into the perfect protector without needs cuts him off (at first) from MC's affection and presence. She stubbornly asserts herself into his life, and he begins to see that even when he's sick, that can be time they can cherish together, vs trying to just hurry along until he's well again.

Caleb has to figure out how to be present in the moment, and to bond with MC and open himself up while he's still stuck with the Fleet, while there are still Wanderers, while Ever is still threatening the planet, etc. If he tries to wait until this hypothetical perfect future is achieved, he'll lose her.

The Passion: Gluttony

Sevens metaphorically embody the "sin" of gluttony by "wanting to stuff the self with external gratifications in response to the experience of feeling frustrated, empty, and needy."

We see this in Caleb's dogged insistence on changing the subject, proposing a new activity, or moving on as if everything's fine when MC expresses doubts. It's hard for her genuine concerns and hesitations to fully make it into Caleb's brain, because his mind is going a mile a minute in order to try to stay ahead of the emotions he's running from.

Anxiety leads to restraint

As Sevens start to feel out of control, they begin to show traits of average Ones, especially the sense of needing to rigidly control the self. Caleb's intense moral shame around his attraction to MC is an example of this kind of self-restraint. Instead of exploring these emotions, he tries to lock them down.

This intense attempt at self-control also extends to MC, when we see him make reference to keeping her in Skyhaven and telling the world she's dead--Caleb believes that if he can simply control all the inputs, then the outputs will be what he needs them to be.

He doesn't make this suggestion out of dominance or possession per se, but rather out of a misguided effort to force everything to stay on track.

They begin to work harder, feeling that they alone can do the job properly, and attempt to impose limits on their behaviors. [...] They may get either more restless and scattered, or more self-controlled and rigid, in which case their usual vivaciousness can give way to a grim seriousness. (pg280)

This is largely why I consider the Toring chip's impact on Caleb's personality to be more or less beside the point. The grim seriousness, the rigidity, the control--these are all common reactions of Sevens to stress. The desires for control he expresses aren't really what he wants--they aren't a primary part of his personality the way they would be for, say, an Eight.

When MC confronts him and says that she doesn't want to be hidden away from the world, we see his resolve buckle quickly--he acknowledges that he doesn't know how to take care of her (said another way, he doesn't know how to make choices that will benefit himself and her, as is the key struggle of a Seven out of touch with their inner guidance) and the surge of emotion causes the Toring Chip to kick in.

Lost in the role

The social role of the Seven is the "energizer"--keeping excitement and positive emotions high. Notably, in Decoherence, Caleb is literally MC's battery. His actual, physical job is to energize her. More metaphorically, the first thing he wants to do when they escape is to show her new experiences and to introduce her to happiness.

Sevens, especially of the Entertainer sub-type, often feel as though they have to perform to be expected. They come to believe that their energy, positivity, and accomplishments are the only things others want from them, which can lead them to double-down on the very things that are preventing them from connecting with others. They expect that their pain, sadness, or confusion will cause them to be rejected and discarded, thus leaving them deprived and in pain (their deepest fear).

In Caleb's case this manifests as a need to be needed by MC. If she doesn't need him, then how can he find security in his role as her energizer, supporter and protector?

The more frantically Caleb tries to maintain his role at the Farspace Fleet (which is literally necessary for his survival) while also being the perfect protector/entertainer for MC, the more rigidly he attempts to control himself and the more that internal conflict drowns out MC's genuine attempts at connection.

Growth direction: feet on the ground

As Sevens get more in touch with their inner guidance, they naturally become more grounded and observant like healthy Fives. Their minds quiet and they allow more of the world in, and are able to better enjoy the moment. Their vibrant, energetic nature becomes more soothing and sincere, enabling a profound appreciation for the people around them and the joy of existing.

We're still early in Caleb's content, but we're starting to see him find moments like this. Hidden Waves is a great example of MC's presence helping him to calm down and spend a peaceful moment together. In Exclusive Aftertaste, Caleb is beginning to understand that it's important to "enjoy good food while it's fresh"--ie, seize the moment instead of living in the future.

In conclusion

Caleb and Zayne are foils for each other, and they both grapple with intense conflict around their relationship with MC, their fear of rejection, and their fear of their own nature.

Caleb presents as outwardly much more chaotic, presenting seemingly contradictory personality traits. These traits are two sides of the same coin, and the speed with which he flips between them is characteristic of Sevens' intensity, dynamism, and high-speed way of moving through life. While the Toring chip makes matters worse, it's not the origin of these traits as we see them in Caleb before the chip is installed.

While Caleb's efforts to control MC may originally appear to stem from a more stereotypical place of male dominance/possession, that's not the case. Their true root is his attempt to control himself to manage the stress of his life, as well as an inability to see himself as worthy of love if he is not "providing the benefits" expected of him.

The more he's able to slow down and enjoy the present moments with MC, the more he'll find that his needs actually can be met without a grandiose plan for the future.

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