If he was honest with himself, and indeed he has been, much more so lately, he would say he is not really sure of why he was alive. No, not that he was depressed, not that he was plagued by his decisions. Those things he had managed to lay away with his Coven around him. No, what he means is that he does not have a defined purpose in his life.
He walks everyday between the tower section coveted by the warlocks to that of the Vanguard for debriefing. Interrogation, though of the soft kind with words meant to divulge, would be more appropriate. Currently, he has no purpose other than to relate the state of the Hive to the Vanguard, to prove his where his loyalties lie. He does enjoy it though, the gentle clicks his heels draw from the tiling.
Truthfully, if he were to fade with a failing tithing since the death of his Coven, he would not mind it. Yes, he owed duty to the Tower- he had abandoned them after the killing of the Taken King- but that in itself was not a purpose. Perhaps it was that he has found himself content with no desire.
He had come to the Coven weak, with a fresh pact, estranged from everything that had been weighing on him. His distance from other Light-bearers was replaced with the security of their ranks, for if they could not trust each other, they would be uprooted. They had no strength but in bonds, each scarred terribly in an irrecoverable manner.
His strain of frailty was replaced with knowledge of strength, for if he was weak he would be killed, and had he not survived? Survived all of this?
His fear of being forever tied to the Light, forever in union with faceless armies, faceless ideals, was revoked most harshly. He had found a comfort in this Darkness. The way the arc curls around his fingers now, so ragged and clawed, holds power that is his own. It is a stance against the Light, not to harm it, but to refute it wholly in its essence.
He is no Guardian, no vessel of Light, no great protector or bearer of purpose.
He is Caith-18, a Ruindweller, a test, a revoker of Light.
He is finally himself.
