#caff rambles

I don’t know when but they are officially gone. All of them. Who knows when I did it but it happened. Everything that was related to planning is just gone now. No battle timelines, no detailed outlines for a fic, absolutely nothing but my first fic drafts from when this blog was new.

Solus is my Pride and Joy. I created her when I first seriously got into Star Wars back in 2017. She came around in the in-between of waiting on a new season of Rebels and binge-watching The Clone Wars. I’ve still possibly got the papers floating around from when I first named her and worked on her. The Little Mandalorian forced/turned Jedi. Back then she was a Jedi until the Order fell before returning to Mandalore. But, a metamorphosis happened in the most subtle of ways. She shifted from from a True Mandalorian to a member of Death Watch who left in the midst of the war. It fit her better.

The notes I had outlined the fic I intended to write for over a year. It was supposed to be 2018′s NaNoWriMo entry: Yaim’ol. As it always does, my attempts at the event fell to the wayside. I seized up with stress and worry about doing it Right. So, the documents for it stayed, haunted even, my Drive Folders. The Fic that was Supposed to Be. It barely morphed or changed. It just sat there like a heavy stone. Tangible Proof I had ideas for Solus.

I think I’m upset that they disappeared because that was a lot of work. But, I’m also relieved. I briefly talked before about how I intended to revamp a lot of my OCs not that I was doing better Mentally. They were written when I was in so much pain that it felt like the negativity clung to them like slime. Everything for her being Gone means I really can start over. 

My Brain: Alijah is so much smaller than Kallus. She needs to put the fear of every known deity into him when he's Imperial. He knew Jedi General Alijah Kastor, a self-admitted Experience. Let him see what it's like when almost everything she loves is gone and what she has left is fiercely protected. Everything he witnessed from a Jedi at War is turned solely on him.

This bitch right here.

I’m working on a Pokemon Fanfic of sorts and while fleshing out my OCs and some canon characters (Professor Birch’s Wife and younger son from Emerald-now Professor Laura Birch and Jacob) those sweet Emotions hit me. 

Laura is like the best person ever and is so sweet she makes me tear up. Included in her acts are adopting the 12 year old who showed up on their door step looking for a starter pokemon (Georgie calls them Mom and Dad now), constantly encouraging and remind her that she never has to earn their love, and just being so tender with all of her children? But, also a Mama Bear because those are her babies. Also, she’s super understanding of Georgie having Problems after basically being thrust into the spotlight with saving the fucking world at 12 and being the Champion. It’s never “Why are you like this? Can’t you just be normal?” but “If you don’t want to go that’s okay. We can stay right here.” or tearing up when she realizes how much happier Georgie is after a depressive episode.